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need help snapping out of it...(major vent)

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by 4monkeez, Nov 8, 2010.

  1. 4monkeez

    4monkeez Approved members

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    SO it seems clear now Matt's honeymoon has ended already...I am sad, it just feels all official again...I still can't believe he has Diabetes...what is wrong with me? is it the sleep deprivation, the worry? His numbers are still mostly high, we changed ratios and Levemir dose again today...so I will give it time, but the worry is overwhelming...somedays I just want to stay in bed and cry...but obviously, I can't. He looks like crap and he is so emotional...it's scaring me...no one else is worried but me...my poor husband has been so great, but he works 12 hour days, and sometimes I think he doesn't get what I do...I feel like I have lost my edge, I was always the positive one...I could always find the joke or the silver lining, but I just can't these days...and my faith? Really struggling with that one...been praying for 3 months for the strength to get Matt and the rest of us through this, but I am questioning if there is actually anyone there listening...and the people who say everything happens for a reason?? What possible reason would make sense that our children have to bear this??!! Some one please tell me how you stay positive? I hate being this person without a spirit...
     
  2. Lovemyboys

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    My son was diagnosed 9/13/2010 and I can identify with a lot of what you said. I can't tell you the countless hours I've spent researching d on the internet. I'm determined to find a cure for him while he's still honeymooning, and I'm feeling a time crunch because I know it's ending sometime. (Pretty grandiose knowing that many people much smarter than I have been studying this for years and years). Yes, I can see how a honeymoon ending can make it "final" and all those emotions come up all over again. I'm so sorry for you and your family. We have alternated between thinking things are going to be okay - to dispair at this live-long disease.

    As for faith, I'm struggling with that too. It's really hard to see any good in this, but I try to think "big picture". Maybe my other boys will become researchers because of this? Doctors? Maybe my little one with d will inspire others with long term diseases/illnesses when he's older? It's so hard for me not to let this take over my family's life, but I'm determined not to let it. Yes, we have a lot to learn, but we'll do it as a family and with God's help get through it and become stronger (somehow) - at least that's how I feel on a good day.
     
  3. mousie

    mousie New Member

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    hope

    I'm an adult with Type 1 and can hardly imagine having a child with this disease. I don't know what you are going through...but I saw the post where someone said they wondered how this disease would affect the family in years to come. My little 11 year old son is adopted and has multiple special needs. In a nutshell, he is blind and cannot walk, talk, sit up, eat or move at all. He is like a 4 month old infant. You would think one would drown in pain just thinking of him, and at times, we do sink deep into pain at all that he is missing. But you know what...he is pure joy. He smiles and laughs and doesn't even know all he is missing. He is such an inspiration to me. My older son, who was 10 when Elijah was born and is now a college freshman has been profoundly impacted by his little brother. I have seen many positive things occur because of Elijah's influence on his big brother. And me...diagnosed at age 43 after a year of being SO sick....I have been able to encourage and help so many people because of this. While this positive stuff doesn't take away Elijah's disability or my Type 1 diagnosis, it does help to give some meaning to them. You hurt badly now....but in time, things will settle some and you will be able to see how your other children AND Matt will grow more beautiful, compassionate and understanding while watching the family deal with the disease. Pain endures for a moment, but joy comes in the morning. I wish you peace. Mousie
     
  4. FloridaMom

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    I'm feeling the same way! Our numbers have been horrible since switching to MDI. Ryan was diagnosed a couple of weeks after your son and I think our honeymoon is ending as well. It is freaking me out how much insulin we're giving him now compared to when he was diagnosed. I just slept through 3 alarms only to wake up and find that he has been in the 300's for 4 hours. One of the alarms I had to have physically gotten up out of bed and walked over to in order to turn it off. I'm completely exhausted and trying so hard to put on a brave face for everyone. I still can't believe this has happened.
     
  5. StillMamamia

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    It really does take time to feel like D is just a part of your life, instead of having it stare you in the face all the time. It's difficult to describe. You get used to it with time, though you do have times when you just to scream.

    Getting a dx like this is like grieving in a way. You go through different stages and the sadness and anger you feel right now is totally normal. It is good to let it out. If you can find someone going through something similar really helps, so you can vent about it and not feel like you're an alien because the other person cannot truly feel what you feel.

    You will be ok. Give yourself some time. Try to take time for yourself, even if just a few minutes a day. Don't expect perfection. There is none with D. And above all, know you are not alone in this journey.:cwds:
     
  6. NomadIvy

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    Kate, you're not alone. We are all going through different stages. When ~K was diagnosed I felt some sense of peace and renewed faith.
    Right now, 6 1/2 months into diagnosis, and I'm in an awful slump. I mean, valley, way deep valley slump. Even stopped talking much to people around me.
    I take comfort that I know it's not going to be like this forever. I am allowing this and not beating myself up too much over it. Just trudging along...

    Hugs.
     
  7. Jessica L

    Jessica L Approved members

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    Acceptance is what it took for me. I stopped asking who what when where and why and said this is it deal with it. I didnt have faith in the first place so I didnt look or ask someone/thing else to make me able I did that myself. I think because my boys are autistic I have or had already learned how to come to terms with things that well suck. So yeah accepting it really helped me with my emotions with it.
     
  8. 4monkeez

    4monkeez Approved members

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    Yes! That is a huge part of it...that is how I got through the first few weeks also...now I realize he will be living this forever or at least a long, long time...

    And Mousie (love that, that's what we call my baby girl!) You inspire me, I can't imagine what you are living either, but you reminded me of an old friend who had a son like Elijah and he was amazing! Everytime I saw him, he was pure joy..and A LOT of good came from his life
    ...I need to remember that again : )

    But Thanks so much...It did feel better just typing it out last night! I do need to find someone nearby who gets it...finding the time to call them or meet them..another story, but I think i should try to make it a priority!

    I will try to make today a better day! Thanks again for being there!!
     
  9. fredntan2

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    its been 5 years for us now.

    I felt the exact same way in beginning.

    It will get better. I believe they are so close to a cure.
     
  10. VinceysMom

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    Same here! Once the grieving process slowed down for me, I stepped back and thought, my son really really needs me now...i CAN do this, I CAN! It took me about 4 weeks to accept this, and the grieving process continued for a while. Once you accept it, you will begin to move forward. It is a very difficult thing to do though, but it will happen. Your son needs you. He will see the way you are dealing with it, and that may be why he is so emotional about it as well. It will get better, I know it will. I was soooo deeply in grief mode, lost 10 lbs, couldnt eat, sleep, drink, etc - I didnt think I would ever come out of it, but I did. Sometimes care givers need to talk with their doctors to get medicinal help with the depression this brings on, etc., so many of us here have done that. Whatever you do, just know that things will get better for you...they have to, your baby needs you!

    I wish you the best of luck, I certainly know how deeply depressed one can get over this diagnosis....I have truly been there.

    Kathy
     
  11. samheis

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    You are human, and more importantly, a parent. First thing you need to realize is that it is completely normal for you to feel like you do.
    Nothing we can say is going to help you snap out of it. But just know that we are all here for you, and we can attest to the fact that it does get....better, easier to deal with. :cwds:
     
  12. CAGrandma

    CAGrandma Approved members

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    My grandson was diagnosed 5 1/2 years ago at age 2. It was shocking, overwhelming and depressing. A few thoughts:
    You don't need "help snapping out of it". Your reactions are perfectly normal and appropriate. Diabetes sucks. Having to deal with it every day sucks. You do need help in learning how to deal with your new reality, so that it doesn't seem so overwhelmingly depressing and you can once again see the beauty and joy in every day living. Things do get better - it becomes easier to deal with the diabetes, to believe that your child has every chance to live a full, happy life (TRUE!), and that you can be the parent you want to be.
    Research continues at an amazing pace - my grandson's mother was born in the same year as the first home glucose monitor was tested. It needed gallons of blood (practically) and was the size of a backpack. Things change. I do believe that a cure or major advance will be found in our lifetime.
     
  13. 5kids4me

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    So I typed out a long reply and somehow, it is gone...

    I wanted to tell you that you are not alone, I could have typed everything you said word for word. I too, am struggling with faith and being positive. Today, I have cried over everything and can not get the " why( s)" out of my head.

    Someone very dear to me ( my grandmother) used to say "when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on- don't hang yourself" So hang on... I sure hope these long time D parents are right and things get easier? Or whatever the right word is....maybe things do not get easier, but we get stronger?
     

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