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Is this where I vent?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by PrimAdonna, Sep 18, 2010.

  1. PrimAdonna

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    My son was dx T1 & Hashimotos a few weeks ago. I still feel as though I am walking in a fog most days so I am perhaps over reacting to my best friends email.

    My best friend is a bit credulous. She tends to be swayed by trends... health trends, money making schemes... whatever is the newest and brightest. I usually listen to her explain her newest idea then let it go but this time it's personal. This afternoon she emailed me to tell me she had discussed my son with her friend. He sells supplements. She explained to me how I needed to call him because he had "an herb from India that would help control bg". He had told her how I needed to be careful not to "give him too much insulin because it was dangerous in the long term" and then she explained some of the complications of diabetes.

    I just stared at the computer. Then I started to cry.

    My first thought was not very Christian but it went something like telling her to mind her own business. After letting my husband read her email he suggested I reply with a simple "Thank you." I did.

    Is this how it will be?! Will folk think they can tell me what I need to do for my child?! Or what the complications are... like I don't lie awake and think of this stuff already!!

    Thank you all for letting me vent. I have no clue who you are but already I like you!

    Adonna
     
  2. chbarnes

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    I think everyone here has experienced this sort of thing. You learn, over time, to patiently educate those who are willing to learn, and not get into it with those who aren't. Some of the most difficult people are often relatives. It is awfully hard to put up with so soon after diagnosis.
    It gets better. What makes you cry now will just make you roll your eyes in the future.
    Welcome to CWD. It's a club nobody wants to join, but you can learn a lot and get a lot of support here.

    For now, just know, your child can still thrive and grow and do anything any other child can do, but make insulin.

    Chuck
     
  3. virgo39

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    I am so sorry about your son's dx.

    And, yes, this is where you can vent.

    It sounds like you appreciate that your friend is acting true to her personality, and I think your response was extremely charitable and understanding. But wow, really the last thing you need when dealing with such a life-changing dx.

    Sorry you had to deal with that and hope that she eventually comes forward with some real support.
     
  4. lynn

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    Adonna, I know what you are going through! It happened when Nathan was diagnosed with diabetes and now it is happening again with my daughter being diagnosed with juvenile arthritis. My pastor is telling me that he learned that she has arthritis because we live in the country and have well water. (thanks, I love hearing that it is my fault!) He told me to read a certain book and learn about how to reverse the damage done by our water so she won't end up crippled.

    I have a hard time not getting angry and hurt but I try hard to believe that the people who say these things are just worried and hurting too. They want to help but they don't understand enough of the situation to understand that they are anything BUT helpful.

    I think your husband was wise when he suggested you reply with a simple "thank you".
     
  5. swellman

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    Yes, it happens all the time ... sometimes from your immediate family. While obviously being ignorant of your very serious issues, concerns and situation I don't think they ever mean any harm. They just don't know. You will see all sorts of quack remedies and claims but there's nothing but insulin and counting carbs and BGs and trying to understand all the other parameters. Sometimes this all works out and it's a beutiful thing and sometimes (more often than not in our case) we're missing something and it's more challenging. When our family tries to help and are off base we merely say thank you and do our own thing. We will throw in a few educational comments here and there just in case it sticks. Try not to be frustrated by them ... take a deep breath and take it all in stride.
     
  6. VinceysMom

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    Adonna, I have a sister in law who pretty much said the same thing...she is into herbal / homeopathic / alternative therapies - and oh i was sooo mad:mad: when she said to me, "you know, his diabetes can be cured." I wanted to totally BOP her in the head. I was so taken aback by this! I have decided that who really needs to hear this, and I don't call her, don't talk to her about his diabetes when i see her, etc. Hmmmm, funny, her "therapies" cant seem to cure her son's asthma!

    I'm so sorry you had to go thru this, but as someone else said, I think we've all heard the horror stories. People are very ignorant that they think they need to tell us all this. They think they know it all, and know more than we do. You will learn in time to ignore these people or put them in their place.

    I wish you the best...

    Kathy
     
  7. Christopher

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    Sorry you are dealing with this, but yes, as others have said, this will happen over time, from friends, family and (best of all) strangers. There will be some times when you will want to educate the person and other times when you will need to deploy the NSCS strategy....(Nod, Smile and Change the Subject) :cwds:

    I sometimes think that you can tell how long a parent has been dealing with diabetes by the thickness of their skin. :D Yours will get thicker over time. Hang in there...
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2010
  8. PrimAdonna

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    This made me laugh :) Yes, I wanted to bop her too!

    As the only home schooling parent in my, and my husband's, family I should be used to the "well meaning" comments but it is easier to take when it's directed at my choices. You're all right, it will get easier. My prayer is that while I'm waiting for my thicker skin I don't BOP people in the head!:D
     
  9. KHM

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    My sister died a long, agonizing death long before her time: people always knew exactly what she needed and never hesitated to say so. Lindsay has T1D, Celiac and Hashimoto's and people sing me pretty songs about agave nectar... many many years of receiving these "well intentioned" directives and I've finally gotten it down and I hardly blink:

    I say, "What an interesting idea. Thank you so much for that." That usually buys a long enough period of confusion that I assume our conversation is over and I depart....
     
  10. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    I'll say thanks for thinking about me, or thanks for being concerned, but I will not say a plain old thank you. I do not want to send the message that what they did is something I want them to do again. Not to me, not to anybody else.
    If it's a long standing friend, I'll try and teach them about diabetes care, which at best means there's somebody who knows what goes into my care, and at worst reassures them that I do know what I'm doing.

    I tell people that herbs can help your body use insulin more efficiently, but don't help the body make it's own insulin, which is useful if you make a little less than you need, but not useful if you make close to none. And that I make close to none, and my body uses insulin pretty efficiently already.
     
  11. swellman

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    I just want to say you seem very well put together for a 21 year old ... I bow to you, Sir, and I do that rarely.
     
  12. LittleGuy'sMom

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    Adonna,
    This is absolutely the right place to vent. This is only the beginning of what you'll be hearing about diet, supplements, exercise, etc. that will help your child reduce his dependence on insulin. :rolleyes: Sometimes family and friends can be the worst. It will get easier as your skin gets thicker. Selective hearing helps, too. ;)
     
  13. lauraqofu

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    Yes, this is where you vent and you get people nodding and going..."Ugh, so been there..." If I had a nickel for every person that has told me about some miracle cure for my dd's diabetes or my own Fibromyalgia or Grave's, I'd be a rich, rich lady.

    I'm sorry you have to be here, and I'm sorry for your son's double diagnosis. However, this board has saved my sanity in the month's since my daughter's diagnosis, so since you have to be here, I'm glad you found it.
     
  14. Barbzzz

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    I would say that if it's someone you care about and that you have a relationship with that is worth the effort, make the effort to explain how their "suggestion" won't work for your child. If that person is not worth the effort, a simple "I appreciate the concern" should suffice, and then go on from there.

    We have experienced a lot of "suggestions" for things that will help cure Alexandra (including consuming what amounts to an acre of dandelion) but I ignore it since I know it came from a place of ignorance.

    Vent away; we get it.
     
  15. Lizzie's Mom

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    One thing that I've found to be very helpful when some bone-head comes along with the latest whatever 'cure' and tells me that insulin is bad:

    I say this, "Oh, she's not on any medicines at all! We simply replace the hormone that her pancreas no longer produces. That's what insulin is."

    They tend to have a deer-in-the-headlights look after that - most are anti-pharma and assume that insulin is 'medication' and therefore a bad thing.

    Educate yourself first, and then pick your battles carefully. Some are just not win-able because of the chosen ignorance of others and not worth your time and emotional energy. There will be times though . . . . :p
     
  16. PrimAdonna

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    Thank you all! Your recommendations are great and I'm sure I will be using them. I mean if my bff thinks it's a good plan to "help" me then my family is not far behind:(

    I do take some comfort in knowing she will see my short "Thank you" reply and realize something was amiss. I will try, now that a cooler head prevails, to compose an email to her that explains T1.

    So glad I found this site!

    Adonna
     
  17. sam1nat2

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    Feel free to vent.

    As hard as it is to see now, maybe she's trying to help? Yes, I realize she may be trying to make a buck too:eek:

    I often tell the well meaning uninformed types that I appreciate their concern, however Sam's type of diabetes can only be treated with insulin, no matter what, no matter what he eats, exercises, its insulin and insulin only.
    I don't fault people for mixing up the 2 types, I get frustrated when they know better or are just trying to push some snake oil on me.


    One thing to consider if you are the type that does like natural supplements, is that some do have an impact on insulin, ginseng for one. I'm all about natural stuff, however I do draw the line on things that can either increase or decrease insulin's efficacy..........
     
  18. Pepper1

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    We hear you

    I refer to them as the "village idiots" because basically they have no idea what they are talking about.

    They don't listen if you try to explain, they have some old Great Uncle with type 2, and think they know everything, because he never had sugar in this tea.

    Health freaks are the worse, I avoid them at all costs, and don't even smile, I just walk away, struck one the other day that insisted my type 1 daughter could have Vitamin C with Sugar in it!!

    I just shook my head, and couldn't believe she was getting paid to say that!!

    Yep heard diabetes is curable, amazing that, I would be rich if it was!! And also how I must of been the worse Mother in the world giving my children all these lollies and coke also to cause it.

    Far from it, the kids have never drunk coke, they don't like it, and as for lollies well they don't have any fillings in their teeth, so that is a load of bullshit also.

    Its normal to want to punch them, at the very least.

    Hang in there, you sound "normal" to us. !!!

    Take care, it is really hard at times.

    My 14 year old daughter was dx this year in march.

    Kind regards.
     
  19. PrimAdonna

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    Yesterday I sent my friend another note. It was a compilation of my writing and some really great stuff another CWD mom sent me... well, okay, it was mostly an exact copy of the other mom's letter to her friend but I did replace the "her"s with "his"... that should count as me writing it, right :rolleyes:

    She sent me a reply this morning and the letter HELPED!:) She was more encouraging and no mention of "herbal remedies" or limiting his insulin.

    One down, many more to punch... I mean speak to in a nice, informative way :D

    Adonna

    One day I'll figure out the signature and you see something like:
    Wife to "big man" T2
    Mom to 4
    dd- hashimoto's- dx 2005
    ds- T1 & Hashimoto's- dx 8/31/10- testing for Celiac in Oct.
    dd and ds- non everything
     
  20. Becky Stevens mom

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    Hello Adonna:) This is exactly where you can vent LOL We have all been through similar things as you with our children. I do think people mean well but its aggravating especially when we are trying to get more comfortable with type 1 diabetes ourselves. People get it confused with type 2 and think that our kids need to cut down on food or sweets (thats what my MIL thought:rolleyes: ) She asked if I should cut back on Stevens sweets, not that he's ever gotten that many. I refuse to stop him from eating any sweets or candy though, there is no need. I would just politely tell people Thank you for your concern but my son is under the care of an endo and we are working with them in my sons diabetes care
     

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