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The diabetic....what can I do...???

Discussion in 'Spouses and Significant Others' started by Ronin1966, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. Ronin1966

    Ronin1966 Approved members

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    Meaning what should I do in order to make a relationship "better" from the diabetes aspects?

    As the diabetic, I have a certain skewed perspective. I'd like to explore the non-diabetic perspectives a bit, see whether I am missing anything important, or perhaps had not even considered before?

    Most likely not being a diabetic yourself, what do you wish us (the diabetic) to do for you and or for ourselves specifically? Anybody care to take a shot at this...
     
  2. MHoskins2179

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    Me too

    Stuart: I wonder about these same things, and try to imagine what it's like for my wife as a non-PWD. I think communication is a big thing, at least as far as our now 5-year marriage has shown. Good luck!
     
  3. Ronin1966

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    Hello MHoskins2179:

    Can she speak her heart, unfiltered, unedited? What happens when they have a very, very different view from ours about our own disease? What then I wonder?
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
  4. Carrie333

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    I am the wife of a T1, for 30 years I might add. My heart bleeds for my husband. I try to take on some of his responsibilities like checking his bg at 2:30 in the morning, filling up his reservoir, packing his supplies, counting carbs, labling his lunch and making sure I have juice, jelly beans or tablets on me when we go out. He has a testing kit in his work truck, in his personal truck, and at home. I got tired of tracking them down when he could not remember where he left it. All I would like is a "thank you" & a hug. I also want him to talk to me about what is bothering him so I can help find a solution. We don't always see eye to eye on how to take care of lows, highs or food but I don't argue with him, he as had it longer than I have had to deal with it myself. One thing I do not back down on though is that before he gets into a vehical, especially with our children, that he tests. If he does not, no one gets into the vehichal. He does not always like this rule but, does it. Yes we get into some not so pleasent heated discussions sometimes (what married couple doesn't) Just tell us when your having difficulties in anyway all wives really want to do is help & thats the best thing you can do for us. What you can do for yourselves is ask us to help if you need it & if you are feeling grumpy check your bg & say "My bg is high right now & I'm feeling grouchy so please bare with me." Or something to that effect. My biggest fear is that one day an officer will come to our home & tell me my husband went low & has died. :( So if you are running late please call your wife & let her know your o.k.
    hope this helps
    carrie333
     
  5. JeremysDad

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    You are a wonderful person for being so conscientious and thoughtful and your love for your husband is evident and apparent. Communication and caring for one's spouse, diabetic or not, is the foundation of a successful marriage. Based on your post, I do not think your husband realizes how lucky he is to have a wife like you. There is a big difference between having to be an involved partner and wanting to be an involved parter in any marriage. It is quite evident where you stand on this subject.
     
  6. Ronin1966

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    hello Carrie333:

    Emotionally I understand. Our partners though quite understandable seek/require that whch does NOT exist. There is ZERO guarantee.

    Bluntly someday we all die. It cannot be prevented... as long as it is not today I am quite content.Tests are wishful thinking for this problem, whether one is driving at that specific moment or not.

    The technology does not yet exist to accurately stop lows.
     
  7. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    Stuart, just because the technology doesn't exist to stop all lows doesn't mean you can't prevent some of them.
    You've mentioned the meters' inaccuracies, but it's not that extreme. Although you can't reliably use the meter to answer the question yes/no are you low, you can definitely rule out the possibility of a low with your meter- if it says 90 or higher, you are not below 70. And if it says 90 or below, you're not above 120, so there's not too much harm in eating a little bit.
    And there's the huge benefit of letting other people see and know that you are trying to hang on to life.
    And if you're not trying to hang on to life... what business do you have with having starting a relationship?
     
  8. Ronin1966

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    Hello Jonah:

    Lets kick this around a bit...

    Are you truly contending "our technology" (ie and the usage thereof) provides those in our lives a very common but, entirely false illusion?
     
  9. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    Well... not the people in my life. They have all heard about meter inaccuracies ad infinitum. Definitely there are people, both diabetics and non-diabetics, who are under the impression that meters are accurate to the nearest mg/dl and therefore believe that, for instance, they can tell with a meter how 14 minutes of exercise impacts their blood sugar. That is an illusion.
    But it is not illusory to think that checking blood sugar displays an interest in staying alive, nor is it illusory to think that checking blood sugar increases odds of staying alive. The CWD page has on it somewhere some statistics are A1cs correlation with number of bg checks per day... it's compelling stuff.
     
  10. Ronin1966

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    Hello Jonah:

    As always appreciate your thoughts,

    I have genuine concerns our technology does not go in the right direction, is not fundamentally used in the right ways I guess. Even so, I use it... often contemptious of it I suppose, but I do use it. To me its a strange puzzle if when our testing provides those around us an emotional comfort zone, about our own disease. Strange stuff...
     
  11. Ronin1966

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    Hello Jonah:

    I'm an "old guy" according to my teen children anyway. The scar tissue on my finger tips can hold really hot objects in the way the old saturday afternoon kung-fu flicks appeared to do. I can go through boards with them Im sure, the callouses from testing are thick enough... twenty plus years, rotation is irrelevent these days

    I fight, but not pleased with the struggle.
     
  12. Scribe

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    This is an interesting discussion and once again I take an entirely different approach. (No judgement there; just a statement of fact)
    My wife knows almost nothing about my diabetes beyond the fact that I have it, I wear a pump and I test a lot.
    She does not know how to refill my pump or insert a site; she's never tested me and never asks about my BG. The term a1c has never been uttered in her presence.
    In short, all D responsibilities rest with me and me alone - always have and always will. I'm happy to tell her (or my kids) all the details, but after 28 years of gloriously happy marriage and not a single D-related incident that I couldn't handle myself, we seem to have found a wonderful balance.
    I understand it's out of the mainstream, but it's worked for me and the fact that no one but me is responsible for managing my D requires a focus and rigor that has served me well. (And yes, I understand that there are other approaches and that's 100 percent fine with me. Each person and each family must do what's best in each case. I would never, ever question those decisions.)
    The result is the D-footprint in our house is tiny bordering on invisible.
    As for technology ... I have mixed thoughts. I lived successfully with D for decades before meters were invented, or pumps or even nutrition labels. I've been pumping for 13 years but I don't use a CGM and never will. I simply don't need it. But I'm thrilled that the technology is available and in use.
    I like technology and use it. But I'm also convinced sometimes too much information is a detriment. It's a delicate -- and very personal -- balance. That's for certain.
     

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