Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by Heather(CA), Sep 16, 2009.
What would you do if your child was not very excited about driving, they just didn't feel ready...
I didn't know how to respond to the poll exactly, but I had one daughter that GOT her permit but took a whole year before she even took the road test. She just wasn't ready and didn't care.
I guess I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Everyone is different.
I voted "I would let it drop" but that's not it exactly. I wouldn't drop it without any discussion but in the end if the kid doesn't want to or doesn't feel ready to drive, I think you have to respect that.
My oldest son had ADD, and he didn't want to learn to drive until he was 18. I was good with that, because by 18 he was steadier and less distractible, and I think he was a safer driver for the wait.
My middle son just refused to learn. It made me crazy -- he would be a very good driver. I did encourage him and talk about how it's a useful skill, can save someone's life in an emergency, how it's easier to get your license while you still live at home and have a car to practice on, but no. (I think he believes it's more ecologically correct to mooch a ride from someone than to drive yourself!)
Aaron is keen to drive, and is in fact finishing up his lessons right now. So I've had one of each!
I hate driving, and don't want to drive.
My parents make me get lessons anyway.
My 19 yr old still doesn't like to drive. It took him being dropped off at community college by mom in a minivan for him to decide to drive. Even now he only drives to school and back home and that's it.
My 16 yr old took driver's driver's ed and is ready to get his license, but he has no desire to drive. I figure we'll wait until his permit is ready to expire before I force the issue. Plus, if he has his license, I have to add him to our insurance at an extra $320/months. This is already on top of the $1800 we pay already (3 cars, 3 drivers, 2 wrecks, 1 of the driver's is a 19 yr old male who had a wreck).
We JUST went through this with #2 son, but my answer isn't up there. We tried to prepare him for when he turned 15, but he was just not feeling it. We brought the subject up every month or two, and tried to encourage him, but didn't force him. When he was getting ready to turn 16 though, we finally told him it wasn't optional anymore. He HAD to. He drug his feet about it, and didn't really study like he should have. I asked him 4-5 simple questions after he said he had finished reading the book and missed all of them (right of way at a 4 way stop, what does a 'yield' sign mean, etc). From there, we pretty much figured out his strategy. If he doesn't pass his test, he doesn't have to drive. Right?
We had him read the book again (although we knew he still wasn't taking it seriously). Although we had a pretty good idea what his plan was, we waited until he said he felt confident and was prepared to take his test. We made the decision then to let him go ahead and test. Either he would prove our theory correct, fail, and hopefully learn from the experience, or surprise us.
He failed less a quarter of the way through the test. He's very careful with his money, so now comes into play mom and dad's strategy. We console, we encourage, and then we tell him that when he retests in 2 days, the next test fee is still on us, as well as the permit fee. If he fails again, when he retests 2 days after that, the testing and permit fees are on him.
Wouldn't you know it? The lil bugger buried his nose in the book for 2 days and passed with flying colors the next time around. He still won't ask to drive, and tries to get out of it when we tell him it's his turn, but we're at least one step closer.
We allow our children to start dating when they turn 16, so we really thought that would be incentive enough (drive himself with his date), but he cut our legs off on that one too. He'll be almost 17 now before he can get his full on drivers license, and seems intent not to date at all until then. Makes you really wonder what his hang up is that he's willing to give up dating until he's forced to get his license.
Don't think we don't painfully remind him though... "Just think... if you had your license already you could drive up to see Crystal whenever you wanted." (family friend he's known since childhood. They've been 'crushing' on each other for years)
I wouldn't push it. Although I'd encourage it before he left the house for college.
I voted "let it drop" but you have to know where I am coming from. I don't know why, but I wasn't in a huge hurry to drive when I was a teen. Some of my friends took driving test on their 16th birthday but I didn't get my license until I was almost 17.
I just wanted to provide that perspective because I was a pretty responsible teen but I just wasn't motivated to drive. I was busy with other things and driving seemed a bit scary.
I think that teen driving is SOOOO scary. At this phase of my life (I have nobody close to teenage in my house--two little boys 5 and 2), I would shoot hip hop hooray if they didn't want to drive as that just sounds so scary.
Of course, I'm sure I'll change my tune once I'm the one driving the kid all around town. My parents (they have 5 kids) always gave us a car to use--not because they were spoiling us or trying to be nice but it was SOOO much more convenient for them.
I had one son who was at the license bureau to the day at 15 and a half to take his temp test, and one son who was in no hurry plus had no time for driving classes because of a varsity sport. I think waiting alittle is a great idea. If he feels he's not ready I wouldn't rush him.
we're going through this with our daughter. She HAD to run to the RMV to get her permit on her 16th birthday back in July and since then...nothing. She's hasn't even wanted to start the car yet...shrug. It's so foreing to me as I remember being like a hyper puppy "dadcanidrive? arewegoinganywhere? canibackthecarup? canidrive? canidrive? canidrive? i'lldrive? "
So, I've just let it drop. I would REALLY like her to be driving before the spring when dh leaves because it would make it a lot easier on me when I'm single parenting but I don't really think that's reason to force her.
Both of my kids got their permits the first day they were able (15 1/2). Jenn received her license 1 week after the earliest possible date (16 1/4). It took Tom a little longer because he had classroom driver's ed 3rd quarter.
Several of Jenn's friends (female) waited until they were in college; no parental pressure. All of the teen males I know have been salivating to drive. Tom's going nuts right now because we're sharing a car!
That said, I remember taking my good sweet time getting my license. It would have helped my dad immeasurably for me to have my license, but he didn't pressure me at all.
I would take it as a sign of maturity that he realizes he's not ready.
Yes, he may be legally able to get his permit but that does not mean he's obligated to do so. He'll want to drive sooner rather than later. But I wouldn't rush him or force him.
My dh is actually involved in driver education and he sees many teens whose parents are forcing them to get their licence and take the education courses. They are not motivated, do poorly on the tests and just don't care. Is this the type of new, inexperienced driver we want on our roads?
Let him wait until he's ready.
Both had to have their permits ASAP but they had to wait longer to get an actual license because Drivers Ed here was too expensive. Jason got his permit in February and just got his license about a week ago, during the time in between we worked with him a lot in fact Jason kept bugging us often to go with him so he could practice parallel parking. Both have motorcycle permits as well.
Emily got her permit, but since then has not really been that excited about driving. Plus we were doing the parent taught and she has never completed all of the bookwork. I don't know if I am ready either.
I said I would let it drop. Alex got his permit shortly after the point when he was legally allowed to....he wasn't there on the first day he was eligible but he didn't put it off long.
I however, didn't bother to get my license until I was 17 yo. I was scared and I didn't really NEED to drive so I waited.
If my younger ds wants to wait (I doubt it), I'll be fine with that. I might push the issue at 18 yrs old.
I'm 18 years old and I don't drive. I've never even had a permit. It's not becuase I don't want to, but because I can't affford to. I would love to drive, but right now is not a good time, especially being in college.
It would be so nice to drive, but I think I will wait until next summer, when I actually have the time to learn.
Great to get the permit so you can study the manual. That's a good idea. I think I would thank my lucky stars if my kid did not want to get on the road.
I mentioned this on here before, but it seems like the trend is that teens aren't chompin' at the bit to drive. My neighbor finally made her son get his license when he was 17, but he would rarely drive. I couldn't wait to get my license! Personally, I want my son to get his permit as soon as he can so he can get as much practice with us before he is out on his own. I would hate to have an 18 year old that has never driven, who just goes down and passes the written test and is on the road driving.
Also, I am definitely an advocate for knowing how to drive a stick. I DON"T KNOW HOW, and it got me in a pretty bad situation one time. My friend and I were out when we were 16, and she got pretty drunk. We were way out in the sticks, and I couldn't drive us home because I couldn't drive a standard, so she drove. So, I guess I would like for my son to be able to drive both, even with limited experience, JUST IN CASE!
Kaleb could have got his permit on his 14th birthday and able to drive on his own at 16. He had no interest at all. He did not get his permit until he was 16 and 17 before he got his DL. He is glad he waited.
I do wish he would have done it sooner but he is glad he waited which to me means he knew he was not ready.
I didn't get my learner's permit until I was 19 I didn't feel ready. Now I'm going great. I can't tell you how many people my age have lost their licenses after multiple traffic offences, and I feel like I'm more mature and more educated than those kids who got their's at 16. I got 30/30 on my test
Separate names with a comma.