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Strong but only so much!

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by kgerrick, Jun 30, 2011.

  1. kgerrick

    kgerrick Approved members

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    Hi everyone,

    I just wanted to get some input from all of you. When my daughter was diagnosed we had recieved support from my dear friend and husband who asked a lot of questions because she is always at their house and they wanted to learn all they could which was great. My aunt, who is also my boss, was also supportive as far as the time off work I needed and asking about Caitlin everyday. And I am blessed to have that support. The thing is that I consider myself a strong person and others view me that way, well having been given this diagnosis for my child is of course shocking though we have faired pretty well in the last month but I am still grieving at times, it comes in waves. And now I feel like everyone is expecting me to be fine now that "we know what is wrong and can deal with it". Well, sometimes I am not fine! And I need some space without feeling guilty about it or like I should just move on. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I am blessed, I am happy but sometimes I feel poopy!!!
     
  2. Tigerlilly's mom

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    That's great that you have supportive people in your life:cwds:

    What you are feeling is completely normal. :cwds:

    I think that it's hard for people that don't live with something DAY IN and DAY OUT to completely understand how having your child diagnosed with a chronic disease is ALWAYS there. It doesn't go away because you know what it is. It takes lots of work both physically, mentally and emtionally to deal with a disease that needs to be managed (for lack of a better work) 24/7.


    Little story....I have a wonderful friend (actually I have many wonderful friends;)) that was/is extremely supportive when Tyler was diagnosed. Always listened to me ramble on about his diabetes and blah blah blah...well she took him away for the weekend with her family (her son choose Tyler as his friend to bring along). I typed all all the directions, she had my telephone numbers, she practiced drawing up his insulin, giving shots etc. The weekend went great they all had a great time. When she called me Monday morning after the kids were at school, she says to me "WOW! I didn't realize how exhausting and "in your face" diabetes is when you are the one responsible for the person with it."
    As much as she listened to me, observed me taking care of Tyler, she didn't realize the actual impact caring for a CWD was until the sole responsiblity was on her. Until you walk in someone shoes (even if it's only for a few yards), you truly don't realize what it's like for them.
     
  3. deafmack

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    I am glad you have supportive people to help you with this. Saying that doesn't negate the fact that you are going through a grieving process and that you need to go through that grieving process. Your feelings are perfectly normal and you should not ignore them. To me I would feel the same way as you. This is your child and she is faced with having to deal with a chronic condition for the rest of her life and as her mother you are dealing with it as well. It hurts and I would feel the same way. I am sending you a lot of (((HUGS))) and letting you know that you are a great mom.
     
  4. MamaTuTu

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    I definitely understand how you feel. We are three months with Dx and though this week has been a really good week for me, just last week I was a wreck. I think it's hard because when people tell us to "move on" I kinda feel like I have BUT my heart aches for my DD and the uncertainty of her future can sometimes overwhelm me. Or when people say "you sound depressed" I feel Im sad not depressed, but if thats what you want to label me so be it. I think depression is when you are sad all the time for no reason and don't have a drive to live, I want to live I want to take care of not only my DD who has D but my DS who needs me too. I (we) have a reason to be sad our children's life has changed in a way that we cant fix so it does make me sad sometimes. I've always been a strong person, yet very sensitive. I can normally cry it out and brush myself off quickly but adding my heart and soul (my children Isabella or Jacob) has proved to be a difficult task for me. I understand you and your strength, and I think the weakness we have is because our love is so strong. I hope you start feeling better soon!
     
  5. mommabear

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    It is very normal..I'am glad to hear that you have support,though at times it still may seem like it is just you..I'm glad to hear that your daughter has been doing pretty well:)..My son has had D for almost 4 years and I still feel "poopy" (lol) at times...He has days where he struggles with D and I have days where I struggle with it..I do beleave that it is very normal. I'am sure that it will always be this way..Sometimes Diabetes just sucks, and to know that your child has it sucks even more..IT is a process but it DOES eventually get better..Like I said you guys will still have your days, but it does get better..Good luck and big (((hugs))):cwds:
     
  6. lynn

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    Strong people grieve. When your daughter was diagnosed you lost something. All of the dreams you had for your daughter didn't include dealing with a chronic illness like diabetes. You are still so close to diagnosis that I would expect you to still experience frequent waves of sadness and loss while you adjust to the new future your daughter, and you, as her mother, will be facing.

    While I'm sure that you are beyond grateful to have the diagnosis and the knowledge and tools to keep your daughter healthy, the very real losses can't be ignored.

    I'm so happy for you to have friends who have been supportive. They can't know what it is like for you---even if you tell them. That is why this place is so valuable. Nobody here will get tired of hearing you go on and on about something that you should have been able to get over. Nobody here will think you are too obsessive if you check your daughter's blood sugar ten times a day and in the middle of every night. Nobody here will expect you to move on because now you know what is wrong.

    Take the love and support of your friends and family who care and try not to get too frustrated when they cannot understand your heart.
     
  7. Lynnieg123

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    We all know exactly how you feel. My daughter was diagnosed on 2/22/11 and most days are ok dealing with it all but last week we had a bad spell and I definitely had to hide from the kids and have a good cry. The sleep deprivation and constant second guessing our methods of dosing and then she has crazy highs and crazy lows can get to be too much sometimes. My father is too afraid of messing up to learn about treatment, my mother can't take care of her own T2D, never mind adding my daughter to the mix, we recently moved an hour away from our close friends so it is basically just my husband and I. Thankfully I have a fantastic husband who shoulders as much of her care as he can and doesn't leave me alone with it.

    Let's face it, diabetes sucks. It's never ending and exhausting and all the time but it is manageable and I have a spit fire of a daughter kicking T1D in the face every day. She keeps me strong on the hard days so I will have a good cry, dry my tears, and move on. It is all I can do. Believe me, I know the sadness - it ebbs and flows. Allow yourself to feel it and hang in there. You are not alone.
     
  8. kgerrick

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    Thank you all! I am so lucky to have found this site! God Bless Jeff for starting it! It feels so good to be able to talk to people who know what it is like. Everything everyone of you said is exactly what it is! Thank you for encouraging me to feel the sadness (permission) because it is so easy to stuff it away and beat yourself up for even feeling sad. Thanks for the hugs too and thank you for listening, encouraging and supporting! I feel better already because of all your support!! Thank you!!:):)
     
  9. fredntan2

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    I can't remember how long I cried. Only once around dd during first week.but I think it took me months to come to terms with this.i don't think I really started healing until I got that first year. Now after six years I can finally say I am at peace with disease. I know my dd will be okay now. I've made sure she had a great team-endo,cde, therapist, etc

    Its okay to cry, let it out, vent your frustrations.it will make you feel better to get them out
     
  10. kgerrick

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    Thank you Frannie!:)
     
  11. ashadams

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    I know how you feel! You're definetely not in it alone. My son is only 3 years old and we just found out about a month and a half ago that he is diabetic. I was very upset in the hospital for 4 days - so bad that I didn't even want the nurses in the room with us and they were just trying to teach us! I get very upset at least once a week. I find that our families can be the same as yours actually. They all just think that it's another day, which it is, but as a mother it hurts me to have to do all of these things to my 3 year old and to watch the way his body reacts to the ups and downs with the sugar.

    I actually joined this website just a few days ago for this reason! I thought I was in it alone, so my way of getting control of my sadness was to join this and communicate with other famlies. Just try to think positive, but do know that from my point of view this will happen from time to time. Good luck and hope you feel better.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2011
  12. kgerrick

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    So sorry to hear about your ordeal. Thank you for writing! Feel free to write as often as you need! It is so good to have people like yourself to talk to. What date was your son dx'd? My dd was dx'd on 5/19.
     
  13. obtainedmist

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    I like to tell people that this is an "hourly" disease and not more than 2 hours go by when it isn't on the radar screen. That seems to get through to them more than anything else I've found. The pump/MDI or whatever is not a magic bullet that makes the constant vigilance (Mad Eye Moody!!!) every go away. Some get it, others never will.

    It's the same with grieving a loved one's passing. Some people feel that you "get over" it within a few months and don't want to hear about how you are feeling. I hope you go through an upswing period soon, but in the meantime, try to surround yourself with the people who understand.
     
  14. tiger7lady

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    You are not alone. After more than a year of dealing with this disease day in and day out I realized I had not really come to terms with it emotionally. Sure I was functioning and doing what I needed to do but my emotions were still very raw and I was still grieving. What really struck me the most was how much my son had matured over the course of the year. On one hand I was extremely proud of him but on the other hand I was grieving the loss of innocence - because he didn't have a choice he was forced to grow up more than his friends. I started seeing a counselor a couple months ago and I feel I've made great strides in coming to terms. I'm almost to a point where I can accept this is our fate as a family. I don't have to like it but I do have to accept it and move on.

    I will say this, it does get easier but it takes time. If you are really struggling I recommend talking with someone to help you get through this. But you are definitely not alone.
     
  15. ashadams

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    My son was dx'd on 4/26/11. He has been doing pretty good, but his sugar has still been all over the place! I will definetely write if I need too. What's your name? I'm Ashley and I live in New Orleans. Nice talking to you! :)
     
  16. kgerrick

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    Hi Ashley, I'm Kristen and I'm in Cleveland, Ohio. Give me a holler anytime to talk!! We are both new at this. How many endo team appt.'s have you had so far. We have had 2 and at the second one they did the A1C test. She is at 9.9. Has your endo team checked your son's A1C? I guess they would like it to be around 7.1 or lower. They explain that a non-diabetic's is 4.0 to 6.0. They also said that her number would be a little high because she has only been on insulin since 5/19 so it is showing the blood sugar build up from the 2 months prior to her diagnosis. When we went to the dr.'s office to see what was wrong the day of diagnosis they did a blood sugar test and it went to 600 which was the highest number their meter would read. They checked it again with a different meter and it still went to 600. It was really up there. She has been a trooper. She is a teen so she does "know everything" you know!! Lol! So this has actually been a blessing in some ways because it has forced us to have to find ways to communicate better! And it sure is a lesson in patience!!! Nice to talk with you too!
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2011
  17. kgerrick

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    "I like to tell people that this is an "hourly" disease and not more than 2 hours go by when it isn't on the radar screen."

    That's a great way to say it! It is so true. "Hourly" is the perfect word, it is something that has to be managed so it is definately always there. Thank you for your support!:)
     
  18. kgerrick

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    Feel free to write me anytime if you want to compare notes! Thanks for your advice!
     
  19. spamid

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    I echo the poster that said strong people grieve. We have been dealing with diabetes for almost 6 years now (Aug 1, 2005) and there are still days I grieve. My daughter is healthy, happy, and thriving, and having diabetes doesn't stop her or us from doing anything, but there are still days when I cry, rant, rage, and wonder why this happened. We joke that you could toss a piece of cake up across a room and I can tell you how many carbs it has, we have become such experts, but this disease still sucks!
     
  20. Heather(CA)

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    YES! You are not alone, I am and feel a lot the way you do...There will be ups and downs just like highs and lows (((((HUGS)))))
     

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