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Not your typical T1 parent

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by theMad_D_Dad, May 14, 2013.

  1. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

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    People generally find in others what they look to find. If you approach the world expecting to encounter stupidity or cruelty you will most certainly find it.
     
  2. Christopher

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    Really good point. I also think that for the OP (and proboably other people), it is not just diabetes that provokes his anger but that it colors his world view on many things. When the person driving in front of him doesn't use their turn signal, or cuts in the lane, or the guy he is behind in line at McDonald's who takes too long to order his food, etc. And if so many things provoke that type of anger, it has to impact his daughter and rest of his family. Which is sad because it is a choice. Yes many people have horrible childhoods and have scars that effect them in adulthood. But as an adult you have the choice if you will let that define you or if you will seek help to overcome it.

    I hope the OP seeks psycological help to overcome his anger issues, for him and his family.
     
  3. nanhsot

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    Yes, you stated this much better than I did. It's not that the people aren't out there, it's that I choose to approach their questions as a desire to learn, not to judge or put down. If someone asks "can he eat that...??" I can choose to be offended/get angry that they think he's T2 and being painted with that wide brush OR I can say "sure, he's got a pocket full of insulin, he can have whatever he wants."

    Perhaps we're not getting the negativity because we aren't projecting negativity. Honey and bees and vinegar and all that jazz.
     
  4. theMad_D_Dad

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    all I can say to All is this: where you live sounds nice, and im certainly glad you all live in places that don't judge people. But, until you have spent a week here, you have no place to tell me how people treat my family and why.
    You act as though I wake up in the morning pissed off at the world, that couldnt be further from the truth.
     
  5. cdninct

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    I'm sorry if you have taken offense. None was meant. I just wanted to support nanhsot's point that not all people and their comments are bad, and that it is possible to function as the parent of a child with diabetes without having to feel angry or defensive all the time. That is not to say that there are not jerks out there or to suggest that you haven't had to deal with more than your fair share of them. I just wanted to share a different perspective.

    I have no intention of ever spending a week in "America's Anus," wherever that might be. FWIW, if you want people to stop thinking of you as overly negative, you might want to reconsider the way you have presented yourself. This is a good group of people who do disagree, more or less regularly, with each other because we are all so very different in how we handle diabetes and life in general. A new set of ideas is always welcome. I am sure you can learn new things from the group and the group can learn new things from you if you will give it a chance!
     
  6. Christopher

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    The point is, no matter where you live there are going to be people who don't understand about diabetes and may make ignorant or hurtful comments. What people are trying to explain to you is that it is how you choose to deal with those people and your feelings about them are what is important.

    You are right, we have no idea how you act each day, we can only base our views on what you have said here. And you have said you are "angry all the time", you have said you are "crazy", you have shared some of your violent thoughts, and on top of that you choose the screen name Mad D Dad. So you really shouldn't be surprised that people see you in a certain way when that is all you have presented to us.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2013
  7. theMad_D_Dad

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    My point is this

    When I wrote my introduction I was merely expressing that this is who I am, to go ahead and get it out of the way. You may like me, you may not.
    This is how I deal with people who make comments towards my child.

    I wasn't asking for people to step in and help me fix ME, like some BS episode of Dr. Phil. You handle things your own way and I respect that, but don't tell me I'm wrong because I do it differently? isn't that judgmental? This thread has completely gone off the topic of Diabetes and turned into one big counseling session. This is a conversation that will go around, and around and around. Because, like I said you handle things your way, I'll handle them mine. We were raised completely different. I don't care that you disagree, that is your right to do so, but the mere fact that you keep interjecting and telling me that I need counseling for my anger only exacerbates the situation further, turning it into a heated argument over parenting styles. This is a subject like Politics, and Religion, trust me we do not have the same views on any of these topics, Lets move forward from that. Yes I may be angry? BUT that is my right to be so. Get over it, and let's move on to something more productive like.. How to increase awareness to the different types of this horrible disease. So that parents like me don't feel like they have to flip out on people who speak before they think.
     
  8. Christopher

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    Honestly, as this has gone on I am realizing I don't really care about you. You are an adult and can choose how you behave. My concern was about the damage you may be doing to your daughter with your anger issues. But you are right, that is your business.

    I am done here.

    Good luck.
     
  9. theMad_D_Dad

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    I never asked you to.

    A simple, nice to meet you would have sufficed.

    I would have simply replied, Hi Christopher it's nice to meet you too!
    I DIDNT come here to pick a fight with any of you. But I do not stand by while people attack my integrity as a father, if you haven't figured that out by now.
     
  10. caspi

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    There you go again, saying people are attacking you. We are all here to HELP and SUPPORT one another. If you are hearing from more than a few people that you need help, perhaps you should heed that advice. Quite frankly, if this is how you relate to people in person, it's no wonder you are having the issues with school and elsewhere. And you know who is going to suffer the most? Your daughter. PLEASE take a step back and re-read your comments and replies. For the sake of your daughter. No one is trying to attack you..........
     
  11. nanhsot

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    Some people enjoy stirring things up, I'm thinking you are one of them. Your initial post wasn't really about diabetes either, it was about you.

    Welcome to the group, thanks for the warning not to try to help unless specifically asked. I will try to refrain from replying unless you want advice from now on. It's always good to know that ahead of time so that we don't waste any energy, emotion, and time trying to be helpful when help isn't wanted. I think that if you take off that chip on your shoulders you'll find a group of very supportive, helpful, and knowledgeable parents. Or you'll be irritated and grumpy. Your call totally.

    Good luck.
     
  12. theMad_D_Dad

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    I'm sorry, the thread was titled "Introductions" I was merely introducing myself.
    I don't recall asking for help at this point in time, just letting everyone know that I was new here and this is who I am.

    Now if this section were titled "Therapy Session for Parents of Type-1 kids" yes I would have been more then accepting to all the Shrinking, and analyzing of my personal turmoil that has been going on. I NEVER ASKED FOR HELP WITH ANY OF THAT.

    I didn't even get a chance to relay what I really needed help with before people started saying "you need counseling".

    I mean, seriously? this is how you help one another? pointing out the things that are not as perfect in their lives as they are in your's?

    If I would have asked for help it would have been in regards to the issues we have going on with our school. Which someone actually spoke up and did for me in another post, someone who can actually understand WHY I'm so freaking angry? to that person I am VERY grateful, he/she made no opinion on my personal behavior but read from my blog, the situation that we are currently in, and said Damn? that sucks. Try this. Did I attack that person for trying to help me? no. I said THANK YOU. Which I would have done to any one of you had you just said, "welcome to the club!"
     
  13. nanhsot

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    Duly noted. As I already stated, glad to know what your needs are and are not. It is very common in introductory threads to give support and advice as introductions are generally a time folks are reaching out for help. You made a clear and conscious choice to share your anger and emotions related to diabetes. That's very common in intro threads actually.

    Clearly you do not need nor want help. That's just fine.

    If you truly read all the replies to you you would notice that there was concern, and much welcome. You are choosing to nitpick now. I'm officially done. I truly, sincerely wish you luck in the school and life struggles you are experiencing. I, nor anyone in this thread, wishes you anything but good things. You are choosing to read negativity into things, and of course that is your choice to make.
     
  14. theMad_D_Dad

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    for that I am sorry.

    I guess it's sort of like when you buy a new car, you suddenly see that car everywhere. Never realized I've been angry for so long that all I see are the negative comments.
    I have taken everyone's advice and made an appointment to get in to see someone about this particular issue.

    I did in fact re-read my comments and saw that I was out of line quite a few times and I would like to apologize to EVERYONE, especially Christopher. Man, I am so defensive about myself, and my family. I never realized it, even after all of you were telling me so, it just felt like an attack after attack after attack.

    "Only in calm water is one's reflection mirrored undistorted. Only in a quiet mind, is there adequate perception of the world."

    I'm sorry to everyone I have snapped at or been hateful too. You were only trying to assist and I have been very rude to almost all of you.

    I hope that maybe, we can start over?

    Because most certainly we have gotten off on the wrong foot.
     
  15. Mom2CNC

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    Hi Mad Dad- I just wanted to say Hi. If you are Mad Dad, I am Mad Mom!

    We have a lot in common and please take everything said here with a grain of salt. I get you. I don't think this is the place to be able to express your personal dissatisfaction with the world of Diabetes and/or frustration of having a sweet innocent little girl who has to endure what ours do. I know because I have tried and it doesn't go over well;)

    You don't sound like you need any therapy to me and being in touch with your own feelings about the whole thing is awesome. You sound like a very caring loving Dad! Your little girls are very lucky to have you. Best wishes to you & yours.
     
  16. obtainedmist

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    Welcome! Yep, lots of folks are clueless. There is so much people have to learn about the causes of Type 2 as well as T1D! T2 seems to have a much stronger genetic link than T1. Many with 2 are maligned for being overweight when there are TONS of folks overweight who don't have Type 2 and many normal weight folks with it! For me, a little compassion goes a long way. When I hear misdirected comments about Diabetes, I often think about those with T2 who have such a huge false stigma to overcome re: bringing it on themselves. This is not unique to Diabetes. Those with other chronic diseases are burdened with misconceptions and victim blaming. I don't know if this gives you any solace, but Molly places T1D in the "hassle" category of her life as an almost 21 year old---and doesn't think of it as a life altering chronic disease.

    Btw, check out other parts of this forum! There is so much useful "in the trenches" info. When we first were dx'd and then when we went on the pump, we found fabulous advice in the archives and by posting questions. Best of luck! :)
     
  17. Christopher

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    I disagree. This is a good place to vent your feelings about diabetes and what our children have to endure. But you also have to be aware that you are going to get feedback on what you say, and you may not like or agree with all of it.

    Also, I looked at all of your posts and I don't really see where you tried sharing your feelings and it "didn't go over well". I just saw a lot of people giving you support and suggestions to help.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2013
  18. kiwiliz

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    Hello :D and welcome. It sounds as though you have met some incredibly obnoxious people. Have you thought of moving to New Hampshire? Lol! I really am amused! Where exactly is your neighborhood?

    If you can't express yourself freely, anonymously here - where can you. You are probably just saying what other people are thinking! Well - if I had heard someone saying "my aunt had that - they cut off her feet" I would be freaking hopping mad too! There are some real idiots out there ( I had to re-write that word 3times to get it PC). Even so - you never know what is going on in people's lives. Whether it is extreme stupidity ( they can't always help that) or bitterness (what the hang is going on in their lives to think it is alright to harm a child emotionally) I am always glad I am not them! I do try to take a dismissive approach though - "pity the fool" as Mr. T would say.

    Again - write away - a caveat on the title of your threads - if you can make it boring - we have some lovely teenagers on the site. :)
     

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