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Help...Having a mental breakdown day

Discussion in 'Parents of Teens' started by HelenSand, Aug 17, 2010.

  1. HelenSand

    HelenSand Approved members

    Jul 25, 2010
    It's one of those days where I wnat to cry all day. Sarah who is 14, was diagnosed over 2 years ago...and only THIS MORNING did it hit me that I am the one with the anxiety and stress over the Type I care and managemet, and worrying about her 100% of the time, and I am PASSING THIS on to my DAUGHTER and causing HER to be stressed over this. In fact, I am driving her crazy. I am causing her to be anxious over the disease that she will have her entire life- I am NOT doing her any good, feeling this way. I know she senses my stress.

    I turn to you all, becasue I feel like only other parents of diabetetic teens can understand what I am going through.

    Help! :(
  2. Lee

    Lee Approved members

    Oct 5, 2006
    It is so hard, and I remember having a mental breakdown around the two year point. And the three year point. I didn't at four years, so maybe I am getting better?

    I was one of the moms whose first words were (and yes - occasionally still are) - how are your #'s. Not how was school, movie, party, etc...I made a conscious effort to change that. I try - and it is hard work - to not ask about her #'s. Why do I need to? When we get home and she is on FB or doing homework, I go through her meeter anyway...

    Also, when she first got the CGMS, I asked to see her # every 5 minutes - I was just amazed and in love with the gadget. But I forgot that the gadget was attached to her, and it displayed personal information about her...she refused to wear it for an entire year...she is just now starting to be interested in it again.

    My next issue to conquer - not worry about her so much when she spends the night somewhere - I swear - I harass her to death over sleepovers. I know I need to back down from that.

    Anyway, I just typed this all up to show you that we all have things we need to conquer as parents, even those that have been in the D game longer then two years.

    It is hard for us as parents to remember that our worries and fears about D are ours, and they should not be passed on to our kids.
  3. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

    Nov 20, 2007
    Sorry you are struggling. Danielle is not a teen yet (but she sure has the attitude down pat already!!), so I was hesitant to post but I just wanted to say this: You are smart enough to have identified an issue with the way you are interacting with your daughter. Now the hard part is to actually change it. I am not sure how you need to go about doing that, but you can start by just being more aware of how you respond to her diabetes issues. Before you say or do anything, take a mental step back, think about what you are doing, and try and react in a calm manner. Easier said than done, I know. But it is a place to start.

    Today is Danielle's 3 year anniversary living with this disease so I have been doing a lot of thinking. After she was dx, one of the first things I had to learn was to not react negatively to a particular high/low BG number (at least outwardly....on the inside I was usually screaming). I saw that if I reacted with anger or anxiety it was effecting Danielle. And a wise woman here gave me some great advice. She said, the only acceptable response to a high/low bg number is to say "Thank you for testing". That stuck with me and it helped me to realize how important it is for me to set a good example for Danielle in how to manage her diabetes.

    Hang in there. :cwds:
  4. linda

    linda Approved members

    Jul 18, 2007
    I agree that realizing this is a GIANT step. I would 1st plan some together time with just you and your dd. Maybe a shopping trip or whatever her fav passtime is. Try NOT to discuss D at all!!!!!! Let her ask you foir any help she MAY need. Dont even ask her if she has her supplies before you leave (But maybe pack another set just in case?).....see how it goes, and give her the benefit of the doubt!!!! Most of all dont let the day be run by D at all!!!!

    Then another quiet time, you can reflect what a good time you guys had, and you can reward her with your words of praise on how well she handlesd her own care. Tell her how you love her and worry about her and always will..BECAUSE SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER and always will be!!!!! The D is just another part of that!!!!! :) Hope it goes well!!!

    Baby steps will help both of you. Also try to spend some time alone with yourself reflecting what it is you are actually worried about the most!!

    There are ground rules here, and at "16" we still may have some trouble here setting her totally free, BUT HAVE COME A VERY LONG WAY!!!!

    I must have as many contact #'s as i can get, friends she will be with, parents (if sleep over or outing, addresses, I will ask if her phone is charged, etc. I will ask her every few days if she needs anything, glu tabs, I change out her pump, but i have to ask if she needs me to, it has been such a bunus in our relationship to let her have HER SPACE..it is different with us, because she is driving now, and her friends drive, we will discuss that in a few years, lol!!!!!!!!!!! Relax!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are doing a good job, of caring,, try to stop worrying, somone on here says its like a rocking chair, you dodnt get anywhere!!!!! Good luck and do let me know how it goes!! I am on face book or email Tantucci@optonline.net if you ever want to chat..or pm me :0) BTW Emmys last A1c..............7.3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  5. HelenSand

    HelenSand Approved members

    Jul 25, 2010
    Quick thanks

    Thank you for your excellent responses and advice. I am at work (getting ready to leave) and will write more later from home, tonight.
  6. PatriciaMidwest

    PatriciaMidwest Approved members

    Mar 2, 2010
    I understand exactly what you are saying. We are 2 1/2 years into this and my DD is 13. It takes so much effort to manage her numbers that sometimes I get too caught up in it and I have to refocus my priorities. As Lee said, a good start is to always remember to address the child first, and discussing her # can wait a few minutes. I keep hearing things will get easier in a couple years after hormones/growth settle down - can't wait! Sometimes it feels like I am constantly "putting out fires" with T1 at this age...
  7. wilf

    wilf Approved members

    Aug 27, 2007
    I have always thought that if we parents are doing our job properly, then the D will be much harder on us than on our children. I believe we have to do everything we can to learn about D and how to manage it, to support our children in every way they need, and to carry as much as we can of the burden that they will have to shoulder when they move away.

    It sounds like you have been doing your job. :) But the challenge is to make sure you aren't conveying your issues to your DD.

    I spend many hours a week learning, thinking and yes worrying about DD's diabetes. But I try to make sure that I keep that to myself - these are my issue to deal with, not hers.

    The only things she needs to hear from me are encouragement/support when she is bummed out, neutrally worded requests for BG measurements and responses to the numbers, suggestions for boluses, special instructions for times away, and when she has time and is receptive a little bit of teaching of D management techniques.
  8. Omo2three

    Omo2three Approved members

    Jul 11, 2008
    raising my hand here...me too. I worry about D ...its absolutely natural for us to be concerned about their health...its our job as parents.

    I remember one conversation...Amb missed her mom...missed life before D.

    Then I realized I had to take a giant step back, and reconnect as mom to daughter (leaving d out of it) ...She has her mom back. I rarely ask about her D now...once a week..we look at the numbers and tweak or problem solve. I still do the night cks when needed...but less is said about it.
  9. Pepper1

    Pepper1 Approved members

    Jul 15, 2010
    Not easy is it!!

    My daughter is 14, but only diagonised about 5 months ago, I did the same thing, pick her up off the school bus and she would be telling me about her day, and I would ask, yes but was your lunch time level, that only lasted weeks, until she said to me, stop asking me. We agreed she would leave her school bag in my car, and I would go and have a look at her meter, afterwards, because of course we are worried as Mums, and then I could cook tea accordingly also.

    Of course we are stressed out as Mums coping with this, hells bells, that is normal.

    Its hard to find a balance, esp with teenagers and their moods also and puberty, I just try talking when the time is right etc, it seems to work most times, but not all the time.

    Its easier to just pick up the meter and read it when they are at the loo to be honest!! They have no idea you have looked at it.

    Take care
    Kind regards

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