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Mini vent, getting irritated

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Debdebdebby13, May 24, 2013.

  1. Debdebdebby13

    Debdebdebby13 Approved members

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    My mother in law just sent DD a book in the mail. Diabetes Snacks, Treats, and Easy Eats for Kids.

    Nice gesture, but the entire intro is about overweight children and the prevalence of type 2 diabetes. I thought if we'd gotten anybody to understand type 1, it was her. Apparently not.

    The recipes are fine I suppose, but we really don't limit DD on very many foods. She gets very little juice except when low, very rarely soda. She gets an average amount of treats and she eats lots of fruits and veggies. Basically she eats a well rounded diet for any kid, and not much has changed from how we fed her prior to her diagnosis. I feel like I'm banging my head into a brick wall when I tell people, "no, she can eat everything your child can eat" and then they still don't let her have what everybody else is eating.

    Why don't people listen to me when they ask and I tell them the answer and then they ignore me. Why even ask if you think you know better than me??

    Sure, some things are more difficult for her to eat, like pizza, oatmeal etc, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to let her eat them when everyone else is eating them.

    Grr.
     
  2. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I'd mail it back. :p

    It gets old. I know.
     
  3. Joretta

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    I am sorry your mil does not understand. But it sounds like she is trying. She probably saw the cover and thought she might like of the recipes. I never read an intro to a cook book. I look at the yummy pictures and the recipes. While I personally avoid recipes with artificial sweeteners, but they can be a nice back up option sometimes. I know many a parent diabetic or not would give anything to have a grandparent take an interest in their grand child.

    If she lives far away it is hard to imagine what our kids go through and your mil only education is what she hears. It took my own mother who is 45 minutes away two years to get it. But she did not give up trying nor did I. When she made a mistake I explained why we had to be careful and I had to let her see the consequences of the mistakes. Granted my child was older when diagnosed and extremely independent so most mistakes happened because she was not supervised and tried hard to do it herself. I know this is harder when the child is younger because I would not give the wiggle room for error with anyone else but me. But seeing I was not alone helped. The thing that helped the most for my mom was she went to the conference last year. She for the first time saw we were not alone and what I do is right.
     
  4. skyblufig

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    I would too, with a note: "Thank you so much, mil, for the thoughtful gesture, but this is geared towards T2. As you know, dd pretty much eats everything she ate before. Maybe next time you're over, you too can make one of her favorites together! Love, __________"

    But that's just 39wk prego, hormonal, irritable me... :D [I wish they had a smiley w/ horns, as that would be most appropriate right now]
     
  5. C6H12O6

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    The funny thing is that type 2 is actually rare in young people the rate is supposedly like 1 in 1000 in people under 21. And I am sure that those young people who represent the 1 in 1000 are more often the older teens and 20 and 21 year olds.
     
  6. Debdebdebby13

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    I'm preggo too, 22 weeks. Everybody better watch out, LOL. I try really hard to control my irritation though.
     
  7. liasmommy2000

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    I can see being bothered by it. However it's very likely she didn't read the intro at all and just saw the cover and some nice recipes. I'd just say thank you and look through it and see if any recipes appealed. I'd not show it to my child or if I did I'd explain that grandma was confused and to ignore the intro.
     
  8. tammy82

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    i know what you mean, this is very annoying. i dont know how many times i have told people my daughter can eat anything she wants, she only needs insulin to cover it. my mom also always gets confused and will say dumb things sometimes.
     
  9. 3kidlets

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    I get it. But honestly, I wouldn't say anything or mail it back. It isn't worth possibly starting a family issue over a cookbook. I'm sure she meant well. It's just a cookbook. If she doesn't get it by this point, are you going to change anything? Probably not but you may risk hurting her by just sending it back. I've received gifts before that made me wonder what the heck the person was thinking but I wouldn't think of mailing it back. And just because it says T2 doesn't mean you can't use it.

    I remember when I was pregnant with my first, my MIL sent us a high chair. It wasn't the one I had picked. I ranted and raved to anyone who would listen and walked around fuming about this stupid high chair. 13 years later, I feel like a jerk. She meant well.
     
  10. Ellen

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    I'd just say thank you and let it go.
     
  11. Beach bum

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    I have to agree. While I know it's frustrating, you need to step back, take a breath and think "is it worth possibly creating family tension?" I would say thank you and shelve it. If she asks if you made anything from it I would say "gee you know it seems it was created for type 2 diabetes and most if the stuff called for artificial sweeteners. Remember with type 1 we can have anything, but we need to give insulin for it?" This way you can let it be known nicely that it wasn't the right choice. Hopefully they will get the message.

    Yes, it does get old when we have to be broken records saying the same thing over and over.
     
  12. quiltinmom

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    I would not. Remember, this is your MIL. She was trying to do something nice. Sending it back would be disrespectful, even if there were a nice note attached.

    I know what you mean, though. "Experts" or newscasts usually just say "diabetes" without specifying which type they're talking about, so when people hear "diabetes" they automatically think of the disease their grandma has.

    I also get how it's more irritating coming from a close relative (who really ought to know better), not just some stranger at the playground or the store. My MIL still asks if "he can have that" sometimes too.

    Look at it this way--at least you have a mil who cares. :D
     
  13. kiwiliz

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    It certainly sounds as though she was trying to be a caring Grandma. If it has carb count per 100grams of finished recipe it might be useful?? She was trying... Many don't.
     
  14. swimmom

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    It's also a chance to smile and say to your daughter, "Isn't it silly how people get get confused about what you can eat, even Grandma?" Because you and she will both run into it a lot. It was important for my daughter to learn to politely let people know that she could eat regular food (even when she was only 7 and a well meaning homeroom mom insisted that DD eat the nasty diet ice cream during a school party - she learned to speak up!).
     
  15. deafmack

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    People with either type of diabetes can eat anything they want as long as they know how much isulin to take for it based on the amount of carbs they eat or they plan for it. I think your mother-in-law meant well. I would not worry if the book is printed for a specific diabetes type or not. The idea was thoughtful and some of the ideas might actually taste good. We are all different in how foods affect us as people with diabetes so I would never tell a person with diabetes what they can or cannot eat. Shoot my allergy to corn makes things bad enough as it is. If someone told me I couldn't eat somethng because I had diabetes, they would get an immediate lesson on food and that we can eat anything that anyone without diabetes can eat unless we are allergic to it.
     
  16. KatieSue

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    My ex Mother in Law sent the kiddo a subscription to Diabetes Magazine when she was first diagnosed. She meant well. We laughed. My Aunt got her sugar free chocolate for Christmas, we explained again that she could have regular and trashed it once she left. Neither were doing anything on purpose to be hurtful.

    Now a friends Mother in law gave her a Dr. Phil book on how to parent for Christmas, that was a little mean.
     
  17. Beach bum

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    We have some well meaning neighbors who gave my daughter sugar free candy each year. Recently, she saw my daughter eating regular candy and asked about it. So, it was an opportunity to finally speak up about it.

    Oh and I received the Super Nanny book on parenting one year from my aunt. She didn't care for how I handled a certain situation:rolleyes: This coming from a person who has no kids. Oh well, "smile and wave boys, just smile and wave."
     
  18. SandiT

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    I think your hormones might be playing into how tough this is.

    As pointed out, she meant well, however...

    Dr. Oz says, "The average person consumes 150 pounds of sugar per year..."

    It's not a bad idea to choose recipes that have less sugar in them. Additionally, the benefit of a lot of these cookbooks is that they have the nutrition information in them!

    Even a cookbook made for a celiac can be a godsend if it's already got the nutrition info available and the recipes are yummy.

    Perhaps your MIL saw that it had the nutritional information readily available. Give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe it was about being helpful in providing you with pre-calculated kid-friendly recipes?

    When you've been on this road a long time, that may not be a big deal. But since she's not dealing with it every single day like you are; it could be that she feels having a fast reference to something pre-calculated would be helpful.

    That's assuming it does include the nutritional and/or serving size information. Surprisingly some diabetic cookbooks don't! :confused:
     
  19. zoom8942

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    when DS was dx my MIL sent me about 10 books on controlling diabetes through god and herbal remedies. She means well, but she will drive you nuts!!!! We said thank you and left it at that. Even DH doesnt always get it, I guess I shouldnt expect anyone else to. I think type 2 has been drilled into everyone for so long, that people dont realize that T1 is a completely different ball game. Its just hard for people to comprehend when you hear it constantly on the news. Also even a friend of my DD20 growing up had to eat sugar free snacks for birthday parties and such, so a lot has changed in recent years.
     
  20. caspi

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    Ouch. Telling a pregnant woman that she's hormonal isn't really a smart idea, lol. :eek: ;)

    As far as the cookbook is concerned, it was mailed to the OP's 6 year old daughter, not to her. That would annoy me as well.

    To the OP, I have to agree with Sarah on this one -- I'd mail it back. Explain that it was for Type 2 and not Type 1. Because if you don't, you are opening up the floodgate to many more so-called well intentioned gifts. ;)
     

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