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What to do when your child lies about what she / he eats?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by victoria, Jul 18, 2007.

  1. victoria

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    My ten year old daughter was diagnosed with type 1 in January. She is on a pump, we both are aware of her ups and downs. I am, however, starting to feel her resistance to the condition sometimes followed by her depressive attitude about the fact that she can't eat what her friends eat, etc. I am trying to manage her sugars as well as I can with frequent testing, corrections and proper diet. We have always eaten healthy, so food was never a problem, until now that is. Today was the first time she lied to me when eating a bunch of gummy bears from the fridge (we usually don't have candies in the house, these belonged to a house guest who is staying with us for the summer). The point is, she lied to me. How can I trust the reason for her freak sugar surges in the future? Can anyone suggest who should I / she talk to about the seriousness of the sitation, if she does not respond to my pleadings about whatching what she eats. I would appreciate any suggestions.
     
  2. Twinklet

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    Victoria, why can't she have gummy bears? And why does she have food restrictions when she's on a pump?

    We were told from the first day to not restrict any kinds of food for our daughter. If she wants to eat gummy bears, I let her have them and we dose for it. Basically, if she wants to eat something that I'd let my non-D child have, I say yes and we dose for it.

    Our CDE told us she counsels older D kids who have food issues every single day. We were told that if we forbid a food because of D, our child will crave that food even more and will eventually resort to lying about eating when she's older. We were told it may also contribute to depression, feeling ostrasized (even more) and refusing to care for her diabetes.

    If you are already having these issues, I suggest speaking with your Endo team about her food restrictions.
     
  3. allisa

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    I think it is important NOT to be mad.....just to tell her she can have what she wants, but she just needs to tell you so you can correct for it. On the same token there are limits ( but you will probably do best to keep that to yourself for the moment)

    It does suck.....for anyone here who has dieted before....that is the biggest gripe about a diet, no ?? And here these kids are on a lifetime of dieting and they have perfect bodies that don't need any calorie reduction. How unfair and completely irriatating. To NEVER sneak would be unatural I think !!

    I think the best thing is to keep your cool and put yourself in her shoes. How could a kid NOT rebel occasionally against that ?

    Best of luck to both of you.....
     
  4. miss_behave

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    I have never had a problem with food. I have no restrictions on what I eat, I eat what I want, and bolus for it. I know I'm older than your daughter, so I'm old enough to make my own decisions on what I eat. So she probably does need your assistance in choosing what she eats, and correctly bolusing for it.
    However, there is no reason to limit any type of food with Type 1 diabetes! She should be able to eat whatever she wants, within reason of course. Eat, bolus and be happy :)
     
  5. Amy C.

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    I would stay calm and state that when extra food is eaten, that the right amount of insulin needs to be given -- this is essential to maintaining somewhat normal blood sugar.

    I would reasses the dietary restrictions you are placing on your daughter. I agree with others that she should be allowed to have some of the food other children have, but she must bolus for it. It is so convenient with the pump that there is no reason to restrict her.

    Would you not allow these foods with her friends if she were not a diabetic? The pump allows some normalcy.

    That is my biggest fear: that my child would react to restrictions by overeating without bolusing. The thought would be that no one would know if they didn't do anything.

    I have been able to instill in my son the habit of bolusing when he snacks -- he doesn't always test, but he generally gives insulin for the food.
     
  6. MamaChrissa

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    Jason is only 4.5, so I know he isn't sneaking anything..at the moment anyway. But I am sure the day is coming that he is going to try and do it.

    I would start off by saying Im not "mad" so much as disappointed that I wasn't told/the pump wasn't done. I would stress that its important that the pump be done for every meal/snack because its medicine...not a way for me or the doctor to be a PITA an watch every crumb you eat.

    I do, however, let J have some junk. I try and keep him and his non-D twin sis to a similar diet. They can have a bit of junk every day. So far simply blousing for it is fine. He can and does eat like his peers...only he has to "do his pump".
     
  7. Abby-Dabby-Doo

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    Victoria~
    I agree with the others.
    We love our kids! I know you want what's best for your child, I know you want good numbers, and you want her to eat healthy. But IMO (in my opinion) that is not realistic. She's going to eat junk food, food is everywhere, and it's not just apples and green beans out there.

    Keep an open line of communication with your daughter~ discuss things with her, and REALLY try to understand what she's feeling. You don't have to completely give in to what she wants with food- but I think the two of you can come to an understanding or agreement on how MUCH she can have. Peer pressure growing up is terrible in itself- don't make a relationship with junk food bad. That can send a really bad message.

    The last thing you want is her eating food and not bolusing for it. Use the features on the pump to handle the junk food- it's manageable. Your daughter will need to know how to manage junk food some day. Teach her the proper way, so she can learn instead of guessing.

    Please don't feel I'm picking on you. These are just my opinions.

    I also wanted to say welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you daughter was diagnosed, we were also diagnosed in January. You will find VERY caring people here, a wealth of information, and always remember that what works for one person might not work for another. We have a saying that was started here by mr badshoe YDMV- your diabetes may vary.
     
  8. 3js

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    we spent a LOT of time on this with our d team. they really pushed the idea to say- ok let`s deal with the high, and move on.

    people eat, and it`s only sneaking because our kids have to cover everything with insulin. that said- my son "snuck" food at a friend`s house last week. i asked him, and just said i need to know because i don`t want to adjust your insulin over a "one of". so he fessed up.

    we DO allow 1 "crap" of his choice a day. we have done this for years.
     
  9. momofphoenix

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    I agree with the other posts also my son does injections (no pump YET) but he is able to eat anything he wants (within reason of course) and just inject for it, We were also told that by restricting his food will cause problems in the future with sneaking food and resenting his diabetes, my son will and has snuck food many times at night I tell him that its not ok to just go into the fridge and eat everything in sight, if he is not feeling well (thinks he is low) to either check his finger/wake me up (I perfer him to wake me up) and we will do it together. He has been good for the past few weeks with not sneaking food. I also have sugar free candy in a candy jar that he is able to have when he wants (I do limit it 2 pieces a day) but that makes him relize he has some control of what he eats and has help a lot...
    If you are having food issues you can always contact your CDE or your CDD and see what you can work out.
    good luck to you and your family I hope you can get it all figured out...
     
  10. Flutterby

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    Like the others have sad.. try not to be mad at her.. I know its hard.. but if she gets the message that you are going to be mad, the next time she'll hid it even more.. We don't restrict food with kaylee either.. if my non-d child (or friend) can have it.. so can she.. I do try and not give her pure junk a lot.. but for special things, and for treats she can have a little junk.. We were told from the start not to restricted (I thought when she was first dx that she wouldn't be able to have any junk, at all, anymore.. ) anything because as they get older and start doing their own care they start sneaking and falsifing numbers, I'd much rather know Kaylee has had a donut and bolused for it, than had that 40carb donut and done nothing..

    things for gummy bears.. sometimes I'll only give 4 or so.. she's had her treat, but not to much, and she won't need to be bolused.. it took me a long time to be OK with giving her straight sugar, like a gummy bear, unless it was for a low.. I felt that somehow I was hurting her by letting her have the pure sugar.. but sugar has nothing to do with the pancreas not working, its not the sugar's fault.. and the only damage that is going to be done by having the sugar is if its not correctly bolused and accounted for.. Kaylee has snuck a piece of chocolate early in dx and we didn't get mad at her, but explained (as best we could to a barely 3 year old) that she can have it.. but she has to ask so we can give her insulin.. we need to KNOW exactly what she's eating.. since then she has asked, and most of the time she gets it (unless we are getting ready to have a meal or something.. then she needs to wait.. like any other child would have to:) )...

    The other thing that I would suggest.. if you do not want your daughter eating gummies.. for diabetes reasons or other reasons I would suggest that when you have guest over, they can't have that stuff in front of your daughter.. they need to leave it at their home.. I have a neice visiting who loves candy.. I do not want my children ~d or no d~ eating candy all day long.. so she is not allowed to have it.. she needs to put it up and not think about it until EVERYBODY is allowed to have it..

    Welcome to the board.. glad you found us.. hope that you and your daughter can come to an understanding so they'll be no more sneaking food:)
     
  11. miss_behave

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    A carb is a carb is a carb- whether its from an apple or a chocolate bar- it just needs to be correctly bolused for :)
     
  12. Mama Belle

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    First off, welcome to the forum and I'm sorry you are having to deal with D.

    With respect to your question, I fall into the don't be mad camp. Just explain to her that if she is going to eat foods she needs to bolus for them. If she can't do that on her own then she needs to tell you about it so you can help bolus her.

    I also agree that a child on the pump (or on MDIs) should be able to eat the same things you would let other kids without D have. We were told by our endos at DX that even though people with D used to have serious diet restrictions, that way of thinking is no longer considered good for kids. They were seeing a huge incidence of eating disorders in kids with D who lived with serious diet restrictions. I am not saying that your daughter should be shoveling junk into her body at every turn, I don't think anyone on this forum would advocate that. But she is a kid, and kids eat gummi bears from time to time, it just happens.

    I would suggest lightening her load when it comes to what she can and cannot eat, and chances are this behavior of "sneaking" food will no longer be an issue. Also, in a non-judgmental way, calmly explain to her that all of her food needs to be covered with a bolus. It doesn't matter if it is a stick of gum or a steak with potatoes. (Yes, my daughter will bolus for a stick of gum).

    Just to make you feel a little more comfortable about this idea of an unrestricted diet, let me share an example with you. My daughter went to Diabetes Camp at the beginning of this month. This camp was run by the ADA and the camp medical director is one of the Endos at the Barbara Davis Center for Childhood Diabetes, so he's no hack. These kids did not have a restricted diet while at camp. One night they all had s'mores, 2 each. Samantha will be the first to tell anyone who asks that they are 24 g of carbs each so she had to bolus for 48 g of carbs total. This was all right under the noses of the medical director and the many members of his staff, most of whom come from one of the country's best diabetes clinics. Every kid was allowed to eat at 2 s'mores and every kid bolused for it with insulin.

    I wish you the best of luck dealing with all of this. I know it is so hard! ;)
     
  13. Abby-Dabby-Doo

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    How are things going?

    Victoria~

    How are things going? :eek: I've been wondering about you....
     
  14. Mommaof7

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    We haven't had to deal with this yet, but it seems to me, she may have lied because she felt left out, different, and not "fitting in" Since she is pumping, it seems to me, she'd be okay to have them. Our rule in our house, is not you can't have it, but rather just I need to know about it and how much so I can make sure he's ok after.

    At 10 years old, they already are trying to fit in and I'm sure if you have a summer guest in the house, she doesn't feel like she's fitting in if the guest has treats, yet she cannot have them. Know what I mean??

    I'm sure it was hard and disappointing too, lying is a big deal regardless of the why. I know for us, if we've had one lie for any reason ( I have 5 others, so it has happened for sure!) , my desire is to find out why and fix the why so he/she doesn't feel as though she needs to hide or lie again.
     
  15. Momof4gr8kids

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    Welcome!!!

    I have to agree with the others. Carbs are carbs, and should not be restricted all of the time. I have a aunt that does this with her kids. They are not D, it is just their life style. Her daughter sneaks more goodies............ She doesn't have to deal with managing blood glucose though, so if she sneaks food the only real issue is that she ate food she wasn't allowed.
    I would suggest that you talk about an open food policy. She needs to be able to pick from the foods in your house weather they belong to a guest, or not, if they are in the fridge, they should be fair game. Another idea would be to ask your guests to not bring items into your home that you do not aprove of.

    Here is the bigger picture and problem though.
    Weather a child has diabetes or not most do not follow their parents food restrictions once they are old enough to be elsewhere, and be out on their own. They will spend their allowance, or eat it at school or a friends house ect... (having food police around her will just compound this issue)If they do not know how to cover it properly it will effect their diabetes. So I guess it is time for you to consider which is more important at this stage. Your daughter not eating junk, or your daughter not bolusing for junk. She will eat junk at times even without your permission, and her diabetes should not be a reason for not allowing junk. That leads to burn out and more rebelling.

    I'd suggest finding a child life specialist in your area for you and your daughter to talk to.
     
  16. Mommaof7

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    I did think of something else. It isn't our place to tell you how to raise your child, so with that in mind, if you are set on having her stay away from these types of treats, offer her an alternative. I was always taught, if you take something away, give something back, know what I mean. Also, if you don't allow her to have it, don't allow anyone to have it, including guests staying in your home, however don't blame it on her or her diabetes blame it on your desire to be a healthy family.
     
  17. victoria

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    Thank you!

    Thank you all for your advice and for welcoming us here. Katrina and I read the responses, this is actually the first time she was interested in other opinions about T1. I didn't want to come off as a neurotic mom, who would deny her child a few gummy bears or chips. I am just very afraid that the unnecessary carbs in the junk food cause unecessary surges in her blood sugar. Especially when she goes into the junk food frenzy with her friends. She does not stop at a few like we usually agree. To tell you the truth, even until she was diagnosed, we almost never had any junk food in the house. That is our lifestyle. We lived outside the US for many years and until January, (when we moved back and 2 weeks later she was in a hospital), she did not know all the pleasures of the fast food and the junk food, vastly available here. But such is life! We are now going to live here and will have to deal with the changes not only in her diet, but also in the new lifestyle with the T1present.

    I will also post in other threads, since I have many questions about some things and information about latest diabetes research all over the world. I am very glad I joined this forum.

    Best of luck to all of us!

    Victoria,
    Mom to Katrina 10 y.o. diagnosed 1/19/07
     
  18. ScottB

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    Victoria,

    I hope none of the replies seem like all of us are ganging up on you, instead I feel the theme everyone is trying to convey to you is to chill out a bit. It's obvious you care about your child so nobody will fault you for that, however are the diet restrictions you have for her now be the same if she was non D? We made changes as well after our 16 year old was Dx but everyone in the house follow those changes too. We're still not what you would call "healthy eaters", in fact you'll find a bunch of junk food munchies in our pantry but our son is still allowed to snack on them between meals provided he boluses for them.

    My suggestion would be to try and get you and your daughter on the same "page" and rather than tell her she can't eat something that's full of sugar/high carb, tell her it's OK provided she takes the responsibility to count the carbs and bolus for it and explain to her why it's so important. Even with the changes we've made in our daily household diet, our son is still allowed to eat what ever he wants but there is a "catch" to it. For example say he wants a regular soda rather than a sugar free, he must decide if it's worth the effort of checking his BG an extra time and extra injection (not on pump yet), with that in mind he almost always will stick with the sugar free soda.
     
  19. zimbie45

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    Hi
    This is a tough one for every one.. I had a problem with my daughter taking food from other kids when she started school.. I too agree with the others, let her have gummys.. or what ever.. Now with that being said.. adn with " d" aside.. we as parents still need to make sure our kids are learning about proper eating and staying healthy.. and learning to choose our junk foods the right way.. Regardless of "d" there should still be limits to how much and when.. but not to what... Both my kids have the same restrictions... one is Diabetic the other is not.. My 3 year old ( non-D) would eat so much junk if i let him.. If you dont want you kid to eat something,.. Thats fine.. Just dont use "D" as the reason... Your daughter is at a vulnible stage right now. She was just diagnosed, she is trying to learn this.. She is reaching adalesence, and dealing with all that... This is very hard on her... My daughter is only 6 years old.. she had already been dealing with this for 2.5 years when she started school.. She was taking food because her friends where "sharing" and trading" there lunches adn seh felt left out.. she always told on her self so she got insulin to cover it, but it was hard for her... I made sure from that point on she got to pick her lunch in the morning what she wanted.. then we no longer had this issue/.... One of the great things of the pump is to give more flex. of what you eat and when you eat...... Hang in there.. talk to her about her feelings. and see if you both can come to a compermise on this issue.... let her make some of the choices of her care, let her feel impowered about this... also look in to diabetes camps. this will help her ALOT in this area and onthers going forward.
     
  20. earruda

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    Lying

    I too have a DD. She is 12. We do not restrict food but at times she too hides food in her room and lies. It is very difficult for all of us. There is no easy answer... My approach is that we have to have a relationship built on trust..... of course that is hard when she comes home from school to tell me she stopped to get a large snicker bar and a bag of chips!!! When she lies ......... I end up feeling like I failed somehow.... We just had our three year diabetes anniversary and I learn a little more every day.

    Elizabeth
     

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