The pain of putting up with idiot comments

My beautiful daughter now 14, was dx on March 4 last year, with type 1, she was already colieac.

Had to visit grandma the other day, who offered her fruit juice and crackers, and Laura and myself explained three times to her, she can't have that, she walked away muttering "ungrateful child", Laura just looked at me, like she still doesn't get it.

Does anyone else have family members that don't get type 1, let alone the village idiots, that think we deprive these kids of lollies and sugar etc.

Basically does anyone in the average community, understand the hell we suffer as parents constantly checking them, to keep them alive.

Do they understand we stay awake night after night testing them, or worrying about them, do they truly understand the pain???

Because as far as I can see, so few understand and so many misunderstand the hell we live with.

It simply robs childrens lives and I detest it with all my being.

Alison Deaker.

 

Allison,

So sorry to hear about your experiences. It is hard for people to understand unless they walk the mile in your shoes. I must admit, I am an RN, took care of pts with Type 1 but still didn't understand until my dau was dxd 2 years ago. At first I thought, ok we watch the diet and the insulin, we'll b ok. Finally after about 6 months I understood that it will always be a rollercoaster ride. Which sucks. I feel bad for her - I'm an adult and can do my best to manage it, but unfortunately she is the one who has this for the rest of her life.

The best way to deal with the "village idiots" is try to educate them, and, if unable to, let it be so it doesn't tear you up. Focus your attention on doing the best you can for your daughter. If you let it tear you up, it will not be good for either you or your daughter. And you can always come here - because these people do get it!!!

Take care!

 

If my kids grandmother said anything like that to her it would be the last time she said anything at all to her. My butt would have jumped up so fast and in her face letting her know that she would have fallen and not have gotten back up. I have no problem telling family members off if they get RUDE (not just stupid) with my kids in any way shape or form but more so because of their conditions. Its not ok to make my kids feel that way for any reason.

 

Hi Alison,
Glad you found us. That must be so frustrating to be asked the same thing repeatedly and having to repeat your answer everytime. It makes you want to have a sign that says, "You already asked."
I deal with the same issues and I am an adult with D and also food allergies and both can be frustrating because people just don't get it. While I don't expect everyone to get it, it is especially maddening when it is members of your own family.

 

I agree with ^ that the grandmother would have had somethin to listen to after that comment. You would think that of all people, family members would be supportive, but unfortunately that isn't always so.

I may not have dropped her to her butt but I would have taken her aside(away from child) and explained things a little better and that those kind of comments only make it harder for the D child. And they are the important one here...not the snack.

And I agree with ^^ that you can always come here for support. Its my soulder from a distance to cry/lean on

 

I don't think it's the D grandma isn't getting it's the gluton free, I'd drop off some things your daughter can have....and maybe have a BIG talk with grandma...but she's 14 she isn't going to be oblivious to whats going on.....
Still Grandma was WAYYYYY outta line there, and 'd explain that if comments like that are going to be dropped then grandma might not get visiting privileges

 

I wouldnt have physically knocked her down but verbally and with the swiftness on which I did it would have put her on her butt is how I meant it. lol I wouldnt promote physical violence on the elderly no matter how mad they made me but I would say what I had to say in front of my daughter still. I would be standing up for her and for her I think she needs to see it so she knows one how to do it for herself and two that I am there for her. Even during those awkward hard to deal with moments.

 

Most of our family dosen't understand!
Because I am a stay at home mom and the primary D caregiver, sometimes even my husband makes stupid comments !
Like on New Years Eve when my son was eatting pop corn, gummy bears, and Twix bars and my husband walks in and say" Jace, you can't eat that !!!!!"
I told my husband I knew what I was doing but he didn"t seem to believe me until the next BG check was an awesome 120!

Sometimes when strangers make stupid comments I just smile and nod. I use to feel like I spent half my days explaining diabetes to morrons !

 

Ugh so sorry we have the same problem. My husbands mother, sister and aunt has made comments and noone is speaking right now because of their unjust, unwelcomed comments to dd and on my fb page makes me sad for my kids that they have chose not to ask us any questions just to attach and judge us.

I hate to hear that others are going through the same problems because it is so painful when it is family especially grandparents. ((HUGS))

 

i was kind of frustrated with my parents yesterday. They don't seem to get that i need to be able to figure out how many carbs are in her meals. Yes they will tell me what they put in a certain casserole dish, but they don't measure and can't tell me how many cups/tsp ect they used. So it's really of no use to me. My mom actually suggested that when we come for supper, that i bring Ashleigh a separate meal, so they don't have to worry about carbohydrates. That kind of ticked me off. Why should she have to have a seperate meal from everyone else.

 

What I do when we are in that situation is just guess. Of course, since DS wears a Dex, it makes it a lot easier to guess - if he starts going low or high, I know it quickly and can adjust.

 

Same here, we do a lot of guessing based on serving size. If we are wrong, my son gets corrected later.

 

Oh, I realize you didn't mean physically although sometimes its hard not to!

 

Oh Alison Is this your Mother or your husband's? If its yours I would speak to her but if its your hubby's he needs to set her straight. Your daughter is going to end up not wanting to be around this person. I mean what a dumb thing to say! as if she were trying to use the celiac as an excuse to get out of eating some stupid crackers!! Celiac isnt like type 1, she cant just take a shot or bolus from the pump for the crackers. She honestly cant eat them or they will damage her intestines and make her sick. Is that what Grandma wants?

Ive given up on my family or my husband's family "getting it" My MIL says really stupid things in front of Steven like "We can have you up to visit when your diabetes is under control" moron! THAT will never happen! Ive tried to explain this to her but she is right and Im an idiot. So this idiot keeps her son alive every day and sucks it up and shuts up and only explains things to the people that genuinely care

 

Alison, I feel for you. I am still trying to get my parents to understand after one year into this. They think they know since my mom is Type 2. I just tried to explain to them again what type 1 is like and all I got to hear is: " You will get through this difficult year" and "You should be happy she can survive this illness". I think, I'll give up. It is too painful when family does not get it. With strangers, I can smile in their face and walk away.
Try to explain to grandma but if she does not understand, let it go. There are people who get it (especially here on this forum).

 

This is one thing they definitely do not tell you about in the hospital.

Yes, it is frustrating and it makes it worse when it is family and not some stranger on the street. My experience has been that in the beginning I let the ignorant comments bother me a lot. But as time went on I let them bother me less and less and tried to do more educating when I encountered someone like that. One thing I remind myself is that, just as I do not know what daily struggles parents who have a child with cystic fibrosis, or down syndrome, etc go through, I cannot expect anyone else to know what daily struggles I go through with diabetes. Unless they are living it 24/7 it is not realistic to expect them to know everything about it.

What I do when faced with ignorant comments is try to calmly educate the person on basic facts about Type 1 diabetes. If they are willing to learn, then great, now there is one more educated person on the earth. If they choose to not accept what I am teaching, then I move on. It is not worth my time and emotion to deal with that type of situation. Good luck....

 

I find it extremely hard when the family, who's with your child every single day just don't get it. I had to quit my part time job because of things not being done right.( a normal bolus that should have been given 15 min before a meal, is given 40 minutes after. Why? no idea, i never got an explanation.)
Just the other day, a quick run to the store and i come home to hear that ds was 84 and he was given 5 gummie bears and a handful of mm's.??? ( he only needs about 4 gummies for a bg under 65). Explained a gazillion of times...
And the best part was a week ago when I had a conversation (again!) with my type 2 MIL about Ds being able to eat anything including sweets, ( we live together) That particular night i just explained to her that Ds could have a cupcake, i just need to count the carbs and give him insulin for it, the problem was, there were no carbs on the package, so i told her that somebody on CWD website had the same situation and when they called the store they got a " why do you need the carb count for, a diabetic shouldn't be eating that anyway" speech... Well, what did my MIL say 5 min later? "Maybe they don't put the carbs on cupcakes because diabetics should't be eating them.",,, I almost fell of my chair, don't bring the subject up anymore... waste of time,
I may sound overly dramatic, but trust me, I did try to let go a little, educate a lot, but I don't think I'm taken seriously...
PS. A year ago, before the sensor, I was accused of being a bad mother for a moment, because I" did'n feed a diabetic child on time and he went low."

 

We get some idiotic remarks from my FILs new wife. They're in their mid 80's, married 21 months. Her first husband had Type 2, so she does have an understanding of what D is, what an A1c is, and when we first told them about N's D we had a nice conversation with her and she asked a couple appropriate questions. Fast forward a few weeks, about three months into our D journey...our first visit to them and N, who was having a reaction to a tetanus shot, was around 350 two hours into the three hour drive. We were all anxious in the car about what to do at such a number - not enough time had passed to take another insulin shot, no ability to get out and burn some of it off. He checked again when we arrived and was about the same. FILs new wife looks at N (age 16, by the way) and says in an I-know-all-about-this tone "you shouldn't be that high", turns to me and asked "what did you do to him?" Oh the things I was tempted to say!! After an awkward pause, N told her he was taking care of it. And this woman wants to be called "grandma". HA!

Cyndy
Mom to N, 17

 

ok lol just making sure and I so agree.

 

I realize the grandmother made a dumb comment but did anyone else notice that she had to be told 3 times "No thank you" to the food and drink offer.
This having to repeat your answer really stood out to me because I deal with this on a continual basis day in and day out due to the progressive brain damage issues of my Sister. When I tell my Sister no thank you she gets really upset just like the grandma but her response is different just totally inappropriate. Those kind of responses really hurt and still do but I have to keep telling myself, she just isn't able to get it. Now I am not trying to excuse the grandma but I am saying the having to repeat things like 3 times raises alarm bells.