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Ever not get the support of your non up-all-night spouse?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by rutgers1, Nov 6, 2011.

  1. rutgers1

    rutgers1 Approved members

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    Love her, but after a week of being up half/most of the night as we tried to get this basal thing right, I expected to be given some slack on my one day off when I said I didn't want to attend an impromptu lunch at the mother-in-law's. On top of setting my alarm for every 2 hours all night just about every night, I have also been sick. I slept in late today, but during the week hours of quality sleep have been non existent.

    Not sure what the point of this post is, but I am starting to feel like I have a newborn 24/7 -- which is totally fine since I love the little guy and want what's best for him -- but it's hard trying to explain to everyone why I am tired all the time. At some point, I think people just think that I am being a wuss.
     
  2. kiwimum

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    I can't relate to the spouse bit cause my husband is a honey :D

    But I totally hear you regarding the friends and colleagues...I had a friend tell me a few months ago that I looked like a bag of sh*t! When I tried to explain that I spend weeks being up every 2 hours and I am exhausted, I got told I need to lighten up and stop stressing:mad:
    Some people will never get it and I can deal with that. But when friends don't try, then I get a little annoyed.

    And yes, it can be like having a new born in the house all over again :cwds:
     
  3. Mommy To 4

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    I can totally relate. My husband assumes no diabetes care and actually told me that I am causing all the stress myself. I told my Mom just the other day that I would rather have a newborn because then at least I would know that it would eventually end. There is no end to a child with diabetes. At least not in the very near future, sure she will grow up, but I will always worry about her well-being.
     
  4. hawkeyegirl

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    Very early on, we split up the nighttime duties. I do from 10pm to 5am. He does everything after 5. That might not seem fair to me, but I can function MUCH better in the middle of the night than he can, and can get back to sleep faster, but he is much better getting up early in the morning. On workdays, of course, I only get to "sleep in" until 7:30. But on weekends, he gets up with the kids, and I sleep as long as I need to. It's not perfect, but it works for us.

    Whatever system you have, it needs to be a system that you both find fair. Otherwise, the resentment will just build, and this disease can but enough stress on a marriage as it is.
     
  5. Butterfly Betty

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    I totatlly hear you! My husband, God bless his soul, is no help when it comes to taking even one night check. I check Sophie everynight at midnight, then again at three. She gets up for school at 6:30, so this works. Now, during the work week, I understand that he can't get up and check her. He leaves for work by 5:30, and has an hour commute, so I get it. BUT on Friday and Saturday nights/mornings, I'd love to have a little more help. Like Friday night, I asked him if he would check her at Three, which he did, but he woke me up to ask if he should correct her at 263 and how many units she needs. I'll admit to being angry that he woke me up.

    And it's exactly like having a newborn. I do it because it's best for Sophie, but I miss sleep.
     
  6. TheTestingMom

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    My husband doesn't help at all
     
  7. MomofSweetOne

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    Newborns are so much easier! Then there weren't dosing decisions to make while half-asleep, only feeding and diaper changing. A couple months ago my daughter's insulin sensitivity literally changed from 1:15 to 1:104 over a four day period...trying to decided how to dose her was so hard when I was fully awake; half-asleep was extremely frightening. And forgetting the diaper bag or not having restocked it is simple to solve and not life-threatening compared to the same with the D-kit!!
     
  8. MommaKat

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    This is exactly what I said to my mom yesterday at a business convention. People I hadn't seen in forever commented on how tired and haggard I looked. I wasn't going to answer inquiries into my health and / or sanity. For one, I have my own concerns about the latter ;) Seriously though, I know they just wouldn't understand (or care), and don't need to know. While I do feel like this is similar to bringing home a newborn, I am now in my mid 40s and sadly NOT handling it as well as I once did.

    If people wrongly think you're being a wuss, I'd take comfort in knowing the Golden Rule does cover judging others unfairly. :p
     
  9. Gsmama

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    My husband doesn't help at all. He doesn't get why I am tired either.
    I'm sorry.
     
  10. 3kidlets

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    I don't get help either. But I try not to complain too much because I am a stay at home mom. I could take a nap if I really needed to. My husband does have to go to work and deal with clients and be productive. Not that I don't have to be productive, but I can slack a bit if I need to :eek:
    BUT, there are times I wish he would have noticed I needed the help. Like when I had bronchitis for a week and a fever of 104. Still had to drag my a$$ out of the bed. No offer of help or anything. The few times I did ask him, I got some nonsense of an excuse about Hana not cooperating when he tries to do it. And also, questioning if this was really necessary :mad: and how he doesn't think his dad (who is also T1) checks in the middle of the night. Not sure that is true plus my mother in law watches him like a hawk all the time.
    Yeah, just the gesture would be nice every once in a blue moon. But he is a great dad and husband so don't want to make it look like he isn't.
     
  11. Pauji5

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    I do the night testing since he gets up early for work..I do to with the kids, but I'm home during the day and have been know to "watch the inside of my eyelids" on occassion.... (nap!)

    About once a month, I have a complete meltdown...I'm so tired, I need a full nights sleep, etc. and he does it a few days, then I feel better and take back over.

    I never thought getting up ever night would become part of my routine, but shockingly, it's easier that it was 4 years ago....

    Good luck!
     
  12. Lee

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    Well, since it is just me, I have to answer no...this is what single parents face everyday...I consider myself lucky sometimes, when I am tireder than dirt, that she is going to her Dad's for a few days.
     
  13. nyholli

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    I joined the single parent club less than a year prior to my DD dx. I am one very tired MaMa! But, being married for 12 years prior to divorce, I suggest you find time for a heart to heart, check any anger at the door, and express your feeling to your spouse... AND also have a few suggestions on how she
    can help. Whether it be a split shift or even just letting you sleep late on the weekends. Again, I be honest but not mad.

    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2011
  14. rutgers1

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    I kinda feel bad I started this thread, though it did feel good to post it at the time. She is awesome and pretty much takes care of more than her fair share around the house the rest of the day and into the early night. It's just that my contribution is the nighttime checks, and while I totally don't mind doing it, it definitely takes a toll by the time the weekend rolls around. It is 12:38 right now and I have to be up for the next check in 3 hours, followed by waking up to start my day a couple hours later. Ugh!
     
  15. Beach bum

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    I am a STAHM right now, and my husband works crazy long hours. That being said, my husband will pitch in and do as much as he possibly can to help out. For example, I go to bed on the early side, so he will take the first night check. I will then do all checks after that as he gets up early for work. If he is home when the kids get up he will make sure our daughter gets tested/bolused. On weekends, it's a team effort, whoever happens to get their first does the work. If he is tired from work, he will speak up and ask for me to take over, and if I have had it, all I have to do is ask and he steps in.

    I don't mind doing more of the work because I am at home more and as a pp said, I have the opportunity to catch a few zzz's if needed. I suggest you have a heart to heart with your spouse and just let your frustrations be known. Don't keep it bottled up because the anger and resentment will bring you both down.
     
  16. nyholli

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    Don't feel badly! It's a place to get support, and I have done my fair share of blow up. I'm sure she is a great mom and that's why some have suggested "talk about it, but don't do it angry." I give you credit, because 2 yrs into this, and I don't wake up to an alarm anymore. I don't know how people do it. Last night I chased another high and finally @ 3 am, I passed out cause I just couldn't stay awake. I feel awful cause DD is @ 220 this AM. It's a never ending battle of numbers for me and there are nights I just can't do it so she either runs high or I temp her down to avoid a low, sometimes I win, but a lot of the time she wakes up high.
     
  17. Beach bum

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    Change up your alarms. If you use an alarm clock, switch to a cell phone for a while. Use a ring tone that is really annoying, one that you think "this thing will wake up the whole house." By using one like this, you know you have to act quick so that you don't wake anyone else up! This is what I do when I get into the alarm rut.
     
  18. MiaLeo

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    LOL my alarm ringtone is super obnoxious. I had it on HARP for a while with no luck.

    And (((hugs))) to all the other posters. I don't know how one faces this journey every day and night solo. I feel crazy enough, even with a fully supportive and active diabetes-fighting husband and father.
     
  19. slpmom2

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    I'm sorry you're so exhausted and not feeling supported. Know that you're not alone.

    The one thing that's made our nights so much better is dd's CGM. It's not perfect, but most of the time we're comfortable with not checking her unless the CGM alarms. We have a baby monitor in her room so that we can hear it. So we check her at bedtime, check again before we go to bed, and then usually check in the middle of the night only if we have reason to think that the CGM is way off or have other concerns. Might be something to consider.

    Hang in there!
     
  20. VinceysMom

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    I do all the night checks, once in a blue moon hubby will do, but it's pretty much all me... and I work full time... I sleep with my cell phone... lol Well, last night 12:40 am i must have been sleeping ON TOP of my cell phone i didnt hear it and Vince texted me he was low... so he got up and chowed down on halloween candy... And then, at work, the same damned lady says to me today, and on more than one occassion..."you look soooooo tired"... i said, "Oh, thanks!" dumb@$$. (I have inherited the dark Italian circles under my eyes... lol and puffy eyes... haha!) I am NOT tired... ok, maybe I am, just a little... I love that we can "talk" here like this... thank you.

    Kathy, the darkcirclepuffyeyeditaliangirl
     

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