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Feeling stressed...and guilty...

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by NatBMomto4, May 16, 2010.

  1. NatBMomto4

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    How do you guys who have been doing this for years handle the stress of dealing with D? Some days it really kicks my a@#!! When Andrew has a wacky high that makes no sense, I'll find myself feeling guilty - like I should have had him take more insulin than I did, so it is my fault. Let's face it - so much of this is guesswork! I figure his carbs, we own a Salter Scale - and use it! But no amount of measuring and factoring can gaurantee an in-range #...why do I feel so damn guilty when he is high - and especially when he goes low!!! Lately I've had to correct a few highs in the middle of the night, and I get so mad at myself for "doing that to him". The stress of constantly worrying is definitely getting to me - and of course, there are so many other stresses in life that have nothing to do with D, but D is a HUGE one, and I am just having a very hard time right now. I read posts here or on FB from some of you "Seasoned" parents and I realize - "These parents have been doing this for years - I have only been doing this for 2 months!!" How do you do it?!?! It doesn't sound like it ever gets better from what I read - you are all still battling highs and lows and the unpredictable-ness of it. I am exhausted just thinking about it!

    (Sigh) THANK YOU for letting me vent - there is no where else to do it! I don't know any other parents of a CWD, my husband feels all the same stress I do, and other people just don't get it. I am forever grateful to all of my CWD friends for letting me "virtually cry" on your shoulders!!:cwds:


    Just thought I would add - I have had at least 4 different people last week (one being the nurse at our endo's office that I speak to when I call) tell me that I am handling this all so well. One mom from my son's baseball team (her nephew has had T1 for 2 years) was amazed at "how together you are" and that Andrew is doing his own shots already. She said her SIL was a wreck for at least 6 months. I smiled and thanked her politely - but inside I was screaming, "I AM A WRECK!!!! I do NOT have it together!!" I never thought of myself as a good actress, but I must be. So, maybe it is a good thing that the stress I am feeling on the inside is not showing on the outside... I look at it as survival - I have 4 kids and a very busy schedule - I have to "keep on keepin' on!"
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2010
  2. KyleBugsMom

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    D will always be unpredictable, but YOU will get more used to dealing with it. You will start to notice BG patterns and maybe know a little better what to expect. You are 2 months in with an adolescent, which is when they are growing and changing so much that #s are going to be wacky, anyway. Please be patient with yourself. You love your son and are doing the best you can. It will get easier.
     
  3. Amy C.

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    I don't take single out of range numbers personally. These sugars are not my fault or my son's, but the fault of diabetes.

    We just treat and go on.

    It is helpful to retrospect on the reason for the out of range sugar to try to avoid them in the future.

    I enter all the readings in a spreadsheet that helps me to see patterns.

    There is only so much stress the body can take. You will start to pull back over time. It has only been a couple of months.
     
  4. Kayla and Ethan's Mom

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    First of all, you are doing a GREAT job!! Second, your feelings are all normal. We havent been doing this for years, we are a little over a year, so I don't have years of experience, but I can tell you it does get a whole lot better!! I used to feel the same way you do, and sometimes I still do. But I've also realized that I can't control everything with my daughters body. I can't control her hormones, her growth spurts, her excitements and her stress. All I can do, is roll with it!;) It took me a while to feel comfortable making changes and being more aggressive with her doses and I still question myself at times. But I also know that I can ck her and correct her if need be. We still have a lot we are figuring out, I don't think the learning ever ends with a growing child, but I am feeling confident that we can deal with whatever heads our way. I know you can too! You do the best you can do and hang in there. I'm sure you will get some great advice from some more seasoned moms and dads here.
     
  5. RosemaryCinNJ

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    Its so normal to feel what you are feeling..its not you, its type 1...it is the most frustrating and unpredictable thing ever..I get so mad at it at times too...
    You are doing a great job...
     
  6. Yellow Tulip

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    Oh Natalie, I know what you're feeling. We've been at it for about 6 months, and I still get that way sometimes. But like others have said, you will get used to moving on. Try to focus on seeing patterns from the numbers and try not to blame yourself... It's not your fault. D has a mind of it's own, and likes to throw curve balls at us all the time.

    I have had people tell me as well that I was doing a great job and handling it so well. I guess we've got good poker faces :) But nobody, unless they have a CWD, understands this, so even trying to cry on their shoulders doesn't get you anywhere... It took me a couple of months to join this forum after the diagnosis, when I was in a complete hole. Having all these people here going through the same thing helps so much!

    Hope you feel better soon :)
     
  7. Mom2Will

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    Natalie, you are doing a great job! It was 3 months in when I joined this great place because I was where you are. I remember reading posts and not having any idea what most people here were talking about. I've learned and continue to learn a lot from these wonderful parents!

    It will and does get easier, I promise. Post some numbers here and let our resident expert, Wilf, give you some help. If you haven't read the book "Think like a pancreas" you might want to get it too.

    It is so very soothing though to know none of us are alone, there is always someone here willing to talk.
     
  8. lil'Man'sMom

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    Natalie - It is very stressful trying to manage D. We have been at it for almost 3 years and I still have my days where I feel like banging my head against the wall. That being said, most of our days we just handle it in stride, one BG at a time. You will come to a point that you realize you can't live feeling guilty about something that is not always in your control. Yes, you should and need to manage D (as I am sure you are) diligently, some days you are on top and some days not.

    Just wanted to send a hug your way and let you know that you can vent all you want, we get it.

    BTW - have you considered D camp for this summer? My son will go again, third year, and loves it. Plus it give you a little D break too.
     
  9. NatBMomto4

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  10. Kaylas mom

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    Hugs Natalie, you are doing awesome. We are just starting too but it is so overwhelming.. one day at a time.
     
  11. Ellen

    Ellen Senior Member

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    Wonderfully supportive words of wisdom from above. Kudos to all who contributed so far. Looking forward to more people sharing what works.

    Many years ago (probably before some of you moms were born) I read a pop psychology book by Wayne Dyer called "Your Erroneous Zones". What stays with me from that book is that guilt serves no constructive purpose - it is not motivating, it is not empowering....it is simply self-punishing and in many ways immobilizing.

    Diabetes can be powerfully frustrating. Some of the management is completely outside of our control (stress, hormones, wrong nutrition info on packaging, impromptu exercise, our child ate more or less than anticipated....) and scope of knowledge at any given point in time. We feel pressure from medical professionals to get it right - to meet their expectations which become our own expectations without the knowledge and years of experience they have with diabetes. And we know from trying to manage diabetes 24/7 that some of those expectations are simply not achievable - but yet we continue to try to reach them anyway which adds to the frustration. It's helpful to understand what is within our control and what is not.

    Most importantly we have to be kind to ourselves. As moms and dads, we have to balance the trying to figure out what went wrong or how we could have made a different choice, with lots of recognition of what we do well with the diabetes each and every time. We also have to take care of ourselves by eating well and exercising for our mental and physical health and include plenty of nurturing activities - for some that might mean a coffee date with a friend, a manicure, an art project (make a collage or take out some watercolors and paint, or buy some clay...), a hike or bike ride...the possibilities are endless but they must be incorporated regularly in our lives. Staying true to yourself, nurturing your needs will help you have the energy to raise a happy and healthy child with diabetes. (It's the old proverbial put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can then help your child.) We are not just parents of a child with diabetes. We are whole people and we need to model that for our children as well.

    All the feelings are valid...and are worth exploring. Give your child the space to share how he/she is feeling as well as others in your life. We don't have to have a happy diabetes cheerleader face 24/7 (the opposite of the poker face). We have to be real. We also have to make sure our children don't confuse our feelings re the diabetes with being disappointed with the person. What also worked best for us over the last 21 years (and we continue to do so) is to use plenty of authentic and specific praise and acknowledgement with our children and spouses and others who help (and ourselves!!) surrounding the diabetes tasks (i.e. "thanks for checking even though you didn't want to interrupt what you were doing", "you looked so proud for giving yourself the shot - awesome", "wow you did a fabulous job estimating those carbs", "it's ok blood sugar went a high and it's wonderful you took the time to check and correct", "thanks for getting up in the middle of the night to check - I appreciate you", "I learned something new today about diabetes and that feels good"....).

    You're not alone.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2010
  12. StillMamamia

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    Hey there,

    Just wanted to let you know that I understand. I don't have any major words of advice, except to always take time for yourself, even if 5mins in the bathroom with the door closed.
    D can be so consuming, and, if you have a perfectionist trait like me, you will always take a high or a low personally, and you will obsess about D night and day.
    Try to not lose yourself in D. There is life out there.:cwds:
    Hang in there!
     
  13. Becky Stevens mom

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    Hey Natalie, Im just seeing this. Been a busy day whew! So, where do I start? I was in your shoes nearly 6 years ago except my shoes fit so tight they were making me physically ill:( To say I was obsessed with Steven diabetes and blood sugars might be a bit of an understatement. I felt that there was so much at stake and it was all resting like a huge weight on my shoulders! I buckled under the strain! I would read books about d, I had at the highest count 7 books about diabetes. I would pour through them looking for answers, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. What was I missing?

    The fact is Natalie, what I was missing was life. I got so wrapped up in the books and the thinking and the figuring and the looking over old log books that I forgot about today and now and enjoying my special kids high and low blood sugars and all. Now Im not going to tell you that I dont still worry and obsess a bit because that would be a lie. But I think I have in under better control now, at least for me. I had to back up a little or diabetes would have rolled over me like a steam roller and squashed me flat. Im better able to manage the meter now when the blood sugars are high. I tell myself this, "Well thats stupid! I gave the correct amount of insulin" " diabetes just doesnt want to play fair I guess" And I know that I have the power to fix whats going on then whether high or low. And Natalie, youre learning to do that too. A little more each day. You be patient with yourself though, you hear. cut yourself slack cause you deserve that and many pats on the back too:cwds:
     
  14. SarahKelly

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    I am right there with you. It is soooo incredibly difficult and we've been having quite a few surprise BG#'s over 300 that make me feel like I failed. I know I didn't, but there is still that parent feeling that you want to protect them and help them feel their best so when you don't it seems like you failed. I'm trying my best to see that I am not a failure due to a number. That's where I am at right now - trying.
    I hope it improves, but for now I'm thankful for places like this where I know I am not alone and have a generous group of people willing to help.
     
  15. joan

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    When I read a post like yours it brings me right back to when my son was diagnosed. The high bs really got to me. If my son was high I would be in a bad mood all day. That was it. I cried and worried obsessively. Slowly it left me. One day I looked at my son and my first thought wasn't " I wonder what his bs is" That was when I began to change and get my life back. It will happen. Be patient. D is impossible to control and we do the best we can. That is all we can do. The worrying is real but you will worry less when you have more confidence in what you are doing. All this take time. Try and relax. You are doing a great job.
     

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