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My son in 14 with diabetes, his father and I are divorced

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by cprocop, Jan 7, 2011.

  1. cprocop

    cprocop Approved members

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    Cole (our son) lives with his father...Cole was diagnosed in

    October for diabetes...the Dr is still unsure if he is type 1 or

    two. Now, I understand the carb to insulin unit ration, I

    understand the diet plan Cole is to follow, I know the

    importance of a balance diet and exercise plan, I know

    what is considered high blood sugar and what to do if

    the situation arises, I understand the low blood sugar

    the, the signs, the numbers and what to do. My question is

    to anyone will to help me tonight, my ex husband insist

    Cole's blood sugar is not stabilized and it continuously

    fluctuates, so he (My Ex) does not feel comfortable if Cole

    is out of his sight for more then 1 night, until Cole's blood

    sugar is completely stabilized. From my understanding

    the blood sugar levels are affected by the food intake,

    right? His father claims, Cole is still in the "Honey Moon

    Stage" my question is, as long as the blood sugar level

    is controlled, Cole eats properly at the scheduled times,

    and the insulin is taken, per Dr. orders, and blood sugar

    levels tested..how long does this "Honey Moon Period"

    normally last, and is unsuitability after 3 months a normal

    stage? I apologize if my questions sound unreasonable, but

    my ex husband will not allow Cole out of his sight, until

    Cole is fully stabilized, can someone please help me to

    understand this? Thank you for your time and consideration.
     
  2. sisterbeth43

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    For one thing, Cole's blood sugar will never be completely stabilized. It will always flucuate depending on food, insulin, exercise and about 100 other things that can affect the blood glucose (sugar). It would help if you could go to the endo appointments along with your ex and if you have visitation rights, he cannot legally keep Cole from visiting you as long as you know what to do to take proper care of him.
     
  3. Heather(CA)

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    First, sorry for your son's dx'd. The honeymoon is different for everyone, some don't have one at all others last longer up to around 6 months. There's probably a few that last longer than that. The thing is with type 1 their blood sugar is never really stable very long. Too many things affect it...

    I don't know why you don't have shared custody and it's none of my business. But, there is really no reason to wait because it's not going to get a lot better, you will just learn more by doing. If he refuses to share then the only thing I see is going back to court. :confused:
     
  4. sooz

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    He wont let him out of his sight? Does he go to school? How can the doctor not know if it is type 1 or type 2? Im sure your husband is still reeling from the diagnosis and the responsibility that is on his shoulders. With type 1 the numbers are never really 'sabilized' It is hard for a lot of people to turn their kids over to someone so soon after the diagnosis but if you have been educated about D and understand how to treat it, and are a person with fairly good common sense and a sense of responsibilty, and have no underlying issues yourself then I dont see how he can keep you from seeing him. Plus, Cole is 14 and should also be learning how to treat himself. I am sorry about your son's diagnosis. If you have not had your son in your care since his diagnosis, when you are able to care for him I think you will be pretty stunned and floored with the energy, intelligence, frustration, and intense concern and responsibility and complexity that goes into it. It is anything but simple and while formulas for care help, they are not fool proof by any means. Good luck.
     
  5. wilf

    wilf Approved members

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    His father is feeding you a long line of BS.. My bet is that if you wait for him to "stabilize" enough to satisfy his father, then you'll never see your son again.

    Children are typically MOST stable during the honeymoon period.

    You need to educate yourself fast about Type 1 Diabetes. Get and read Type 1 Diabetes by Ragnar Hanas.

    Good luck. :cwds:
     
  6. cprocop

    cprocop Approved members

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    Thank you both, SisterBeth and Heather..I do have joint legal custody of our

    son Cole...his father has always had "Control" issues. And yes, his father

    and I have been in and out of court more times then necessary

    unfortunately, because he is very financially secure and I am almost done

    with school, he does take advantage of the situation. The judge stated I am

    to see Cole at our agreed days, and I have spoken with the Endo Dr. with a

    secure personal cell phone number of the Dr. (just in case) ..the judge feels

    there is no reason I should not have Cole on my scheduled days...This

    weekend is my weekend, my ex had Cole (our son) contact me stating he is

    not comfortable being away from his father over night, and why would I

    make him go home with me, if he was not comfortable...I apologize and I

    know it sounds like I am getting too personal, but bottom line, my ex

    husband gets on the phone and states that, if I truly care about Cole and his

    "Well Being" I would wait until the blood sugar stabilizes and it is fluctuating

    all the time...and any "Good Mother" would understand that, if she really

    cares about her son...of course it is very heartbreaking to her my own son

    say such things, but I know his father is behind it all, from his father it is

    expected...so I just needed to know if the fluctuation is normal, I spoke

    with the Dr. she seems as if I am more then capable to handle the situation,

    which I know I can..I just felt I needed a little reassurance from others in

    my situation as far as our children and diabetes..thank you, thank you...for

    your time and consideration...I can sleep better knowing my instinct are

    correct, and I will pick up my son tomorrow with confidence, and I'm sure a

    pending ridiculous Ex Par tee from his father...but I rather go through every

    court hearing, then waste another minute without my son, because time, is

    something that can never be brought back, and I refuse to be robbed of

    that time, anymore. Thank you once again.
     
  7. cprocop

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    thank you to sooz and wilf as well...every bit of information helps me more than anyone could imagin...thank you so much
     
  8. CaitlynGrisham

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    As a 16 year old diabetic myself, there is never going to be a time where the numbers are going to be perfectly stable. I don't care if you're superwoman/man, that will never, ever happen. If you're going to take him back into court for this, I would definitely bring that up.
    As Wilf said, I would make sure that you are as educated as possible. Knowledge is power.
    Call your ex on his bluff, if nothing else. Make sure that he is well aware of the fact that you are not stupid about type one and that you are perfectly capable of handling the situation.
    As you said, time can not be taken back. :)

    I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
     
  9. Heather(CA)

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    Your ex sounds like a controlling JERK and if he truly cared about his son he would know that he needs his mom too. I share with my ex because that's what's best for my boys, not because I want to. He doesn't always do whats needed for Seth's D to my standards but kids need both parents. Don't let him brain wash you into thinking that it's best for him not to see you. In fact you should write down that he had your son call you. Any self respecting judge will see right through that:rolleyes: Now I am just MAD:mad: Spend some time here and get the book Wilf mentioned, soon you will know way more than your ex does. Also go to all the Endo appts of possible. (((((HUGS)))))
     
  10. Barry

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    Yep....education, as much as you can get will calm the situation a lot. My ex doesnt get it either and its hard on me when Alex is with her because he has "games" she won't pick up on.

    I keep trying to talk her into donating her pancreas to Alex. She keeps muttering something about "she needs it".
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2011
  11. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I'm confused.

    I don't think you mentioned his insulin regime ... is he on insulin? You say you understand what to do if he's high or low, but somehow ( and perhaps it's just your style of writing) I'm not hearing the voice of a parent who has been trained to manage a child's diabetes. Am I missing something here?
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2011
  12. VinceysMom

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    TOTALLY agree about the educating yourself. There are many good books out there, read read read. Come here and read and post questions as well...you will be surprisingly happy at all of the information you will gain from reading on this site and posting your questions.

    My son is one year into this at 14.5 yrs old, and his BG is not "stable." It just doesnt happen. A "D" child can eat the same foods two days in a row, and have completely different BG readings. SOOO many things are variables when it comes to BG readings. So EDUCATE yourself as much as possible. And, do go to endo appointments WITH your ex and son, this way everyone will know that you are learning the same things that they are and there is no reason you should not be able to also help your son.

    I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. Take good care of yourself,
    Kathy
     
  13. Lee

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    I have to agree here - I think your biggest step is to educate yourself through the Edno's office.

    If your son is in the honeymoon and he is on insulin, he is definitely Type 1 - end of story.

    Your son's blood sugar will ALWAYS fluctuate - and this isn't just becuase of food - it is becuase of stress, hormones, growth, activity, basically every.single.thing in your son's life will affect his blood sugar.

    As one of his parents, you need to be willing to go to trainings and appointments every three months at the Endo's office. As a parent that shares custody with a controlling man, this has been critical to me. In the past, I was attacked about the care I provide my child on multiple occasions - well, every visit for two years, until the Endo told him to just cut it out.

    You need to see a nutritionist to understand how different foods affect bloodsugar and insulin.

    You need to know what the honeymoon is and how it affects him.

    You need to be willing to check at at night - like midnight and 3am.

    You need to be aware of your son's activity level for the day and have an understanding if how that might affect his overnight numbers.

    There is so much, and Type 1 can be a really tough disease.

    And I think it is a shame that your ex is feeding these thoughts to your son, a real shame - but he is not legally allowed to withhold visitation - so educate yourself, set-up a testing schedule and a log book to go between houses - that way you can prove that do know how to care for your son.
     
  14. saje

    saje New Member

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    Brave parents

    cprocop ... congratulations having the courage to post. I think Lee has summed it all up best and you can see how many people there are around you that are willing to support. Whilst Cole's BGL will never be 'stable' and honeymoon will last for however long it lasts you can and must educate yourself ... BGL, ketones, A1c, diet, Glycaemic Index, exercise, sick days, pancreas, beta cells, role of the liver, eyes, feet, basal, bolus etc

    Our son Aidan is 11 and was diagnosed Type 1 five months ago. We've learnt everything we can and his mum is fantastic. Some days are great and others are terrible but more good than bad. We have enough understanding now to manage Aidan's diabetes rather than having the diabetes manage us. Sure, there's a few days now and then that catch us out and some times there just doesn't seem to be a reason for the readings we get so we've also learnt to relax a little.

    We have a great D research group downunder (I'm in Australia) so try http://www.jdrf.org.au/living-with-type-1-diabetes for some information.

    Keep up the positive attitude. Every mum of a Type 1 child is amazing.
     
  15. zatff

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    Amen to above. If he really cared about his son he would work hard to make sure the boy has regular contact with his mother. No good judge will buy his reasoning for trying to prevent visits with you. Get some documentation about your education on diabetes by attending a support group or class on diabetes that most large hospitals and clinics offer. Also document what emergency care is available if needed at your area. Good luck. The boy probably needs a break from dad too.
     
  16. frizzyrazzy

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    I think it's important that we all support mom but at the same time refrain from calling the father a jerk or claim that he's lying to mom. There are always 3 sides to every story - his side, her side, and the truth somewhere in the middle.

    Mom and Dad together need to get on the same page with the endo and work TOGETHER, not apart, to help their child.
     
  17. cprocop

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    Goodmorning, my new found family...and thank you to all...

    this is the regiment I have for Cole:

    I check Cole's blood sugar as soon as he wakes up 80-160

    is considered good. Cole consumes 80 grams of carbs @

    breakfast, though @ the begining Cole would take 1 unit

    of Novalog every 15 grams, he now takes 1 unit every 30

    grams, so at 80 grams of carbs, Cole is to take 3 units @

    breakfast (I will check his blood sugar 15-20 mins after)

    Cole is to have a snack after 2 hours, less then 15 grams

    of carbs, but if the Dr. stated 1 unit every 30 grams, then

    is it safe to allow a snack that is less then 30 grams, then

    monitored 15 mins after Cole eats? (he is a growing boy

    and loves to eat) For lunch (eating every 2 hours) Cole

    consumes 120 grams of carbs, in the past he would take

    8 units of Novalog, but now, @ 1 unit per 30 carbs, Cole

    would now take 4 units, when he consumes 120 grams of

    carbs for lunch. (test 15-20 min after lunch) 2 hours later

    snack * as mentioned above @ dinner Cole now consumes

    100 grams of carbs, he is to take 3.3 units of fast acting

    Novalog 20 units of long acting (check blood sugar level

    15-20 mins) snack after 2 hours, bedtime, I will also

    feel the need to check during mid-night and 3 AM...

    This is my understanding, and the importance of the blood

    sugar staying between 80-160..do you feel this sounds

    accurate. Please, any constructive criticism is always

    welcomed. Thank you once again, for your time and

    consideration, I will be purchasing the book by Ragnar Hanas.
     
  18. wilf

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    I'm not sure why you're double-spacing your posts - it makes them a challenge to get through.

    Your regimen sounds reasonable for a honeymooning child. I note that he's getting about 20 units of long-acting (Lantus?) and about 10 units of bolus insulin. You can expect the boluses to get bigger as time time goes on and he starts to come out of the honeymoon.

    Note that the 80 to 160 target range is worth shooting for, and will be easier to meet while he is honeymooning. As he comes out of the honeymoon you are going to more high numbers, and will need to work much harder. You need to know lots more about managing the D by then.

    Good luck with the book - knowledge will make your situation much more tenable! :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2011
  19. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I don't understand why they have you checking bg 15-20 minutes after eating. There's not much you can learn from that number. If you're looking to see if you got the meal dose right, then checking 2 hours after he eats would be more informative.
     
  20. wilf

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    Good point - I missed that.. :cwds:
     

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