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Do you ever feel like...

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Heather(CA), Feb 8, 2011.

  1. Heather(CA)

    Heather(CA) Approved members

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    You resent D because of how it's affected YOU, then feel guilty because resenting D feels like your resenting your D child. Sigh...

    I LOVE Seth so much, I would give up sleep for the rest of my life to have him.

    It's just hard not resent D when I'm too tired sometimes to do what I need to do (At least before 11am)...Then I feel bad for feeling that way, it could be worse...
     
  2. bnmom

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    I do.

    I resent all the worry, the lack of sleep, the way this has even changed life for my other non-D child.

    Then I feel guilty...because it makes me feel like I'm being selfish for even considering the effect D has on me, when it's effect is so much more profound for my son.

    I'm with you Heather, I will give up sleep forever to keep my son...but that doesn't mean I don't resent the hell out of being so tired and scared all the time.
     
  3. BRANDYB

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    What makes me feel guilty is when I hate d and think of all it has done to me. Then I realize hey it is my kid doing all of this....not me. Then I feel terrible for hating it so much. I at least have breaks but Haley does it 24/7..never a break. Haley went on vacation without me and I was happy for a spit second thinking whoo hoo no d care. Then I thought of her..she never will get a break.
     
  4. StillMamamia

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    I don't and I don't think I ever resented D. I hate it of course! I just wish I could be more organized/anal/structured so as to make it work more in our favour.:rolleyes: One can dream, right?

    But I get what you're saying.
     
  5. fredntan2

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    see post of mine about hating this GD disease.

    sometimes when driving into work I think about things, think about that dx day, think about how easy my friends have it with there kids.

    and then I think how lucky I am..back home they just buried a little 5 year old child. he had brain cancer. that disease tore that family apart. mother/father divorced now. etc etc
     
  6. LizinTX

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    ((((Heather)))) I get what you are saying. I hate D too, but I don't think I resent it either, like someone else said.
     
  7. lynn

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    YES! As an example....

    Yesterday I dropped my 13-year-old daughter off at a friend's house to hang out while I took the other kids to JoAnn's so my 18-year-old could buy some yarn and other knitting supplies. I mentioned to the friend's mom that it would probably be only an hour or so because I can only entertain the little kids in JoAnns for so long before they get out of hand. She suggested that I bring them to play in the new play area in the middle of the mall. NO WAY!!! I do not visit those sorts of places anymore. We always drag sickness home with us. When I told her this she laughed at me and said that she always tells her kids, "Go. Play. Get sick. Have fun!" I left longing for the days when I had that sort of attitude---when sickness didn't bring out the angry side of diabetes and turn my daughter's arthritis into a beast.

    Do I resent D? Yes, I believe I do.
     
  8. thebestnest5

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    I resent what D has done to my DD's childhood--and I resent the feelings of pain it causes for me to watch her and think about her pain/feelings. It's like a circle of hurt.

    I am thankful that she can live with D--but I resent what D has taken from her childhood and what it will continue to take from her.
     
  9. Annapolis Mom

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    Heather, I think you're exactly right in separating the two. You resent diabetes and you love your son. They are completely different.
     
  10. Mody_Jess_Pony

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    I resent having to watch my little D buddy (Emma'sDad) his Emma, have D in the picture. I hate how she has to stop, I hate how I got to have a childhood and she didn't. I HATE that I can't fix this, I RSENT the fact I can't fix it.
     
  11. rosieclauer

    rosieclauer New Member

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    I hate and resent this disease everyday, all day long. It sucks. The only thing it has going for it is that it ISN'T cancer. Diabetes did not only change my son's life, it changed our entire family and we are still trying to find our way.

    I love my son, and have and will continue to go without sleep to keep him safe. Our nights are not good. This **$#^(* diabetes! And then I remember it isn't about me, he's the one with diabetes, and while this is a nightmare for me now, it will be his cross to bear everyday for the rest of his life...until there is a cure.

    A week ago my sister had Sam over for dinner, so for the first time in I don't even know how long, we had a dinner at home where I just put the food on the table -- I didn't measure or weigh anything. And I am so ashamed of the simple joy I felt when I put the tortilla chips on the table and realized I hadn't thought about a carbohydrate in almost an hour.

    I adore my Sam...but I still resent this disease and all it has stolen from his childhood.

    Rosie
    mom to Katie, 11, non-D
    Jack, born still 5/11/2001
    Sam, 8, dx 5/27/2009
     
  12. Bigbluefrog

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    (((Heather))) yes, I get angry that my child has this disease, and how she has to make sacrifices, then I got hit with her scoliosis, and then you get to the breaking point.... enough already, enough my plate is full, her plate is full.

    We know you work hard at protecting Seth, and he is going to be alright.

    One thing I have seen, is that Amber is incredibly mature and strong in her faith....and one day she will be free of this disease, of both diseases. It is not a dream, but a goal.
     
  13. Flutterby

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    I'm to the point of it is what it is.. its not going away.. its part of our lives and we do what we have to do.. Does it mean that its easy or I like it, no way.
     
  14. MamaBear

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    I resent D for so many reasons, having to do with me, my non D daughter, and my D son. It just sucks sucks sucks. I feel alot of resentment and guilt. I think we all do, and it's ok.
     
  15. kyles_mom

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    I resent it. It's completely unfair that our kids have to deal with this. Life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean we can't have those feelings. As other people have pointed out though, i'll find myself feeling sorry for myself and then it hits me. He's the one going through it all day, every day. It's almost like 'how dare I feel this way, he's the one dealing with it'. I'm just extremely thankful that so far he's been handling it so well. I just don't know what I would do if he fought it, or wasn't compliant. I think I would surely lose it then :(. His attitude is the only thing that's saving us....it definitely keeps us positive.
     
  16. lauraqofu

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    Oh, Heather, I know exactly how you feel. I had this feeling tonight when I was drawing up her Lantus before bed. I just had this overwhelming wave of disgust and hatred for the insulin I was holding in my hands. I both love and hate insulin pretty fiercely. I hate that we have to have vials of insulin in our fridge I hate the smell of insulin, but I am so beyond thankful for insulin and love that it means my daughter will live.

    And then, immediately after I had that feeling of hatred, I felt guilty...so guilty. How can I even, for a moment, hate the substance that keeps my daughter alive? And then...when she went off with her dad this weekend and she actually spent two nights with him and I had two full days without full time d care, only providing phone support and I felt so...relaxed and like I was on a vacation...which of course caused me to feel guilty, because as someone else pointed out...she doesn't get a break.

    ((Hugs)) You definitely aren't alone, and thanks for posting this, because it was a good reminder tonight that I am not alone.
     
  17. Tigerlilly's mom

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    I feel the same way. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I am no longer upset/angry at diabetes. It's always there and always on my mind....but it is what it is and that's that.
     
  18. Gracie'sMom

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    I go thru times where I resent the impact D has had on our lives. They are usually quick to pass and I do feel guilty for feeling that way, but, I really, really love sleep and I was always an 8 hours plus per night type of person. Sleeping 2-3 hours at a time is for the birds! When I get really down about it is when I am so busy and I can't rest during the day and her BG's are all over the place . . . it is not easy to try to manage all of the D care. Of course, someday we get to pass the care on to them and worry, hopefully, from a far instead of from the next room . . .
     
  19. Heather(CA)

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    Yes, sleep, when I'm feeling this way it's because of that. And, the lack of production/motivation I have for the day because of it. I feel bad for not doing more then I get mad at D for my lack of sleep then I feel bad for getting mad because I want Seth to play sports....
     
  20. heamwdevine

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    I do too.:(
     

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