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I'm so sick of 'educating'...

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Emilyk1054, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. Emilyk1054

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    I guess I feel that I owe it to my daughter to educate, and try to teach people the basics of type 1 (when they ask... or try to throw in their 2 cents).
    You know the basics, we've all been there a MILLION times... 'nooo, she can eat anything she wants' 'Shes gets a shot everytime she eats carbs' 'nooooo, its not sugar, its carbs' yada yada yaaaa.. its soooooo exhausting.
    I catch myself getting rude with people. Strangers, not so much. Its more my inlaws and other family. I'm just so sick of it (especially my inlaws, who ive explained to in dept at least 5 times.. and they either are just not listening, or dont believe me)

    I guess what I'm trying to say, is I'm just OVER IT. I feel sorta guilty about it in a way.
    When my daughter was dx 6 months ago, I'd jump at the chance to talk D. I LOVED when people would ask, when they were curious and I had the chance to let someone in. Not looking for a pitty party, but just for someone to understand.

    Ill share this little story.. probably not the greatest. We were in Uno's last week, and we had the worst server known to man. She was such an air head... screwed everything up. Well she saw Brooke get her shot, and she says to us "aw, she's a diabetic? She must have the bad kind"... Thank god she was far enough away she didn't hear my daughter say "aww.. she must have the bad kind.. of stupid". I wanted to laugh, ohhhh I wanted to laugh. But I couldnt.. I had to get onto my daughter and tell her never say that... but it made me giggle on the inside. Even my 3 yr old is OVER IT!

    I never wanted my daughter to HIDE her diabetes.. but we've started, just bc its not worth it.
     
  2. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    Time for new replies.
    I know we all get asked if that's "the bad one," and I for one think that that's one of the most annoying questions. My usual reply is that the type doesn't determine severity- that type 1s after the first years are all pretty much equally unable to make insulin, but some type 2s have just as much trouble managing blood sugars even with insulin, and after many years some type 2s also don't make insulin.

    But to me the really obvious answer is, "It's the Jonah kind, of course, which means it's the best kind!"
    You have to sound enthusiastic for this to work.

    I think you could also ask a stranger to consider that they are asking this question in front of a child, possibly by turning to your child and saying, "What do you think, is it a bad kind?"
     
  3. PatriciaMidwest

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    Yeah, some people are totally not worth wasting the time and energy on. If I was feeling a bit spicy I would have thrown the ball back in her court and asked her what the good kind (of diabetes) is? Then watch her stutter and slither away.

    I don't really go into a lot of detail with non D people anymore (unless a teacher, etc). They really don't seem to get it and I hate feeling like I've bared my soul only to have this person look at me like I have 3 heads. It is pointless.

    I don't hide her diabetes, but I also don't owe the whole world an explanation. Depending on who is asking, I limit the conversation and choose my words carefully.

    I think as your child gets older you may get less intrusive questions, maybe?



     
  4. Emilyk1054

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    Good.. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. I was afraid I'm just a jerk, and I was also afraid it was rubbing off on my daughter.
    I feel like we have a right to be annoyed but... just wanted to make sure :rolleyes:
    Poor Brooke... she will have to deal with it 24/7 for the rest of her life... I only have to while I'm the one who speaks for her.
     
  5. RosemaryCinNJ

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    I hear you...and that server was RUDE..what a thing to say.."the bad kind"?? I want to know what the good kind is!! One lady actually told me that she "hates" needles...when we were on MDI..of course in front of Amanda..My daughter thinks everyone has type 1 til about a year ago! I wish we had a thread of what not to say to type 1 parents ...I think most people mean well, they just dont "think"...
     
  6. Pepper1

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    Yes, educating the "Village idiots"

    They ask, you explain, they ask more stupid questions, like is off her injections now, you sigh, and explain again, their eyes glaze over, they tell you they are so thankful, THEIR child doesn't have it, you tell them they could get it, they just laugh and carry on with getting their groceries etc! You feel like pulling a whole shelf down in a supermarket, and hitting at a wall, as you go back to carb counting, in the same supermarket aisle.

    Its hell, just damn hell!
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2010
  7. Pepper1

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    My daughter is 14 years old

    and got dx 6 months ago also, and is also gluten free, and not by choice.
     
  8. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    That's exactly how I feel. ;)
     
  9. mmc51264

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    We had an icident at a McDonald's where a kid working the drive-through made a comment about someone "that's and order looking to have diabetes (or something to that effect)" and all my son heard was the "diabetes" part and them laughing. He thought they were laughing at him (he is 6). I went to the manager and told him. At first he didn't get it, but the realized it might not be good press if he blew off the angry parent of a D kid. Long story, he got it. And we got a free meal for our whole family. I don't think people are mean on purpose, they are just ignorant about it and we, un fortunately, need to educate.
    My neighbor brought it to our principal's attention that during the diabetes awareness (both kinds, which is great) and JDRF fundraising that having a pizza party for the winning class might be sending a conflicted message. This is the principal who told us that we need to manage our son's D by managing his diet better "maybe he shouldn't eat pizza for lunch (bs spikes, yada yada). I told her they need to eliminate the pizza parties. You see where that went LOL
     
  10. Lisa P.

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    A few months after we got the pump I ran across a post or something and suddenly wondered how much Selah understood about what it was all about. I don't think, to this day, she's ever said the word diabetes. Or blood sugar. So I asked her, what's the pump for?

    "It's for ME!" she said emphatically.
     
  11. Lisa P.

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    I really don't mind random strangers trying to express sympathy. It can get to be a bit too much, but I've been in plenty of situations myself where I was awkward and didn't know what to say, and probably said something stupid.

    I think where it gets rough is when people use my kid's diabetes to try to push to the front something about themselves. Try to show how smart they are, or use it as a launching point for discussing their own ailments in great detail, or use it as a stick to hit me with when they are criticizing my parenting. I think it's good during those times to realize that it's not about the diabetes, this person would just find some other tinder if the diabetes weren't present. If someone uses Selah's diabetes to try to tell me how to feed her, or how to discipline her, or anything else that it's none of their business to tell me, I don't try to educate about the diabetes. I treat it the same way I would any intrusion into my privacy and my "kingdom" -- the drawbridge comes up, the knights man the walls.

    Gonna try to teach her that, too. If it really is sympathy, accept it graciously. If it really is trying to understand, explain. If it really is ignorance and fumbling, sympathize with them. Benefit of the doubt. But if someone is trying to tell you how to live or come down on you for not doing things their way, they can mind their own business.
     
  12. NomadIvy

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    Aaaw. Don't you wish they'll always have this kind of innocent attitude about it?
     
  13. Willy

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    Yes in-laws and family SHOULD get it by all means. This is their FAMILY it is impacting so absolutely they should know. That would make mental and so so so disappointed. When it comes to strangers, I just take a moment and remember back to before ds was dx....I didn't know a thing about it and I am sure if I had seen someone getting a finger check or a needle....I quite possible would have said something stupid or inappropriate. And I am not a mean or malicious person, it would have just been said out of ignorance and not understanding. Even close friends of mine...smart, educated, caring people, still say the wrong things, but I know it is not meant in a mean way. I guess as ds gets older and he starts to pick up on it, I will be more upset about it...but for now I just am thankful that people notice and care enough to comment. I'd rather have the opportunity to help educate them than for them to say something behind our backs. Although, ask me again in about 3 years and I am sure I'll have a few stories about verbally ripping someone's head off....I can see how it would get old fast....
     
  14. Flutterby

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    Maybe I'm a completely different kind of parent.. but I would have laughed if my daughter had said that.. She needs to let her frustrations out.. I let her do it in that way.. if she needs to tell someone to back off while she testing, and their staring.. I let her do it.. if she needs to reply to a nasty comment, I let her do it.. I don't want her hiding diabetes and I don't want her ashamed of having it either..

    I laughed when I read what your daughter said, it was, well.. creative. :D
     
  15. quiltinmom

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    The question I usually get is, "Will he grow out of it?"

    I don't have too much trouble with this; there's no family to keep asking incessant questions, and we don't eat out much, so it's not a big deal right now. I haven't gotten tired of educating people yet, but I bet it will happen someday.

    When I feel like being snippy with people, I try to remind myself that I would probaly have asked the same dumb, ignorant questions (before DX). I knew a little about D, but not that much.
     
  16. Danielle2008

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    Exactly how I feel, as well.

    There are a few people at work who have asked more about Diabetes, and a few of them, I will go into more detail...because I can tell they truly want to understand more.

    There are a few others at work that I will NEVER get into a conversation about it with...even if they tried to ask more.

    It is amazing how hard it is for people to grasp what Type 1 is. Even when you dumb it down for them.:rolleyes:
     
  17. sam1nat2

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    I blame the media for producing so many idiots, that and the fact that we have the same name for a different type of disease.

    Family, they should get it, and WANT to.
    Strangers, well I was one of them prior to dx, even though fil has had t1D. I keep it simple----I ignore the bad kind and just say that he can eat what he wants, that his pump in theory (or you can say shots) mimics what our bodies do with insulin in response to eating---the "other" type they make insulin which doesn't work so they have to control with diet.

    Its interesting, my next door neighbor's dd has D as well, but a different type, most likely neonatal. She's been living with this since birth (she's 14 now) and when her mom and I talk d I don't quite get her type of D. Its just what you are exposed to I suppose. And if all you are exposed to is media talking about the obesity epidemic and rise of t2, well then...
     
  18. MHoskins2179

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    I can handle educating strangers.

    Like, "Oh, why do you think it's the bad kind? Media says so? Well, that's not correct and here's why..."

    However, one person I won't ever ever try to educate: my mother in law.

    No thank you.

    She's Type 2 and watches Oprah and Oz, so she's "all-knowing."

    My skin crawls everytime diabetes comes up in her presence. My wife agrees.

    Some, you just can't educate - you know, the "bad kind of stupid" (AWEsome response!)
     
  19. KHM

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    The Jonah Kind

    "But to me the really obvious answer is, "It's the Jonah kind, of course, which means it's the best kind!"
    You have to sound enthusiastic for this to work."

    Absolutely; that's the answer. I stumbled into it once when I was describing my frustration that the people who teach my daughter just DON'T GET IT. I was saying no two diabetics are exactly alike and there's nobody in the entire world that is just like Lindsay. My friend smiled and I realized: that's it. Lindsay is Lindsay and the way she experiences diabetes, manifests its ups and downs, manages her diet...those are all things one can't presume to know until they've taken the time to learn about HER diabetes. :cwds:

    I'm not suggesting everyone who knows Lindsay should understand each and every detail but whether things are "good" or "bad" or how we administer insulin and choose food, those are things that most people can understand are not universal.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2010
  20. pianoplayer4

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    there are some people who will never get it they have "the bad kind of stupid"lol the only place I hide my d is when we are with extended family, sad but true:rolleyes:
     

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