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Having A Bad Week...just need a "it will be okay"

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Turtle1605, Oct 25, 2012.

  1. Turtle1605

    Turtle1605 Approved members

    Jan 6, 2012
    My son was diagnosed 11 /11. I'm certain he started feeling badly/differently around this time last year. Hence, I think the anniversary date is rearing its ugly head. So far this week...my son (who does not complain and has never complained even though I leave the door open for him to) cried and asked me why God did this to him. Of course, I told him I didn't know, but I'm certain that God has great things in His plan for him and that our task is to wait and trust. I am a Christian but others of you who are also Christians probably understand that I have a lot of things to talk to God about because I too am hurt and mad.

    Then...my daughter (who is the older sister-she's 10), also came to me privately and cried non-stop. Keep in mind she's always been his little mommy. Actually, while John and I were in the hospital, she was at school and spent the whole morning going to each teacher's doors with a pencil and pad of paper asking each of them if they knew how to check blood sugar with a meter. They go to a pretty small school and everyone knew what was going on, so the teachers allowed her to do this so that she would know she was helping her brother. She brought the list to me at the hospital. Needless to say, that made my cry my eyes out, too.

    On top of that, we're having BGL's all over the &"@$! place and for some reason I can't stop worrying about A1Cs, future complications, and everything else that is directly or indirectly associated with this.

    Dear God when will there be a cure for this?!?!

    Whew...at least I feel a little better. I sure will be glad when this anniversary thing is over.
  2. cm4kelly

    cm4kelly Approved members

    Apr 28, 2011
    Our anniversary approaching too

    My son's anniversary is approaching in November too. On November 12, 2009 he was diagnosed in one hospital while my nephew was being born in another hospital. What a wonderful and horrible day all in one!

    This will be three years for us. My son is now 5 1/2. He asked me just today how old he was when he got his pump - and I replied THREE. THen it dawned on me just how long he has really had this disease.

    THat being said, we WOULDN'T be normal if we didn't have breakdowns every once in a while. I think that is okay. We break down and then pick ourselves up and continue on with everyday life.

    Take a deep breath and thank God for the life of your child. Live your life! WOrry too much does get passed on to our children.
  3. tiger7lady

    tiger7lady Approved members

    Sep 14, 2010
    I think that first anniversary is very hard. For the first six months I was determined to learn everything I could and "control" this disease. :rolleyes: Then as we approached the one year mark I realized I never really came to terms with my own feelings on the dx. So I started seeing a counselor to get me through the rough patch and to finally accept it. As the second anniversary came up I was a little more emotional but it wasn't as bad. I'm hoping it gets less every year. Vent to a friend, cry, pout, whatever you have to do - in private and then you can move on.
  4. steph

    steph Approved members

    May 1, 2012
    It will be ok

    My daughter was diagnosed Dec 2011 at 18 months of age. I myself have asked why God has allowed this to happen to my baby. And I have to believe that there is something good that will come out of it in the end. Some strength that she, and the rest of the family, will gain. A compassion and understanding. Maybe a calling into the medical profession. I don't know, but I trust that God has her best interests in mind. I anticipate that she will ask me this question one day as well, and I will do my best to share what I believe about God and why bad thins sometimes happen. I will not allow this trial to come between me and my Savior. Rather, I turn to him for strength.

    You have been doing this for a year, and you will keep doing it, and everything will be ok. A few weeks, or even a few months of crazy numbers is not going to have a long term impact on his health. We have been strugling with crazy numbers too with DD. It is so hard to keep things regulated in such a tiny body. When I feel like pulling my hair out, and I feel like I am the worst mother ever bc I can't manage to keep her BG in range... I take a deep breath and remind myself: my daughter is healthy, despite having T1D. She is smart, sweet, hilarious, friendly and beautiful. She is alive, and here with me. You will be strong and do what needs to be done and survive the frustrations of this illness. But it is ok to sit down from time to time and say "this really sucks" and have a good cry about it. ((hugs))
  5. hawkeyegirl

    hawkeyegirl Approved members

    Nov 15, 2007
    For me, the first anniversary was definitely the toughest, and so was the first year. Hang in there. Be proud of yourself for everything that you've learned this year, and do your best not to worry about what the future might bring. Our kids have access to all sorts of things that didn't exist even 20 years ago, and their futures are very, very bright. :)
  6. DsMom

    DsMom Approved members

    Nov 9, 2010
    This is entirely personal...and I know many people don't like doing this...but with young kids especially, making the "diaversary" a special, fun day can help counterbalance these sad memories and feelings. We've done it from year one, on a suggestion from my sister (mom to 2 T1 daughters). Not only does it make it a happy day for your child, it can help distract you, too!

    On my son's diaversary, which we call Diabetes Day, I take him out of school at lunchtime and we go to McDonald's. He's allowed to pick what we have for dinner, we have an ice cream cake...and he even gets a small gift. I always say it is the day when having D works FOR him...and a day to celebrate the strong way he puts up with D. D really stinks all year long...for one day...having D is the reason he gets cake and a present! He gets excited weeks ahead of time....and never even associates D day with scary thoughts or feelings. For me, in the beginning, making the day happy and exciting for him really kept my mind from wandering to those dark, early days. He was so happy...how could I be sad? Although some sad thoughts did try to creep in, it was not too bad.

    This past year, just last month, was his 4th Diabetes Day. We celebrated as we usually do, but, for the first time, I didn't really need the distraction. I think I had zero thoughts or memories this year about his actual dx day...nothing about the day brought me down...and it was just a fun day for him.

    Anyway, choosing to celebrate can be a way of reclaiming that day and making it something to look forward to rather than something to endure. And I think our kids really deserve a pat on the back and recognition once in a while for what they go through.

    Whatever you choose....it certainly does get better over time:cwds:...and it willbe okay. I know it's a day associated with bad memories...but it only has the power over you that you decide to give it. Don't get me wrong, it does take work to take that power back. But, in time, you can make it just another day on the calendar...or a fun day to celebrate your son's (and your) accomplishments and how far you've come from that sad day!
  7. Mommy For Life

    Mommy For Life Approved members

    Aug 29, 2011
    IT WILL BE OK! <repeat as needed> IT WILL BE OK!

    The day we left the PICU, my daughter asked me the same question WHY did GOD do this to me?
    My answer was simply this...
    When you were born your dad and I had plans for you. We brought you home as a baby from the hospital with the hopes and dreams you would have a healthy and happy life. When you were diagnosed with diabetes it wasn't God's doing this to be mean to you, but instead it was a part of a greater plan He has for you to walk with Him. We never really know what God's plans are for us, but the majority of the time they are different from our own.

    I have also told my daughter that is OK to be upset with God. He is big enough to take that and He still loves us despite our anger with Him. I have tried to explain the importance of not letting her anger fester, as it will make it impossible to see the beautiful plan God does have for her. God knows we are "work in progress" beings. He sends angels our way all the time to help us see Him, but if we are stuck in "poor me or why me" mode it is difficult to see the love He wants to share with us.

    None of us want our kids to deal with this disease. I still believe that my daughter WILL have a healthy and happy life. despite having t1! Just over a year post my DD's dx, I try not to focus on the why, but instead focus on the wonderful things God has brought into our lives. I admire how Olivia has successfully taken on more D duties and appreciate how our family has grown closer. I keep a closer look out for those angels who are here to help my daughter and our family as a whole.

    Literally, the day after we were discharged from the hospital, I met an angel! I was at the supermarket and accidentally blocked a woman in the aisle with my cart. When she asked politely if I could move my cart, I said, I am so sorry I am just trying to figure out what to feed my kid, she was just diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. She looked me straight in my eyes and said "my son is a T1!!" I started crying and ask her for hug. Then I said..."Did you just see Jesus walk by??" :D (I also asked what do you have in your cart? LOL)

    That sweet woman has been a BIG help to me and my family, as well as this forum, and the numerous other "angels" who have come into our lives in God's perfect timing. You just never know how, when, where or why God is trying to help you find the bigger plans He has for us or our kids. This is the time to lean on your faith and encourage your children to do the same.

    I found this passage just after we came home from the hospital...
    Proverbs 16
    In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

    Jeremiah 29:11 - Another verse that reminds me it will be OK.
    "For I know the plans I have for you,? declares the Lord, ?plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

    God bless.
  8. Becky Stevens mom

    Becky Stevens mom Approved members

    Oct 14, 2008
    It will be okay, promise:cwds: Have been at this for 8+ years. I can remember that feeling! the one you describe. The "Im over the shock of it and now it just really sucks" feeling. But that in time becomes a once in awhile feeling. Now, this is so much mundane poo poo that we deal with in amongst all the really good stuff. We just fit it right in there where it belongs. You will too. And congratulations on getting through the first year;)
  9. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Aug 28, 2011
    The first diaversary is hard. Very hard. I think I cried for the three weeks leading up to it. I think it has to do with the huge learning curve we've gone through that year and suddenly we're at the one year mark and let the emotions we couldn't stop for at diagnosis come out.

    I had to stop and think to even remember the 2nd one that was just two months ago. I do remember the huge feeling of relief that this coming year held no huge learning curves like MDI for year 1 and pumping for year 2.
  10. Meredithsmom

    Meredithsmom Approved members

    Oct 14, 2009
    Out first anniversary was really hard for me. And then I had a co-worker ask me about diagnosis. I almost had to leave work. I was shaking and thought I would be crying at the drop of a pin.

    But I do celebrate it in my own way. We still have our precious child and she is such a gift. She is healthy and happy and active. I don't know if I could ask for more.

    It will get better. It's ok to be thankful and terribly sad at the same time. You are awesome, just remember that. Not everyone could do this. That's why God chose you. You are awesome.
  11. Turtle1605

    Turtle1605 Approved members

    Jan 6, 2012
    Based on all the encouragement, I must agree...angels are all around us. :)

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