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I feel completely doomed

Discussion in 'Adults with Type 1' started by carbz, Sep 22, 2012.

  1. carbz

    carbz Banned

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    I am not looking for sympathy and have been preaching this for years but for whatever bizarre reason my body just can't handle the out of range levels. It doesn't take much. I got home from work and was irritable beyond belief figuring my sugar would be fairly high. I was 134. I took two units of humalog and now 1 hour later I am just starting to feel better. Basically anything over 95 pre meal is way to high and destructive. I can't keep living like this as its complete suffering for me. I understand most people struggle to some degree with diabetes but my problem seems to be at a whole other level. I am becoming more and more desperate to pursue a islet transplant. I do suffer with depression but righty so. Every time I eat and take a shot its like a war going on inside my body. Many people suggest counseling but what can anyone really do for this problem? Trying to keep my premeal glucose between 80/90 is like trying to fly a kite with no wind.
     
  2. emm142

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    If you have a depression diagnosis, I would try medication. Psychotherapy can really help with physical symptoms as well as emotional ones; have you looked into CBT? It can help with conditions such as chronic pain, as well as the typical depression and anxiety that you might think of.
     
  3. kiwiliz

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    Have you tried a really low carb diet like Richard? That might help you keep more in range.
     
  4. carbz

    carbz Banned

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    I am more interested in finding out why my body is so sensitive to the levels. The symptoms are just horrible at barely over or under normal range. At the moment there is no fix for a diabetic to keep the levels normal so the only solution to my problem is correcting the sensitivity which is probably more unlikely then then a diabetes cure. Either way this is just outright devastating for me and my mom and dad. I hate to say it but if I could go to sleep in peace and never wake up it would be a blessing in disguise.
     
  5. emm142

    emm142 Approved members

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    I think this is where you are wrong. When you are depressed you tend to see everything good as impossible or extremely unlikely (I do it myself, but I have a little more perspective when considering someone else's situation). Would your insurance cover some psychotherapy? I think that if you really want this awful cycle to end, you really need to actively try to do something about it rather than passively waiting for something to happen.

    And yes, I know how hard that is.
     
  6. carbz

    carbz Banned

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    I technically don't have health insurance. I have a blue cross blue shield discount plan. It saves me quite a bit on lab work but I don't think it would be of much use if any for counseling. How do you explain to someone that if you accidentally eat a little too much or not enough you become out your mind? Its an extremely complex problem that is over plaguing me with grief. I am not saying an islet transplant would be the answer but I think I should be considered despite I don't have problems with hypoglycemia unawareness. You have only had diabetes a few years and hopefully you'll never have to experience what I do.
     
  7. emm142

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    I may only have had diabetes for a few years, but I have plenty of experience with severe mental health problems. I hope that you don't have to experience what I do, either.
     
  8. danismom79

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    I have no idea why you would feel so horrible at a bg level even nondiabetics reach. Have you ever had a full blood workup as part of a psych eval? Sometimes, mental health problems are actually biological. I saw your other thread and agree with Emma -- depression can and does cause physical pain. I don't know what it's like to live with diabetes, but I do know how debilitating depression can be. It's worse than hell. I truly hope you get some help, through therapy and/or medication. I know it's hard to imagine it right now, but life doesn't have to be this way.
     
  9. Brenda

    Brenda Junior Member

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    You absolutely need to discuss this with your health care team ASAP. If you do not get satisfactory answers from them, maybe try to find another team, one with a psychologist or other therapist who can help you. If your team does not have a mental health member, ask for a referral or recommendation. Also, ask that your team do blood work to determine if you have some other medical condition that is contributing to your feeling so out of sorts when your blood sugar is not in your tight range. I am not a medical professional, but feel that there could be some condition for which you have never been diagnosed.
     
  10. carbz

    carbz Banned

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    I just go by what the meter says. I just rechecked and was starting to get a little nervous and anxious. I suspected being low and sure enough I was 64. The elevated levels are more baffling but its real. When I make the corrections and get back into that 80-90 range most of the havoc is gone and I feel far better mentally and physically. Also remember no non diabetic will ever have a 135 fasting sugar. They may get that high after a meal but likely within 15 to 20 min they will be back in that 80 to 90 range. That is all the difference in the world. It's such a fine tuned system that injected insulin can just not match. I really believe I am a very rare case but none the less this is what I experience. My general disposition when I feel well is rather upbeat even though I am not happy with the state of my personal and professional life. I really believe that far more of the depression is coming from the reality of dealing with the symptoms of out of range glucose far more then anything else. Basically what I am trying to say is even if everything in my life was perfect so to speak but I still had the diabetes and problems with the glucose levels I would pretty much still be miserable. I am speaking with a biochemist that was recommended to me from someone on this forum. He wants to see my last lab work and feels there are things he can help me with. Almost suggesting he can help some natural insulin production back. I will give it the benefit of the doubt but in my mind only a biological fix or disease reversal I think is gonna help me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2012
  11. Lee

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    Honestly, medication might be necessary. No one is saying it is all in your mind; but rather, they are saying your mind is contributing. Yes - if everything else in your life was great, you would still have to deal with the tight levels you need. However, having everything else feeling better helps free your brain to focus on the more important stuff.

    I recently had to go on antidepressants again because I felt consumed by my problems and my mind would just feel like it was on a hamster wheel of worry with no way off. It became to much for me. About 1 month into meds, I felt better - I still had my problems, but I could see them realistically and with fresh eyes. Now I have dealt with the hamster wheel problem, and I still have other things in life that suck, but it just isn't crazy overwhelming anymore.
     
  12. carbz

    carbz Banned

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    I just wish they would view me in the same as someone with severe hypoglycemic unawareness and be willing to offer me a transplant. At this point I'd probably do it. I am really praying to god Dr Yong Zhao's stem cell educator therapy can reverse this nightmare and get all of us off insulin. For now I guess I should look into anti depressants even though the core of the problem are the glucose levels. I can somewhat cope with the lows because they are rather easy to fix but the elevated levels are brutal.
     
  13. Lee

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    Even that will only buy you a few years and you would be trading one chronic problem with another that requires daily meds, even once T1 comes back...
     
  14. kiwiliz

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  15. carbz

    carbz Banned

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    I am hoping Viacytes encapsulation with stem cells does the trick. I have been following them for quite some time. They are claiming success in all their animal trials and suggesting they will be ready for human trials in 2013. Their procedure will not require anti rejection drugs. I would be willing to take the risk and try the human trial if possible. As far as Dr Zhao's treatment they are now recruiting for phase 2. If you are not familiar with his work he is using stem cells from umbilical cord blood and reversing auto immunity. It's a simple vein puncture procedure and showing to be absolutely safe and effective. No one has gotten off insulin but have been able to reduce it by up to 35% with one treatment. Though still quite some time off from being a commercialized treatment which may or may not get approved it's certainly not something to shrug off. The bottom line is diabetes is gonna kill me sooner or later. I am getting to the point of non function. I need another option as soon as realistically possible despite the risks.
     
  16. DsMom

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    Don't know your age, or if you are single, married, or still living with parents...but have you spoken with those close to you about this? And, sorry if I missed it if you mentioned it...but what does your endo say? If you are this desperate for another option, seeking some sort of counseling can't hurt. If it turns out not to be the answer...at least you tried. But please do try. If nothing else, perhaps you can find some psychological tools to deal with this physical pain? When seeking the relief you obviously need, I would not leave any stone unturned.

    Please seek some help.
     
  17. carbz

    carbz Banned

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    I am in my late 40's. Do to my limited education and menial job history I had not much choice to stay living at home. If I moved out it would be instant poverty. I hate my job but I am somewhat thankful I have one. My folks are well aware of my problems with the diabetes as they get the brunt of all my built up anger. My sugar got sky high today at work. Its been nearly 2hrs since my injection and I still feel like hell. I've been chugging water for hrs and feel like jumping out of my own skin. I'll take lows all day long. I can deal with the lows but the highs are just impossible.
     
  18. kiwikid

    kiwikid Approved members

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    A number is just a number... you felt terrible yet your BG was only slightly above a normal range. I think you need to stop blaming "THE NUMBER" .. and get help for your grief and despair.. I hope you can find a way to feel better soon..
     
  19. carbz

    carbz Banned

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    It was much higher then slightly above normal, more like 370.
     
  20. kiwikid

    kiwikid Approved members

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    Oh - I read from your first post that you were 134... and feeling terrible.. :cwds:
     

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