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lying about testing, what to do?

Discussion in 'Spouses and Significant Others' started by sgirl, Apr 30, 2010.

  1. sgirl

    sgirl New Member

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    :(so my partner regularly lies about testing his sugar when i'm not around. he does this even when i don't ask him about it, he'll volunteer, "i was at 98 mg/dl for lunch today..."

    we've fought about this before, because i caught him lying. now, i think he's lying again. i don't understand this. it really hurts my feelings that he would lie to me and further, it's frustrating that he doesn't check before he gives himself a shot for his lunch. i mean what if he had a bad hypo at work? it's not like his co-workers know what to do. it frustrates me even more because he's already got some complications and not regularly checking, to deal with any highs or lows, etc isn't going to help matters.

    i don't know what to do. i don't want to fight with him about this but i'm tired of him lying about it. yes, i've told him he needs to test more and when i'm around, he does but when i'm not there, he doesn't. i don't want to be his babysitter and i don't want him to feel like he has to lie to me about his actions. :confused:
     
  2. Rukio

    Rukio Banned

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    Tell him you love him and you want him to take care of himself. Maybe go to therapy with him, it sounds like he doesn't like diabetes/isn't use to it yet.
     
  3. Lee

    Lee Approved members

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    I would tell him this and take a big step back and distance myself from his care. He is old enough to handle this disease on his own and has probably had a lifetime of parents and doctors questioning him about D management. IT is probably habit for him to offer up good #'s. I wouldn't take it personal, heck, I would probably not even classify it as lying to me as much as it is lying to himself.

    Bottom line - he needs a girlfriend that supports him 100%. Not one that questions him about his daily care. The only way to get him to stop lying is to not make a big deal out of the # - when he says he was 98 - say that was a good # and leave it at that.
     
  4. Ronin1966

    Ronin1966 Approved members

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    Hello sgirl:

    Been diabetic far more than a "couple days" myself.

    Give the man a "diabetic vacation". Tests, shots, you do them all for... the entire weekend. All he does is say thank you, period. Thats it. You don't discuss it, you simply take the burden from him.

    "I'm going to give you a gift babe. We won't talk about, until Sunday night. Come here..."

    Or you want to really, really get his attention? Do the tests YOURSELF, every single time that you would/do ask him to do so. Say nothing, take the lancet gun from him, and get a droplet of blood just as we must. You do not need a strip, the act of drawing a blood droplet is the signifigant act... an act of intimacy, in my humble view, far more intimate even than sex, though surely far, far less fun. Testing is life and death stuff.

    The physical act of someone else doing exactly what we do matching us test for test because they want to understand what they are asking us to do... gives you/them a serious credibility, the "well meaning" sugar police and control freaks who tell us to test can never possess!

    Everybody tells you to test, but how many understand intimately what they are asking-demanding of us??? "Match him" and you might hold his attention? Relieve him for a time and you might get into his head?

    Its not pretty, and you are right you should not need to ~babysit~ him, but given he acts like a child, (I know I do on occasion) it may be required for a time that you do just that, babysit him.

    Despair requires amusement, laughter to be reduced. What you describe smells like despair to me. All you care about is he begins taking care of himself.

    Have you ever considered outright (literal) seduction? Its a horrible weapon, but if it gets him off his butt, do you honestly care what was required? If he's back in the game, out of his own bad headspace... everybody wins. X tests and I'll BLANK.... :eek: :)

    Do not know if this helps, if not we'll gladly try again... I don't know the man, but its absolutely forbidden (IMHO) to let him ~fall~ if I am able to stop him, or help you to change-understand his path. The diabetic rules 101... we have each others backs.

    Any help?
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2010
  5. dejahthoris

    dejahthoris Approved members

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    This is an amazing post, Stuart. My first reaction was to say - let it go, don't enable his neglect of his own treatment. The reason that was my first reaction is, when my husband first got high blood pressure, when I watched over if he took his pills, he would forget alot. Then when I stepped away, he did better. But your idea regarding t1dm is wonderful. Obviously this guy has a gal that really cares and is knowledgable enough to take care of him. So yes, how wonderful that she do so, if not for more than one day, once in awhile? How kind!
    My son Fred who is 13 was dx the fifth day of school 2010. We did not know jack &^%$ about this condition. Now I have stacks of books. I am teaching him self care fo his type 1 diabetes and he is doing well and VERY responsible. But I still want him to be a kid sometimes while he can. So yeah. If he is playing xbox with his buds online and he has zombie nazis to kill I sneak in with the lancet and bg tester and get the food do the carbs and give him the shot. So your suggestion was awesome. Because fred will be dealing with a long time, maybe even after old Mom is gone. I consider it a privilege to care for him.
     
  6. Ronin1966

    Ronin1966 Approved members

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    Hello dejahthoris:

    <<I consider it a privilege to care for him.

    I wish others enjoyed their ~priveledge~ more so ;). Many of us wish our condition provided joy to someone, anyone even...
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2011

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