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Stupid comments...a vent..come join!

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by MamaChrissa, Aug 3, 2007.

  1. MamaChrissa

    MamaChrissa Approved members

    Apr 20, 2007
    Ugh. You would think at this point in my life I would be used to dumb comments that are supposed to be complementary..in some bizarre way.

    My MIL and I were talking the other day and she mentioned it was a "good" thing, that Jason...out of all 4 of her grandkids, got the DX of D. He is such a "good boy". That none of the others could handle it. :mad:

    Im sure she meant it as some weird compliment and, indeed, were J's twin sis the one with the DX, I would surely have a harder time having her comply with treatment. But it just sounds like its "OK" that J was DX'ed...because he could handle it. :( It makes me both angry and sad for him, because he really *is* a good boy...sweet and kind. So, for 4.5 years of being a great little guy...he gets D. NOT FAIR!

    Anyway, Im generally not prone to self pity...for me or my kids. This just bugged me. Have you heard any comments that have bugged you lately? :eek:
  2. Lee

    Lee Approved members

    Oct 5, 2006
    I know what you mean-and I have even caught myself thinking the same thing about my own children! Not the my diagnosed daughter is the easy one, but she is the one with more self-control. So I have found myself thinking, boy, if any had to have it, I am glad it wasn't her sister (who would do things like sneak food).

    I immediately feel bad every time I think that!
  3. Emma'sDad

    Emma'sDad Approved members

    Oct 10, 2006
    I mentioned this one before that's a big peeve of mine: "But she's so skinny?" And the ever so popular: "She might outgrow it." And one that I don't know how to handle: "Oh my, just like her grandfather."
  4. SamsMom

    SamsMom Approved members

    Jul 23, 2007
    I had a lady at the tennis center ask me if Sam would outgrow it. Don't we wish! I am sure that is a comment a lot of parents have heard. I suppose if one of my kids were to get D, Sam was the better choice. He does well with structure and schedules whereas my 20 year old daughter is spontaneous and cannot stand a lot of structure. She squirms through her college classes and is antsy if she is not conatantly on the go. Sam is mellow and laid back.
  5. Nancy in VA

    Nancy in VA Approved members

    Jul 16, 2007
    I've had some comments but they are more from the "not knowing" camp - when they ask about what this means, I just say "yes, this is her life - until they find a cure".

    I have been known to say myself that of my kids to get diabetes, she is the best-tempered one to handle it. Its not meant in a bad way - it was meant to say that if I were having to deal with this with either of my older two, it woudl have been much more difficult - Emma IS my most even-tempered and easy going on and most resiliant and adaptable. Maybe that's why God chose her.
  6. karonray

    karonray Approved members

    Aug 16, 2006

    When Adam was dx'd ,this month will be 4 years ago, he was my sensitive one. My mommas boy. He was clingy and not independant at all.

    Fast forward to the following year, Taylor gets dx'd. What a diffrence in how they each handled it. She was independant from the start. (always was anyways)

    But i think that her seeing what her brother had been thru for that year helped her to get passed the "fear" that is usually felt when your first dx'd.

    It was amazing to me to see the diference in the way both my kids handled it.

    By the way the last comment that ticked me off was " can they out grow it"...... The woman was a nurse:)mad:)!!!!

    I'll share One good comment that made me smile. My fatherinlaw has been sick with a virus, he had a liver transplant and is taking insulin( i don't know if he is dx'd with type 1 or type2 or if it has to do with the transplant). I told my motherinlaw that his numbers would be off for a few days.( you'd think i would know this). Well she had to answer a call from the hospital and the nurse told her " his numbers will be off due to illness". She told the nurse my d-i-l just told me that.:D
  7. Flutterby

    Flutterby Approved members

    Nov 11, 2006
    I haven't received any dumb questions lately.. I've gotton, will she outgrow it, did she get it from eating to much sugar.. but I can't get mad, since they were both from my 10 year old nephew.. I was glad to answer his questions instead of him wondering and thinking things that weren't true..

    I have said, many times, that if either of my children HAD to have this disease, it better that Kaylee has it.. NOT that I want her to have it at all.. but she takes everything so well.. she has always been so easy at vaccine time (doesn't even cry, even before dx.. at 9months ~yes, she was talking at 9months!~ she told the dr at vaccine tmie, 'ouch, I don't like that!' but never cried.. and while we were leaving, she told him 'I don't like you'... LOL.. better him than ME!) If I even suggest vaccines to Jaylin she starts crying.. I'd have to peeel her off the ceiling to give insulin!
  8. Jensmami

    Jensmami Approved members

    May 17, 2007
    Last night I run into some friends, they did not know that Jenny was dx recently. So, I tell them and they start talking about, that friend they had, who as a kid did give himself insulin and how normal it was for everybody around him. But then in later years, he was drinking a lot and was out of control, but then he came around and started to take control over his diabetes again, that's when he passed away in his sleep. They said it was because, he did not give himself the insulin manually, but he had that little machine attached to him, and this somehow did not work right:mad:

    And then they also said, that because Jenny is such a good girl, and follows directions well, that this won't be a problem for her at all:confused:

    I know they meant well, but you could tell by the way they were talking, they really did not have a lot knowledge about it at all. And I walked away even more scared about the future!
  9. missnme

    missnme Approved members

    Jun 13, 2007

    There was a mother on one of these boards that had a great response when people said inconsiderate things like that. Instead of getting mad and upset, she'd just say 'Why did you feel the need to tell me that?' or 'What did you hope to accomplish by sharing that?' It seems to work for us, hopefully makes people stop and think before they open their mouth the next time.
  10. thebestnest5

    thebestnest5 Approved members

    Aug 16, 2006
    This left me SPEECHLESS!


    When I was in the hospital having my baby this end of June...

    I had just given birth a few hours before and the "Charge Nurse" for the OB floor enters my room to "chat" with the phlebotomist friend of hers about non-work things.

    The phlebotomist asks me about our cord blood kit and I proceed to tell her that the company we dealt with was so nice and gave us a reduced rate because I have a young daughter who has Type 1 Diabetes.

    I mentioned that Type 1 children really "go through a lot". The Charge Nurse pipes in and says (in a very nonchalant, uncaring tone) "It's basically a death sentence." :eek: I attempted to correct her and she just talked over me and argued her point and said, "...yes, it's a death sentence...I know people and none of them lived past 40.." What really bothered me was her matter-of-fact, nonchalant, uncaring tone!! :eek:

    I had just given birth, this nurse didn't need to be in my room (she wanted to talk to her friend--her own words), and now this Charge Nurse is telling me that one of my children is living with a death sentence and will die young!

    I was in shock...speechless...I couldn't even speak...I was actually speechless! :(

    Of course...my DH had just left the room to get a breakfast tray...and I was by myself...:(
    Last edited: May 27, 2013
  11. Mama2H

    Mama2H Approved members

    Oct 19, 2006
    I too find myself thinking that it is better that it is Hailey if it had to be one. Mackenzie is so high strung that I would have to hold her down for every single shot. She gets upset watching Hailey get her shots and now site changes, I cannot imagine if it were her.

    As for the stupid comments we have recieved: Hailey is in 4-H and the fair was last week. From day 1 people were making comments about her pump and gave all kinds of "advice" by about the 4th day of fair I was ignoring most people's comments and just saying "hmmm, thanks" by day 7 I was so annoyed that I avoided answering any questions. I think the one that put me over the edge was a girl I knew in high school but hadn't seen in years stopped by Hailey's Sheep made the comment "Good thing you put her in 4-H she should be able to get active enough to go off of insulin" I wasn't so put off by this until she said "I am a nurse at the hospital and we see people go off insulin all of the time" Grrrrr, I told Hailey right in front of her "Too bad your pancreas is dead" We walked away and fortunatly Hailey just laughed and said she is too stupid to be a nurse.
  12. SamsMom

    SamsMom Approved members

    Jul 23, 2007
    A death sentence? I would have melted down over that comment! I heard the opposite. I was at my doctor shortly after Sam got dx. I was still weepy and being in a dr office made me weep even more. I told my dr about Sam's dx and she told me, "It's okay to cry about it. But, these days, it is not a death sentence." That made me feel so much better! The charge nurse at the children's hospital where Sam was and the endo nurse are both T1. Both had kids, worked demanding jobs, and in fact, the endo nurse has a T1 daughter in college so she must be at least in her 40's, maybe older, and she looked great. Why do people feel the need to comment on a disease they know nothing about?
  13. Ellen

    Ellen Senior Member

    Oct 22, 2005
    Sheree, You're not speechless now. How would you feel about reporting her? That was incredibly UNACCEPTABLE for any nurse to say, let alone a charge nurse.

    Caro - How sad that a person would say that to you, a loving mom. People are clueless about how they inflict pain with their words. That person has no idea how much the sleep issue is one of our worst nightmares, regardless of how truly rare it is.

    I think we all need to rehearse some responses that are respectfully appropriate when things are said out of ignorance but with good intentions. For the other incredulous insensitive remarks, we need to call people on it to let them know how counterproductive and painful their remarks were at the time.

    Last edited: Aug 3, 2007
  14. momofphoenix

    momofphoenix Approved members

    Jul 14, 2007
    Oh boy, there are a few that I hear that just irritate me,
    "Is it the good one or the bad one?" (like one is better then the other)
    "He will out grow it just give him Herbs to make him better" (what the ....)
    "Well if you wouldnt have let him eat candy he wouldnt have it" (??????)
    and the one that made me freak out the worst was about a year ago.

    I emailed a picture of Phoenix to my father (I havent seen or talked to him in about 3 1/2 years) and his wife emails me back with

    "Well I'm glad his diabetes isnt affecting him"
    what the heck did that mean, I emailed her back very nicely stating that diabetes does and is affecting him in ways other then physically (outside his body) she decided to email me back with
    "Well I dont think that is true I talked to a friend of a friend of a friend who works with someone with diabetes and that isnt true" needless to say I havent talked to them since....

    Some people just dont "get it" I know my mom and I talked about Phoenix's D and we both agree I am lucky he got it when he was so young, he will grow up knowing no other way of life, and he likes veggies and fruit more then candy...
  15. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Oct 11, 2006
    Sheree, I most definitely would report that woman ASAP! That was completely uncalled for, unprofessional and down-right IDIOTIC of her to say such a thing to you!!! This makes my blood boil!!!!! :mad::mad:

    As far as people's stupid comments, I try my best to realize that they don't have a clue and that, for the most part, they mean well. But I swear if I hear one more time that "such-and-such's grandmother's best friend's sister has diabetes, too", I think I will SCREAM!! :D ;)
  16. LJS118

    LJS118 Approved members

    Jun 20, 2007
    I hate the "oh, he looks so healthy!" (yeah sure, but there's a war going on inside his lil body 24/7)

    Also, somebody who's granddaughter has autism once said to me-"at least diabetes isn't as bad as autism. Its so tough for my daughter(dealing with her daughters' autism). Ugh! Its like comparing a tree to a house--its 2 totally different things. I wouldn't want to deal with either!!!!
  17. AlisonKS

    AlisonKS Approved members

    May 16, 2007
    on a different board there's a whackjob herb pushing conspiracy theorist man who just said "if you changed your outlook you would help your son" He can shove it and have a nice day!
    that's the latest rant I have :D I was happy the other day because for the first time I had a guy ask me all the symptoms and signs and what about the care because he was curious as a father. I felt so good and confident! So I just keep thinking about that instead of the whackjob.
  18. MamaChrissa

    MamaChrissa Approved members

    Apr 20, 2007
  19. Heather(CA)

    Heather(CA) Approved members

    Jun 18, 2007
    Yep, I've done the same thing...Seth's pain tollerance is freaky high. Unlike his brother's...I once took him to the Hosp. for a poss. broken arm, just because he didn't want to go back to to soccer practice after sittng down for a few minutes. He said "No, my arm really hurts"...It WAS broken:eek:
    I still feel so bad that he has D:(
  20. rickst29

    rickst29 Approved members

    Jun 2, 2006
    Rick: "By the way, how old are you?"

    Charge Nurse: "57, why do you ask?"

    Rick: "Hmmm, if you want to live long enough to see 58, you really need to stop being a loud-mouthed Moron.... RIGHT NOW :mad::eek: ".

    Charge Nurse: "Ulp.... Ok. Sorry."


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