School aged kids newly diagnosed still having trouble getting to school

Ok... My son was diagnosed two weeks and 1 day ago...I just introduced myself about a week ago to this site. I am ever so thankful for it too!!! So, I could use some help here! I am having a horrible time getting my son to go to school! He complains of stomache pains, etc. until he is tears and makes me feel so bad for him that I allow him to stay home or go in late. This is really becoming a habit and I am not sure what to do. He has broken down and told me he is scared..."what if you aren't there and something happens?" As if I don't feel bad enough that he has this and has to learn to cope with daily life. I am constantly reassuring him that I am a phone call away and will leave work if I have to come get him. The school is working so well with us. They allow him to come in and use the phone to call if he needs and the school nurse calls me just about 4 times a day with his bs. I think he is becoming a bit obsessed with checking! I am just beside myself with this!!! I know it must be overwhelming for him to deal with this and try to stay in school and try to be as normal as possible, but I can't help think that his attachment to me is holding him back!!!!! What can I do? Any suggestions, is anyone else going through this?

 

Hi Sarah, welcome :cwds:

Just a few thoughts. Your son has just gone through a confusing and frightening event and his anxiety sounds perfectly normal. He's at an age where he's old enough to have heard and understood some of the serious dangers of having D. He may have overheard things that he might not yet need to know, ie seizure, coma etc. It happens. The best track I think is to let him talk about his fears and then work with him and the school ( and it's great that the school is being so supportive) to set up systems that he knows about and even participates in designing, to keep him safe. He may need to know that he can keep glucose tabs in the classroom, better yet if he's ready, to be able to test in the classroom. He needs to know that the teacher has his back and will support him and help him stay safe.

To be honest, two weeks in is so early in the game that you may be at a loss to really know what systems you need to have in place. Right now you just have to be patient and open to listening to his fears.:cwds:

 

Bump for the evening crowd

 

One thought that I had as I do not have a school aged child, but, have you looked into a cgm? I know that somekids find comfort in being able to SEE their numbers.

 

I'm so sorry you son is having a hard time, and you with him This is my suggestion I would talk to the principal, the nurse and his teacher, let them know what's going on and how your son is feeling.Make sure they know that you don't blame them for his feelings, it's just something he's going through because of his dx'd. Then, set up a meeting with the three of them, you and your son so that they can have the opportunity to reassure him that they care and that they will take excellent care of him. From what you said it sounds like they would be more than happy to do this:cwds: Hopefully that will do the trick.

When I was in 2nd grade I pretended I was sick for two weeks, I even put the therm. up to my lightbulb so my mom would think I had a fever. When my mom made me talk to the principal, I thought for sure I would be in trouble, I wasn't his kindness is what brought me back to liking school...Now, I wasn't dx'd with D, but it did help. I had other lesser issues, bad food allergies.

 

Hi Sarah, sorry to hear about the trouble your son is having with returning to school. Have you met with the school nurse? Does your son know what support is available to him at school? I hope that you have good nurses and an understanding teacher at school. Perhaps showing him that he will have tabs, snacks, etc., right nearby in his classroom and that the nurse will come running if ever he has the need will help. I can only imagine how frightening this all is.

Also, is there any chance he's worried about his social reception at school? My youngest son is convinced that his friends wont' like him if they knew he had diabetes, and it has only been within the last couple of weeks that he has started to tell his school friends his big secret.

 

Hi Sarah, Im sorry Derek is having a hard time with this. Steven was pretty young so is used to having d at 8 years old. I think 8 year olds are more aware of how things effect them. I would reassure Derek that the nurse knows what to do for him and that nothing will happen that cant be handled quickly. Please tell him about all the famous people with type 1 diabetes just like him. People like Nick Jonas of the Jonas brothers band, Jay Cutler quarterback from the Denver Broncos, Gary Hall jr Olympic gold medalist in swimming and so many, many others. Good luck Sarah let us know how things are going for you.

 

Hi Sarah,
Welcome to cwd. I am from Ohio too. If you need anything pm me.

I was thinking there is a possibility that he is not feeling well. Alli feels yucky when her numbers are out of range so maybe he is being real with you.

If he is just trying to get out of school, I think that might be ok for a little while, while he is adjusting to his new life. This disease is so darn overwhelming. Hang in there, I am so glad you found us!!!

 

Your help is helping

Thanks to all whom responded. I took some of the suggestions and applied them. I spoke to his school nurse again for the hundredth time today...lol. She got in touch with a past teacher Derek had which he was very comfortable with. The teacher made some time today for Derek and they called him down and the teacher whisked him away so that Derek could open up and talk a little bit. I am not sure if he opened up as much as I thought he would, but he did talk. This gives him one more person at school that he can talk to. The school, nurses, teachers, etc. all have emergency kits in their room and Derek has seen them as he was the one whom took them in. This should be reassuring to him...I am praying this is a start!!!

 

My daughter was also dx'd at 8, and she was obsessive about checking her numbers for the first month. She also c/o of stomach aches and not feeling well. I did go get her many times, let her sleep in and stay home some days for the first couple of weeks. After that, I just said it's something we have to deal with and you have to stay at school, and Nurse Rhonda is very capapble of taking care of you (this is true....I have the greatest school nurse on the planet). Also...her big sis has it also, and she has always seen her do everything she needs and wants to do. Unfortunately, she has also seen Morgan get very sick, and that is scary. I think she really made a change when she went to day camp and made friends her own age with diabetes. Maybe your endo group/JDRF chapter could hook you up? If not...I'm sure Zoe would love to "connect" with your son in the kid's section. She's a Pokemon fanatic, not a girly girl....could maybe give him some support?

 

My Coco was diagnosed at 8 - and she had (And still does sometimes) alot of fears around death. I was lucky and I was able to spend some time volunteering at the school here and there - to be around more - for the first few weeks, even though I work full time.

Also - I would not just put off the tummy aches and malaise as a complaint - it is probably very, very, very true! Stress and fear and emotions often cause these physical reactions. Another thing that we did was talk - alot - and not really to her, but around her - we let her hear what she wanted to hear/

Comments lie: Boy, that nurse is REALLY well trained - she knows more about this stuff then we do! And aren't we lucky that the school is so great about this - they are really behind Coco all the way!!!!! And aren't her friends great - they are all eagerly waiting for her to come back! Stuff like that all the time- 100% positive! All the time in front of the kids...it really helped!

Also, my Coco is an attention hound! So I encouraged her (and still do) to share the process with her friends and class mates! Each and everyone of them has watched her check her BS! She gives mini lessons on it! And don't let her do a site change infront of friends - she takes that LLLOOONNNGGG needle and glories in their gasps of horror!

Also, there is a nice kids section here - maybe jsut letting him come here, set up an account, and talk to other kids might get him over some of his anxiety!

 

You mentioned that your son is experiencing stomach pain. This was very much our experience during the first weeks after my son's diagnosis. The transition to insulin was physically hard for my son, and he was 14 at the time. He had been acclimated for so long at a high blood sugar level that coming down and then swinging up and down as he was trying to adjust to insulin was very difficult and scary. He also experienced a lot of stomach and leg pain during the first few weeks. I lived in his school parking lot, and many days he had to leave early, often presenting like a drunk. He would tell me over and over, "I just don't feel like me." It was gut wrenching to watch. Your son probably feels physically terrible during these early weeks and is frightened by the feelings of shifting glucose levels. Maybe you could suggest doing a half day. That may seem less intimidating for him, and when he sees that he can successfully make it through a few hours it may build his confidence.

 

We went though this as well. We started back with half days for two weeks. Maybe you could try this until he is feeling more comfortable? My daughter and I kind of agreed on a 'date' that she would try staying all day. We even added just an hour onto the half days for a couple of days. At first I would get her before lunch, and then we added lunch and I'd pick her up right after recess (after lunch). This worked really well for us. We were dealing with some higher numbers for the first few weeks home so this could be why your son's stomach is hurting as did my daughter's. My DD seems to feel so much better now down around the 90-100 range.

 

Welcome Sarah!

This is slightly off topic, but sort of related. I don't know if you know every summer there's a big get-together of families living with diabetes. Not sure if it's even feasible for your family, but I wanted to pass on the information. I just thought for your child to be around a lot of kids and role models just like him, he might think that was cool and give him confidence. Excellent information for parents as well.

Here's the link: http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/activities/orlando2009/

 

HI Sarah and welcome to a great supportive group. I have learned so much here and thank God we found this site. Our endo's office gave us the website along with Judy is a friend of a friend and has passed on some of her wisdom.
We're in OH too. We're still new at this but feel free to PM me to chat or whatever.

Jake was 6 at dx (diagnosis), just turned 7. He complained of alot of stomach pain (still does off and on) and various other things and really struggled going back to school. We were fortunate that Chirstmas break was shortly after he got out of the hospital so he only went back 2 days before the break. But in Jan he cried in the mornings etc.

What I did initially was go in each day to give him his insulin, for 2 reasons: 1. the school had to train the aide and she couldn't give it for a few weeks. 2. he didn't trust anyone to take care of him but me or DH (dear husband). These first few weeks were so hard - he was literally terrified to be out of our sight.

We gradually got him to trust the RN aide, as I "taught" her, he watched and then I went in and just watched to make sure she was "doing it right" (she was, that was for Jake's benefit) After a week or two of that, I stopped coming in but the aid would call. Jake and I would talk about how everything was going well and since he had no major D incident he goes willingly again.

It was a good month or two before he really relaxed and believed there were other adults who could make sure he was ok. I would expect most of this year to go the same for your son, but by next fall he should be comfortable with it all.

It's a scary time for us, and even more so for the kids. Just be patient with him until he wraps his mind around it all.

I see in your post you work, so I'm not sure how feasible it is for you to go into school. But I was there for all the parties (and the sugary treats!) and occasionally as the teacher would allow. This gave him great peace of mind.

He still won't buy lunch - he worries about the carb counting, so we pack everyday. I also send in his counted snack (they eat at 12:45, with snack at 11:15).

We reassure him that his medical alert bracelet will let anyone know what he needs if something major would happen but we don't dwell on it.

he took in a book about juv. D and he read it aloud to the class. He loved "teaching" them something new! He is overall proud of how well he does with the shots and food choices and know the insulin makes him feel better, so he's embraced it. We let him do as much of his insulin as he wants with supervision and that helps him feel in control of his body.

We haven't even tried a sitter - and I think we are nearly ready if we do it between shots. (he gets one at each meal and bedtime)

HTH (Hope this helps!) don't hesitate to contact me.

 

Hi Sarah,

I know where you are coming from. My daughter was recently diagnosed, too, even though she is a little older and this is her first year of middle school. She also has a friend that has diabetes and they both get to come down early at lunch and check their sugar together which is nice. But I feel this is totally normal for your son to not want to be away from you and not want to go to school. Ally struggles still almost every day about wanting to stay home. But I have had to put my foot down and tell her that she has to go, she will be fine, I am only a phone call away. Plus I go in every lunch and give her the shot still. But this is so new and overwhelming at first, they probably do just want to stay home, but unfortunately we all have to deal with this and go on as normally as possible. He will get through this in time. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, i.e., talking to school nurse, old teacher, etc.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I feel it really helps even to just type your thoughts down and get feedback! That is what we are here for to help one another!