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Lack of support from "friends"

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by cmsullivan, Sep 23, 2009.

  1. cmsullivan

    cmsullivan Approved members

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    It seems my sons dignoses is getting harder and harder to deal with. First off his BG's have been very hard to keep in a good range and it's so difficult to get a hold of his Endo. that I keep changing his ratios and correction factors by myself without contacting them. Then today I get an email from my older sons school (it is just a once a week thing that is in addition to his homeschooling) saying they want me to acompany him in two of his classes bacause he doen't sit still, what four year old does?!?! They seem to think that I can just find a babysitter for Leland at the drop of a hat, and I'd like to think that I'd have some supportive friends who would be willing to watch him for me as a few of them are at the school during the same time that I am. However, I have asked "friends" to watch him for me in the past (since his diagnosis) and oddly enough they are always too busy. Most of these people have babysat him before the diabetes and it was no problem but now its like he is some kind of "problem" too big for them to deal with! As things are right now only me and my husband are the only ones who can give his injections and check his sugars, thats so scary! What if something ever happened and both of us NEEDED someone to watch him? What if (God forbid) my older son ended up having diabetes as well and had to be hospitalized? We would have to tag team or something. This just really sucks and I am so upset over this whole thing; my son having diabetes, my older son having issues with these annoying teachers, my "freinds" not really acting like friends, and I feel completely alone!

    Sorry for the rant, I really needed to get all this off my mind.
     
  2. lynn

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    I'm so sorry. It is heartbreaking when we can't depend on the people who are supposed to be there for us.
     
  3. wilf

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    You have friends here on this site who are happy to provide whatever support they can.. :)

    Speaking of which, which insulins are you on and is there any time of day in particular when you're having trouble keeping your son in range?

    What correction factor are you using?

    Do you have any good reference texts?

    We will have lots of suggestions if you tell us abit more about where you're at.. :cwds:
     
  4. bgallini

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    I'm so sorry! It's got to be frustrating. Alex was much older at dx so it wasn't a problem for us. Maybe you can try to make stronger connections with some of these 'friends' or new friends and do playdates and other gatherings so they can observe how to handle things (and it would help if you could make it look easy). Then as people get to know more about D, they may be less afraid.

    As far as your 4 yo sitting still, what type of activities are they expecting him to do? What do they want you to do if you come to help? Maybe you can find a dif preschool setting where there is less sitting to be done!
     
  5. sisterbeth43

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    I worked in Headstart for almost 6 years. Almost no 4 yr old sits still. I'm sorry your friends are there for you and that your son's teacher is so dense.
     
  6. mom2Hanna

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    {{[Carrie****

    I am so sorry that you don't have the support you need. People are really scared by diabetes in kids. I have to agree with everyone else, as a preschool teacher, 4 yos don't really sit still for long.
     
  7. StillMamamia

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    I am very sorry.:(

    I think some people are just afraid to do something wrong, so they come up with the excuse they're busy. Can you speak to any of your friends and say that you really really need someone to be there just in case. Or ask around the neighbourhood for any reliable babysitters you can train.

    As for the school, maybe your child's jittery-ness is due to his BGs?? I know my son gets very "jittery" (like he's impatient or something) if his BGs are playing hooky.;) Not contesting your management, but I think kids feel stuff in their bodies that they can't explain, and we see it in their behaviour. Is your child like that at home also or calmer? Maybe try a reward system also.

    Honestly, I think it's up to the teachers to figure out how to get him to sit still when he needs to. Unless he's got an hyperactivity issue. Please don't let the teachers get to you. Ask them for feedback and cooperation.

    Good luck. Hang in there. We understand.
     
  8. angiej

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    I found that D lost us some friends - one particularly long standing and close friendship springs to mind. D is unknown, and that is scary, and some people just don't want the hassle, but with time, I found that D brought us so many more people who are now closer than the friendships we had to let drift.

    We found that there were people around us who previously weren't that close surprised us by being the people who stepped up to the challenges, and slowly, you find that it can be to them that you turn for support - these people have become our new friends - they take us as we are - D and all :eek:

    With Alice's diagnosis, we found out which friendships were deeper than surface ones, but we have formed sooooo many more from both the D community, and those in our own community who perhaps we hadn't had cause to notice before.

    I send you strength. It isn't always easy. ((hugs))
     
  9. chkpea

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    I totally understand. I wrote a little while ago about support and lack there of from family. As for your 4 year old sitting still. You don't need to be there in my opinion. Talk to the teachers. If they still insist you need to be there then perhaps look for another preschool for him.
     
  10. cmsullivan

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    He is using Lantus(every morning) and humalog. I bumped up the amount of lantus yesterday from 2.5 units to 3. His correction factor is BG -120/180, and his insulin to carb ration is 1/30 (I changed that a couple days ago from 1/35). It seems that his sugars are highest before lunch and dinner, example: Morning BG 184, lunch 206, dinner 351. It has probably been about a month that he has not had at least one really high number through the day and for the past couple weeks it has been the lunch and dinner numbers that are consistanly high. The only resources I have are the books that we got when we left the hospital, but those are basicaly about dealing with the emotions of having a diabetic child. Thank for any suggestions you may have to keep his sugars in a better range :) and for your willingness to help, it means a lot to me!
     
  11. MySweethearts

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    I am so sorry :( I understand. I hope you can find somebody soon that will step up and be a true friend. I love your son's name Leland:) that is so cute.
     
  12. cmsullivan

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    Thank you all for your encouragement! I'm not sure yet what I will do about Caleb's school, one teacher seems to do fine with him but the other two I think just don't want to deal with him. Last week one asked me to speak with her after class and suggested that he may have a learning disability because he does some of the things that her son did and he had to do some speech thearapy, etc. Caleb speaks just fine, and has none of the other issues her son had. It seems this school thinks kids should act like adults no matter what their age is. I'd love to put him in a Montisori or Waldorf school but I just don't have the money for it.
    I would love to find some better friends and some of my friends are really great, those ones just happen to live an hour away or more :( We moved here to Georgia 4 years ago and we don't have much family in the area, only my husbands sister who lives 2 hours away. Even if we lived closer to our family I don't think it would help much. My mom would never give Leland an injection, my dad would probably do it but he is getting older and I'm not sure he would get the math right, they live in California and I really don't want to move back there.
    So how do I find others who have diabetic childeren in my area? I know there is the JDRF group and we went to one meeting with them but it seems they have either lost my email or they aren't meeting anymore.
     
  13. momandwifeoftype1s

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    I think it's totally unreasonable to expect a 4-year-old to sit still for extended lengths of time. Maybe a morning meeting for show-and-tell and talking about the weather, letter of the day, etc. It's usually very brief. Is there an aide in the classroom for children who need to use the restroom, etc.? If they are concerned about your son sitting still, I would suggest that they pull in another staff member to help keep your son engaged or pull him out as needed for some extra large motor activities. Have you explained that you have a young child at home with diabetes, and that you don't have babysitters? If they don't understand that - I'd look for a new preschool with teachers who are compassionate and have reasonable expectations. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with so much.
     
  14. Toni

    Toni Banned

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    I agree with this. You are not in a position to drop everything and run to the school. I can sympathize with your lack of support from your family and friends. None of my brothers or sisters will help (we are a family of six, all living in the area). In fact, they undermine the seriousness of her diagnosis and make jokes about how we are making too big a deal out of it, constantly offer dietary advice (although they may only see her 4 times a year), etc. My Mom is great now, but would not be left alone with my niece for close to two years after diagnosis. She wanted to help. She was afraid. Afraid she would do something wrong or not know how to handle an emergency. Her concern was for my niece. If you cannot find a close friend who will agree to be trained, have no family members available to pitch in, you may have to find and train a babysitter. A retired person may be a good fit; they are available during the day. I hope you can get an emergency support person in place to help you out.
     
  15. cmsullivan

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    One of these teachers do have aides but one does not. I think they are just too ridged and expecting too much from him. Its not like he is an older 4 year old either, he just turned 4 in July. I really just want to pull him out of those two classes and get my money back, but I know they won't give a refund. I put in a lot of effort and engery to get him to this school (its an hour away) and I am one of the few parents who actualy do the homework with him.
     
  16. Becky Stevens mom

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    Hi Carrie:) Gosh Im so sorry your dealing with all this right now. You are right! 4 year old boys really have a hard time sitting still. I have 2 boys also and they are the light of my life but they are very, very busy! LOL. I think some teachers just dont understand that boys are wired that way. I think they should read some books like " The wonder of boys" and "Real boys" for a start. Im kind of in the same boat as far as getting help with childcare. No one in either family has any interest in learning d care so that we can go out or have back up if needed. You may be able to get in touch with your local JDRF and see if they have a list of people in your area that have kids with d that might be able to help you. Or you can look in here, there is a section on the homepage that has info about babysitting. As Wilf said, we are all here to give you whatever support we can and always understanding:cwds:
     
  17. momandwifeoftype1s

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    Can they make sure your son is always with the teacher who has an aide? Can an administrator help in the meantime? Have they considered anything to help your son sit in his own space? I remember choosing a preschool that had carpet squares instead of a rug because Connor had a hard time with squirming and keeping his own personal space. There are other tools like a weighted stuffed animal, to hold in his lap, fidget toys, stress balls, or an exercise ball chair for squirmy kids. I still think that they need to get those kids up and moving with songs, nursery rhymes, centers, etc. Is there a clear structure to the day? Does your son know what to expect next with a picture schedule and consistency from day-to-day?
     
  18. TerpSteph

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    First, let me say how sorry I am that you're going through such a rough patch right now. We all understand the range of emotions that you go through when a child is diagnosed with diabetes and the frustration you feel when those around you - especially family and close friends - don't "get it". I hope you are able to connect with some families of children with D in your area so you can begin to put together a support system.

    As for the situation with your older son, I look at it two ways: first, as the parent of a child with D and second, as a preschool teacher of 4 year olds. I am in agreement with the other posters who say that a 4 year old is a wiggly little person who won't be happy to sit still for long periods of time. Four year olds learn through play and they shouldn't be confined doing desk work. You mentioned doing homework with him and this raised a flag for me. What kind of homework are they assigning? If it's an activity to do together like reading a book or cooking or something of that nature, OK. If it's a worksheet, it's inappropriate in my opinion.

    That being said, teaching preschool can be tough! If you have 3-4 challenging kids in a class of 16, even with two teachers you really scramble to meet everyone's needs. I don't want to just dismiss the teachers' concerns. Is it possible your son is acting out because he, too, is dealing with his brother's diagnosis? I'm sure he can sense the stress you are feeling. Perhaps he's scared that he might develop D. In a preschool setting, there will be times that he will need to sit still like during circle time or at snack. Maybe they are asking you to come in because they think he will benefit from a little one-on-one time with you. I don't want to add to your burden, but I know my younger non-D son needed a little individual attention when we were all coming to grips with the changes that his brother's diagnosis brought to our family.

    Good luck and feel free to vent whenever you need to.
     
  19. cmsullivan

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    I agree that Caleb is probably needing some extra attention, but he needs to be on his own at school. I really think they are expecting too much from him, 3 teachers and 3 classes is just too much for a preschooler. He really does fine at home if I give him a task to do but he won't sit still for extended periods of time. He does pretty well in one of the classes as well, the one I thought would be the hardest for him. Its a "handwriting" class that goes through the letters and helps them to learn how to write them (its not cursive, just the basic writing skills). The one class that give homework is his reading readiness class and it is in fact worksheets but we do them together.

    Thank you all so much for your suggestions and encouragement! You have all helped me in making this decision about weather or not to keep Caleb in these classes, and in knowing that there are others who have the same struggles in finding supportive friends! It means so much to know there are others going through the same things:)
     
  20. Thoover

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    Carrie, you have gotten alot of advise here. You may want to see if there is a support group that you can join for newly diagnosed families. I know a person that attended one here in Maryland and it was very beneficial. I have met a person through our Endo office and I have helped watch her diabetic son because no one else could.

    And I might add that there are a lot of 4 year olds that can't sit in one place, heck there are alot of adults like that too.:D

    You have come to a place that will offer you support in anything. Best of luck to you and we are all here for the same reason!
     

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