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Sleeping question

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by sarahconnormom, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. sarahconnormom

    sarahconnormom Approved members

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    I wasn't sure what to title this post. It has to do with Connor and sleeping and my current dilemma.

    A little background. Connor had severe reflux (resulting in major surgery at age 6) as a baby and never slept well so he ended up in bed with us most of the time. He has dealt with many medical issues and procedures prior to diabetes and was in counseling by age 3 for post traumatic stress syndrome due to all the medical stuff he had been through. We finally got him sleeping in his room most of the time by the time he started school.

    Fast forward to Dec. 07 when he was dx with Diabetes. He was suddenly terrified to sleep alone in his room and ended up in bed with us within an hour of going to bed every night. We finally gave in and just made him a nice pallet in our room and he slept there for several months. After he got his pump in April we convinced him to try sleeping in his bed but he was up and down several times a night. He told me several times "Daddy gets to sleep with you so you will know if he goes low at night. How will you know if I go low if I'm all by myself in my room?" That broke my heart. We finally compromised on letting him sleep on the couch in the family room just outside our bedroom. The couch is on one side of the wall and our bed is on the other side. This seemed to make him feel secure and that is where he slept most of the summer.

    Just before school started we transitioned him back to his bed and he did ok for a few weeks. Then the hurricane hit, he took a round of steroids (so crazy numbers), and we are still battling some crazy unpredictable numbers. This weekend he slept on the couch but dh made him go back to his bed tonight. Connor cried himself to sleep.

    My view is that if he feels more secure on the couch and he is comfortable there then there is really no harm in letting him sleep there. He knows we are right on the other side of the wall if he needs us. His room is on the other end of the house. My dh thinks I am catering to him and babying him if I let him sleep on the couch. I just can't imagine how this disease must feel to a 7 year old and the fears he must have of the unknown once he goes to sleep. I know he is scared of lows at night because he often asks me before he goes to sleep if I am going to check him at night to be sure he is ok.

    What do you guys think?
    Am I babying him?
    Should I be tougher and make him sleep in his room?
     
  2. StillMamamia

    StillMamamia Approved members

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    I get what you're saying. Your kid has gone through a lot.

    I'm all for the gentle approach when it comes to situations like this, in light of the kid's background. Ian's very similar, with traumatic interventions early on, and taking our time and being patient and bargaining is the only way it will work for us.

    Your kid is 7, he needs to be reassured. I don't think it's catering to him at all or babying him. It's taking his particular situation and trying to adapt.

    Have a talk with him, and tell him one day he needs to have his own space. That you and dad are right there, not far away. Get him a babyphone if you need (only recently did I give up on this unwillingly, it just broke). Give him time. Bargain if you need to. Like start with weekends, where he must sleep in his own bed, then move on from there. Meanwhile, if he feels secure on the couch, so be it.

    Patience will pay off.
     
  3. miss_behave

    miss_behave Approved members

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    I slept in my parent's bed until I was about 8- way pre-D (I had anxiety issues). I eventually stopped, when I was ready. I'm sure your son won't still be doing it when he's a teenager! IMO its better to let him feel safe at night and when he's ready he'll sleep in his own bed again :cwds:
     
  4. mumofplenty

    mumofplenty Approved members

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    could you swap his room for a while with the family room. that way he is in his own room, just untill he feels ready to move back to the other end of the house. my 5yr old is sleeping on a camp bed next to my bed at present because of anxiety but we hope he will grow out of it by his teen years also. His dad gets up at 6 and him coming in and out all night was waking him up, we find our situation needs this setup for now.
    Sue x
     
  5. Barbzzz

    Barbzzz Approved members

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    My kids all family bedded with me for a bit -- Sean until he was 4, and Mike till he was 3. Right now, Alex is still sleeping in my bed, because of a space issue, which we're hoping will be resolved when we move to our new home within the next few months. Alexandra knows that she'll have her own room, then, right down the hall.

    But, the truth is, if she wants to stay with me that's fine. I know she's anxious about her D, and I'm anxious too, because I know that now I can reassure myself that she's fine, not going too low or getting sick or having a nightmare. I'm there for her.

    She'll go to her own room when she's ready. I'm not babying her by allowing that. I'm reassuring her, nurturing her, protecting her. That's what we signed up for, after all.

    If your child is most comfortable and reassured being near you, then that's where he belongs. Forcing him to cry it out in his room isn't the solution. At age 7, he's not yet ready to be a man.

    JMHO
     
  6. Java

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    I would let him sleep in the family room. I would not feel comfortable with him sleeping on the other end of the house. Our children do go thru alot and all he is asking for is to feel safe. Maybe after a while he will decide to go back to his room.
     
  7. Logi Bear's mommy

    Logi Bear's mommy Approved members

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    Granted My little one is much younger. Yet when and if not sleeping with one of us,we still have a monitor we put in his room. This way we can hear if and when he needs us. Would it possibly give him comfort to have a monitor inplace at night so you could tell him you can hear if he needs you or there's a problem,along with reassurring him that you will check him during night? Regardless, of what it takes I'm a big believer in doing whatever it takes to make children feel safe. Especially,after all your little man has been through.
     
  8. Mody_Jess_Pony

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    Ask your hubby if by sleeping in the family room he is by any means disturbing his sleep.
    Remind your hubby what your son has been through. It may be a "My son is going to grow up into a wimp if we don't stop this" type mentality. Ask him his REASONING on why he thinks you are babying him.

    Than impliment the evil stare and tell him the way things are going to be (my mom says the evil angery stare always works on my daddy!)
     
  9. Lee

    Lee Approved members

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    MY youngest started sleeping with us at a young age due to circumstances. Well - she liked it! I didn't mind - my ex hated it. When I asked the pediatrician - around the age of 5 - when I should force her out, he said - she won't want to sleep with you when she is 12...

    So - I took that to heart and really didn't mind - until she started sleeping in her own room - all on her own - at 9...I never knew I would MISS having her snuggling with me :(
     
  10. zell828

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    Can you put a baby monitor in his room? Maybe he feels like you won't hear him or he wants the security to know that you will be there in a second if necessary at his call. We put a monitor in my SD's room because her room is downstairs, we are upstairs. She likes having it there actually and is very secure knowing we can hear her. I like having it too so I can hear her.
     
  11. Abby-Dabby-Doo

    Abby-Dabby-Doo Approved members

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    We went through this exact issue, and still have it.
    Abby starts in her own bed, but always ends up in ours. All I ask is that she starts in her room, HAS to fall asleep, anything she does after that is okay with me. 90% of the time I wake up with hair in my face, and it isn't my DH's balding short strands!
    Kids get to a certain age, and you will be wanted/needed less and less- and that includes your bed.

    I see no problem with what your doing.
     
  12. robinseggs

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    Melinda, I feel for you! Raising kids is a tough job and when there are medical issues involved it puts a whole new spin on things. Well, don't know if this best advice but hope it helps. I think you should focus on getting your son to feel safe/secure in his own room rather than focusing/disagreeing on where he is going to sleep each night. At his age (even w/ everything he's been though) he will really benefit from a good night's sleep in his own room consistantly. You will be doing him a huge favor. Slumber parties, camp and friends spending the night are only around the corner. :eek: There are many things you can do...have you thought about creating a new room atmosphere for him? New design or even just a new bedding set he loves? I would even consider putting a mini fridge in his room to calm his fears of going low! He may think this pretty cool and this would be the coolest room on the block! And could you (together) hide a baby monitor in his room and test it out so he knows you can hear him if he calls out? Not sure if this helps, but wanted to try? Robin
     
  13. Andy'sMom

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    I think what you're doing is fine. The bottom line is you need to do what works for you and your son. Andy sleeps with us and he's comfortable with that and so are we so this is what we do. At some point, he will want to sleep in his room, but I'm happy to wait until he's ready.
     
  14. sam1nat2

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    I'm one of those people who don't care where you sleep, as long as you sleep.

    You know what is best for your kid. Sounds like he has been through a lot, I'm sure that feeling safe and secure will go a long way.
     
  15. TEXSONMOM

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    We would let our son sleep in our room, on the floor, in a sleeping bag until he didn't want to anymore. he was about 12 or 13 yo.

    He is 19 now and there is no way, no how, he would even consider it.
     
  16. joy orz

    joy orz Approved members

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    I'm so relieved to see these posts. I'm laying in bed with my laptop, literally on my lap, while Ava naps in our bed. :)
    We had a 16 month old happily sleeping through the night in her own crib down the hall, then D hit and now we're all one happy puppy pile at night. We've gone back and forth with trying to put her in her own bed, but with tears from her and mom and daddy we just do best with her with us. Right now we've got a toddler bed raised up to be the same height as our bed right next to us. Even this compromise turns into 29 pounds of love rolling over us as she settles into an H between mommy and daddy. Has put quite a crimp in the "marital" style, but we're so tired anyway. Ha Ha.

    I like the idea of trying to make your son's room feel comfy, but at the end of the day, what ever works. Like others have said, he'll only be small for a while, soon enough he'll be off to college.

    In a word of encouragement, I have a friend with 4 kids, no health issues, and they always have one kid or another climbing into bed.
     
  17. tandjjt

    tandjjt Approved members

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    Tyler is 11 now, but we re-implemented a baby monitor in his room after D dx when he was 9 and he has actually said that it makes him feel better to know that I can hear him breathing...

    What about a set of 2 way radios? You wouldn't be hearing every breath he takes, but he could keep one and you the other at night and he would know he could get your attention at night without getting out of his bed - and the "cool" factor on that kind of walkie talkie stuff goes a long way with boys.

    In fact, as cheap as you can get a monitor and a set of radios - if you really wanted him to sleep in his room, you could get both!

    That being said - If you are more comfortable with him in your room and/or he is still uncomfortable in his own room - I see nothing wrong with keeping him closer or even in your room until everyone involved feels like he will be safe - him included.
     
  18. mjtjmcouch

    mjtjmcouch Approved members

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    I agree with the monitor idea. It would be great if you could afford a video monitor then he would know you can see and hear him. Have it pointed at his bed so he still has privacy in other parts of his room. My philosophy is he won't be sleeping in your bed when he goes to High School, but on the other hand, if it's interferring with your alone time with your husband,...

    Sit and talk with DH about it and maybe you could work on a schedule to slowly and gently transisiton him to his room again.
     
  19. mom2kenny

    mom2kenny Approved members

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    Kenny was dx'd at 12 and is now 14. After he came home,(after dx) he never slept in his room again. He sleeps on the couch and hangs out in his room. I dont know why, but if he is comfy on the couch it is ok with me.
     
  20. momandwifeoftype1s

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    Connor (age 7) ends up wandering into our bed from about 3:00 a.m. until it's time to get up for school. Oh well! I'm sure he'll be horrified in a year or two.
     

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