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I am so disappointed

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by mollgirl, Feb 12, 2009.

  1. mollgirl

    mollgirl Approved members

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    I am so disappointed in my son right now. We had a long talk not that long ago and I thought he understood what the deal was. His #'s have been so much better or so I thought. Today I went and checked his meter against his notebook where he's been writing them down for me. He is 15 and we thought this would help with independence. At least once a day he has been once again fudging his numbers-not reporting highs at all. His schoolwork is in the tank also. When he tries he gets a's but more often than not f's. I am so upset about all this I feel like going up to school and pulling him out to yell at him. But what good would that do?He has never been a great student but now it is getting worse. Any advice? I am so tired of all this.
     
  2. Meghan'smom

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    I just want to say I am sorry for what you are going through. I have a 16 year old so I understand the frustrating teenage years. I know you are upset but I don't think it would be a good idea to go to the school to yell at him. He would probably be so embarrassed and upset that he would miss the whole point you are trying to make.
    I'm sorry that I don't have any advice to give you but I just wanted to send hugs your way.
     
  3. Reese'sMom

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    That would make me want to yell at him at too! I know you're not really going to do that (at school anyway). I'm certainly not a teen expert...mine aren't there yet.

    Maybe instead of writing his numbers down, you could try to have him download his meter readings to the computer and print them out once a week (I think you can get the software from the manufacturer) so there could be no fudging. I know I personally get sick of logging numbers and I personally am looking forward to getting my son on the Omnipod since it has a built in meter so it will keep a record of everything for me. And there's something about writing down those "high" numbers...it makes me feel even worse when I write them and have to look at them again. I just feel better when I can write the next "in range" number.
     
  4. KeltonsMom

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    I have been there with my teen. I sat Kelton down and asked him why he was fudging his numbers. Of course his first response was "I don't know" and I told him that "I don't know" is not an answer and he needs to think about why he was doing this and come tell me. He finally told me that he was ashamed that his numbers were in the toilet and he was frustrated and didn't know what to do about it.

    I asked him if he wanted me to help him with writing down the numbers and to help him with what could be causing his numbers to be out of the target range. He said he wanted my help with D care and actually wanted me to take it over until he felt ready to deal with it again.

    I did this for a month and he finally got to the point where he wanted more control over his D duties.

    Once I took over the majority of the D care he started to feel better about himself and his grades at school improved.

    Our teens are under a huge amount of stress with just being a teen and then add D on top of it, it can be overwhelming for them. I figure that as long as he is living at home I will do what I can to help him out to make life easier for him. Once he moves out he knows he will be on his own, but he also knows that I will help him in any way I can.
     
  5. Jaysmom

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    Hi Linda... I know exactly what you're going through. My daughter went through a stage like that where she didn't check before eating or fudged numbers (she is 15 now) and even skip getting her insulin. Each teen is different but what worked for us was to completely take over all D care, i.e., BG checks, carb counting, all shots, and all logging. She was not allowed to sleep over with friends (but could have friends to our house) until we could trust her again. We also took her to a therapist to help her work through the issues she was having (mostly denial). Looking back, I believe teens think if they avoid something (grades, cleaning their room, D, etc.) it'll go away or at least they don't have to deal with it. After about 3 months she slowly started taking back some responsibilities of her own care and is now much quicker to ask when she wants/needs help. Feel free to PM me...
     
  6. Bsbllmom

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    I think you have to make sure that he knows the numbers are not a reflection of how he is taking care of himself. Let him know that the numbers will help the 2 of you figure out his insulin doses. The high and low numbers don't mean that he is doing anything wrong but the numbers will help to figure things out.

    I really try not to show and frustration with numbers. If I do I explain to Christian that I don't understand what is going on because it seems like everything is set right. So together we figure out what we will change. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

    Tell him that it is really important for his health that you know every single number so you can check for patterns.

    I hope things get better. I think he is at a very hard age.
     
  7. Trudyu

    Trudyu New Member

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    2010 can't believe she fudged numbers!!!ugh

    :eek:

    I cried for 2 days - my daughter fudged her numbers in our bs log. I was shocked, did not see it coming....I expected it later in her teen years but at 13, I was blindsided. Our A1c jumped a whole point from 6.9 to 7.9!

    I have been so proud of her and all she has accomplished including accepting her disease from such a young age (dx'd at 3). I thought we were all handling type 1 wonderfully and meeting each challenge together as a family. I was wrong....

    She actually told our Endo - she fudged the numbers because she didn't like my facial expression when the numbers are high. I was shocked again....I have been programmed to to see a high and go into "fix it" mode - I didn't think I looked mad, but I guess I was wrong. I was never mad at her....just trying to see where we went wrong or where to fix it. SO parents make sure your facial expression is aloof when they tell you the high number - I am so trying.....

    Thanks for listening.
    Trudy mom of Kate, age 13 dxd at 3. Still on a cozmo even though supplies are hard to come by.
     
  8. Becky Stevens mom

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    My son with d is quite a bit younger but I just imagine that puberty is real hard for kids with d. they so want to fit in, I remember how painful that was for me, wanting to be like everyone else and be accepted. Does your son have a good circle of friends? does he do after school activitys like sports or other activitys? I know your reaction is one of hurt and frustration and I so understand that. Have your tried talking to him about why he was hiding the real #s from you. Did he think you would be angry with him? He needs to understand that often d is so darned unpredictable and if hes having highs he needs to tell you so that you can put your heads together and figure out how to fix it.
     
  9. mom2Hanna

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    I am having so much trouble dealing with the teenage attitude in my non-d 15 yo son, I am not looking forward to the same thing with diabetes and pms on top of it. So no help from me, but sympathy.
     
  10. LizinTX

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    I just wanted you know, that my son is 14 and a half, and but for the school work thing--we homeschool--I kept looking at your name, because I was sure *I* didn't post this, but I sure could have written it.

    We had an endo appt. today, and that is when I found out he took a vaca all weekend long, and had lied to us about his numbers when we asked him.

    It is sooo hard being a mom of a strong willed boy, but then add a strong willed teenage boy, that is doubly hard, then add D into the mix, and the stress level is almost on overload.

    Not much advice as I am trying to re-figure this out too, but know that there are quite a few of us in the trenches with you. And we will make it through together.:cwds:
     
  11. ctmom

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    sounds familiar

    well- call it dealing with a teenager or what ever we might. I know the struggle like many others too. The pressure they feel in school and taking care of D1 is a lot for kids to handle. We had to meet with his endo a month back to talk about the same thing- how we as a family were reacting to high numbers--well in our perfect world life was going well-numbers were great in middle school then along came hormones and stress of studies in school and we were all falling apart and taking it out on each other. Took a step back adjusted insulin and learned that it was "just a number" not a reflection of my child that we used to make insulin adjustments from. Things are better (most days :)
     
  12. Mom2rh

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    We have had similar issues...in fact next Monday we are going to endo for an appt NOT a 3 month appt but 8 week appt because of similar stuff.

    We approach this like any other behavior change we want from him...threats and bribes. Incentives. Basically, he had to get his testing average back up to at least 4x and some other stuff to get texting back on his phone. He's been begging for that for years. Worked like a charm. Now we can always take texting away if he reverts.

    As far as the grades, I might go to school with him and sit with him and try to figure out what is going on. I'd wager with my son one time is all it would take.
     
  13. ianmom

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    I'd try the incentive/bribery approach. I'm surprised at how cooperative my son has gotten lately due to me putting check marks on a whiteboard when he practices good d care (testing, bolusing, site changes). He wants to go to a summer sleep away sports camp and I've told him I need to know he'll be responsible. We put check marks on the board when he is responsible with his d care. I guess I will have to let him go if he continues the good work! :eek:

    Trudy, I know exactly what you mean when you say your daughter didn't like the look on your face when she had a high number. They can be so sensitive! My son will say I am "yelling" at him when I speak in a serious tone.
     
  14. Little Diabetic Dude

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    I just wanted to say thanks for all your posts I have had a quick read and thought just cause my son was d xd young he would be used to it but probably no he will eb a normal teenager and try and fudge numbers. I so dread those years but know they will be coming. Ds3 is no where near it but dx'd at 16mths we have others challenges, I look forward to reading more posts. Trudy your post was insightful.:D
     
  15. linda

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    Hi-(warning-long :)didnt have a chance to reply here yesterday...but this def struck a chord(btw-I am glad you worked out your dilemma in a positive way :) I originally wanted to say...dont yell...hug!!

    Em's dxd was a shock to us all at 10. It was all hands on deck at home (including non d-6 yr old at time) ...we all had to deal and adjust on our own terms, although we had some support from school nurse friends etc. there was not as much info as i find here (forums) now. There was not as much emphasis on pump for child that i think is important, it was more of a fight..the key for us was camp. This helped Em in imeasurable ways.
    We found this issue you have also, to be a struggle but by talking it out and listening really listening, we were able to come to agreements on both sides.
    Em didnt really "fudge" #'s, I would check her meter for instance when she came home from school, in middle school i had closer 'tabs' (no punn intended) via the great nurses, but HS is a whole 'nother game!! Her HS has a very different approach, they (great nurse team) do feel the student at this age should be more responsible and they allow the casual check in at the office at least 1x a day to write down there own #. (of course they help with hi's and lows and call me according to 504 if Hi or low.)....what we found was with this new freedom, Em checked when she "felt" maybe hi or low, but may treat in class without going to nurse...so she may or may not have told me...of course if i didnt know didnt hurt me..but we had to explain, couldnt help her either..(for instance) during a test or an intense moment at school, Em may "feel" low, so treat and check who knows when?? at which time her # would not tell the story...the thing is "it" will be theirs to deal with unfortunatly until the cure...eventually they will be on their own (college?) ...so until then, we let her know we are here anytime to help anyway...we remind her gently when she goes out to have all of her supplies and make sure cell is charged and other contact #'s. We dont want her to withdraw, but we also want her to know she can tell us when she feels like its too much, as all have said there will be MANY OTHER CHALLENGES to our teens besides "D" school pressure, peer pressure, hormones, etc. Its a package unfortunatly that did not come with a manual.

    Even though she doesnt say it much we know Em appreciates our open relationship. We continue to learn from her and cant wait to see her grow. She is an honor student and doing well socially. We have had our share of issues recently, sleepovers we had to crash, parties we had to crash, etc. Oh-she learned from that too!! Hang in! ps-she just got her divers permit :rolleyes::eek:
     
  16. CeeJay

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    Hugs to you and sorry I think this will be long--

    We are fortunate Dave doesn't like how he feels when he's high, so he works pretty hard at good control. But high school these days puts so much pressure on them--and then on top of it managing D is just plain exhausting.

    My only thought is to share what works for us--tell him he has your total support to help him be as healthy as he can be and ask him how you can help him to better manage his D so he can focus on school. Is it important to him to do well in school? Maybe focus on a reward for good grades rather than focusing on the D numbers? Does he have to keep the notebook? Do you use it for you or for your endo? I don't even ask ds about his lunch number anymore and he more often than not lets me know how the day went for him and I ask him if there's anything he'd like to change or not. He knows that he can do it on his own, but I'm there to do the work if he needs me to because let's face it--soon they will have to do this everyday on their own for the rest of their lives.

    Years ago I watched a special with Katie Couric about parenting teenagers and I try to live by what she said on that show, which was to spend 10% of the time talking to them and the other 90% listening. It is really hard for me to "zip it" sometimes, but I have found more often than not, it works.

    Hang in there!
     
  17. linda

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    Those are words to live by!!!
     
  18. chbarnes

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    This one is HARD. Chris will say, "Don't say anything. Don't even make a face!"
    Sometimes I moan involuntarily.

    Chuck
     
  19. rare

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    I go through the same struggles with my son who is 13. The only thing that works for us is to take over most of his D care and schedule endo visits monthly instead of tri monthly. The endo visits help because it's harder for them to BS the CDE than it is parents. A1c's don't lie. ;)

    Teenagers are very forgetful and also don't want to feel different from their peers. They tend to feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of checking bg's, carb counting, and logging. Not to mention insulin. Whether it's mdi or a pump, it's still tedious. You might find that if you take over most of his D care that his grades might come up because he will have less pressure.

    I've also found that for us personally, neither nagging nor positive encouragement work. That part is most frustrating. It doesn't matter what I say because it all gets tuned out. That's why I just take most of it out of his hands. He's not ready to deal with the majority of it and that's okay.
     

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