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if you don't have anything nice to say...

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by 4monkeez, Feb 7, 2011.

  1. frizzyrazzy

    frizzyrazzy Approved members

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    same. agreed. I'm bobbing along in unison, even though it's against my nature ;)
     
  2. CaelinsMommy

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    I look at CWD as a family. That being said my family is big and loud and OPINIONATED. We love each other and we support each other but when we disagree the gloves come off and it can get UGLY. Feelings get hurt sometimes but at least we're honest with each other and at the end of the day we would never abandon one another no matter how much we disagree. I have never expected a warm-fuzzy feeling from CWD, I'm just not a warm-fuzzy/touchy-feely/kissy-huggy type of girl ;)
     
  3. StillMamamia

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    This reminds me of my mom's family. Very opinionated, loud, direct. The first time DH met them he kept asking why we were arguing. I told him we were not, it's just how we are.:D But they are very huggy, though.
     
  4. jules12

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    I recommend CWD to everyone I know who has diabetes. Too many times I have gone to a class by medtronic, conference, or just an event in general with other parents of Type 1 children and you know what - they aren't getting the kind of information we get here. I am amazed because I go to a very progressive endo clinic that has no problems putting people on a pump early, cgms, etc but people I meet who go there as well just seem to quit seeking information. They ask me questions about how did you hear about that, etc.

    I have learned so many tips and had some really "complicated" things for me to figure out, explained very clearly by people who understand. That, my friends, is priceless information. It clearly outweighs the arguments that get overheated or any of my posts that just get ignored. I think we all have a moment where you think you are the "one" that no one responds to or notices. I have said many times that I would quite posting or leave...but I just can't....it is too helpful!

    At a recent conference I attended, a speaker mentioned that one way to stay healthy is to continually seek out new technology and information that will assist your child in better managing your diabetes. CWD really helps me with this.
     
  5. 4monkeez

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    Okay, so here I am ....the rabble rouser :)....I would like to respond to a lot of what PP have said, but that would take too long, so here's my opinion:

    Yes, my original post is what made me post this,in addition to others I have seen since I have been coming here; however, most of the responses to my, clearly marked in the title of the thread, vent were positive and helpful, and yes, I am new to this, admittedly highly sensitive,, emotional and overtired right now; but I believe that is how a lot of us "newbies" are feeling when we ask for advice or vent to see if others(especially veterans) have ever felt the same. So why is it wrong to be sensitive to that? I am hard pressed to believe that even the oldest D veterans don't remember how , in the begining, they might have needed a little extra sensitivity.

    I believe greatly in constructive criticism and debate as a wonderful learning tool, however, as one poster said...KINDNESS matters. When people are hurting and are in need of SUPPORT, things like, "i don't mean to sound harsh" or other passive-aggressive statements are not necessary to get your point accross, if you didn't want or mean to be harsh, there is no need to say that. Also, suggesting that a person in "emotional crisis" should feel blessed, is in my opinion,telling them what they are feeling is not valid...also not helpful...most of us know we are blessed, but have bad days. Also, I really didn't want to go down the road of pointing fingers from my OP, but if it helps you understand (and you may say, I am defensive or thin skinned) when I was venting about my DH, who I felt was maybe not as involved in our son's D care as I would like (irrational? Maybe) suggesting that his work is more important because it is "paid work" would be offesive and hurtful to most SAHM I know.

    So my point was, yes...give consrtuctive criticism, disagree, state your opinion, and experience, but that can all be done respectfully and kindly. it's only my opinion, so I am happy that you all shared yours. I AM very gratfeul for this bored, overall I have gained a lot of knowledge. I will still do a lot of reading...but I probably won't post for a while...
     
  6. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    Really, I still don't know what the heck this thread is all about. Was the OP just annoyed that someone suggested that she was not seeing the whole picture in her dh thread? I hope not.

    I'm sorry for CWD that this thread is even getting as much traffic as it is. And I'm loath to be adding to it, but really, can we just stop being so whiny?

    I was just playing with the "search" mechanism and if you look for threads over a year old with more that 20 replies you get page after page after page of interesting, long lasting, community building debates and conversations. Many with 400 comments that went on for days and rambled and opened up new ideas and actually went somewhere interesting.

    Yes, people argue. Yes, some posters get on other poster's nerves. So what?

    Over the years who have I learned the most from? Who has pushed me to think through problems or management tactics that I might have previously dismissed? Often the very people who I didn't get on with right away. I probably didn't take to them because they were unlike me in their thinking, and duh, that's how they were able to show me something different.

    I'm a grown-up. I like debate, discussion and even a little eye rolling now and again. Yes, we're here to support each other, but if that "support" is reduced to threads with 100 looks and 3 comments, dead-end, head bobbing threads, vapid, "the ping is here, I'm opening the box" threads, then we really are doing ourselves a disservice.

    Telling people to be, "nice" all the time or to be quiet, is taken all too literally by far too many and serves only to shut down the only real value we bring to and take from CWD: knowledge, opinion, experience and a willingness to be open to the possibility that we are wrong and can grow and learn and get better.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2011
  7. frizzyrazzy

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    I wanted to make sure you knew you weren't ignored ;) This is 100% what I see, day in and day out. Parents who have had diabetes in their homes for years and years and years don't even know there is a 'thing' called a CGM.. or have any clue that maybe those weird spikes are fat spikes. These aren't things we learned at our endo. The endo's simply don't have time. There was a post yesterday from a woman who's endo told them "no pump till age 7"..she at least came here and got a whole lot of replies about how dumb that was for the endo to say. How long has she been sitting on that, wondering, and now she knows that it's not her, it's her endo.
     
  8. 4monkeez

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    Did you read my response above? I tried to explain....did I fail? I was just trying to make a point...didn't expect the response it got...
     
  9. SueM

    SueM Banned

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    I guess this just falls into the category of we can't pick and choose the children/parents that are affected by t1d.... :eek:

    It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. I do think that once you get an understanding of a certain person's way of posting... it is easier to see that oftentimes it isn't personal towards you - but simply that person's style, personality, etc. It is what it is....
     
  10. hawkeyegirl

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    Well, I guess I don't see anything wrong with anything that people said in your other thread. Honestly, in a 4+ page thread, you cannot expect everyone to reply exactly as you hope they would. EVERYONE gave you respectful, polite advice, even if it was not all what you would like to hear.

    I've honestly learned that if I'm feeling particularly oversensitive about an issue not to post about it. There is no way that I can control people's responses, and someone is bound to upset me, probably unintentionally. That doesn't mean that you should never post a vent. But if you are so upset about whatever it is that you're posting that even the sliiiiiiiighest criticism or reply suggesting that you could do something differently would devastate you, it's probably best to stop and think before laying open your wound before anyone who cares to comment.

    I also think the place to address any problems with what people said was in that thread, and not by starting a new thread with no indication as to what was specifically bothering you. Most people in this thread had no idea that you were talking about a specific thread, and that's part of why the responses to you in this thread are all over the board.

    I hope you're feeling better soon, and that a little time will give you fresh perspective on the matter.
     
  11. shekov

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    Love this board. Love that we can all have heated debates, get upset, cry, ask for support, get real practical advice without sugar coating, get HUGS when we need them, enjoy a good arugala/salad bar joke,....

    I detest snarkiness in the forums so try to avoid threads that involve what I percieve to be snarkiness. (Not that I'm never snarky....you should meet me in person...)

    If a disagreement isn't pertinent to the thread, I believe it should be carried out in PMs rather than involve a bunch of others but often times the disagreements are ON TOPIC and bring to light some very interesting info that could be missed.

    I recommend this site to everyone. If they don't want to join in the meelee at least they can read what seems important to them. As they say on School House Rock, "Knowlege is power.".:D
     
  12. jules12

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    Aw Thanks LOL - but I don't take it personal when I kill a thread or post something that just doesn't get much traffic. Sometimes it is just about the need to get it out of my head --- It is all therapeutic!!!!!!
     
  13. wilf

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    I think you are reading more into people's posts than anyone was saying or intending. I've re-read that thread front to back and don't see anyone suggesting that your DH's paid work is more important than the work you're doing at home. Speaking for myself, I sure wasn't.

    I do the paid work in our family and my wife is a SAHM - as far as I'm concerned she is doing the real work of the family, namely taking the lead in raising the kids and keeping us all comfortably housed, clothed and nourished.
     
  14. Bigbluefrog

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    Thanks Wilf, for the kind words. :)

    I have been a SAHM and as rewarding as it can be, it's good to appreciated by our family members.
     
  15. Bigbluefrog

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    Good point, and add that we are mostly tired from the night checks, and sometimes things get lost in translation.


    I was going to add the female hormone factor in....but we all know about that!

    Try working with a bunch of ladies.......oh man its scary!
     
  16. 4monkeez

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    Oh well....sorry for causing such a controversy.
     
  17. 4monkeez

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    Okay, sorry...I guess this isn't the place for me, I really didn't mean to cause such a ruckus. I guess I am just over-sensitive.
     
  18. MamaC

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    Each of us has to find our own happy place in our search for support. Sometimes it's permanent and sometimes it's fleeting, and sometimes it's imperfect or turns out to not be what we thought at all.

    Kinda like life.
     
  19. chkpea

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    I don't have time at the moment to read through all the previous posts but here is my two sense on the matter and perhaps it has already been said. Number 1 is the poster said in her previous thread that it was a vent...clearly stated. I do know when I am venting it is just that, I need to get it out and that is very healthy to do. Now you may say...get a journal, but I also like to vent to someone. So I would say that is one kind of post "venting" - not asking for opinions or advice. But if someone posts something in regards to looking for advic/opinions it is usually stated in their post in one way, shape or form. For the most part when I am "venting" which seems to be the only time I seem to post at the moment I don't usually get much in the way of responses, sometimes I just think that I am totally uninteresting, or I haven't worded it right, or people just think I am a wing-ding. So, it's hard, obviously the op's post struck a chord with many people - which is hard if it has hit you in a positive or negative way not to respond - I guess. But I am rambling now - but really a vent is a vent and people when venting usually are just trying to air some dirty laundry and are not looking for peoples advice. just my two sense.
     
  20. chkpea

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    oh and I am also a master at killing threads.
     

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