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so way off topic I know...but

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by lotsoftots, Apr 2, 2012.

  1. lotsoftots

    lotsoftots Approved members

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    I also posted this on the off topic board just not much traffic there..sigh
    so here goes my post again, sorry...lol
    I just need to vent and get some input here, please


    My 16 year old is being stalked by a mentally challenged man ( he is 20 but acts more like 6)this kid has been around my house for years and years playing games with my boys but for some reason his mother has told him to hang with my 16 year old so now he stalks him every where he goes and to make things worse his mother has even drove around to find my child to tell him to hang with her son..now my kids have been taught to be respectful to adults so he hasnt told her no ..he will just say Im hanging with my gf or this person ..she tells her son that my son is being a punk and to tell her if he wont play with him, she will have another talk with him or she will tell on him ( my son) to me. he rides his bike from my front yard to the said ALL day long waiting for someone to come out ..this is getting carried away looks like mommy here is going to have to talk to his mother..bad thing is she is also like her son .:0/
     
  2. lynn

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    Hmm...I have many things I would like to say to this, the biggest being, "What the heck?!"

    On one hand, I think you must have an exceptional 16-year-old son! I have a niece who is mentally and slightly physically handicapped and I can tell you that the vast majority of 16-year-olds have NOT been friendly to her. I sort of feel for this guy's mom...I've seen the heartache of my sister over the years. There are a lot of mean people in this world. She is definitely going about things in the wrong way though, obviously. It is NOT your son's job to entertain her son! I would say you are right in thinking that you need to talk to his mom. I wish you luck.
     
  3. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    How are you hearing what the mother says to her son? :confused:
     
  4. lotsoftots

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    well he is here at my house all the time if its not for my 16 year old for my 8 year old and sometimes my 10, 12 and 14 year old and he has told all of them that his mom said that my 16 has to play with him or she will have a talk with him..so this kid being the way he is he thinks anything mom tells him has to be true.

    this is how a normal day goes..or how today went....
    at 10am I look outside and there is S we live on the corner so he rides his bike from the front of my house to the side of my house untill someone comes outside even if it takes hours no lie..then who ever it is he follows them to their friends house. Today I drove my 16 year old over to his girfirends house which is about 3 miles away they walked to a park that was about 1/2 mile from her house and S showed up there and told my son he wanted to "play" my son told him not right then because he was with his gf, S told my son he was being a punk and he was going to tell his mom. Ok so S left my son said less them 30mins later his mother drove up asking my son why he wouldnt hang with her son :eek: my son told him because he was with his gf..so she took her son home..I picked my son up 2 hours later and when I did S was there on his bike and chased my car home no lie..as soon as I got home my son when right in the house to his room while S rode back and fourth in front of my house..he didnt leave till dinner time then came back..
    A lot of the times my kids and other kids near here will include S in basketball, football and baseball games, they are all nice to him because they understand he really doesnt know any better but it seems now that he isnt in school he thinks he should be here all the time gets getting a little bit much..he has even started following my car daily.
    oh and today he told my husband his mom wants my 16 year olds cell number...
     
  5. lotsoftots

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    I have to say thank you for the nice words about my son... I think he is pretty great but then again I think all my kids are...lol
    I have tried really hard to teach all my kids to treat others how they want to be treated and I do have to say all my kids have included this kid in games all the way from my 21 year old to my 8 year old..he use to play catch all the time with my 8 year old but now he seems to be heading more for my 4 year old who I dont let out much....I just think his mom said hang with my 16 year old so even thou he would rather hang with younger kids he does what his mom tells him..:rolleyes:
     
  6. Ali

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    This is way over the top. I agree with the idea of getting a hold of some outside resources and getting them in contact with this family. This is not a healthy dynamic for anyone. If the Mom functions at the same level as her child then do not even deal with her but go straight to an outside service. Sorry, but this just sounds so bad. If no one can help then you and your kids will need to develop a plan of how to deal with this and stick with it, it needs to be handled. This poor child needs help that you can not provide but others can.:cwds::)Ali
     
  7. swellman

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    This sounds tragic and sad and scary all at the same time and sounds like the beginning of a story that ends poorly ... but I tend to be paranoid.
     
  8. lotsoftots

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    well thats not a good thought..I tend to be paranoid when it comes to my kids..could be why he is always here because my kids and half the neighborhood hang here ( I like to know what my kids are up to and who/what type of kids they are around:)
     
  9. Connie(BC)Type 1

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    Debbie, I hope you inform your children not to give out their phone numbers, and to inform their friends not to share it with him!
     
  10. katerinas

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    Mentally challenged or not I would put some ground rules and boundaries to the mother and this kid. I feel that your kids and you are overly respectfull and helpful and on the other hand they are not at all respectful and grateful for your and your kids acceptance and patience. If you don't put some sort of rules and boundaries they certainly won't.
     
  11. Beach bum

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    I posted the following in OT:

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by danielsmom [​IMG]
    Have a talk with mom with another adult(husband) anyone else for backup ...then proceed to file restraining order against the kid if necessary.. This is not something you need to worry and stress about.This mom is trying to pawn the kid off, but there must be some other programs her son can get involved with if he has special needs. Your son is not a babysitter.

    Yep, she said it.
    This woman is taking advantage of the fact that you have taught your children to be respectful to others. She is being disrespectful of your son (and your entire family) by basically dumping her kid with him. She is also doing her son a disservice not having him involved in a program. As Shirley said, your son is not a babysitter.

    Time for a talk, and she seems pretty over bearing (considering she drives him around looking for your son), I'd bring someone with you. I would gently suggest that he would be best suited for a day program. I'm hoping that it's a matter of she just doesn't know what to do with a grown disabled son. I know around her there are many programs, and depending on his ability many of the grocery stores, Walmart and some factories employ adults. It's tasks based on their abilities. For example, there is one boy who has Autism and he loves repetition. He works for a shredding company. He goes in to the business and shreds all their papers. His mom wrote that he loves it and he loves that his days are kept busy. Maybe you can give some suggestions to her...

    Good luck and keep us posted.
    __________________
     
  12. Melissata

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    I agree. Someone needs to do something about this now before something happens. He may act like a 6 year old, but he has a 20 year old body. You need to act before something happens. I know how hard it is when mentally challenged adults are finished with school, I live it with my daughter. This man should be spending time in a program, be in a group home or SIP home, or at least involved in one of the government programs that will pay someone to spend time each week with him to teach him the things that his mother cannot. Letting him hang around with your kids is not what this man needs. He needs to be around others like himself, and people that can help him become the best that he can be. Saying no to him and his mother may be the best thing you could ever do for him. Simply tell them that your kids are kids, and he is now an adult. If they don't stop, go from there to involve others.
     
  13. 3kidlets

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    If the mother is disabled too (I think that is what you were saying), then I don't know if she is going to get it if you tell her that he should be doing other things and that this is inappropriate. And I don't know that she is going to be open to your suggestions.
    However, there should be programs in your area for him. I know we have programs in our county for adults with disabilities. They help them find employment. All of our chain supermarkets and Walmart here hire adults with disabilities. There are also recreational programs for them. My kids took tennis lessons at a tennis club last winter and every Thursday, there was a group from this program there taking lessons.
    However, I don't know how you would get it thru to this mother that this is not appropriate. I guess I"m not sure of the correct channel you should take. Police? Lawyer? Someone social services?
     
  14. CAGrandma

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    You and your kids seem to have a great, healthy respect for those who are mentally disabled. But this situation is not a healthy one for anyone. Everyone needs to understand that there are boundaries. The boy and his mother are ignoring your son's boundaries, perhaps because they need to have things clearly spelled out for them. The idea of getting the young man into appropriate programs is a good one and one approach would be for you to find some, talk to the people who run them and ask for their help in presenting the alternatives to the mom. Another idea would be to set up a playdate with the boy and your kids at the park, when you can be there, and also emphasizing that he cannot hang out with them at any other time.
    Looks like you're the only grown up here.
     
  15. Christopher

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    Setting up a "playdate" with this 20 year old adult and the OP's teen age child does not address the problem at all and may actually exacerbate it.


    To the OP, a few thoughts:

    1) Not sure why you would take the word of the mentally challenged person about what their mother said to them. You have no idea how accurate it is. For me, it makes more sense to speak directly to the mother and find out exactly what is going on.

    2) Once you speak to her, if it is clear she is enabling this behavior in her adult son, you need to make your wishes crystal clear to her that you want him to stop hanging around your house and your children.

    3) If she is unable or refuses to do this, then you need to get law enforcement involved. The difficulty is that he is on public property and, aside from getting a restraining order (which would probably be difficult to get in this situation), there is nothing to stop him from riding his bike past your house.

    4) It is not your responsibility to spend your time researching options for this adult. That is his parent's responsibility.
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2012
  16. Beach bum

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    See now, I think this is totally inappropriate. He is 20, the OP son is 16. You don't do play dates at this age, and IMO it just makes the situation worse and sends the wrong message to this man (this is what he is a man, not a child). Including him in the neighborhood ball games is fine and appropriate. I think the best thing to do is set down a set of rules for man and mom, you need to be asked over, you do not follow us. Yes, he is developmentally challenged, but he can understand simple rules such as these.
     

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