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wondering...how do you all do it?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Jake's mom in NC, Nov 29, 2011.

  1. Jake's mom in NC

    Jake's mom in NC Approved members

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    It has been 14 months since diagnosis and I am burned out and exhausted. I check my son everynight usually twice and we all too often have a bad night where he is low, high, bad site etc. and it's more, we've all been there. So my question is how do you do it without eveything else falling apart. I quit my job a month after my son was diagnosed, it was 45 minutes away from his school where there is no nurse and I was contstantly getting calls from his teacher, so I got a part time job here in my neighborhood and still feel like that is too much. The laundry is always a mountain, dinner has become sloppy joes and tacos and I just don't have the energy to get it back together. I feel like by now, a year later, I should be on track, but instead I feel more overwhelmed and I was just wondering if this is normal? Are you able to do these night time checks and work and keep up with all of life's daily activities? I am wondering because I don't know if I am putting too much pressure on myself or if this is normal. I really want to quit my job all together because I feel like this is the last thing I need to add on to my stress level besides the fact that I am SO tired, but then I feel like I am blowing it out of proportion and I need to get over it and get on with it. I know it will get easier in time, but that feels a long way away still.
     
  2. obtainedmist

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    I'm so sorry you are feeling down. I don't have any pearls of wisdom for you, but just wanted to send good thoughts your way. I know a lot of parents have felt exactly the same way you have. I don't know what is normal any more :rolleyes:, but it might help for you to talk to a therapist about ways for you to structure your life so you are dealing with less stress. You might consider reaching out to your family/friends for some support. Of course, taking good care of yourself helps you to continue to take good care of your child. Don't beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed.
     
  3. tiger7lady

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    Do I get burned out - most definitely. Do other things start to pile up - you bet. You didn't mention whether you have a partner or husband in the picture. For me I just lean harder on my husband during those times. He's wonderful but 95% of the time I'm the one dealing with the diabetes. When I'm over tired or over worked I ask him to help out more. He will get up and do the night checks for a couple nights. He will do the laundry or the dishes or cook dinner. I get a little bit of a break and then jump back into it. Sometimes you just have to accept that the laundry will pile up and dinner will be quick and easy - that's ok. In the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal as long as your children have clean clothes and get fed. That's all that really matters.
     
  4. Christopher

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    Burnout is something that happens with caregivers as well as the people who have the disease. Just like we take on some of the responsibilities of managing this disease from our children, sometimes we need help managing it too. If there is a way you can get some help and get yourself a little break, it may be enough for you to recharge your batteries. Make sure you take time out of the day to do things that are not related to diabetes. Try not to even think about it. Do something nice for yourself, get a massage, call a friend and go see a movie, etc.

    As you know, there are peaks and valleys in dealing with this disease, and it sounds like you are in a valley right now. Just remember there will come a time when you don't feel as overwhelmed as you do now and things will seem much better. Good luck.
     
  5. Butterfly Betty

    Butterfly Betty Approved members

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    I feel the same way. I do 99% of her D care and I'm tired.
     
  6. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    It's hard, no doubt about it. For me it has made a big difference to make a conscious decision to take charge of how I manage my dd's diabetes. I don't say that I "take charge" of her diabetes, but I have tried ( and we're coming up on 9 years in a few days) to set my own limits and expectations on my management goals.

    Where you draw that line is totally a subjective decision, but you can make choices. If you're seeing a lot of crazy numbers that you can't explain then you need to get back to basics with your team and see if you need to change your dosing. If certain activities like sports are causing issues ( and I don't know how old your child is so this may not be relevant) then you have to reverse engineer what's happening and try a new strategy. In short, I think it's healthier and less stressful if you can break down the issues, tackle each one on it's own and then say, "I'm ok with xyz number at night" or my realistic goal for the A1c is 7.3 not 6.3 and that's what I'm working toward this quarter." Or whatever feels ok for you at this moment.

    I've had periods where I'm in bed by 10 just so that I can get up at 2:00 and still get some sleep on either side. Other times when I've had more energy I can survive on 5 hrs of broken sleep, but I know that I can't always and continually do that so during those periods I really focus on getting the best possible numbers during the overnight hours.

    One of the "nice" things about D is that you can compartmentalize it and take any goal in 3 month chunks. If if doesn't work then you try something new for the next quarter.

    Good luck, hope that helps. :cwds:
     
  7. BrendaMc

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    We're at about 20 months since dx. My husband was deployed for the whole first year, including dx. I work full time (even though it's weekend nights) but by Oct last year it all caught up to me and I wasn't doing well at all. My husband was able to fly home for a week and we took a cruise- without the kids. It was SOOO hard to leave the kids with my mom but it was just what I needed to break my emotional cycle. I returned refreshed and ready.

    Now he's home- we're up about every 2 hours- it took 4 juices through the night one night last week to keep him above 100. We take turns, we're tired and things aren't as together like I want but we just do what we can, take breaks when we can and make it day to day.

    Good luck- I won't say it will get better but hopefully it will become more manageable.
     
  8. Becky Stevens mom

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  9. ecs1516

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    I was just thinking the same thing before I read your post. Even with CGMs I am up several times a night adjusting one way or the other. I am exhausted.
    The nights are the hardest part for me now that they are now doing their own care during the daytime.
     
  10. pianoplayer4

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    ummmm, all I can tell you is that when life gets to craisy at my house my mom and me decide to let me go to bed at like 160ish and just not get up at night. It's amazing how one good nights sleep makes things look better=)
     
  11. Christopher

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    If that works for you and your parent that is great, but I would not give this advice to the OP. Simply going to bed at 160 does not mean that you will not go low/high over the next 10 or so hours.

    There are many other ways to combat burnout than ignoring overnight numbers.
     
  12. Jake's mom in NC

    Jake's mom in NC Approved members

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    Thank you everyone for your replies, the support here is priceless! Someone asked if I have a partner, and the answer is yes. My husband however, does not take care Jake's diabetes at all. Since diagnosis, he has done one night check and that was because I was working a night shift (which I no longer do). He takes minimal interest in caring for his diabetes and I am not sure why. I have of course discussed this with him and asked for more help, but to make a long story short, it's not going to happen. He works 70-80 hours a week and feels that he needs to provide for us financially but refuses to learn how to manage his diabetes at all. I am thankful for his income and medical benefits and I have made the decision to accept the situation for what it is, for now. My other option was divorce which is where we were heading when I was pushing him for more involvement. I have let go alot, I try not to react to numbers the way I did at first, but it's the nights that get me:(
     
  13. Ed2009

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    Shifts

    The situation is complex, yet if your husband works 80 hours a week, that's a good 12+ hours a day. I do not know what hours does he do, but if it's partly nights, may be he can do the night BG check (even if it is not at the very precise time). Checking BG it is not a big deal really. Then you leave him instructions like "wake me up if more than 180 or less than 120" or something of the sorts. That should buy you a few nights of sleep. Then, if your child is out of target, you get woken up and do the "care", like giving juice or insulin.

    Or, you can take shifts between the both of you, say 2-3 days a week your husband -same deal for the "care"-, the other days for you. That does not sound as a very demanding thing.

    Cheers, Ed
     
  14. Connor's Mom

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    It's just me at home right now. I only work one day a week for about 4 hours including drive time and I feel extremely overwhelmed a lot of the time. We will hit our 3 year anniversary on Feb 9th but, for the first year it was like he was barely diabetic. Counting carbs and exercising took care of things for the most part. Now, I am up twice a night testing. I do all the adjustments and pour over all the numbers all the time. I am the go to contact at all times for the school. If I'm not on the field trip he's not allowed to go. I hate being more than 15 minutes from him ever! My husband is in Bahrain and would love for me to come over or he said we could meet in Paris or Rome but, I can't do it. Not without all the kids. I don't know how to let go and I feel like if I'm not on top of things at all times something bad will happen. I am glad I am not the only one feeling frazzled.
     

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