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Only the dad of a type 1 kid would....

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by kiwimum, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. kiwimum

    kiwimum Approved members

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    take a minute while looking for victims during a disaster relief operation to txt me and ask if I have done the scheduled site change!:eek:

    His cell phone alarm is set for the two days a week that we do site changes and obviously went off this afternoon.

    You'd think his link to home might be photos of us, but nooooo! It's a bloody site change reminder!:rolleyes:
     
  2. Barbzzz

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    lol, Debs! I'm sure that he just needed that small link to home and maybe for a few minute it helped him think of something else other than the task at hand. Course a brief "Love you, miss you, kiss kiss" kind of message would have been nice, too. :p

    How are you doing?
     
  3. kiwimum

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    Like the independant trooper that I am, I am doing ok running things day to day and just getting on with it.

    As for Carl, I am worrying myself sick about what he is doing and how he is coping. The 2004 tsunami affected him in ways that people just don't know and he is still suffering today, not outwardly and not noticeable, but it eats him up inside and it affects certain aspects of our lives. Just getting him to take the boys swimming is a real effort, whether it be in a pool or the ocean. He has flashbacks and nightmares too. I saw the photos he took and it was horrific what he had to photograph. Unfortunately that tsunami was really just the straw that broke the camels back and was on top of a few other incidents he has had to deal with in his career.

    I won't go into detail of what he saw or did or smelt because people don't always want to hear that side of it, but lets just say I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And the horrible thing is that by helping out with this tsunami he is probably just compounding the problems he already has. He has sent me a txt to say he is coping but I know he is probably just saying that so I don't worry, which of course I do. I guess we will deal with the consequences when he gets home, whenever that may be.

    Sorry for the ramble, but sometimes it is just nice to talk to someone. I don't always want advice or sympathy, I just need someone to hear me and let me get things of my chest.

    And you did ask!
     
  4. Barbzzz

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    Debs, yes, I did ask, so pour your heart out, someone is listening. I'm glad you are handling things at your end, but I can't imagine you doing anything but. I am sure Carl will find strength in you and from you. I can't even begin to envision what your DH is coping with, but I'm sure its akin to what my BIL saw at the WTC site (he's a detective in NJ, about an hour away from Manhattan). Beyond imaginable.

    Can you find a counseling center for him? I'd like to think the armed forces would have something to offer. Men (and that stoicism!) typically don't like to accept "help" of that sort, but you may have to force it for the sake of his mental well being.

    My prayers continue to go up for all of the people affected by the earthquake and tsunami.
     
  5. StillMamamia

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    Wow, the human psyche is an amazing thing! In the midst of what he's doing, his "normal" life is still present! I seriously don't know how he juggles all those thoughts and emotions!!

    I cannot imagine what he's seen, and the impact that has had on him, and on your family. Does his job provide for any psychological counseling at all? Or it is something he doesn't want to do? Sometimes men don't want the help. I know my DH has seen bodies after suicides on the train tracks (he works for the train co.), and it affected him a lot, but he still refused to see someone to get it all out.

    How do you cope when he's away? Gosh, I've always admired women like that! As independent that I am, I know how relieved I am he can take over some of the everyday stuff.

    Anyway, hugs back to you and vent away!! And my thoughts go out to those families hit by the tsunami and also the earthquake victims of Sumatra.
     
  6. kiwimum

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    Thanks you for caring! He is always away and quite often at a moments notice so we are quite used to it as a family. It is not unusual for the boys to go to bed and wake up in the morning with dad gone. I cope ok because I have too. I have learnt things about myself that I would never have known. I always tell Carl that I don't have him around because I need him, I have him around because I want him.

    Thankfully the air force is great at offering help and he did have counselling after the last tsunami. I think though, that unless someone has seen and done the same things, it is very easy to give advice which may not be appropriate. I mean, how do you possibly forget/get over something like that? He knows his fears are irrational, but then it happens again so he must be wondering now just how irrational those fears are. (probably didn't help that 2 months after he got back from the 2004 one, we went to Fiji for a family holiday we had booked months before and the hotel was on the beach!)

    I am positive he will be in counselling again or at least be offered it. I also think the boys and I should get some so we know how to deal with his emotions. I think people forget that while we are not there, it effects us too because we are the ones who ulitmately end up dealing with the fallout.
    But I am sure we will be fine. I will look through the photos with him and let him tell me things so at least I can get an understanding. But like last time, as awful as the photos may be, I wasn't there so I don't get the smell, the sounds and other senses that he has experienced. To me, they are just photos.

    Again, Thank you for being there!
    But enough of this, hows the weather?:cool:
     
  7. StillMamamia

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    Ignore my last post. You answered all my questions.:cwds:
     
  8. kiwimum

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    As if I could ever ignore you, Paula!:D
     
  9. StillMamamia

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    LOL! I saw you Barb said a few similar things I had brought up.

    Oh, this reminds me. DH applied for a volunteer position (waiting to be trained) where he has to deal with people who mistreat and abuse animals. Besides mosaics, that's his passion - animals. Another thing I couldn't do. I just wouldn't be strong enough, I think.

    I think people like your DH have a special gene to be able to actually go forward and do this kind of work. I know I seriously couldn't.
     
  10. bgallini

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    I imagine that texting you the reminder is one way for him to try to cope with what he is dealing with. I hope this time isn't as bad for him as the last one.
     
  11. Rachel

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    That is just the best line ... speaks volumes about your love for each other and your strength as an individual.

    Thinking of you all.

    (Weather here is cold and rainy.)
     
  12. hdm42

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    I'm so sorry about what your dh is going through. Texting you about the site change is probably his way of detaching from it for at least a few moments and clinging to a bit of "normalcy".
    We were living in Sydney for the boxing day one, and I remember some of the photos from that were awful. I'm sure your dh's were much worse, and as you said he has the memories of all the senses.
    No advice, just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and your family.

    p.s. the weather is beautiful here today :)
     
  13. Connie(BC)Type 1

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    I"m glad you posted Debs, I've been watching all the disasters there from Tsunamis to Cyclones to Earthquakes, and it's devastating! Thoughts are with you.
     
  14. frizzyrazzy

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    hugs Debs. I can't imagine how hard this is for all of you.
     
  15. buggle

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    Been thinking about how you're all doing, Debs. I'm glad Carl is connected to what's happening at home and thought to text. I hope he's home soon.
     
  16. sisterbeth43

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    Debs, I am praying for your whole family, along with the victimes of the Tsunami. I can't imagine how badly he was affected by the last one.
     

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