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How much does your sig other know/do about D care?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by mandapanda1980, Jan 16, 2012.

  1. Lisa P.

    Lisa P. Approved members

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    What I've found is that there is no way to understand diabetes unless you're "alone" in the room with it.

    We have to carve out times when my husband is the only person who can do the work in order to have him thoroughly understand it and for me to have confidence enough in his understanding that I don't second guess everything he does when we're together.

    Those times we get away from this, like when he is working a lot and I take all the diabetes care, we start to get into trouble eventually, with him scared to try to do anything at all because it's invading my "kingdom" and with me both resenting that he won't do the work and criticizing him when he does do it but does it in a way I wouldn't.

    It takes conscious effort, and humility on the part of both spouses. It's so easy for me to get mad and pull a "Never mind! I'll just do it myself!" and it's so easy for him to just avoid every task both because he doesn't want to hurt his baby and because he doesn't want my critical "expert" eye on him. We both have to get over ourselves so that Selah has good, more rested, more diverse caretakers.

    That's the way it works for us, every family is different.
     
  2. piratelight

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    My husband can do it all. Due to his being active duty military, I do most of it since he isn't always able to be around but even when deployed we communicate through email and I ask his thoughts on basal and I:C changes. I can leave Hunter with my husband at any time for any length of time. His biological father is an entirely different story and he doesn't get it at all.
     
  3. mmc51264

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    Mine husband knows more about it than I do! It was his way of dealing with it: understand it as much as you can. We really do 50/50 but he knows more about the settings on the pump, not that I couldn't, he just deals with it. Since Zach is a boy, he loves to spend more time with Daddy, so it works out well.
     
  4. StacyMM

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    I'd say 85% but that works for me. The other 15% is my research-addicted brain reading more books, checking out more websites and studying patterns more often. I'm an analyst and I can't seem to stop analyzing. He's not an analyst and is quite happy to leave the analyzing to me. Day to day care, carb counting, dosing, etc - we're completely even. I'd say our time in charge is about 50/50.
     
  5. lisac

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    My hubby is also a T1, so he can do anything for "D" care...except change anything on the pump. I can talk him thru it, but he just can't seem to remember from one time to the next how to do it:) We both work full time (on opposite shifts) so we both do our part with everything. Whoever is home when her pump alarms it's got 5u left, changes her inset. I usually change her CGM sensors, but dh is starting to try to do it more often. He does the overnight checks because he gets off work around 11pm and goes to bed around 2-3am. I get up for work at 4am, so I check then. I can't imagine doing this without him!!!
     
  6. denise3099

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    Ditto.
    Basically I do everything. I can leave him with the kids and he'll test and dose for carbs, and can treat a low, but that's it. He doesn't know much about the pump, has never done a site change, etc. He knows pretty much nothing. I read about D every day. I'm can never die.:p

    In fact, I handle all of the kids medical care, all doc appts alone, peanut allergy, diabetes, asthma, adhd, asperger's, ot, pt, speech, everything. I work full time, arrange the kids' schedules, take them where they need to be, manage their education, 504s, IEPs, etc. He'll fill in for me if I'm running late, like Hey can you take the kids to their music lesson. And now dd has come down with some mysterious illness and I've taken her to numerous specialists and done tons of research.

    I do talk to him and keep him informed of what's going on, where we're going, what the doc said, etc. I ask his opinions and respect his views, but at the end of the day, I've done all the work. But basically, he's just our pretty face. :)
     
  7. Lisa P.

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    Makes me laugh. . .
    Hope you're finding good answers for your daughter, update us if you get a chance.
     
  8. sariana

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    He didn't know anything at the start where I knew the basics through my dad. However he has learned quite a bit and helps with all of her care. He even is brilliant enough to understand all of the medical terms and findings form research that I do not understand. I am lucky to have him to help with this!
     
  9. Mrs Puff

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    My dh knows almost nothing. D care is left up to me. Part of it stems from the fact when ds was dx and in the hospital my dh had to take care of our other two kids. We were transferred to a hospital two hours away. Plus, dh was sick and there was a major snow storm going on. So, ds 14 feels like dad doesn't know anything. Ds does most of his own shots, but sometimes he wants me to do it. Never would let dad. I also check his bg at midnight/later. However, ds pump will be arriving tomorrow and I hope to get dh on the bandwagon. I have night classes two nights a week and I think that it would be nice if dh had a clue how to help!
     
  10. Adrienne

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    My ex-husband knows nothing (which is why he has only 3 hours of supervised, by me, visitation a week). The man I have been seeing knows how to count carbs, symptoms of highs and lows, and most other stuff. He is going to our first pump class on the 28th. Not bad for someone that has only been in our lives for 4 months. I don't know why her dad refuses to learn:confused:

    ETA: The man I'm seeing does NOT live with us. So, other than what my 12-year-old knows (which is a LOT really), it's 100% me. Hoping a ring soon may change all that though;)
     
  11. jlh0920

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    We actually share pretty evenly- split night checks and discuss almost every single decision (may be a little overboard but our daughter is very young!). My husband usually does the set changes though.. I have done a few but he is more comfortable doing those. We text each other blood sugars all day long.... wouldn't make any sense to anyone else who saw our texts!
     
  12. MomofSweetOne

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    I think for the newbies, it is important to say that how things get managed doesn't always stay the same. The grieving process - rightly or wrongly - can affect how involved family members are, but that doesn't mean things will stay that way. I do most of the diabetes work here (along with my daughter), but my husband is gaining more and more knowledge as time passes. I'm glad I didn't give up on him; she needs us both. He is much better about playing kickball, etc. for post-meal exercise than I am. I tend to tell her to go jump on the trampoline:cool:. We're all part of her team; we just play very different roles.
     

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