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Is there a word? People "distancing" themselves from dx.

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by ChocolateLover, Jul 13, 2011.

  1. ChocolateLover

    ChocolateLover Approved members

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    I am looking for a word for people "distancing" themselves from dx. This would be mostly people with children themselves or extended family members who don't want "their genetics" to have contributed to dx.

    You could be in a conversation where people are seeking information and maybe at first you think they just want to be informed but then it seems they are only making sure it doesn't "happen to them" or that it wasn't their "fault."

    Thanks you for your time,
     
  2. Christopher

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    It sounds like you are talking about two different scenarios.

    One is the person who is not dealing with diabetes who is trying to reassure themselves that it won't happen to their child.

    The other is the person who has a child with diabetes who is trying to reassure themselves that it was not their fault that their child got diabetes.

    The word "Reassure" seems to fit both scenarios.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2011
  3. AlisonKS

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    I had a friend tell me honestly she wanted to know everything when they heard of my sons diagnosis to make sure that it couldn't happen to them-after awhile she realized sometimes it just happens for no reason so it wasn't comforting to her. She put herself in my shoes and didn't want to be there.

    It's genetic on my side of the family but I don't get the distancing thing. I won't get into some of my family cause this isn't private and I don't want to create a war lol.
     
  4. StillMamamia

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    I think it's just a protective mechanism in an attempt (like Chris wrote) to reassure themselves.
     
  5. Amy C.

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    It is called lack of empathy.
     
  6. denise3099

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    "Cooties." Basically, you've got D cooties. It's a look like a half raised lip and a backing away like you're contageous. :(

    Ever notice when somone gets divorced, all the married ppl don't want to get too close? B/c they have divorce cooties. You don't want them to rub off on you. You don't want it to even be a possibility and once it's out there, it's real.
     
  7. kgerrick

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    Reassure seems to fit. I personally think that it is insensitive. This is why I feel that way...when you find out that someone has been diagnosed with T1D then why not talk to them about their situation. Focusing on them. If you have concerns then take those concerns to your doctor or do some research of your own. While talking with that person about their situation it would be very kind to talk to them about them and what they are going through. It would not be the time to start asking questions for yourself. This is especially important if this person is someone important to you....show them how important they are!:)
     
  8. Becky Stevens mom

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    Yes! I got this attitude from many of my friends with young children. And from my MIL I got the lack of empathy thing. As in, "It couldnt have come from our side of the family" and "Were you feeding him too much candy?" And still after 7 years "I got the low fat brand for Steven!":mad::rolleyes:
     
  9. mmgirls

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    Here are a bunch:

    Egocentric

    Self-centered

    inconsiderate

    uninterested

    indifferent

    Blase'

    Apathetic
     
  10. Kelly.Marie

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    I got the low fat brand for Steven


    What?????? LOL
     
  11. bibrahim

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    She got the H1N1 shot, right? My kids didn't get that.

    The ones that get me are people that don't even acknowledge that you announced the Dx yet they post every day about their post nasal drip, blisters from new shoes, burns from lighting off a fire cracker while they held it, etc.
     
  12. Lisa P.

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    I love the cooties suggestion!

    I think maybe you are looking for a specific word -- is it "disassociation?"
     
  13. Hudson_Rocks

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    My FIL said: "It must be from the S____ side." (That'd be my side of the family. :rolleyes: I get the blame for a lot of things.

    Funny thing is, he knows NOTHING about his family, and the same could be said for my MIL. I know far far more about my extended family than either of them do.
     
  14. Hudson_Rocks

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    In defense of people who withdraw or act stupid....it's scary.

    When my son's blood sugars first started going wonky, I didn't talk to ANYbody, most especially the local friend whose DD has T1. I still don't like to talk about stuff pertaining to it unless *I* initiate it. It's just me. It has nothing to do with her, it's all me. I've unintentionally hurt her feelings (and apologized for it) because I have to do this at my pace and in my way.

    Now, she is the first one I called last night when DS had large ketones (stomach flu, he's fine today thankfully), but again, that was me initiating it, KWIM?
     
  15. nanhsot

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    I don't know, I think this is kind of normal, actually. I feel that I do it all the time, I'll hear of something horrible happening and find out it happened in a part of town that I'd never go to...or at a time of day that I'm sleeping...or doing an activity I'd never do...driving a car I don't drive...and think to myself "well, that won't happen to my family because of xyz". I think there's a protective mechanism going on, and I don't see it as negatively as others do. I think that we need to feel safe in our little world or we'll go nutters. If I thought that my kid was at risk every second I could never rest, you know.

    I think people hope to feel safe, and they don't really lack empathy, they just need some internal reassurance.

    I am guilty of this quite a lot I think. I now know that sometimes bad things just happen.

    I think this reaction is protective and I don't see it as a blaming thing like some of the examples (did you feed them too much candy) were.
     
  16. bibrahim

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    My sister did the Trial net study for her kids. My sister-in-laws both ignored my suggestions. That tells me they think it came from my family, not my husband's side.

    It is just irksome to deal with all of it some days. One of my sister in laws offered us "sugar free" syrup and "agave nectar" "since they are both sugar free" and doesn't get the fact that carbs are carbs and she still needs insulin for them. A pancake breakfast with agave nectar is still gonna be a bunch of carbs, KWIM?

    Forgive me, I'm in one of those moods:p
     
  17. MamaBear

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    I'm in one of those moods today too. My SIL asked recently if we have tried cinnamon yet. And if he is stable yet since it's been about a year. :rolleyes: She's one of those who is hard of hearing. But she is also one who knows someone who has a kid who is diabetic who takes oral insulin instead of shots,and thinks I should push our endo to let us try it.. you all have probably had that conversation so I am sure I don't need to finish that thought.....:rolleyes:

    We have had people distance themselves from us, mainly one of my son's best friends and his family. But we have also had others who have become closer to us since diagnoses, and for them I am truly grateful. :)
     
  18. deafmack

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    My Mother keeps telling me that I didn't get diabetes from her side of the family, that it could have only come from my Dad's side. Well, I know everyone on my Dad's side has diabetes both type 1 and type 2 but I told my Mother that she has no idea if there is diabetes on her side of the family because her immediate family all passed away before they tested for it like the do now so we will never know if there was diabetes on her side but I wouldn't discount it. At the same time it is like if she keeps telling me I got it from my Dad's side then it frees her from any blame when there is no blame to be had. It just is something that is.
     
  19. Nobby1

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    A good friend of my dd's mom is always very considerate when it comes to things like b'day parties, especially holding it in such a way that there is not much sweets & cake involved and "can she get something special for my dd?". Last year the poor little bugger's b'day party was even cancelled because my dd could not attend (diagnosed & in hospital). But at the same time she put her kids on a strict "diet" since dd's diagnoses so they dont get it too :rolleyes:Gotta love her, really.

    The in laws as a rule make out as if it is nothing, so I vary between being really happy that they just see her life as normal AND really upset that they don't acknowledge how hard life sometimes is for her, there is no way satisfy the likes of me obviously :cwds:
     
  20. ChocolateLover

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    thanks everyone!!!

    I guess for the people with children it would be they are trying to "insulate" themselves from the potential of bad stuff.

    For extended family it is a "normal" reaction at first to dx. I read about it in a book about chronic illness in children but I gave the book away to a friend. I just feel like 7+ years after dx we would be over that.

    Thanks for responding.
    You know that "hello. Anybody out there?" moments when you feel alone in this. And then you think how alone your child must feel too.

    These boards are amazing.
     

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