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Super Frustrated!

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by BellasMom, Nov 30, 2009.

  1. BellasMom

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    My daughter was diagnosed in Feb. She was a rock star when first diagnosed and was super careful about anything she ate and all of that. Lately she has been terrible about taking food and hiding it. Her BG have been super high at dinner time and it's from coming home and sneaking food. She has access to free foods, but cannot seem to control herself when it comes to carbs. We don't have any sugar in the house and very limited "snacky" food...I make everything from scratch so our house is full of ingredients as the kids say. She just waits for me to walk into the laundry room or get on the phone and be distracted for one second and she's getting into what ever she can. I know she's not starving. She eats very good meals and as I said has access to free snacks. No amount of punishing/praise/money/etc is working...she doesn't seem to care..she keeps on doing it. Her endo even got after her for it. I am sitting here rambling in tears. I don't know what to do short of padlocking everything in the house or tying her to me so she can't be alone for a second. I'm sure all kids go through this and I'd be super angry if I were her. She doesn't want to go to a counselor. I don't know what to do. :confused:
     
  2. Christopher

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    Sorry you are dealing with this. How old is she? Also, maybe instead of focusing on the free snacks, let her have snacks with carbs and just cover with insulin. You say you don't have any sugar in the house. Why?

    As for seeing a counselor, if you think it would benefit her, then maybe it is not her choice and it is something you need to just have her try and see if it helps. If she tries it and it doesn't help, then she can stop seeing them. Good luck...
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2009
  3. Corinne Masur

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    Sneaking

    What's the soonest you can get her on the pump? This frees kids up to eat what they want. Just when kids are experimenting with autonomy, it's a bad time to suddenly lose control over one more thing in their lives - what and when they get to eat!
     
  4. fredntan2

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    why not just let her have what she wants? I'm not sure how old she is, but just make it work.



    You don't want to get into the whole punishing for sneaking food thing. it just promotes more sneaking.
    if she's allowed whatever she wants-as long as she checks bs and bolus's for it then there's no problem. and when i say bolus I realize you may not be on pump. just work it out with your endo on how much insulin to give

    I'm kind of sleepy, I'm sure others will chime in.
     
  5. Becky Stevens mom

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    Hi Meagan, how old is Isabelle? My Steven is 8 1/2 and has had diabetes for 5 1/2 years now. He has snuck food in the past and I have explained to him that it causes his blood sugars to go high which doesnt make him feel well. He knows that he can have a carb snack but needs insulin for that. As of now he has a snack in the morning and one before bed if he wants one in the afternoon i will give him insulin for it.

    When you say that you have no sugar in the house, was that true before your daughter was diagnosed as well. I ask because we still have sweets in the house but limited to an after meal time cookie usually 9 carbs or less and every Friday we have candy day where the boys can pick out 2 small pieces of candy out of the candy bowl. For us it makes it so its not taboo and off limits completely but a nice treat.
     
  6. Christopher

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    My daughter is not on a pump and is free to eat what she wants (within healthy reason) and whenever she wants. :cwds:
     
  7. Amy C.

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    I don't have a suggestion on how to make this restriction work. Why is it she can't have a shot when she eats at any time? My son did this -- it cut back on his snacking a bit because he didn't want that many shots. He didn't feel restricted; he just ate less than he might have.

    You don't have to be on the pump to eat what you would like. A Type 1 can have as many shots as needed over the course of the day. You simply give insulin for the food eaten.
     
  8. BellasMom

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    We aren't pumping and neither one of us have any desire to at this time. It's not like I wouldn't let her, within reason, have a snack and insulin. She doesn't want to do that. I've told her she could have something with insulin...and her reaction is always "I don't want insulin right now." She's really good at acquiring the food...but not hiding the evidence. It would be so different if she would just come to me and say Mom I want this and I would say let's count it up. Ever since she was diagnosed shes had these moments of just not being herself...total breakdown...call the Priest it's Linda Blair! I can do nothing but gape at her and when I try to explain that all she has to do is ask she plays the victim card...."You wouldn't let me have it anyway!" I can't stand it!
     
  9. fredntan2

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    are there some kids near you that she can talk to? her same age?

    Maybe a counselor would be a good idea. maybe she has some anger about the D?

    Hang in there it does get easier
     
  10. BellasMom

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    Thanks! I contacted my local chapter of JDRF tonight. I'm hoping they may have some kind of support group. If not maybe I can help start one. There is only one other D kid at her school and I've heard his parents don't actively control his. When she was diagnosed there were 3 other kids there at the same time with T1. One was a 16 boy we met the others were there because of bad control and her Endo and Nursing staff kept them isolated from other D's. I think a big sister that takes care of her T1 would be a big help. I'm going to try and find a counselor too..she does have a lot of anger around it..and I don't blame her for that.
     
  11. Lee

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    She just needs to cover food with insulin - tell her that -tell her that it is the end of the story - don't call it sneaking food - do you sneak food when you eat something with carbs? That is an entire negative feeling towards food that I don't think you want to promote.

    Instead -say it ends now - from now on, you can eat what you want within reason, you just need insulin, if you eat without testing and taking insulin, there will be consequences - end of story. Outline the consequences, ie - loss of cell, computer, friends,etc...then outline rewards for taking insulin with carbs. We have had to do this prior to pumping.

    Also, have her join the kids forum here where she can talk about her frustrations with other kids her age.

    Just don't give up on the battle!
     
  12. meg9901

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    Sounds like a very frustrating experience! I would just add this comment.

    While it may seem like a huge step to see a counselor or therapist, it can provide an excellent framework for discussion about the many important feelings she's having (D or non-D)... just assistance working through a problem for the period of time you need it.

    Using an expert to open this channel of conversation can be a real benefit and it doesn't have to be any huge lifetime commitment to therapy!
     
  13. hawkeyegirl

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    Maybe this is a sign that she may be interested in the pump. I know that you can snack and cover on MDI, but frankly, shots kind of suck. I know I'd rather push a couple of buttons to cover a few carbs than go to the trouble and discomfort of giving myself a shot. (And yes, I have worn the pump for a few days and I have given myself shots of saline. There's no comparison for me, or for my D son.)

    It's fine if she's not ready, but pumping really does make this sort of thing easier. The number of kids who want to go back to shots after trying pumping is miniscule.
     
  14. Flutterby

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    The food war is one of the worst things you can get into, and thats whats going on. Why not let her pick her snack? she doesn't have to go carb free for snacks, have snacky food in the house.. when you go grocery shopping let her pick out her snack.. if she can have 15 carbs for a free snack (which is what most kids do that are on MDI, but everyone is different) let her have it.. if she has her carb snack, and is still hungry, then let her have the 'free' foods... She needs some sort of control, she's controling the food, thats her way of gaining control.. come to some sort of middle ground.. let her have the treat or sugary thing every once in a while.. Being on MDI she doesn't have as much freedom as someone who is pumping, but there shouldn't be a reason why she can't have a carb snack after school or whatever.. come to a compromise that is good for both of you, give her some of that control and let her have some choice.. Let her know (and I"m sure you already have) that eating and not giving insulin is very dangerous, if she's hungry she should be allowed to eat..

    good luck, its a tricky situation, and one we'll probably all face at some point.
     
  15. miss_behave

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    I agree. Does she know of these benefits to pumping? This may make it much more desirable. I know I had the tendency to "forget" to bolus for food when I was on injections. Who wants to stop, calculate insulin dosage, draw up, inject etc etc when you can just push a few buttons?
     
  16. joan

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    Food issues are very difficult to avoid when we have to focus so much time thinking about it. Why don't you include a treat in with her meals (whatever she wants) and add the carbs to her meal bolus.
     
  17. StillMamamia

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    My advice would be to seek a counselor's advice. Seems like food is being used to gain control over things, with D being the one thing that cannot be fully "controlled".
    Also, how strict are you with meals? Do you need to stick to a certain schedule and certain amount of carbs per day?

    How old your child?

    I also think a good family heart to heart talk will be helpful.

    Another comment about not keeping sugar in your house. Sugar is in many things, but is called something else (fructose, dextrose, any -ose really). I think a change of how we see "sugar" may also help. Sugar in itself is not bad, but like everything, should be used in moderation.

    How "obvious" is D in your house? Is it talked about all the time? Are meals a PITA because of the D ritual before eating?

    I really think you, as a family, should seek someone's help.

    Best of luck. This must be very hard.
     
  18. fredntan2

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    I think finding her a friend or older sister with D would be a big first step.

    -call other area schools, talk to there nurse and you can leave your number for that nurse to give to other D moms
    -call the pump companies. They will come out and show you the pumps. They may also be able to hook you up with other pumpers in area-some kids aren't in school system.
    -your endo may know of kids in your area.
    -there is something on here CWD-its a family network thing.

    My dd did do counseling last winter. only did a few months since counselor moved away. She was great. she did play therapy to get the kids talking.
     
  19. Marcia

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    Is your daughter OK to have a 15 carb snack mid day without coverage? When Ab was honeymooning, she could do this-we had a basket in the kitchen with prepackaged snacks she could choose from independently. We are pumping now, but before that Ab would often decline a snack if it meant an extra shot. Think back to life before Diabetes, how was snacking before? Can you get back to that? When Ab was having problems before she started pumping, I followed her for a day and tested and measured and weighed all of my food and used an empty syringe to imitate an injection. What a pain, we started pumping shortly after that.
     
  20. Lisa P.

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    Normally with something like this I'd say she was craving carbs, hard for anyone to avoid. If my kids eat anything with refined sugar, hfcs, or white flour they will soon reach the point where they want to eat nothing else, so even a little gets 'em (and that's not about diabetes).

    Also, if there's one food she wants, my doctor says people with food allergies crave the food that they are allergic to.

    In your case, though, since you say you will give her the snack she wants she just would rather get it herself and not have insulin, I'm thinking there are a few other possibilities. She may feel like being high feels more "normal" if she's newly diagnosed. She may not like a rapid drop in bg when she gets a shot, if somehow she feels that? There may be something we don't get that she's having a hard time expressing.

    But I'd guess this is a control issue, not a food issue. I'd treat it like any other control issue. Potty training, for example -- I don't force a kid to sit on the pot. But when the time comes, you take the cues from the child, you expect a lot of accidents and changed minds, you help by reminding often. You don't force the issue. At the same time, I had a friend who's child (four years old) did not want a diaper and did not want to use the bathroom, and would run around in dirty (of all kinds) pants and refuse to change them. That is a child inappropriately taking control, no longer a natural impulse to independence. There was a bigger picture there that had to be addressed.

    My rule is that (excepting juice) we feed with diabetes the same way we feed without it. Meaning that my kids don't eat the sugars, etc. -- but that's not a diabetes thing. Therefore, I would never handle a situation like yours by suddenly changing family eating habits and stocking the pantry with candy bars and just giving a shot every time she wants one. ;)

    If her sneaking food is a sign of her wanting more control over her life, give it to her. But not by bowing and scraping every time she wants whatever snack she wants and wants it now. Give it to her by helping her be in charge of her diabetes -- make whatever decisions are appropriate. Testing herself, deciding on a snack schedule, helping calculate. Then don't forget that there are other things than food. I find when my kids start getting the sassy attitude where I check the basement for pods and wonder where my real daughter is, it's usually because they are facing some kind of insecurity and control issues. What they want to know first is that no matter how scary life is, mom and dad are in charge and will take care of them fiercely. This means m and d will take care of them against bullies, against diabetes, and even against themselves -- in situations like this, I've told my oldest that even if she hates me I will not let her do things that are harmful to her, because I love her and am responsible for her and will not let anyone hurt her, even her. Believe it or not, that soothes her! But then it's also time to up her responsibilities and authority over her own life and the life of the family -- I ask her to help more, she is now in charge of getting herself showered at night without prompting, she makes dinner the next day. She wants to be more of a grown up, I just have to show her how to do it properly and let her know that no matter how grown up she is I'm still her mom and she's got that safety net.
     

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