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Ugh! Peer pressure

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by 1luckymom, Jul 12, 2007.

  1. 1luckymom

    1luckymom Approved members

    Apr 15, 2007
    This is for all of you with tweens and teens and anybody else headed that way! I guess that's almost everybody here:D!

    My daughter, who is 12 and very self-conscious, is worrying about going back to school already! She doesn't even go back until Sept. Her worrying has brought her to tears more than once already. She is going into 7th grade:eek: and she is concerned about a couple of things. First she will have to start dressing for PE. She doesn't know what to do with her pump. Up until know she has kept is hidden from all but a select few friends. She doesn't want all the other kids to see it. I know this seems silly and sometimes I feel like she should just get over it. However I remember how peer pressure works in junior high. I remember working so hard to fit in and how important it was to me and I was not dealing with diabetes. I am at a loss for words that will comfort her or help her get through this. School is one and a half months away and she is already ultra worried.

    Her second worry is having to go into the school office to test every day. She doesn't want to be different from everyone else. I know that there is no alternative to this one. I am just heart broken that these things cause her so much emotional pain. Being a 12 year old girl is hard enough already!

    I suppose I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't think there is an answer to this. Time... and she will learn to deal with it because I know how strong she really is. Thanks for listening (or reading:rolleyes:) Best of days to all!:)
  2. Flutterby

    Flutterby Approved members

    Nov 11, 2006
    Sorry your daughter is already worried over this... I've got quite a few years before I have to start dealing with this.. but I was wondering, can't she do the testing herself, does she do her own carb counts and bolusing? if she can't do it herself, maybe that would be good motivation to get her to work on it.. at least the doing her own checks so she doesn't have to go to the office every day.. if her school tells her she NEEDS to go to the office, tell them thats not so.. have it written in her 504 plan that she may do the testing herself, wherever, whenever.. and she will seek the nurse's help/advice if something is off...
  3. missnme

    missnme Approved members

    Jun 13, 2007
    I am not sure about the PE thing. Our daughter is only in Elementary school. She disconnects before PE because it's only 30 minutes and it's more comfortable for her to not have the pump bouncing around. If there is somewhere secure to lock up the pump, this may be an option.

    I agree with the other Mom about testing herself. If you and your daughter are comfortable with her testing and doing boluses, there is no reason for her to go to the nurse to do so. We have already discussed that next year (3rd grade) Jess may want to test herself before lunch and only visit the nurse after lunch to double-check everything.
  4. jules12

    jules12 Approved members

    May 26, 2007
    My son is not that old yet but we want him to test in the classroom as soon as he can. My niece has a girl in her class - 8th grade who tests during class and even gives corrections - My niece noticed her after my son was dx. This girl also has her own set of hall passes that she can use to write herself a note to go to the nurse when needed. Might be something to think about.
  5. jeep_bluetj

    jeep_bluetj Approved members

    Jul 28, 2006
    1. Test in the classroom, or whereever. You'll want to review the meter to insure she's not just dismissing it. (And/Or a CGMS - I actually really liked the CGMS at school because he could just look at the pump to get an idea of BG)

    2. Wear the pump however she wants. Disconnect for PE is a good idea.

    Neither of my two (somewhat obvious) suggestions even come close to addressing the peer pressure issue though. She's different. And that's the way the world really is.

    (Warning: Another LongWindedJeepPostFollows....)

    "Everything I need to know I learned from TLC...."

    Well, not really. But the other night, Wife and I were veggin out watching the TV - "Little People, Big World" on TLC (2nd post I've mentioned the show, methinks I may be a fan...) If you've never seen it:http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/lpbw/lpbw.html - you'll get an idea what it's about.

    Anyway, the episode was about Amy Roloff going back to her alma mater to give a speech to the current students about the challenges of being different. This woman was never going to be able to hide her differences - she HAD to overcome them. It also showed her interaction with her parents too, which I found very interesting. My D kid watches the show too - and a little bit sinks in. He understands that the major theme is how to overcome/deal with differences and be successful.

    But my wife and I are lucky. My kid treats D like some sort of badge of courage. That may change as he gets older. And he's (obviously) not a girl. I've no idea how to deal with these strange creatures called "girls". But she may be better off celebrating her differences rather than hiding them.
  6. Beach bum

    Beach bum Approved members

    Nov 17, 2005
    I let my kids watch most of the episodes, and it does sink in. We were at a JDRF function at a baseball game last week, and my kids were asked to throw out a pitch for JDRF. Along with them was a group of kids from LPA. My daughter whispered asking if the Roloffs would be there! After bursting her bubble that no they wouldn't she said, mom, they may look different than me, but on the inside we are all the same! She then said, well, their pancreas works, but mine doesn't so maybe we're just a little bit different:D

    I pray that she keeps up this sunny attitude, but I'm steeling myself for the day it dims a bit.
  7. miss_behave

    miss_behave Approved members

    Aug 28, 2006
    Definitely get her permission to test whenever, wherever, she shouldn't have to go to the nurses office to test!
    As for PE, I guess she could disconnect discreetly before she changes. I don't really like to wear a pump during PE anyway.

    Its hard enough being 12 without having diabetes too. I rememeber what its like. I'm so sorry she's stressing about it :( I'm a bit older (17) but she can always send me a message if she wants to talk to someone whos been there :) Good luck for her and you
  8. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Oct 11, 2006
    {{{HUGS}}} to your daughter (and you!) It's tough being a teenage girl, D or no D. It was a long time ago for me, but I still remember it! ;)

    Are there any D support groups in your area that she could get involved with? I think talking to someone that's "been there" would be very helpful to her.

    Good luck and let us know how she's doing!!!
  9. 1luckymom

    1luckymom Approved members

    Apr 15, 2007
    Thanks for all your ideas. I will definitely follow up on them. I am pretty sure my daughter can test anywhere, anytime at school - although I know she would never do it in front of any other students. The office/nurse wants her to check in to tell them what her bg numbers are and how many carbs she will be eating at lunch. She is very capable of doing this on her own. She went to camp for one week (gymnastics) and she kept control on her own. The nurse there only checked in with her once or twice a day. Her control at camp was better than when she lets me help her out at home! So I will pursue the option of letting her have more control at school.

    I really appreciate the idea of getting her to celebrate her differences. I am just not sure how to get her there. Even before dx my daughter has not wanted to stand out as being different. She is a little shy and very happy to remain unnoticed, so this remains a challenge. We have seen the Little People show a couple of times. We have never discussed it. We will now!

    Thanks for your support!:)
  10. Traci

    Traci Approved members

    Aug 10, 2006
    My D son is only six, but I do have a teen daughter, so I feel your pain. I have explained my son's pump to some of his friends by comparing it to braces or glasses or an asthma inhaler. They instantly relate on those terms. I can remember when having braces was "weird"...now everyone has them. Maybe you could practice different "come backs" with your daughter...if she doesn't let them know it bothers her, they'll smell blood (no pun intended) somewhere else and go tease another kid.
  11. sam1nat2

    sam1nat2 Approved members

    Jan 24, 2007
    It sounds like your daughter is very responsible. We're not at the phase you are at quite yet, but this is what we do at school. My ds goes to the office to test before snacks and lunch and whenever he feels low.
    Right after he was diagnosed we went and talked to his class about it. He was very open about it and they all asked questions. They all know about it so now it is nothing---Sam wears a pump, others wear glasses or have to go to speech therapy, he told me everyone has "something" and his "something" is diabetes.
    8 year old boy vs 12 year old girl, much different emotions I'm sure.

    How does she handle pump at gymnastics? Just wondering.
  12. ScottB

    ScottB Approved members

    May 7, 2007
    The best advice I can give is to try get your daughter to have a strong self confidence. I know that's easier said than done but the benefits are enormous if she can achieve that and confronting her D head on by doing some sort of assignment or report on it is a start. Unfortunately she'll run into others who will reject her in one way or another but that would happen anyhow regardless if she had D or not and her ability to deal with this hinges on how she feels about herself.

    This whole topic brought back a personal memory of mine during my first days in PE as a 7th grader. We had to take a shower after class and the teacher wouldn't let us out of the locker room until we did and privacy wasn't an option because the shower room was just 1 big room with a bunch of shower heads coming out of the walls. It's funny thinking about it now but the absolutely mortified look that was on all our faces when we realized we had to strip down and shower in front of each other is a "kodak moment" in my mind :)
  13. OSUMom

    OSUMom Approved members

    Sep 10, 2006
    The 7th grade year is just about the hardest years of all I think. Hope it goes better than she expects. :cwds:
  14. Kris60

    Kris60 Approved members

    Aug 16, 2006
    I feel for you, mine is 9, so we still have a few years to go. With Lauren she doesn't try to hide anything, maybe it's because she's still young and we encourage her to not hide it. The more that know, the more there are to help her if she has a severe low or needs help, and not just blowing her off.
    You couldn't get me to go back to school now, some kids are going to be mean regardless. Also I would think by hiding it, some kids will still notice something different going on with her and then they might start their own rumors of what they think it might be, which could be worse than being diabetic. I wish you both luck and happy times.

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