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So My Teen Daughter Is Being Bullied

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by MamaBear, Feb 15, 2011.

  1. Christopher

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    I understand what you are saying but I still disagree with the general concept. I still would feel like the bullies "won" if the child gets pulled out of school and stuck in the house. In this case, school has been the best place for the child, she is getting excellent grades and is thriving. The only thing that has changed is getting bullied by the other girls. Why should the child have to be the one taken out of school?

    Think about it from the bully's point of view. You are giving this child all sorts of grief, making them cry, and then one day she is gone, pulled out of school, and you know it is because of the abuse you were giving her. How empowering would that make the bully feel? They not only controlled the child, but the parents, the school system and the law.

    The other thing to remember in this case is that the bullies live in their neighborhood. Just because she is not riding the bus or going to school, there will still be plenty of opportunities for the bullies to still call her names and harass her. Maybe even more, once they see she is running from them.

    The OP needs to do what she feels is right for her family, not judging that at all. It is an incredibly difficult situation and I feel very much for her and her whole family. I just don't think homeschooling is going to solve the problem. It may even make the bullies more powerful.

    Just my 2 cents
     
  2. MamaBear

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    Actually more has changed. Her self esteem AND her grades. We got a progress report yesterday. She's got 3 Cs. This is the first time she has had anything lower than an A-. The bus rides are the hardest thing for her to deal with right now. I don't see any reason to force her to be on that bus, especially now knowing she can take the same classes online. Who gives a crap if the bullies think they won? This isn't a game, it's my child's well being.
     
  3. Tigerlilly's mom

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    Sorry your daughter is dealing with this. Mean girls suck!

    I am not sure if I missed it, but since it seems that the school bus is where the majority of the bullying is taking place, is there any way you can drive her to school so she doesn't need to take the bus?
     
  4. MamaBear

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    Not right now. I injured my right foot almost a month ago and cannot walk or drive.
     
  5. Trev

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    Police puts a hault to bullying

    Hi there.
    First of all, that's very sad that your kid is being bullied. My daughter, is now 13, had a similar experience.

    I think in today's world and with all the social media exchanges going on it is way easier to be agressive then ever, and kids take advantage this. Last summer, I my kid came to me and showed me a very vicious post comment on her facebook page. It was a direct threat from a neigbours child, towards my daughter. It was shocking, so I called the kids mom and asked her to look at her daughters screen, she did so, and apologized. Then the same day it happended again. So we copied the post took it to the local poilce station and they paid the kid and her parents a vist. Then it stopped. This is serious, and I would not hesitate to go the school, police, who, ever. I hope you guys figure it out.
     
  6. Bigbluefrog

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    Your daughter is beautiful, and I admire her courage to share with you.

    You both are addressing this by acknowledging it and seeking solutions.

    I like the idea of removing her from the situation, off the bus. Is it possible to rearrange her schedule? Or get her involved in activities she likes to build new friendships?

    I know it's hard, but these mean girls follow a queen Bee, and they live for reactions, it makes them powerful to stir up the pot.
    Teach her how to ignore or better cope with them if avoidance is not possible.

    Hope the teaching staff is taking action or is aware of this.
     
  7. chbarnes

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    It is the school's responsibility to deal with the bullies. I didn't like your principal's "not my job" answer. I am reasonably certain our current principal would have called the AP himself and followed up to make sure the problem was addressed. Even at my daughter's old school, the perpetrators were called in to the counselors office and forced to apologize after she made a sort of "impact statement." The counselor told us she was very eloquent. But she still had to face the same boys who taunted her, and the girls who did not defend her each day.
    She really was happy to leave and has no warm memories of middle school. I wish we had left sooner. I would remove my child from a place where she faced physical harm. I also have no problem removing a 13 year old from a place where she faced emotional harm.

    I hope the school administration can turn the situation around, but if they can't, or won't, there is nothing wrong with removing your child from harm's
    way.
     
  8. MamaBear

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    Thank you.
     
  9. heamwdevine

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    I'm so sorry. That is horrible! I would contact the parents and read them/show them the texts. Hopefully they will take away their kids phone for a while, but I would also talk to the teachers, principal and bus driver since it is happening in all those places. It shouldn't be allowed and those girls need some type of punishment for what they are doing. Either being suspended, visited by the police, a good talking by their teachers/principal and I would tell the bus driver so she's more aware and hopefully can write them up. It seems like they are getting away with it so easy and I can't understand why. Hopefully you can find a good solution.
     
  10. Christopher

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    The reason why is because no one is standing up to them yet.

    The OP needs to do what feels right for her child and family, that is the most important thing.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2011
  11. MamaBear

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    I got an email from the AP yesterday. Those girls are in fact being disciplined. I did not ask details. They can handle it. She also said they are sorry to lose my daughter and asked that we contact the school if we need anything at all.

    My girl begins her online classes today. The director thinks with her history of doing her work as well and as fast as she does that she'll finish 8th grade by April. She will still get the HS credits she has earned for her HS level classes. She's smiling again and I can see a tremendous weight just gone from her little shoulders.:)
     
  12. jules12

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    Good job for taking action and I am so happy to hear your daughter is doing better! That is so good that she doesn't lose any credits!
     
  13. Karenwith4

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    Christopher I disagree and think your position assumes the worst of all involved.
    1) homeschooling isn't a punishment, and children aren't "stuck at home" and I am sure MamaBear, her family, the school system and the homeschooling community will ensure that her daughter doesn't find herself thinking this.
    2) an administration worth its salt will be concerned about losing a child because of a bullying issue and will work towards helping these girls learn more appropriate ways of interacting.
    3) very few kids have no intrinsic empathy or sense of consequences. Perhaps having the OPs daughter removed from school will cause them to rethink their actions - particularly if it is done in conjunction with some proactive and positive intervention from the school.
    4) The responsibility for the big picture can not and should not lie on the shoulders of one girl and instead belongs to the community. It sounds as though the OP is mobilizing the school community to deal with it.

    MamaBear I'm so glad the weight is lifting. I hope she heals quickly from this experience and that next year, whatever the decision, she finds herself in a healthy place.
    Karen
     
  14. Christopher

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    I understand. But I guess we will never know if the OP's daughter could have successfully stayed in school, since she was removed before they even had a chance to work on the problem.

    As I said before, the OP needs to do what she feels is best for her child, the rest of us simply have our opinions.
     
  15. Lisa P.

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    Well, some would say the OP and her daughter worked very hard on the problem, it's just the solution they arrived at is not one you agree with.

    But I guess you could look at it that way, in which case I'd have to say that we will never know if your daughter could have successfully been home schooled since she was denied that opportunity before she even had a chance to attempt it.

    Every active choice made means choosing against other opportunities. Taking the most usual course does not change the fact that each child loses the benefits of the other paths while securing (hopefully) the benefits of the one traveled.

    I've also been really hoping you'd clarify your statements about being "stuck in the house", maybe your note was because the bullies are in the neighborhood? Because if you don't mean to attack or misrepresent home schooling here, you should probably not use that phrase several times. Unless you mean it. In which case, please excuse me, I forgot to buy my padlocks and my kids are making a break for it!
    :eek:
     
  16. Christopher

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    I meant before the school had a chance to address it.
     
  17. Becky Stevens mom

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    That smile is worth more then anything to you right now isnt it? Good for you for making sure your daughter gets the best education she can while feeling safe doing it. :cwds:
     
  18. Becky Stevens mom

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    The good thing about homeschooling is that it need not be a permanent arrangement for this family or any family. If the child doesnt feel that they are getting a good education from homeschooling they can, go back to their school, go to private or religious school, go to a magnet school in the area. I think the OP did exactly the right thing in taking her daughter out of school for now. Her daughter is probably feeling 100% better and is free from anxiety and can trust that her parents will do what is necessary to keep her safe while making sure she gets the best education possible. Homeschooling has come a long, long way in a very short period of time and I think its a viable and often best option for many children.
     
  19. Lisa P.

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    The school had had the chance to address it, they just had not addressed it yet.

    If you scroll back you'll see that as for "opinions", mine was much the same as yours, with the same caveat, that the OP has to decide what is best in her specific situation.

    But neither she nor any other parent should make decisions about home schooling based on the assumption that home schooling is a last resort only to be considered if failure at public schooling is unavoidable. It's not the ugly third cousin of "real" school. It's a parallel choice.
     
  20. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    Obviously, we know only what little the OP has been able to share here. But there is a reasonable conversation that can take place around what it says to a teen to experience bullying and then react by leaving school.

    It looks to me that Christopher is just identifying the potential problem that could arise by leaving school without first addressing the other student's actions (with the support of the administration) and in a manner that leaves the bullied student empowered by the experience rather than not.

    It is possible to ask that without being critical of either the OP or the whole idea of homeschooling.
     

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