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Single Parents...I need your advice...

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by lauraqofu, Sep 3, 2010.

  1. lauraqofu

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    Okay, so Cass's dad is going through a divorce, and had to have some roommates move in to help with the bills. Problem is, said roommates (one of whom is Type2) have been left alone with Cass, despite not having any training in Type 1 care. When I found out, I hit the roof. Cass's dad's theory was that since one of them is Type 2, she knew what the symptoms of low blood sugar were, so it was okay.

    At that point, her dad and I had a long talk, I reminded him how different Type 1 is from Type 2, and he said he wouldn't do it again unless the roommates agreed to go to an appointment with the educator.

    Cass spent the afternoon at her dad's this week and it happened again. She was left alone with them, and the roommate mentioned being on a new pill for her diabetes...and said it was an "oral insulin.":rolleyes:

    These people don't know her carb ratio, don't know anything about insulin, obviously, don't know that she needs to test, how many carbs to treat a low, and haven't been trained to use Glucagon. I've sent an e-mail to both her dad and the roommates, requesting that they go through training, and restating that until they did they shouldn't be left alone with her. I haven't heard back, but past history tells me this isn't going to be as easy as that.

    My question is...at what point would you, as a custodial parent, simply go back to court and put in the custody agreement that Cass is not be left with anyone who hasn't spent some time being trained. For the record, I really, really don't want to go back to court. It's a lot of time and stress for something that seems pretty straitforward, from my point of view. However, I did end up having to have it put into our custody agreement that he could not smoke in the house or car with her, especially as her allergies are extremely aggravated by secondhand smoke...so part of me is wondering if the court thing is inevitable anyway...
     
  2. MikailasMom

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    Not a single parent here..sorry for snooping in your post.

    I just wanted to say I was sorry that you are in a miserable spot, but I am glad you are standing up for your DD. I dont know if you have a decent relationship with ex and said roomates, but is it possible if you cant stop the being left with them situation that maybe you could teach them the basics? And print them out some info? I know its not ideal by any means but if they care for her and cant/wont go to an "educator" maybe they would feel more comfortable getting the education from you?

    Sorry for butting in...

    Candi
     
  3. sooz

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    I am not a single parent either..but there is no way I would put up with that dangerous situation. If talking to them or training them isnt working you dont have any choice but to either go to court, have your lawyer write a letter to them explaining their liabilities, get a restraining order against them, or just refuse to comply with visitation and make your ex take you to court so you can explain the situation to the judge. You cannot put your daughter in this kind of jeopardy IMO. Good luck! p.s. how do you know he is complying with the smoking order? :confused:
     
  4. Beach bum

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    I'm not a single parent, but I just wanted to chime in. First off, I'm sorry for the challenges you are facing, it must be so frustrating.

    Second, are all the roommates female? IMO, I wouldn't let my child be alone with a man that I don't know.

    Third, my child doesn't go with anyone who hasn't had some diabetes training.
     
  5. madde

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    Just wanted to say I support the fact that you find this dangerous. I wouldn't allow it...
     
  6. Lee

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    OK- I am going to go on the other side of the fence - becuase as a single mom - going back to court to change a custody agreement is about the hardest thing to do - so maybe some good trouble shooting instead of court...

    Come up with a game plan:

    Dad isn't going to listen to you - he has proven this already. Can YOU meet the roommates? Get to know them a bit? I would be concerend about leaving my 10 yr old alone with strangers, and I am sure to makes her uncomfortable. If you can't meet the people, can you call and talk to them?

    Is she already spending the night at friends houses of people who aren't trained anyway? At the age of 10, she is old enough to have you to talk her through - can you afford a cell phone for her? Straight talk has a $30 a month plan with 1000 minutes and 1000 texts. That way, you can call her and she can call you and you can walk her through things.

    Also, your EX DOES need to train the folks in emergency care - if they are providing care, they need to know the danger signs and what to do.

    Last thing - here in ME, it takes FOREVER to change a custody agreement - so is this going to be an issue in say, a year, when the court case is resolved? Is it worth it to you, knowing that pretty soon, she is going to be more self reliant?
     
  7. MamaBear

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    If you are able to go through a mediator before hitting court, if you can do that in your state, and your county, try it first. If that cannot be done, and you cannot afford and attny, take your case to legal aide and see if they can ammend your agreement. I know court is a hassle, especially in that state, but it's much less of a hassle than her being hospitalized because of this. Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2010
  8. LizinTX

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    I'm not a single parent either, so with that being said. If her dad doesn't care enough to not smoke around her because of her allergies without a court order; I'm not sure why you think he will step up to the plate and care about her D care on his own?

    Maybe you can make a binder that she takes with her, so that whoever is in charge of her will have the basics down? Put when she needs to test, her range, what to do if she out of that range, her I:C ratio, maybe a brief overview on how to count carbs, maybe send along a Calorie King book, write the instructions on how to use the glucagon--and then to call 911, put the signs and symptoms of lows and highs. Then have your daughter show this binder to anyone and everyone that is there.

    Sorry you even have to go through this mess.
     
  9. Christopher

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    Just pointing out that simply because they are female doesn't mean you should have a sense of security about the issue I think you are talking about. Females do it too. But I agree with your general concern.

    To the OP, diabetes care aside, I would have a HUGE problem leaving a 10 year old child alone with "roomates" that I did not know. Even if they are females, you don't know who they are having in the house when her father is not there.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2010
  10. Beach bum

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    Very true, no offense to the gentlemen here.
     
  11. Christopher

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    No offense taken....:D
     
  12. Marcia

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    Instead of looking at them as "roomies" how about as babysitters? Are they willing to learn the basics, are they able to call you or dad for carb counting and insulin calculations? Diabetes aside, are they people who care about your daughter? Does your daughter like them? My mom has Type 2 and lives with us and thinks she takes a pill form of insulin- but she could call me at work on my cell and tell me carb counts, etc and follow my instructions with help from Abbey when Ab was 10.
     
  13. Vi'sMom

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    I am a single mom as well and Vi is the same age as your daughter. I am the custodial parent as well.

    I don't know what your state laws are and I'm sorry this may be a hard pill to swallow but you can't dictate who your ex introduces to her. Nor can you say what goes on in his household while she is on her dad time (visitation) unless you can prove neglect it will be next to impossible, diabetes or not. It's scary I know but as other posters said your daughter will soon be able to do some self (if not most) care.

    Like I said before your state may differ then mine.
     
  14. Lee

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    This is, unfortunately, exactly how my state is - so many parents post 'why don't you just let her or him not go to their dad's' or 'why do you allow them to go' and the answer is - I would rather not have them live there permanently while I serve a jail sentence for denying visitation.
     
  15. lauraqofu

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    Some background...Yes, the roommates know Cass quite well and Cass actually cares about them a great deal. However, they have a problem with me, and like her father, tend to ignore what I say because of that. I'm hoping that since the situation is such an important one, they'll take the high road rather than use it as a way to fight with me.

    If I take it back to court, it will go to mediation first, and from previous mediation experience, I know that I'll be able to have the provision inserted in the custody papers. With the smoking thing, because it's in the custody agreement, to which he agreed, it's enforceable...in other words he can "get in trouble" for it. I really don't know what they would do...but somehow, making it official and legal made him start to comply. And I know he does comply, because a) my daughter told me the one time that her stepmom smoked in the car with her and b) Cass's allergies are pretty severe, and being exposed to cigarette smoke causes a bad reaction so, it's fairly obvious when she's been exposed.

    And yes, Cass is 10...so perhaps she'll be able to provide self care soon...but she's also fairly recently diagnosed, and while she's a bright and amazing kid, she's also pretty emotionally immature and very hesitant to take on most of her care, plus we are starting the pump process (actually talked to her endo today and they'll be calling us with an appt. and the pump class is in October), which is going to change things in a pretty major way again.

    I'm getting her a cellphone, so she can contact me. But sometimes, when she's low, she gets really agitated and upset and she doesn't make the connection that it's her blood sugar, so in that situation, I don't know that she'd call me.

    Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of it...which is why I'm asking for opinions. This is all still new to me. Her dad only started taking her again at the beginning of August. He was reluctant to have her, he was nervous about her care, so it wasn't until Cass started getting really mad that she was missing time with him and had a meltdown on the phone with him that he started letting her stay the night again.
     

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