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I have to get over this...

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by toohughey, Jul 28, 2012.

  1. toohughey

    toohughey Approved members

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    EVERY morning lately, I wake up afraid my DD is dead. Where is this coming from? We have been doing the Diabetes thing for nearly 7 years, she is pretty predictable, wears a CGMS, I have a monitoring system to alert me at night.

    I post my fears here so none of my friends or DD will see them. Maybe venting it will make it go away. She is 14 and getting independent. Maybe I am not letting her go?

    UGH, anyone else get me?
     
  2. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

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    I think we probably all have the occasional "What if...." mornings, but with you saying it is happening every day, could it be depression showing up in that format? Just a wonder, not diagnosing.

    I'm sorry you're struggling with this.
     
  3. Mommy For Life

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    I have definitely had those scary feelings too, but not on a daily basis. I think fears can be consuming if not put into check. If you have been struggling with these fears for sometime maybe talking to your Dr might be helpful. I hope you feel better soon. :cwds:
     
  4. Bigbluefrog

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    I have those moments too, usually it's a fear that she needs help.

    Sometimes mother's intuition is right and she is low, other times she is fine.

    This is the 4th year dealing with diabetes and she is doing fine.

    She is growing up and needing less help with her care. I think it is normal to be worried about our kids, isn't that what mom's do?

    Hugs
     
  5. Lisa P.

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    I'm so sorry. I definitely remember the mornings of getting up every day holding my breath as I looked in the crib, but those days of every day fear have passed.

    How long have you been feeling this way in the mornings? Has it always been there, or is it more recent? Can you track it back to something that happened, even something that seems unrelated? My experience with anxiety is that it is fungible :p. Often when we feel anxious about something in our lives it "shows" in the areas we are most accustomed to feeling worried, if you know what I mean. It seems to me you could be seeing your kids have more independent lives where you have less control over the hazards they face in general, and your anxiety attaches itself to the diabetes?

    Do you have worries about your other daughter?
    '
    One other piece of (probably useless) advice -- humans really are creatures of habit, and morning patterns can become so ingrained -- e.g. coffee just like this each morning, a morning show or radio or sitting outside each morning, the drive to work you do without remembering it because it's the same each morning. To the degree that on Saturdays if you go out at the same time of day to go to the store, you might find yourself driving to work on auto-pilot, right? So if you had a few days in a row where you very reasonably had worries (it hits us all sometimes, right?), and it established a pattern, could you have kind of formed a habit?

    If so, I'd look at the methods people use to break habits -- I think folks are usually most successful with substitution, replacing the habit with some other activity or thought or behavior, at first by forcing yourself, but it eventually takes the place of the old habit.

    There's my armchair philosophy -- totally gag-worthy. But my real sentiment is that I'm sorry you are feeling this every day and hope you find peace and feel much better soon.
     
  6. Christopher

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    It is perfectly normal to have those kinds of thoughts when you have a child with a chronic, life-thretening illness. The issue becomes if it starts interfering with your daily life, work, health, caring for your child, etc. If you feel it is, then you may want to consult a mental health professional to try and work out your issues with talk therapy or possibly medication. Medication will not "cure" your depression, but a good anti-depressant may reduce those strong negative feelings and allow you to work through the main issues in therapy.

    Or it could just be a phase and will resolve itself over time.

    Good luck.
     
  7. lgouldin

    lgouldin Approved members

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    My dd was diagnosed a little over a year ago.... Everyday :( but I'm not depressed or anything.... it's a fear in the back of my mind.
     
  8. StillMamamia

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    I still check my son's breathing during the night and in the mornings. It's always in my mind. I just do it instinctively. I don't do it during the day obviously (I think he'd be really annoyed if I checked his breathing while awake:eek:), but yeah, it's something I do think about.

    Can you perhaps speak to your endo about this or see if he/she can suggest a counselor just to air out your fears and feelings, and see how to not let it be so "in your face"?

    I think the teen years also exarcebate those fears, no? I do know, for me, I am not really looking forward to those years - the letting go a bit here and there, trusting them with some of their care, etc, etc.

    I'm sorry. I hope you can find a way to deal with this.
     
  9. Joretta

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    I did fine during the first year of diagnoses at 13. But sometime after she turned 14 I began having the same feeling. They never interfered in the day other than my saying hey sunshine do you need anything and my getting a rollover or a no why. This feeling just recently started to subside. I think it might be complicated by D but I think it is the age she no longer shared every aspect of her life. I knew deep in my heart she was possibly doing and experimenting with her life as teens do and I was scared for where she was headed. Diabetes complicated because the normal not sharing and possibly trying things you should are even more dangerous. Try thinking through the why to help you get through.
     
  10. Heather(CA)

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    Sorry your feeling this way :( Is she sleeping in more?
     
  11. caspi

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    Tracy, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm sending you a PM with my phone #. If you ever want to talk, or get together for coffee, call me! :cwds:
     
  12. toohughey

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    Thanks every one! I may be transferring some fears about my 17 year old. she is away at a residential program at the Corcoran school of Art for 2 weeks and I must be anxious. I have two more semesters to go in the RN program and will soon have to begin working. Also, my mother just moved in with me. (OMG)

    Okay, there is some stress here! :eek:

    I will try some of these suggestions. I don't think I am ready for therapy yet, but if my life begins to get affected, I am open to that too.
     
  13. sooz

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    Ok! You are really in the stress swimming pool with all that on your plate. I'm in charge of worry in my family so I get it. Honestly, I am more concerned about people who DON'T worry about their D kids at least sometimes. When you start to worry too much, try to come up with some " magic" word or prayer that will change your worry to something positive. For me, it is a silly little phrase that two radio guys came up with years ago, EGBOK. EGBOK stands for "everything's gonna be OK." So when I start obsessing I tell myself EGBOK. Prayer is good to, if you can give it to God and just ask God to take care of it for a little while, if you think that might help, I don't want to step on anyone's religious toes. Teen years are hard, hang in there.
     
  14. BittysMom

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    My daughter usually wakes me up in the morning, but if she sleeps in for some reason I admit to having a mild pit in my stomach until I check on her.
     
  15. danielsmom

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    I myself started anti depressants about 2 months ago. It has been life changing. I was so stressed and full of anxiety...and feeling short tempered and bitchy all the time.. With my son's illness and personal things that have happened, loss of my sister, my dad...issues with brother, I think when Daniel became ill it was the straw that broke this mama's back.. They have been life changing..I am no longer anxious.. I can focus and think things out calmly without feeling in fear all the time..plus I am talking to someone...it helps to pour out your heart and soul to someone that is just there to listen and not judge.. This last visit, I rushed her cause I had a party to go to lol...told her I just wasn't feeling as bad about things anymore and the stuff that had brought me to tears was just a sore spot...anyhows thinking about my son's diabetes never goes away...but it doesn't bring me tear me to pieces anymore.. I feel better about how I handle things...course it has been a year and it just may be more confidence..but I still have to deal with his ups and downs mentally and physically how he feels and I"m just glad I can be stronger and be more of a calming effect than not..
     
  16. Andy'sMom

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    We are 8 years into D management and I also have that feeling pretty much every morning. It's not a feeling that controls my life and I don't feel depressed or anything like that. Maybe it is just a "habit" feeling like someone else mentioned, but for me, it's life. We do not have a CGM so I check him in his room if I wake up after the night test to make sure he's breathing and I also do this some mornings (but not all mornings). I do not wake him from sleeping, but i do check for breathing and sometimes touch his shoulder to make sure he moves in response. I don't have any advice on this, except to say that I think it's normal to worry about our D kids having dangerous lows while they sleep.
     
  17. Lisa P.

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    Feeling any better today?

    Hey, if a guilty confession would help, over a year ago I started lying down with Selah again instead of dragging my bleary toosh into her room several times a night to check her CGM or her bg. It doesn't keep her safer -- I'm not going to know lying next to her any more than lying in the other room if she has a low, probably, and I could rig something to hear CGM alarms and set my own alarm to check her. But I suspect being able to hear her rustle when I get up in the morning saves me from what you are talking about (not that I don't sometimes get it, too).

    It certainly may simply be your normal, your mind's way of keeping in the "urgent" category your child's needs. It sounds like it must be very hard on you, though, so I hope if it is you can find a way to not have that fear every morning. :cwds:

    Amazing list of stuff you've got going, by the way! Congrats to you and your girls.
     
  18. Turtle1605

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    I did have to talk with my doctor about an anti-anxiety medication. I could not have gotten over the rough patch without it.

    Every time I went to sleep, when I would wake up...for a split second I thought the whole diabetes thing was a nightmare and then it would hit me that it wasn't. It was like diagnosis was happening over and over and over again so, I then started not sleeping at all because the emotional torture when I woke up was too much. The medicine really helped.
     
  19. ladybuglacy

    ladybuglacy New Member

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    :(

    I do not have depression and my anxiety is under control. I know this because I have struggled with both in past. However, every single morning, I have that same thought as I turn on the light in my son's room. Those few seconds between turning on the light and rubbing his back to wake him up are always filled with the analyzing brain looking for signs of life. I'm not sure if this will ever go away. :(
     
  20. Jordansmom

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    It takes time and experience to push away that fear. Just like experiencing enough lows that turn out fine, that you stop panicking everytime they drop below 80.

    I admit after 4.5 years, I still wake up with the initial thought that I need to go in and see that my DD is breathing. It hasn't gone away. I'm just able to push it back down until I'm actually up and passing by her room. With a little bit of a peak of anxiety as I peek in.

    I'm really working on my emotions and fears about D because my DD wants to go away to school next year, at what seems to be way too young (17). :( I may need to be medicated or hospitalized when she goes. :(
     

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