- advertisement -

Guilt!

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by akgiauque, May 2, 2012.

  1. akgiauque

    akgiauque Approved members

    Joined:
    May 13, 2010
    Messages:
    150
    The school year in Alaska is coming to a close and my DD is doing great. Still has Diabetic issues but who does'nt. The problem this week is that her mom and I are having a Diabetic guilt event at the same time. We have each had them and have them more often than I like but rarley do they happen together. Any ideas for helping each other out?
     
  2. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    5,134
    Can you explain what you mean by a "diabetic guilt event"?
     
  3. akgiauque

    akgiauque Approved members

    Joined:
    May 13, 2010
    Messages:
    150
    Just feeling horrible that our child has diabetes and that somehow it is our fault. Feeling sorry for poking her over and over daily. Feeling bad that we have to count her carbs. Just feeling bad about everything that goes with having a diabetic kid. Not sure how to describe guilt of feeling sorry for ourselves but that is what is going on.
     
  4. Amy C.

    Amy C. Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2005
    Messages:
    5,560
    Sounds like you are weary with all the tasks that go along with managing diabetes. Hopefully, the two of you talk with other folks about what is happening.

    I found this forum to be a great outlet.
     
  5. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    5,134
    I think we all have our moments like this. As Amy said, this is a great place to vent and share your frustrations. :cwds:
     
  6. Beach bum

    Beach bum Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2005
    Messages:
    11,315
    And it's so important to do so, let it all out. Don't let it build up, it's not healthy for anyone. No matter how trivial it seems, just let it out. I also highly recommend speaking to someone who deals with counseling families dealing with chronic illness. It was a great help.
     
  7. L101418

    L101418 Approved members

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2011
    Messages:
    256
    Recently I've been trying to force myself out for a walk. Just me and my ipod. No kids. No dog. No BGs. Hoping the fresh air, exercise and distraction will bring me out of my slump. But my sleep obsession seems to get in the way a lot. Then I feel guilty for caring more about sleep at that moment than, well, just about anything. Oh, I see I've come full circle. Maybe a really good nap for each of you. For all of us.
     
  8. mexico

    mexico New Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    No guilt

    Don't feel to bad. When I feel a little sad I think about all those families that are on worse situations where their kids have illnesses that they can't even control. we bless because we can.
     
  9. Turtle1605

    Turtle1605 Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2012
    Messages:
    353
    When I simply could not go on any more dealing with this terrible thing....the one thought that popped in my mind was that sometimes laughter is the best medicine. When we get down, we watch the funniest family movie we can find. I actually prefer those that make my son laugh because hearing him laugh is so very healing.

    I also make myself completely "check out" of anything diabetes related (other than very basic management) for a couple of days, i.e., books, articles, this forum, refilling prescriptions, dealing with health insurance, etc. because I find at times it can be too overwhelming emotionally and I don't realize it until I'm having a very bad day.

    Both of these are small things but that's about all we can do at this moment for our family to cope. Hope they help!
     
  10. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2007
    Messages:
    12,521
    I find that the whole diabetes thing stresses me less when I'm busy, or more to the point, when I'm busy interacting with my dd on non-D related projects and activities. Maybe you can plan a spring family project - build a garden, take up a new sport together, plan a weekend get away... just anything that you can do together and talk about together to remind you that diabetes is just part of life, not the whole shebang. ;)
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2012
  11. emm142

    emm142 Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2008
    Messages:
    6,883
    I like this idea! :cwds:
     
  12. Mish

    Mish Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Messages:
    1,393
    yes this. And also that sometimes getting stuck in that rut of guilt or sadness or whatever just breeds more guilt or sadness. Misery might like company but it certainly doesn't help your mood. It's ok to feel stressed but when it gets to the point where all you do is think about diabetes, then you've got to shake it somehow and what Sarah suggested is great.
     
  13. blufickle

    blufickle Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2011
    Messages:
    88
    I'm sure you know this, but PLEASE make sure your child does not know you feel guilty about them being a type 1. If she is like I was, she already has some guilt about being a diabetic... the cost, the sleep less nights, the trips to the doctors, the new ways of eating.

    My grandmother (father's mother) and my mother would argue on who was to blame for me being a type 1. I am the only type 1 on both sides of the family for at that time 4 generations, now it's 6. Hearing them argue about who's fault it was was not something a 6 year old needed to hear. Even at 12 it was difficult.
     
  14. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    Messages:
    6,771
    I think we all go through phases where we feel horrible about this disease. But don't let the pity party go on too long, and for sure don't let your child see it.

    As for feeling bad about giving her insulin, try looking at it that you are keeping her healthy, happy and ALIVE. You are improving her life by doing it.

    Take a day to cry and moan about how horrible your life is and then get back to trying to enjoy it as much as you can, life is too short to waste too much time with this kind of pity and pointless guilt. Harsh? Maybe. But someone needs to say it.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2012
  15. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    5,134
    I agree. Even after 5 1/2 years, I have my moments, but they are just that - moments. It can be very easy to get sucked into the "Oh woe is me", but that isn't productive for anyone, especially your child. :cwds:
     
  16. akgiauque

    akgiauque Approved members

    Joined:
    May 13, 2010
    Messages:
    150
    Thanks for all of the responses. It was just a one day thing for me, most of the time it is only a couple of hours. This time was worse and I think it came on more intensly because I am tired and worn down at work. I am over my little pity party and spent some time analyzing what made it better.

    I got busy and went for a bike ride with the girls.
    I got mom and me tickets to see Lilly Tomlin next week for a date night. Time on our own is a good break.
    I took a day off of work to hang out with my kids (tomorrow)
    I read your responses, reminded me & reinforced what I know.
     
  17. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    5,134
    Glad to hear you're feeling better!! I would love to see Lilly Tomlin - she's hysterical!
     
  18. Ed2009

    Ed2009 Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2009
    Messages:
    261
    Ask anyone, from the ones in the forum -and some of them are rather bright people who did truly a lot of research, statistics, you call it- to the doctor or anyone with some degree of involvement with diabetes, and all will say there was NOTHING that you could have done to avoid it. Coming to terms with that was the first "battle" to win, so to say. You had no more control on that than you do on the length of your ring finger.

    No guilt or sorry. Keeping up with her shots, measurements, and general care shows how good a parent you are, striving to make the best of what it is not the best situation in the world. I see diabetic care instances as "father-son moments", where we share our concern for the thing, and try to keep his body in the best possible shape.

    I'm glad to read that you got into a lot of activities, that helps to prove oneself that, other than the all too often poking and shooting, life goes on as normal. And don't feel bad for the occasional off range value, as long as it doesn't go on all day long, give yourself a bit of slack there too.
     
  19. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    Messages:
    6,771
    Perfect. Nice job.
     
  20. steph

    steph Approved members

    Joined:
    May 1, 2012
    Messages:
    177
    great job moving on to more positive thoughts. to be honest what you are desricibing sounds more like grief than guilt. when a child is diagnosed with an illness there is grieving of the loss of the healthy child you know and the normal life you had. It's natural and normal to grieve, and there will be times when that grief comes back over the years. But it's ok. You don't need to add guilt to feelings of sadness. It's tough being a parent and a pancreas. Not exactly what we though we were signing up for when we had kids. but we can do it. Just let it all out when it starts to build up, and then get on with living.
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice