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I should have kept my mouth shut (a vent)

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by DsMom, Feb 8, 2012.

  1. DsMom

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    Daniel is working on a "Me Museum" for school...due on Friday. Basically he's just supposed to gather photos and other things on a poster board about himself and also bring in "artifacts" about important things in his life to share with his class. Last night, we were online printing out photos of things he likes...animals, traffic signs, pictures of electricity (he is a budding electrician or electrical engineer). Without thinking, I said "Oh, should we look for stuff about diabetes or JDRF?" and immediately regretted it. I should have left it up to him...I shouldn't have brought it up. At first he said "Why would I want to do that?," which made me actually so glad that it really didn't even occur to him that diabetes is a big part of his life or something that describes him. But then I had to think of something to say and tried to backpedal and said something like, "You're right, no reason to include that if you weren't thinking of it." But then he became interested and asked what we might include...so I looked for images of the JDRF sneaker, and we found a cute image saying "Got Insulin?" (like the "Got Milk?" ad campaign), which he really liked and wanted to print out and include.

    He probably would have done this whole project without thinking about including D and, even though he became enthusiastic about it, I feel bad about bringing it up. What an idiot. Why would I go and remind him of something we all try so hard to make so small in our lives?:( Bad mommy...bad, bad mommy!!!:mad: On the upside, I'm really glad HE didn't bring it up and think it was an important describer of his life.:cwds:
     
  2. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    So tell him that. ;)

    We all screw up. In the scheme of things it's not such a big blunder.:cwds:
     
  3. MomofSweetOne

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    I saw a blog once that said something like "Diabetes doesn't define me, but it helps explain who I am." That so resonated with me. I don't see my daughter being defined by diabetes, but who she is becoming is shaped in part by the challenges of living with D.
     
  4. quiltinmom

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    I don't think bringing it up was a bad thing. It's a part of who he is, just like the color of his hair or his shoe size. There's no reason to shy away from it. He didn't seem to be upset by it, so you shouldn't either. He found something he liked that deals with diabetes. That's actually a good thing, IMO. You didn't force him to include it; he wanted to. He didn't want to hide it, as if having D was shameful or embarrassing. To me, it looks like he took a step toward accepting diabetes. I would consider that to be a small victory, not something to beat myself up over. So, good job, mom! You helped him to see diabetes in a positive light.
     
  5. Noel

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    Don't worry about bringing it up. Unfortunately it is a part of him. My DH has had diabetes for 36 years, he said when he was little he tried to hide it, like he was ashamed of it and he almost died because of it (low, passed out, no one knew what was wrong). Fast forward to when my son was diagnosed and one of the first things that DH said was "No way is he hiding this or acting like he is ashamed". It is what it is and it's a part of him so there's no hiding it.

    Aidan was recently interviewed about having diabetes and he said,

    Aidan, how do you feel about having Type 1 Diabetes? "Well, I kind of like it. It's what I know. It's one of the things that makes me special. You see everyone has something about them that makes them special from another person and Diabetes is kind of mine. Wait, it's not the only thing, but it is one thing. So I'm good with it?

    I think it's good that you showed him that it's ok to put it out there. With that being said if you are worrying about how he feels, talk to him. Ask him how he feels about it.
     
  6. virgo39

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    I can understand how you feel -- but it sounds like he reacted in the same way he might of had you brought up some other activity or interest that he had that he had not thought of including. And that seems like a good thing.
     
  7. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    He has to live with diabetes every day for the next long while and it will be easier if there are things that diabetes makes him think of that are good, not if he thinks it's a topic he's supposed to avoid. And you shouldn't have to avoid it either. There is nothing wrong and everything right about finding something connected to diabetes that makes him happy, proud, and enthusiastic.
     
  8. Rcj176

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    love that!
     
  9. emm142

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    This.

    (MTS)
     
  10. Niaz

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    take it easy !!

    I agree with All the beautiful ,(realistic) comments above that were written so impressively!!
    I believe,there was nothing wrong with your suggestion! In fact you did well:)
     
  11. Tracy1918

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    I totally understand! I've done the same thing. Now I'm making an effort to see things from his perspective instead of mine. Still working on that...
     
  12. DsMom

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    Thanks so much for all your replies. They are very helpful and enlightening. I have been going back in forth in my head about it the past couple of days. It feels odd to think this, but I do feel proud that Daniel has D...not because of the disease itself, but because of the brave and positive way he usually deals with it. I think I brought it up to him because I kind of wanted other kids in his class to see that too. Daniel is small and not athletic. I think I just wanted to figuratively shout out "Hey all of you tough little sports guys...look how tough MY guy is! Think playing football makes you tough...try living with THIS!" Childish of me...I know:eek: And not at allwhat his classmates will get out of seeing this on his poster. But I think it felt like a badge of honor to me...something to mark how strong he is.

    He was very happy putting his Me Museum together and made sure to include every little JDRF sneaker we printed. D is never anything I've wanted him to hide...we test in public, at school...he has no shameful feelings about it...and neither do I. I guess I just didn't want him to think that I think it is one of the most important parts of him...that's why I felt bad bringing it up. But, his reaction was positive...and all your input has made me feel better. Thanks again!:cwds:
     
  13. Mish

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    sounds like it's all good. I'm a bit like you, I tend not to bring it up and I truly don't think that my child thinks diabetes is a big part of his life. But recently he had to pick a scientist or inventor for a project, do a tiny bit of research and present his poster. And I suggested Frederick Banting and he asked who it was, and I told him. And he was excited about that because he said that no one else would pick him, and that he didn't even know there was a guy who had done something that he could directly relate to. It was one of those situations where I was thinking "should i say something, or should I not."
     
  14. DsMom

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    That's a great idea! Next year, when he is in third grade, they do a "Wax Museum" where they dress up like an important historical figure and do a short speech as if it were that person speaking. That would be such a great and informative person for Daniel to present. I'll have to throw him in among a few other suggestions next year to see what he thinks! If I give him a bunch of people to consider, I think I'd feel better than how I handled the Me Museum thing.
     
  15. Mish

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    I also brought up Dean Kamen http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dean_Kamen
    inventor of the segway and....the insulin pump. :)
     
  16. CAGrandma

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    Definitely a bad mommy. Really? I hope all your mommy mistakes are this bad. Might have been an 'oops moment' but doesn't come within miles of being a real bad mommy one.
     
  17. DsMom

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    Really! I had no idea. Always thought that segway was such a goofy invention and waste of time (unless you're a mall cop;)). Will never look at one the same way now knowing that it's inventor helps make my son's life easier every day!!! Daniel will get a kick out of knowing this!
     
  18. DsMom

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    Just how I felt in the moment.;):eek:
     

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