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Why am I still crying?

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by momto3girls, Dec 9, 2009.

  1. momto3girls

    momto3girls Approved members

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    Hi everyone! I am a mom to three beautiful girls. They are 12,9,&7. My nine year old was diagnosed Type 1 in July when she was in DKA. She was in very bad shape. Kidneys were shutting down and the first hospital we took her to started her on too much insulin too fast and the Dr told us if she made it throught he night she may have brain damage. With lots of prayer our Natalie came home five days later with no organ damage. She has been a trooper. She has taken all her BS and given herself all her injections since the day she was diagnosed. I am so proud of her. I think that we have done pretty well with it. Her A1C was 13 when she was diagnosed and at her three month appointment it was 6.0 so I am happy with that. Now that the "newness" has worn off though she has just started telling me that she is tired of having diabetes and that she doesn't want to have it anymore. I try to stay strong...but you know what...I agree with her!!! I don't tell her that, but I too am tired of her having to have diabetes and I don't want her to have it anymore either. Everytime I have gone to this website I feel myself welling up and want to cry. I don't do it in front of her. Everyone keeps telling me how well I am doing with it all, but I wonder...why do I still cry?
     
  2. Becky Stevens mom

    Becky Stevens mom Approved members

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    Hi honey:cwds: Let me give you a big (((hug))) I will try to tell you why you still cry and why I still cry sometimes even now 5 years later. When my son was diagnosed I felt like a part of me had died. The part of me that was sure of things. Sure that it was hard caring for children and being a Mom but oh so worth it! I mourned the loss of my sons "normalcy". That is the only word I can think of. I thought that he was "sick" because he had diabetes. And I thought it was my fault.

    But now Ive gotten over the grief and am at a place of acceptance and peace. As I said I still cry somedays, usually when Im feeling blue about life in general and diabetes just adds to the blues.

    My son is a normal young boy though, hes interested and interesting, full of life and energy and ideas about what he wants to do when hes grown. Through his eyes I see the wonder in the world around me and Im able to laugh at his silliness(Hes a real clown:) )

    I urge you to seek help if you find that the sadness doesnt seem to lift. For some it may take counseling (Ive been going for almost a year now) For others medication is needed. Please remember always that you are not alone in your feelings and certainly not alone with diabetes.
     
  3. Mikker

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    I've never been the emotional type. Can't even remember the last time I shed a tear since D, but even 10 months later, all it takes is a new CWD family member introducing themselves, a parent venting over a rough night, or seeing some of the T1 videos on youtube and it really takes an effort.

    Over the months, it's gotten a little easier, but you're certainly not alone. I can't imagine a day where it won't break any parents heart to see our children having to endure the endless pokes, shots, and "the look" when their numbers just won't cooperate.

    You ARE doing a wonderful job, and your tears are perfectly normal. Painful as they may be. Wish we had some type of comfort to offer, but all we can do is offer our support.
     
  4. sooz

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    I want to welcome you to the boards here, and let you know that even though my granddaughter Hailey was diagnosed when she was four and she is seven now, I still cry sometimes. Yesterday was a very bad D day..and after Hailey went home I cried for the rest of the night. In the early days of her diagnosis my favorite places to cry were the car and the shower. Grief is normal, good even. We have to process what has been lost. I cannot imagine NOT grieving. But even though we have a NEW normal now we still HAVE our beautiful children, and they show us everyday what courage is, what bravery is, what love is. And you know, lately I have been hearing so many stories that are affecting my friend's families..a 7 year old with brain cancer, 3 year old twins with Beckwith Weiderman Syndrome, a beloved young niece diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, a grandson with Duchane Muscular Dystrophy..all much worse things than what we deal with...But Im the grandma not the mom, so I dont have the same 24/7 responsibilty that you have, and I know it may not make it easier to hear what others have..but in my secret heart I feel so lucky knowing it is ONLY diabetes. It IS hard..it IS ok to cry..it IS ok to tell your daughter it stinks...because it does..it surely does. It is truly hard to wrap our minds around the fact that this is a forever thing..but equally true is the hope that they WILL find a cure in their lifetimes. Hang in there..we understand and we are crying right along with you..
     
  5. cmsullivan

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    I don't know that anyone who has been effected by diabetes (parents,siblings,grandparents,aunts,uncles) can ever say they will never cry again about someone they love having diabetes. I still cry and I cry often, but in my heart I know that it is ok to cry about it and that it helps. We deal with it daily,hourly, second by second. How could we not cry about it?! It effects us all in big ways. We can be greatful though that it is something that can be managed and that our kids have a HUGE oportunity (being diagnosed at this time, with the good care they have) to have wonderful, healthy, amazing lives and live to be nice and old.

    I wanted to address what you said about your daughter "not wanting to have diabetes anymore". My son is only two so he can't verbaly tell me how much he hates it but I know he does. At first he was great about getting the injections but now he kicks and screams. He has just started reallt talking and will sometimes say " I don't want it" and "no". We have decided to get him on a pump and I really think it will make his life and ours a whole lot less stressful. Tomorrow we will be "going live" with it. I don't want to push the pump on you. I think it is a personal decision and everyone has their own "ideal" way to manage their diabetes. Maybe talk with your daughter about the pump though (if you haven't already), just to see how she feels about it and if it would make her feel like diabetes is totaly running her life.

    Big (((((((hugs))))))) for you. It is hard to deal with but know that we are here for you and that we understand your feelings.
     
  6. shekov

    shekov Approved members

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    Welcome to the site.

    I am almost 2 years into this and still cry. I'm crying now because your post touched me. :eek:

    After dx I cried A LOT. I actually found it helpful to get it all out then focus on the day. I cried in the shower a lot since in a house with 3 kids it is the ONLY place I'm ever alone. I took a lot of showers! ;):eek:

    I would encourage you to share your feelings with your dd. I don't mean that you should wander around weeping for her but I think it's healthy for you to tell her that you hate D too and wish that she didn't have it. She should know that you understand how she's feeling and how hard it is to adjust to life with D.

    I would also encourage you to seek out a counselor for yourself and your dd. Our endo team works includes a social worker who helps families adjust to their new lives. If your team doesn't have one, they can certainly recommend one. Seeking help with these feelings doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong.:)

    I have struggled with depression for years so was already taking antidepression meds prior to dx. Some have found them helpful even if only for a short time while dealing with the initial emotions of dx. It's something you may want to discuss with your Dr. if you feel like your crying is beyond what you would consider "normal" for you.

    Come here often and "talk" to us. We've all been there and we understand.
     
  7. tom_ethansdad

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    (((HUGS)))

    Welcome to CWD, glad you decided to participate as you can get lots of support here.

    You are crying because your beautiful little girl is unhappy. You can't cure her diabetes and it's always hard when we can't completely take away what makes our children unhappy. But you can help her. Offer to do the BG checks and administer insuling for a while, as long as she needs. She has done a great job doing that herself since DX, and you have done a wonderful job supporting her. Her being sick of D might be temporary, but you can help her through it by helping her do the BG and insulin for a while.

    And you know your daughter and yourself better than anyone. If you think it will help, and it might, seek counseling for both of you. You both have been forced to go through a pretty dramatic change in how you approach life. Reaching out for additional help with that is often necessary and helpful.

    And of course reach out to friends, family and your new "virtual" friends here at CWD for support or whenever you just need to share.
     
  8. Omo2three

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    Hi, welcome to CWD, I am sorry your daughter was diagnosed with diabetes.

    My daughter was diagnosed last year, and I remember feeling the same way, crying and wondering how this could happen to our family.
    Its ok to cry, and your not alone, we all remember very clearly those days after d was dx.

    I know its frustrating that the diabetes doesn't end like the flu or other childhood illness, but it does get easier over time and it becomes your new norm. Diabetes doesn't define us...we define diabetes. She will live a good life....with proper care, there is nothing she won't be able to do.

    (((hugs))) and come here often to talk...it helps to know you have friends who understand what your going through.:cwds:
     
  9. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

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    Hello,
    I just wanted to say welcome, but sorry you have to be here. You have found a great site for support and information. The early days are very tough, you are overwhelmed emotionally, sleep deprived, and scared. But over time you will become more comfortable dealing with all the things you need to do to live with this illness. You will find a "new normal" believe it or not and things will get into more of a routine. All the parents here are proof of that.

    Here are some books you may find useful:

    The "bible" of childhood diabetes, "Understanding Diabetes" (aka The Pink Panther book) by Dr. Peter Chase of the Barbara Davis Center at the University of Colorado.
    http://www.uchsc.edu/misc/diabetes/books/ud11/ud11.html

    Think Like a Pancreas: A Practical Guide to Managing Diabetes with Insulin [ILLUSTRATED] by Gary Scheiner, Barry Goldstein

    Sweet Kids: How to Balance Diabetes Control & Good Nutrition with Family Peace, Second Edition by Betty Page Brackenridge, MS, RD, CDE & Richard R. Rubin, PhD, CDE. Published by the American Diabetes Association, 2002. 250 pages. Softcover. US$16.95.

    Type 1 Diabetes: A Guide for Children, Adolescents and Young Adults -- and Their Caregivers by Ragnar Hanas, M.D. Published by Marlowe & Company, New York, 2005. ISBN 1-56924-396-4. US$34.95.

    Finally, in addition to the forums there is a chat room here where you can talk to other parents in "real time".

    http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/chat/

    Hang in there :cwds:
     
  10. Rhonda

    Rhonda Approved members

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    diabetes

    I still cry from time to time. I think every parent who has a child with D does how couldn't you poking probing sticking. Everyday every 2 3 day's change infusion's sensor's Lilly was diagnosed at 17 months she was in dka rushed her to the hospital was med flighted with min was told she was not going to make it they made us meet with a preacher. Finally arrived at hospital 1 hr away to receive the new's again she ain't going to make it every parent's worst nightmare she had to have a blood transfusion she developed a dvt in her right leg she almost lost it had to be on lovenox for 3 months 3 shots in her tummy everyday plus her insulin. We have all been through hell and back with this disease. Lilly tell's me all the time it's ok mommy it don't hurt but it hurt's me to poke and probe her all the time our kid's are tough there are strong and they are truly little miracle's. lilly does not like site's in her belly i truly believe she remember's the injection's from the lovenox. She alway's say's to us just stick it to my butt. We are considering the cgms right now but don't want to put anyone on the teachers at school. Lilly is doing well I hope all you children are as well .
     
  11. tesa

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    Hi, I also wanted to chime in. You are not alone. I still cry, too. My DD was dx'd in Feb of this year. I am still waiting to hear those words come out of her mouth that she does not want to deal with this anymore. So far, she has not said them, but someday it will happen. I want to cry when my DD tries to insert the needle and it hurts her and tries another spot and it hurts, then finally gets a good spot where she can inject and not have it hurt. This does not happen often, but when it does, I have to turn away and blink back tears. Our kids are so brave and we were dealt awful cards but I agree with Susan, too, it could be worse. We have our kids.

    Go ahead and cry, you need to. The days will get better but you will still have those days where you need a good cry. Nothing wrong with that! :cwds:
     
  12. curediabetes14

    curediabetes14 Approved members

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    There is not much else I can offer that the ladies and gent have not already said. I have been doing this for over 6 years. I still have crying days. My daughter has been to that point too. That is when it is the hardest for me is when she is down about it.

    I try to tell her that God has a plan and that diabetes is part of it. That he just might use her to help others. I have told her that diabetes is not fair, but that most things in life are not fair.

    I also try to point out other children that have other conditions that are much worse. This always seems to bring things into prespective.

    Again welcome, hugs, and always know that we are hear for you and if your daughter ever needs someone to talk to that has been there please let me know I am sure my daughter would be glad to talk with her.
     
  13. momto3girls

    momto3girls Approved members

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    WOW!! Thank you to everyone for your responses. It's nice to know that everyone else seems to have all of the same feelings that I have. Your kind words have touched me and I am so glad that I finally decided to jump on here and join you guys!

    So many things that ya'll said were exactly how I feel. Like losing the "normalcy", feeling like it is my fault somehow, dreading the "look" on their face when numbers are off or seeing her in pain when one of her injections hurts, and hating that it is a "forever" thing. I also feel the gratitude that several of you spoke of that it IS able to be managed and not a terminal disease. I am so grateful that there are things that we can do to control it. That is why I sometimes feel guilty about being emotional about it. I sometimes feel like it is not ok for me to mourn how her life used to be because I should just be grateful that she does not have to endure what my friend's son who has leukemia does.

    Carrie, you suggested the pump for her. She went to diabetes camp one month after she was diagnosed. When she came home she announced that she was getting a pump and that it would be an ominpod. LOL Unfortunately, her endo isn't ready to put her on one yet. He said she still have 6-9 months left in her honeymoon phase and that he wouldn't put her on one until it was over. As soon as he gives the go-ahead though she wants to get one.

    Thanks for all the support guys. I want to clarify that I am not crying over this on a daily or even weekly basis. Just sometimes it will hit and I will get teary eyed. But you guys made me feel like it okay to do that. I guess I just felt funny about it because sometimes when I tell people that she has D they shrug it off and act like it is no big deal. But to me it IS a big deal and I want to do whatever I can to make her life as easy and "normal" as it can be!!
     
  14. Becky Stevens mom

    Becky Stevens mom Approved members

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    Hi again just me, you will find that people dont understand that diabetes IS a big deal. For people that dont have CWD they cant fathom what it is like to have to think of something day and night. That is why we have each other in here. Its good to have people that understand and dont look at you like you have 3 heads or with pity. Many of us are on Facebook also so if you have Facebook and want to join us, let me know:)
     
  15. momto3girls

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    I am on facebook all the time. I became a "fan" of CWD on facebook yesterday. But it doesn't look like it is very active on there. Maybe I am doing something wrong?
     
  16. cmsullivan

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  17. Becky Stevens mom

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    Actually we are all on there individually. You are right the CWD page isnt very active. If you want to add me I am Becky Burelle Gagne
     
  18. Aimee729

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    You Have Come to a Wonderful Place...

    for support, information, experienced advice, ideas and comfort. I like to think of CWD as an "army" of parents, and we are all on the same side, our children the brave little soldiers.

    Our 17 yr. old daughter was diagnosed 9 months ago,and she is honeymooning too.

    We just sat together last night talking about diabetes- and we both cried. I cry because I don't want her to have this. I wish I could take it away. But I can't. It is something else for her to carry with her her whole life.

    She reminds me- it's o.k. It's not that bad. This is MY (her) body and she can handle it. Some days she sounds much stronger than me. She tells me that she will not let diabetes define who she is or what she will do in life- but that it has profoundly changed her way of thinking. She is much more determined now. Much more focused. And a little more grown up.

    I know your child is much younger. And although our circumstances are all different, one thing remains the same- we all love our children and want the very best for them. No doubt, her diagnosis has affected our whole family- and all of the relationships within it. You are not alone.
     
  19. runnersmom

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    Hi, I know I'm a little late with this but I didn't go on the forum yesterday. I too am a relative newcomer to this site. My daughter was also diagnosed in July, she was 17 at the time. When she first started complaining of dry mouth and I noticed she had lost a few pounds, diabetes came to mind but I quickly shut it out, thinking "no, it can't be, why would she have diabetes, there's no family history". So, I sent her off to Florida ( we live in the northeast) to visit a freind and she ended up in the hospital there. Luckily she was just in ketosis, not DKA.

    My husband and I were devastated. we wondered what we had done to deserve this. Our daughter is a healthy, active, smart teenager who excels in high school cross country and track. The diabetes came out of nowhere and totally knocked the floor out from under us. What gete us through is our daughter's amazing attitude. Since day 1, she has just accepted it and does what she has to do. When we got to the hospital that first night, I told her I was sorry this had happened and she said "why?, I'm lucky. At least they can treat this, it could have been something worse." And that makes me want to cry.

    So, I am learning lessons in acceptance and humility. I am in a twelve step group and that helps me to cope with life in general. It seems like all the right people have been put in her life to help her succeed as a diabetic athlete. My daughter never complains. Whenever someone expresses dismay on learning of her condition, she just says "oh, its fine". She just finished a great cross country season and will be deciding on a college soon. Her doctor allowed her to get the pump already (Animas ping) and she loves it. We are also working on getting her a CGM.

    So, I try not to project on what may happen in the future, hopefully there will be a cure in her lifetime. I can identify with everything you all had to say. The worst for me is when I'm first starting to wake up in the morning and then it hits me, my daughter has diabetes and it wasn't a bad dream. But I can't change it, I just have to accept it and live with it to the best of my ability.

    So, "momto3girls", I know how you feel. Hopefully we can all help each other through this.

    P.S. If there are any other parents of diabetic athletes out there, I'd love to hear from you.
     
  20. momma_fish2007

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    We're just over our year mark and for the most part you manage to put yourself on emotional autopilot but there are certainly days and moments when you actually realize you can't NOT cry.

    When Julian was dxd, hubby took it harder than me. I stayed strong through the initial admission into the hospital but once hubby had to leave for the night I let myself break down. It felt like my baby was broken and there wasn't anything that could fix it...mommys (and daddys) are supposed to be able to fix their babies problems until a certain age and I just felt so helpless.

    Lately though it has been through frustration with this cursed disease but you manage. You network through places like this and through your local area and you make a strong support group. We're here for you :)
     

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