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Dating w D

Discussion in 'Diabetes and College' started by Omo2three, Jan 16, 2010.

  1. Omo2three

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    To tell or not tell about your D? I was curious if you try to hide it at first -just so they get to know you and then tell them you have D.


    Or do you just let the person know upfront this is who I am and this is my pump...or D care.

    Kinda like a back burner issue, there but not really focused on.
     
  2. Kalebsmom

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    Kaleb tells all of his friends (including girlfriends) about his diabetes right off the bat.
     
  3. Tricia22

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    I generally don't think to bring it up until like we're eating and I need to check and / or bolus, then I point out my OmniPod and Dexcom and do a little this is me kind of spiel. The only problam I ever had with dating and D was when I told a guy on our first date, and he started talking about his battle with cancer when he was younger and how we will probably both die young because of our health histories, so if it works out with us, we better not have kids since there wouldn't be anyone to take care of them when we both die at young ages... yeah... not a real bright kid... didn't work out... tried explaining, and he was CONVINCED we were both going to die sooner rather than later because of our medical stuff... :rolleyes:
     
  4. maha

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    I'm doing like Tricia, I bring it while eating,
    need to do insulin or check blood sugar.

    I never had a problem with D and dating.
     
  5. Scribe

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    never told, in keep with my No. 1 rule of never telling anyone i'm D.
    of course, when i was dating is was easier -- no pumps, no portable meters, one -shot-a-day regimen of nph.
    i disclosed it to my (now wife) when we got engaged and decided to move in together.
    as i've said in previous posts, i have no reason to disclose it at school or work, at play or anywhere else since i'm complication free, freakishly healthy to this day avoided seizures or even a nervous moment because of D.
     
  6. Toni

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    I agree with this when first job-hunting. At some point you have to tell your employer though, don't you? Is the reason you never told anyone about D because you had a bad experience? Kind of impossible to keep it a secret if you are wearing an insulin pump.
     
  7. Omo2three

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    I Believe its good to be honest and open, but in the same sense....sometimes people get so focused on the D and miss seeing/knowing the person.

    Toni - with jobs too I agree.

    Amb doesn't date yet.. but I do see her D keeping others from inviting her to sleepovers...that makes me sad.
     
  8. Ronin1966

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    Hello Omo2three:

    Will she tell her date what her menstral cycle is that night? Her entire sexual/dating history? Will they tell her about their complete medical history on that first date? Not remotely likely...

    Dating is a gradual process, sharing intimate things. If I don't know you, I would not tell you about that level of stuff, not until I know you far better. If they ask thats a different game... share what she wants but we are NOT required to tattoo DIABETIC on our skull. I can test/shoot without anybody knowing it. I'm a regular DR SEUSS DIABETIC "...I can shot on a plane, test on a train, in a moat, on a goat..." nobody will know or even see what we're doing.

    They'll earn that right, to know about us. Some you tell nothing, others you'll spill to....
     
  9. Scribe

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    nope. i've never told any employer or employee or colleague or anybody. even when i was sent to war zones i kept that info confidential. i control my D well and have never had a bad moment in 50 years. so ... it's not relevant.

    as for my pump ... i'm sure people have seen it. if they ask i refuse to answer. i'm very discrete when i test. i'm sure HR has some knowledge from my pharma records. but ... that's different than me overtly telling people. they can have suspicions. nothing you can do about that. but i never have and never will confirm them.
     
  10. Noel

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    While this certainly is your right Scribe....don't you worry about what would happen if you had a sudden emergency? If you don't mind me asking why are you so private about it? Are you ashamed of having Diabetes? I would think with your profession of a reporter you would have a different outlook. Your career is one in which you "tell everyone things" that quite possibly the people you are talking about don't want everyone to know. That just perplexes me, seems sort of like a "do as I say, not as I do standard".

    The only time DH EVER passed out in 34 years of Diabetes was when he was at WORK!!!! Thankfully his fellow employees knew what was wrong and were able to get help quickly! It was a good thing to, because when they tested him while the paramedics were starting the IV he was "lo" on the meter.....it took a long time for him to come back up even with the IV....he even ended up in hospital for 2 days.

    To each their own, obviously, I am just glad that DH has chosen to not be so private that it could impede his safety. I am also thankful that my son is following in his Dad's footsteps. He often tells anyone who will listen that he has diabetes. One time one of his friends asked him "why are you telling me this" and he quickly responded, "Oh in case of an emergency, you could save me life. Diabetes is part of me, take it or leave it, I don't care because I will always have it, so deal with it" Granted he's only 10 but pretty darn insightful for 10.
     
  11. Ronin1966

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    Hello Noel:

    Scribe will obviously speak for himself, if/when time permits him... but as a type 1 diabetic myself I can easily answer this one on all kinds of different levels.

    Its absolutely nobody's business but mine, what conditions, disease(s) I may or may not possess. My burden, my problem exclusively. As my partner, my wife (someone extremely important to me) you may earn the priveledge of assorted knowledge, but I would not gladly share it with you. The disease is mine not yours....

    Add in the potential for bias or discrimination, any limitations which may be presented if our ~physical condition(s)~ were revealed... another excellent reason to be totally silent on the subject. Again the diabetics choice.

    If I were a person who set a goal, and were equally unwilling to give myself any special considerations, allowances it may not be realistic from some perspectives, but if I do not announce "I am diabetic", then I am on a level plane with peers and collegues. Succeed or fail regardles of the diabetes. The diabetes is my knowledge no one elses.

    Lets see....

    Do you have any idea how many people, well meaning ask the same assinine questions which I have no desire or intention to answer for their ignorant amusement, or their simplistic inappropriate curiousity? The problems whatever they might well be are mine, "go away" !!!! It is entirely unwelcome to ask me.

    Toss in the value of information, meaning if I or anyone wishes to share that knowledge, that information, I have trusted you with information not commonly, or easily accessible. If I choose not to share it. I don't want to know about someones herpes, their asthma, unless they choose to share it.

    If they do so, it is sacrosanct, "eyes only" information, unless I am told to the contrary will never be shared by me.

    There are many things people keep private, shame is only one possible door. Scribe may have other reasons I have never conceived. But I as a diabetic I appreciate and highly admire his privacy position.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2010
  12. someone

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    I try to keep the fact that I have diabetes very private for the reasons that Ronin pointed out. It is no fun to be discriminated against by someone that is ignorant, simply because you chose to let them know that you have diabetes. I have very good control and am not in denial or anything like that...I just prefer that people don't know about it because it makes my life easier. As hard as it may be to accept, the reality is that many people WILL look at you differently if they know you have diabetes. I make sure they know me before they know I'm diabetic. That way, when they do find out that the person they've known for all this time has diabetes, they won't jump to conclusions.

    And yes, I do wear a pump. No, it is not impossible to hide.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2010
  13. Ronin1966

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    Hello someone:

    Thank you for the ~support~ its appreciated.


    <<And yes, I do wear a pump. No, it is not impossible to hide.

    You must not wear too many strapless dresses, bathing suits, or jumpsuits ;) I take it? <gentle teasing about being not "impossible" to hide>
     
  14. someone

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    Well, seeing as I'm a guy, I certainly haven't tried a strapless dress (hopefully never will).

    As for bathing suits...I just disconnect, but guys bathing suits do have pockets, so I also cut holes in the pockets in case I do need to have the pump connected.

    Last year when I was incarcerated, I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to hide my pump anymore. Fortunately the Dallas County prison's jump suits have pockets on the inside otherwise I just might have been out of luck...:D
     
  15. Omo2three

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    Thanks for sharing..:p

    Ambrea is very open about her D, at a restaurant..we never hide. although she is very considerate with little ones and will hide it. she says they don't need to be exposed to this. I admire her discretion.

    As far as employment..I agree ..it should not be mentioned...I think people tend to judge others to quickly. Let them see the person's work ethic and who they are.

    As far as hiding the pump? You must share your secrets! skinny jeans leave little room for hiding. and the fanny pack is a giveaway.....soon she is getting a brace for her back...not sure we can hide the blasted armour.:(
     
  16. someone

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    I find pockets to be the best place. It keeps the pump hidden, but easily accessible. Simply cut a hole/slit near the top of the pocket and thread the tubing through. With an untucked shirt, the hole is not even necessary. Even if the outline of the pump is visible (eg with skinny jeans), it is nothing out of the ordinary because it looks like the outline of a cell phone, mp3 player, etc. There are also undergarments that can be purchased from pump manufacturer sites or pumpwear inc. These usually have a pocket on the inside, which of course hides the pump but makes it more difficult to access.
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2010
  17. Mody_Jess_Pony

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    As for hiding the pump I've sewn pockets into my shirts to do that :)
     
  18. Danielle2008

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    For me personally, the guys I have dated the last two years have known about my D before they even asked me out. I forget how it was brought up, usually because they 'noticed' the pump, or the tubing at some point(...funny how people do still notice those 'bumps' in your pockets LOL). My BF knew about my D before our first date as well.

    I have always made it a 'no big deal' response back, and usually don't go into great length explaining it to them. I haven't met a guy that it has bothered yet.

    I don't feel the need to hide I have Diabetes. I am private with how I care for my D (I test within my purse in public, and I quietly bolus from my pump), but if someone asks, I will be honest with them about it.

    For me, I do want my future husband to be supportive and willing to lend a hand with the D(not so much as to do anything D related, but be willing to come to Doctor visits at times, and just feel like they are OK and accepting of it all). That is very important to me. I am not suggesting they should share in my 'burden', but having that support is important.

    As I see it, I will possibly be bearing their child, and for me to have a healthy child, it will require a lot of Diabetes required care. While it will be my body and my responsibility to care for it those 9 months, it will be our venture.

    Personally, I don't want to be disclosed of a serious health concern after accepting a ring. I don't like the idea of, "now I have you hooked, so the real story comes out." At least, that is how I look at it.
     
  19. icanhazjoy

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    Most of the time it's the FIRST thing I disclose about myself, besides my name. Haha. I find that it gives us something to talk about later on, you know? When the silence hits. :p Most people I've dated have thought it's like, really cool or something.
     
  20. someone

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    First of all, I don't like to consider diabetes a "serious health concern". It becomes a serious health concern when a person is negligent, but to me it is no different than brushing my teeth in the morning. When you call it a "serious health concern", it just makes it a bigger part of your life. Not to mention, it could put many false ideas into the mind of someone uneducated about the disease.

    Not that I would ever go that far without telling someone...but... I would look at it more along the lines of "now that you know me, it shouldn't matter that I have diabetes".
     

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