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Parents Divorcing.

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by Timmy Mac, May 6, 2012.

  1. Timmy Mac

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    To start off, I've finally finished my first year of college! woohoo!

    But, instead of being happy about it, my parents are in the middle of hating each other. They've been in the "process" of getting a divorce for the past 15 MONTHS. The reason it has taken so long is because both their lawyers don't know how to do their jobs!

    That is, until today. I was woken up at 6am by them SCREAMING at each other. Apparently, my dad decided to take ALL of our tax return (upwards of $5000) and not give my mom ANY of it. He is doing this as an "incentive" to get my mom's lawyer to finalize some paperwork.. or something.

    I stormed out of the house around 10am after both of them decided to try to drag me to be on their side. After about 4 hours of going to the mall, and hanging out at friends houses, I decided to answer my phone and go back home.

    I walk in, and both of them give me a big hug and say "I love you" ect ect... 15 SECONDS LATER, they both start going after each other's throats again. I got back into my car, and floored it down the highway. and now, an hour later, I guess I'm in Roanoke..or somewhere around there. and right now, typing this up on my phone.

    ANYWHERE seems better than home right now. I love them both, and I REALLY don't want to take sides. But I can't do that without pissing them BOTH off. I really don't know what to do!
     
  2. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    Sorry about the parental situation. It's not good when you have to be the grownup and your parents are the kids. Hopefully once they are really and truly divorced things will be better.

    Write them an identical letter telling them that you love them both and don't want to be in the middle of their fights... worst case scenario, they can be united in being angry at you.
     
  3. 4MyBoys

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    Congratulations on finishing your first year of college! It sounds like your parents are so wrapped up in what is wrong between them, they are losing sight of all that is right in their lives. They will come around, even if they come around separately. Keep trying not to take sides, maybe you could say something to each of them like "I hear what you're saying, but please don't ask me to agree with you. All my life you have taught me to love and respect mom/dad, I can't change that now.". I bet they are not trying to get you to side against the other one as much as they are trying to make sure that you don't blame their side for the divorce. Please be careful and be proud of yourself! -Allison
     
  4. caspi

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    (((HUGS))) kiddo. It's not easy having to deal with your parents issues, but you need to do all of your CWD Moms/Dads a favor and BE SAFE. Flooring it and speeding away from your house, as much as it might have felt good, is not safe. Do you have family or friends that you could stay with until things calm down at home? Do you have enough supplies on hand with you?

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. :(
     
  5. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

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    The "financial" aspects of a divorce are possibly the most hurtful. Ex's wield them like swords. Sometimes, money is the only weapon left to hurt the other with. People's actions can be so out of character when they are hurting. I hope the finances get wrapped up soon so everyone can move on and start healing.

    Congratulations on completing your first year of college. That is awesome!
     
  6. wilf

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    Congratulations on completing your first year!

    As for your parents, they are acting like selfish fools. I would see if you can find a friend or relative to live with until they come back to their senses.
     
  7. MamaBear

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    My thoughts exactly. I am sorry they are acting this way and I hope it calms down soon. But please be safe and please make sure to take care of yourself.
     
  8. emm142

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    I'd find a trustworthy friend who won't mind, and stay with them for a while. It sounds like you're prone to doing reckless things whilst emotional. I'm like that too, and sometimes the best thing to do is just to remove yourself from the situation.

    I wouldn't do it to scare/worry your parents though. Just tell them you will be away for a few days and you will come back when it's calmer.

    I'm sorry. :(
     
  9. sarahspins

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    You can take sides - you can choose to take YOUR side! Don't worry about upsetting them regarding anything to do with the divorce - that's really their issue, not yours, and while it definitely sucks to feel like you're stuck in the middle of everything, it's not your fault and nothing you do will ultimately help or hurt the situation... they have to start acting like adults and make progress on their own - you can't do that for them :(

    I'm with everyone else - if you have friends or family you can stay with, I'd get out of the house. Let your parents know where you are, and why, and let them have some space.
     
  10. hawkeyegirl

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    I can't believe they are still living together 15 months into a divorce. Sounds like it is past time for someone to move out.

    Also, from your summary, I doubt the reason that it is taking so long is that the lawyers don't know how to do their jobs. It is much more likely that the delay is attributable to the fact that your parents cannot agree on the color of the sky.
     
  11. Mish

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    first, congrats on your first year of school.

    second, I'm going to try to say this without speaking down to you but often a child or a young adult does not fully know what goes on in a marriage. You may be seeing something but the reality might be vastly different. Further, I know you're upset about the situation but this is your parent's business. Publicizing it on a public message board is highly inappropriate. Simply saying how aggravated you are is one thing. Telling the details is quite another. I would suggest you edit your post. The internet is not the right venue for this.
     
  12. Timmy Mac

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    Thats just the thing, I DON'T know the details. They try to tell me what is going on, but I can't get an unbiased view. Every time I try to talk about it, the discussion turns into a rant about how much the other parent wants to destroy my life!

    I would go to a relative's for a few days.. the nearest one (my uncle) is in North Carolina. I can't be there AND make it to work every day.

    and to everyone: yeah, speeding down the highway probably wasn't the best of ideas, but i did check myself first :)
     
  13. caspi

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    Well, if you are stuck living at home, the best thing you can do is try to stay out of it. If one starts complaining about the other to you, respectfully tell them you do not want to be involved. They should NOT be involving you anyway. :mad:

    I'm sorry you are going through this. :( Please continue to take care of yourself!!
     
  14. Connor's Mom

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    Woo hoo for finishing your first year of college and, if I remember seeing some of your other posts, with an exceptional A1c at that!

    As for divorcing parents...I have watched 2 close friend's and my sister go through very messy divorces. I have not witnessed one in which the lawyers and parents haven't pitted the children against one parent or another. It is wrong and children are NOT bargaining tools no matter what age.

    Sometimes the details aren't all they're cracked up to be. No one ever gets a straight story because the "story" is just that...whichever parent's view of what the other did wrong to drive the marriage apart.

    It seems like you do a great job of managing your D and you should be proud of that because that isn't an easy task. I would take yourself out of your parents line of fire as much as possible. A summer job and then crashing at a friend's place if it's available. Anything to make your life busy and not open to their arguments. Hang in there!:cwds:
     
  15. joshualevy

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    When I was young, my parents worked very hard to treat my brother and I equally. Not the exact same, because we were different people, but equally.

    I became an adult, and my parents got divorced; many years ago now.

    Now, I try to treat my parents equally. Not the exact same, because they are different people, but equally.

    Joshua

    Clinical Trials Blog: http://cureresearch4type1diabetes.blogspot.com
    Cured in Mice Blog: http://t1dcuredinmice.blogspot.com/
     

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