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Marrying a T1

Discussion in 'Spouses and Significant Others' started by risha, Jan 6, 2007.

  1. risha

    risha New Member

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    Hi there
    I am a 26 yr old woman from India, in love with a T1. My family is SOOO against it..No one is ready to support me..They keep telling me scary stories about diabetes, how it is a curse etc etc My mum especially ever since I have told her about my boyfriend, has turned to the astrologers for divine intervention. I did convince her to visit a diabetologist & seek advice & surprise, surprise, even the doc advised against it terming it as something which is 'abnormal' & said in case you have a choice then go for it. My maternal uncle, who is himself a bigshot cardiologist in India, also told my mum to avoid it..
    I am so alone & shocked, if this is the attitude of the doctors then I really dont blame the ignorant people for thinking as they do.
    Now i do understand that if diabetes can have serious complications if not managed well, but if managed well then?? Or is there no way to manage it??

    Btw this guy i am raving & ranting about is really really the most wonderful man I have ever met although my mum rubbishes it as nothing but "infatuation"..

    God, i really dont know what to do..am so TORN..
     
  2. Jeff

    Jeff Founder, CWD

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    Follow your heart and marry him.

    With proper care, your new husband will live a long and wonderful life -- with you.
     
  3. Amy C.

    Amy C. Approved members

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    I find that astonishing that your family has branded the love of your life as unacceptable simply because he has Type 1. I would question if the doctor your mother consulted was truly dealing with diabetes.

    I know lots of grown men and women with Type 1 who lead active lives in all areas.

    I agree with Jeff. Follow your heart and know your family will need to be educated and what life is really like.
     
  4. coni

    coni Approved members

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    Risha - My heart goes out to you. I don't think the issue is being a T1. As others have mentioned, if well managed, your friend can live a long and healthy life.

    I think the bigger issue is whether you are able and willing to live without the emotional support of your family, if it comes to that.

    (((Hugs)))
     
  5. Aprilsmom

    Aprilsmom Approved members

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    Risha,
    I don't know Indian customs and perhaps this is some explanation for the cause of your mothers fears and concerns. I feel strongly that anyone with any sort of diagnosis is just as important as anyone else and your boyfriend should not be judged because of a diagnosis. If he had a character flaw or some sort of moral ethic that was unacceptable, then maybe I could understand your families train of thought. If you love this man, then maybe you are the person he needs in his life to believe in him. I sure hope my diabetic daughter never runs into a situation like this. Good luck to you, and like the others said, FOLLOW YOUR HEART> you already know the right thing to do, but don't give up trying to educate your family either.
     
  6. Momof4gr8kids

    Momof4gr8kids Approved members

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    I married a man who has type 1. My mom was really concerned that it could pass onto one of our children, and it did. It isn't the end of the world though. Both my husband, and daughter are healthy despite having type 1 diabetes, and I really wouldn't have wanted anyone else, but them, even if the alternate was perfect.
    I agree with Jeff, follow your heart, and marry him.
    Jamie
     
  7. ravita

    ravita Approved members

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    Hi Risha,
    I'm also Indian and Married with a Type1 diabetic. Mine was also love marraige. I have been married for last 9 years. I have 2 kids. My son is 8 yrs old and just diagnosed as diabetic in feburary. but my daughter is 5 yrs old and she is doing fine.
    I know in India, its very hard to convince our parents.My parents were also very concerned luckily they are not very rigid. but when they saw my happy married life....they were happy.
    But when i told them abt my son...again the same tension started. But i'm satisfied and happy. My son is taking his shots by his own. That's true ...life will be little bit different specially when blood level goes down....But i think if u love some one...u don't even care abt all these small things.
    So listen to ur heart and ur brain also.
    GOOD LUCK
     
  8. mischloss

    mischloss Approved members

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    As the parent of a Type 1 son just starting to find girls interesting and also girls being interested in him, this is such a sad thing to hear regarding your parents. Even consulting astrology in hopes to put a stop to your relationship. :eek:

    Your parents are fearful because in the past (years) people with Type 1 had very little choices in taking care of their condition and I am sure they heard of type 1's that had serious complications (so this is why they think it is a curse!). I can understand that they want to protect you and spare you from seeing your husband "deteriorate" in front of you and eventually die (I am sorry but I am looking into the minds of your parents and their worst fears). As well, as passing the gene onto your offspring, which in their minds is another horror.

    I work in an office where about 80 percent of the employees are from India. I hear all the time how strongly parents influence their children regarding marriage and relationships. It is very hard for children in your culture to go against the wishes of the parents. To the point of ostrasism. I really feel your dilema.

    I am not too clear if you are living in the United States or still in India with your parents. In any case, if in India, you will have to do some research and see if your future husband is really receiving the best "top of the line" medical care...including perhaps looking into getting on the pump. This in turn might help your parents calm down at least that the poor man is going to remain healthy. As far as passing the gene along. We had no type 1's in either family and yet my son is a Type 1. It just happens. No one can predict the future. And by the time your children are born and would be diagnosed there might be some new medications and equipment to make their lives even easier! Or there might be a cure. And if there is one in the near future and your husband gets "cured"...wouldn't it be sad that you gave him up for your parents?

    Good luck and follow your heart. You don't find love everyday....and this might be the best thing to ever happen to you. :cwds:
     
  9. catlover1968

    catlover1968 New Member

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    Being married to a T1 is a joy!

    :) Hi,
    I wanted to write to let you know that being married to someone with type 1 diabetes is far from being a curse. I have been married to Tim for almost 20 years, went through a similar thing with my Mom, who was rather blunt, telling me that he would have impotence and be very sick. He hasn't, but if it did, there are ED treatments, and it wouldn't be an issue for me, as I love him no matter what. 2 years after we married, I found out I have multiple sclerosis, the irony is that I was the one who ended up "sick." He loves me no matter what also, we said "in sickness and in health" during marriage ceremonies, and we meant it, so it has been a privilege and joy to be married to him. We chose not to have kids, so I don't know if they would have gotten diabetes or not. We have indoor cats as our kids....which is best for me, as my ms has progressed. I have to take interferon shots as treatment, so this has been great, as we already knew about how to take them. He has been on a pump for the last 10 years.....luckily no sign of eye or kidney damage. He lives a very healthy and full life:) which has made my life so happy, which I knew and believed he would 20 years ago, before we ended up eloping since both my parents deeply believed he would be a bad choice since he was diabetic. Now they love him and respect him for the way he has been so responsible with his diabetes treatments, and of course, the way he has treated and cared for me with my MS, sinced he has his own health concerns. You know if you are soulmates and in love. Go with your instincts! I wish you happiness and joy! Meg
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2007
  10. Boo

    Boo Approved members

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    Meg, thanks for your post. You may want to consider posting this on the parents of children with type 1 forum. There are many of us there (such as myself) who often wonder what is in store for our children as they grow up. My son with diabetes is 11, and it sometimes makes me very sad to think that it is quite likely that someday a girl(s) may pass him by solely because of the diabetes. My comfort in that thought is that obviously she would not be the right girl for him...unable to handle it...but I get sad in thinking about the inevitable heartbreak that will come.

    I am glad that you and your husband have found one another, and are helping eachother to lead full and productive lives, in spite of the diabetes and MS. I hope my son will have the same opportunity some day.
     
  11. shekov

    shekov Approved members

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    My brother was dx'd at 13 and is now 42. He is incredibly healthy..runs marathons and does triathalons. He has seen the quality of d care improve yearly and sees nothing but improvement in the future.

    My sister in law educated herself and her family about d and there has been no problem. Even when their daughter was dx'd.

    If you truely love this man and EACH of you understands what it means to be married and support each other through illness then I would go for it. It's not easy to start a marriage without your family's support. You'll need each other all the more.
     
  12. Lee

    Lee Approved members

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    Also - genetics does play a small role in children getting T1 (I say this because I am sure that is a part of your mom's fear!). However, it is not T1 that plays the genetics cad, it is ANY AUTOIMMUNE Disease what so ever; celiac, thyroid issues, certain skin issues, etc, etc, etc...the list goes on! My family has no history of T1, but it does have a history of Rheumatoid Arthritis on 1 side, and Celia and Thyroid issues on the other...

    Marrying a man with T1 does NOT mean that your children will develop the disease!

    I say, if you truly love this man, and feel deep down that he is the one for you, then overlook his diagnosis as a drawback - his diagnosis helped shape him into the man that you love!
     
  13. DylansMum

    DylansMum Approved members

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    Wow, I am so sorry that your family are ignorant to this. Actually I am quite shocked. They obviously have done nothing to find out or read up on Type 1.
    Go with your heart, I cannot believe people can be so ignorant and rubbish diabetes.
     
  14. RosemaryCinNJ

    RosemaryCinNJ Approved members

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    Boo...My baby is only 2 and type 1 and to think that someone would not want to marry this blue eyed beauty because she is type 1...is heartbreaking!! Especially since I am doing all I can to make her life "normal" like any other kid!! For me to teach her to accept this diagnosis and she will because she was diagnosed so young...and then to have someone reject her because of it...I may go to jail!! :) you know what I mean.
     
  15. T1Spouse&Proud

    T1Spouse&Proud Approved members

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    I married a TI, never regretted it once. It has it's challenges but nothing out of the norm ( well for us ). I know what is coming, it's just a matter of when and how bad, but as they say with love, it was never an issue. I would never change a thing.
     
  16. volund

    volund Approved members

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    Sorry to hear that your parents are that set against your relationship.

    You may try and get some hard facts for them, from reputable medical schools and researchers, and information about advances in T1 care in the past several years.

    Even if they don't listen and support you, it shouldn't matter, follow your heart.
     
  17. Kent T

    Kent T Approved members

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    I have T1 D, I married a Norwegian with T1D. She was a pumper even then and I was still on MDI. We and both adopted D kids pump, even the baby! Pure joy. All 4 of us also have spina bifida and use wheelchairs. All 4 of us very healthy otherwise.
     
  18. maha

    maha Approved members

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    Managed well diabetes do nothing. There's way to manage it.
    Tell your mom that you can marry a non diab guy and have children diabetic,
    what will you do ? No more taking care about your child ?
    You or some of your family can be diagnosed in some years (of type 1) even if they are old (I had a teacher who was diag type 1 at 50 years old).


    Marry him if he is a nice guy and you love him.
    He has nothing, he is diabetics that's all. That's not a big problem nowadays.
    A diabetic can do what he want to do. I do.
     
  19. sisterbeth43

    sisterbeth43 Approved members

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    Risha, my daughter Reann was dx'd at 13. At 18 she met a guy and he found out that night she had type 1 D. It didn't matter to him. They were married Dec. of 07 and all that matters to them is that they love one another. If you really love this man, go for it. I used to worry that no one would want to marry Reann because of the D, but Jon didn't let it bother him at all. Good Luck!
     
  20. cm4kelly

    cm4kelly Approved members

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    My type 1 husband

    I remember when I was seriously dating my husband (diagnosed at age 8), a co-worker who was in the medical field asked if I was seriously considering marrying him because he was diabetic.

    I thought that was a slap in the face and NEVER spoke to that person again. When you love someone, you LOVE THEM, no matter. Can you imagine someone rejecting you because you had asthma, or breast cancer, or something else?

    Love is LOVE. My husband and I have been married for almost 16 happy years now. I would never change a thing. It still hurts to think how someone could say something like that.
     

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