Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Ivan's Mum, May 30, 2010.
Why can't you do all those things Fran!?
I'd pay to see you do that.
What if you took baby steps that get a little bigger each week-sort of "retraining"? Something like:
week one-OK to play with friends but report home every 2 hours to check BG, bolus,etc. When that has been successfully completed, go onto every three then every four hours. Just don't progress until he consistently follows through.
Can you leave back up supplies at his friends' homes?
I could never fathom letting my kid do so much independently at 9 years old, but your lifestyle is so different from mine and I hope you can find something to make it work.
I am wondering however, does your son have the idea that you are not responsible for his D care, that he is solely responsible? Matbe he doesn't want as much responsibilty as you are willing to give him?
I am impressed with how well you and your son are doing with d care. I hope to have the same ability to communicate with my children as they grow.
My only other idea is that instead of pointing out the complications possibilities give him several wonderful examples of people with t1d that are successful and how they are where they're at because they take care of themselves. You know remind him how it would be hard for those people to be a cross country skier, mountain climber, biker, triathlete....ect if you had renal failure, blindness, loss of limbs, nerve damage...ect. I know for my husband he has just wanted to be healthy enough to do anything he wants, and if he can't do it he doesn't want the reason to be diabetes (but somethign like lack of training...kwim)
Not sure if that helps, but I think sometimes kids need a few heros like themselves to look up to. My husband has a long list of people, famous and not, that have d and are successful in many walks of life.
He knows that I make the big calls about doses, large corrections and the like. Solely responsible is only when he's not at home and I can't fathom how he'd think I was taking care of it when I wasn't there.
Though he does know that when he first got his freedom I would follow him in the car and spy on him so maybe he does think I'm hiding behind a tree
The retaining might be an idea if this first rark up doesn't work.
Debs, i don't know what you get up to in bulls but rollerskating is where I draw the line. Though I'll still do the fear fall and can beat him on speed on the waterslides (something to do with excess weight according to him)
Heather, I'm really anti cells phones and kids due to EMF's I was kinda relieved when he kept losing his. I think he's going to need one when he starts going even FURTHER on his jaunts. Hopefully I've got a few years before then.
Turning up every 2 hours is a good idea. I've already spoken with one of his mates about helping remind him. They all are super bossy so this might help out quite a bit.
Fran, thank goodness I'm not the only parent who did this! Except I followed on foot and hid behind hedges until I got caught by a motorist! Thankfully I knew the local copper!
As for what I get upto in Bulls, not much now that I am a working girl! And I totally relate to the excess weight thing but goodness knows what Ivan means by telling you that. You're a stick compared to me!
I should have been clearer. A lot of what happens in terms of their actions as children grow is not something that they think and plan out - it just happens, with any motivation often at a sub-conscious level.
His Mom is clearly being tested - whether there was any conscious intent behind it or not doesn't change the fact that she is being tested.
Just wanted to wish you luck, Fran.:cwds:
It's a tough call.
Do beepers still exist
Same with us. My 10 year old often 'forgets' he is diabetic (he was diagnosed at 10 months!) and forgets to bolus or get checked. The other day he did not get checked at bedtime snack or at bedtime later. He was 387 when I checked later. Since, he is not capable of doing it on his own he can't go off without me to do care. I told him when he can be more responsible then he will get more freedom. His older brother gets more freedom as he does what he needs to do.
Also, if he only used his cell phone for texting, wouldn't the EMF exposure but low that way because it is further away from you?
Sounds like you had a great chat, it may just work, and he may need frequent reminding, I'm so happy you don't reward him for doing what needs to be done! I also like that you don't use cell phones! We got along fine without them for years! I still don't use one, although I have one for car emergencies only. Never gets used!
Just want to toss this article into the thread - which has been very helpful for many parents to set clear expectations/parameters and consequences (not punishment) in order to raise healthy children with diabetes in a safe manner. You can tailor it as you see fit within your individual family.
Since he seems to be fine at home, then out with friends its most likely a matter of being to busy and not wanting to be bothered. His site coming out, he obviously knows, at age 9, that it needs to be fixed, and then eating without fixing it, was a 9 year old not wanting to stop what he was doing.. not that he didn't know what to do.. I do think, that maybe his friends need to get involved.. I'd have them all over, and have a conversation with them.. I wouldn't make it a lecture, or a punishment (at this point) but just a casual conversation that Ivan needs to do certain things; check, bolus, carb count, while they are out and about.. if he's not doing these things then he can't go.. I wouldn't start out with punishments, yet.. But start with a warning.. THIS HAS to be done, or you will get this as a punishment.. and then stick to it.
edited to add, I just saw that you did have a chat with him.. sounds like it went well and your approach was great..
I think you handled it great!!! As for the long term complications of diabetes, I would wait until he is older - unless he is does not take care of his D at all - I think it could be too much with his family history of depressions.
I haven't read all the posts yet so I apologise if someone has already said this.
Phillip has trouble remembering to do things when he's with his friends. I tell him before he goes out when I expect him to test, and what he needs to do. If he doesn't do what I ask, he doesn't go out next time. At first he was like 'I don't care, you won't do it.' When he got invited to a friend next time I told him 'No. You were told the consequence last time, you're not going.' He's slowly getting the message. Still forgets sometimes, but is improving.
The reality is that regardless of how hard you try, your son cannot have the same experience you had as a child with freedom, BECAUSE he has diabetes. You can do as much as you can to make it "child first, diabetes second" but he has turned that into "child first, diabetes never" and that can't happen. I think that if he cannot be responsible for his care when you aren't there, he has to be back in front of you are scheduled intervals for checking, treating, etc and if he eats and doesn't bolus, or ignores lows, then he loses his privilege to play without supervision for a period of time.
I just want to add further to my post, I have the same deal for my non d DD. She makes her own way to netball on a Monday after school. She is supposed to text me when she leaves school and get to the courts by 3.45pm. Yesterday I got to the courts early and she didn't get there until 3.55, so next game she has to come down to my work and I'll take her. If they don't do as I expect, they lose the freedom.
I've read through most of the posts and some I disagree with, some I agree with. Bottom line, you asked for consequences, and this seems REALLY simple to me. You want freedom...you can have it as long as you do x,y, and z. (test, bolus, whatever). If you do NOT do these things, this freedom is taken away.
I am a HUGE believer in natural consequences (vs punishment or invented consequences). This is just about one of the more classic examples of natural consequences ever, quite honestly! If you do not manage your diabetes by testing every few hours, and keeping your sugars within a certain range by counting/bolusing...then this freedom you so desire is gone and you will be required to come home every hour for a check.
Not sure why this is a hot topic, it seems fairly simple to me.
I personally do believe that 9 is very young for this level of freedom, but since you do not, I have to just fall back upon what seems to me to be a very natural consequence. If you cannot be trusted to manage your diabetes away from home, then you cannot be away from home for this length of time.
He knows that I follow though, I never make a threat I don't follow though on. That's why my nick name has always been mean mummy.
I guess this thread is so hot because, really it's about a kids freedom and perceived risks and we all sit on different end of the fence (and even in the middle for some). I know many are shocked at the amount of freedom Van gets, he has had D stop him in his tracks a few times but I have always subscribed to kid first which is why he's enjoyed so many birthdays parties and come home hi to bed while I stayed up all night correcting him but I'm going to do my utmost best to make sure he misses out on nothing in life and certainly doesn't feel that diabetes is to be viewed as a handbreak.
This is a hick up along the way and probably a good time to establish some more concrete rules as he's only going to go further on those two busy feet of his.
Yup, hate cells. It's not the call, it's even having it in his pocket. They mess with your swimmers, and the fact that there are a load of blokes coming down with testicular cancer has me cautious about it. he's probably going to need all the help he can get with that department in years to come!
MAybe I need a tracking device with an electric current I can jolt him in to remembering. PRobably would run on EMF too!
I'm with Nancy on the natural consequences. Just had a situation like that this weekend. On Friday Jayden (who is 11) was supposed to change her pump site right after school, when she got to her friend's house. She made a choice not to do so because she didn't want to mess with it. And it worked out just fine until AFTER she ate pizza. BG was rising, rising, rising, and she was miserable. We were in touch by phone, of course, and she handled everything just fine. She ended up having to pull insulin from her reservoir and give herself an injection, use her phenergan cream to stop herself from throwing up, change the site, and give two more corrections afterward to get back into range. She "babysat" diabetes all night long and felt like garbage, which of course took away from her fun with her friends. It was a natural consequence to diabetes disobedience. I didn't need to say one thing to her when she came home...she already knew, and I am betting next time she'll change that site!!
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