- advertisement -

Call adult son's MD or cut apron string

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by auntjoanie, Jul 22, 2011.

  1. auntjoanie

    auntjoanie Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    I apologize if I am out of line posting here but I don't know what to do and I respect your opinions. My son does not have diabetes but he has had an autoimmune disorder since childhood. He got married and moved away two years ago. I have been researching and believe he needs to be tested for another disorder which is genetic. I've asked him several times to ask his MD about it. He says he mentioned it when he first saw him but doesn't want to question him again. The MD knows what he is doing. Now substitute diabetes. If you are a parent, what would you do? If you are a young adult, what would you think if your mother contacted your MD? Joan
     
  2. Amy C.

    Amy C. Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2005
    Messages:
    5,560
    I vote for cutting the apron string. Your son mentioned it to his doctor who elected not to test him.
     
  3. sarahspins

    sarahspins Approved members

    Joined:
    May 5, 2009
    Messages:
    2,205
    I'm confused about just what the problem is in this scenario? I don't understand how diabetes plays into things here, unless you're concerned about him developing T1?

    Your son is an adult, and he does not seem to have what you are concerned with - so why push things with the doctor? It's not as if your son is not seeing a doctor at all - which is pretty typical for most young adults. I would try not to worry needlessly.

    IMO if you were to contact his physician that would be WAY out of line....
     
  4. Blue

    Blue Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2010
    Messages:
    176
    Cut the strings.

    An adult with all of their reasoning abilities intact is entitled to tell their doctor as much (or little) as they want. They don't even have to go to a doctor if they don't want . . . As the poster above me said, for you to call his doctor would be way out of line - regardless of your good intentions or what disorders they may have.
     
  5. selketine

    selketine Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    6,055
    I think intervention with a person's doctor is ok if the person is suicidal and in immediate danger or in some way unable to care for themselves but beyond that....I don't see a scenario where it is advisable.
     
  6. Heather(CA)

    Heather(CA) Approved members

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2007
    Messages:
    10,153
    I guess for me it would depend on how severe/dangerous the disorder is. My son had partial adrenal insufficiency. It has gone away now, but knowing you have it is extremely important, so if I thought it could cost him his life. I would tell the Doc. But if it was something like say thyroid that would make him feel bad but wasn't life threatening...I would cut that string. I hope this helps.:cwds:
     
  7. mom2Hanna

    mom2Hanna Approved members

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2008
    Messages:
    972
    The bottom line is that due to HIPPA the dr probably won't talk to you anyway. If you are really that anxious yOu should communicate that to your son.
     
  8. NatBMomto4

    NatBMomto4 Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2010
    Messages:
    437
    Wouldn't you have been angry if your mom had done that to you? Once I moved out of my mom's house, and especially after I was married, I would have been FURIOUS if she had intervened in such a way. Time to cut the strings, my friend!:cwds:
     
  9. TheFormerLantusFiend

    TheFormerLantusFiend Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    4,925
    I would be furious. As a young adult, the very last thing I want is a parent making me look like less of an adult to my doctor. As long as your son is capable of speaking to the doctor himself (and by this I mean that he is sane and speaks English), you should not speak to the doctor unless your son asks.

    My mother can call my doctor if I'm at her house and too sick to be able to speak to him myself. That is the only circumstance under which it would be okay with me if she calls my doctor.
     
  10. Connie(BC)Type 1

    Connie(BC)Type 1 Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2005
    Messages:
    3,388
    My Mum has always had permission to speak with my doctors, it's still noted in my files
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2011
  11. Lee

    Lee Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2006
    Messages:
    9,633
    The doc won't even give you the time of day....honestly.
     
  12. auntjoanie

    auntjoanie Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    If he has this condition he is at high risk for lymphoma. And his children will have a 50% chance of having the gene mutation. Also some treatments for his current disorder are not good for this disorder. Sarah, I just meant to imagine you thought your CWD at 29 had another serious disorder. But you are all right, I have to let go. Thank you for your honest responses. Joan
     
  13. denise3099

    denise3099 Approved members

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2009
    Messages:
    1,757
    Well, I'm pretty bossy and intrusive. If my om did that too me I'd flip. But I think I would make it clear to my son, listen, I want you to get tested and if you don't I will go with you and if you don't I'm going to your doc. And I might even appeal to his wife.

    and no the doc won't talk to you, but YOU can talk to HIM, and voice your concerns. Talk to your son.

    You can even ask him to go with you to get tested and then ask him to get tested also while you're there. Talk to your own doc and pull a switcheroo. But I think he lives far? Talk to your son and explain that even though he is an adult, sometimes even kids have to manage their own paarents health issues and sometimes paarents have to interven for their grown kids. Don't let it go if you are worried.
     
  14. selketine

    selketine Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    6,055
    I think it is a tough situation. My heart would make me want to run to his doctor also because that is your child and you can't help but worry. If he DOES have this mutation - is there a treatment or ? I can imagine it would be difficult to know you had it but there was no treatment or cure so maybe he just wants to avoid knowing.

    I think only YOU are in the best position to know whether you can continue to talk to him about it - or his wife - or gather literature and other information for him, etc. You don't want to push him away of course. I think a lot depends on your relationship with him, as well as how likely it is he has this other condition.

    I think you said that his doctor was aware of the information - and if that is true - then I think you have to leave it alone.
     
  15. GaPeach

    GaPeach Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2007
    Messages:
    2,218
    Excellent response. Talk to him, hos wife and provide information out of love. Then step away.

    I have 3 of 6 out of my nest. They are always and forever your babies, but you have to let them make their own decisions.
     
  16. Big Hair Momma

    Big Hair Momma Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Messages:
    1,596
    Nor, should he. I would be furious with my mother if she undermined my ability as an adult to think and take care of myself.
     
  17. lauraqofu

    lauraqofu Approved members

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2010
    Messages:
    496
    I honestly think it would depend on the relationship you have with your child. For instance, I am barely on speaking terms with my mother, so I'd flip my lid. However, my cousin is very close with her mom, and wouldn't mind if her mother contacted her doctor.

    I think, however, as a parent, I'd simply use our best tools...guilt and nagging;)...hopefully he'll get tired of hearing about it and just go to the doctor to get you off his back.
     
  18. auntjoanie

    auntjoanie Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    I realized a few days ago that my son was going through the same stages that I went through when he was diagnosed with ES 22 years ago. At first I did exactly what his MD said no questions asked. He was the expert. Then I read up on it , kept track of what worked best for my son and started questioning the MD. He didn't like it at first but we ended up working together after a few years. Since I managed my sons illness until he graduated college and moved out, he is just learning how to deal with MDs with big egos now. Luckily you saved me from embarrassing my son. He reached stage two on his own and asked his MD about testing him for ALPS. I don't have CWD but I think some of you can relate to my experience. Give your children time and trust them when it's time to let them go. I sincerely thank you. Joan
     
  19. selketine

    selketine Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    6,055
    Learning to deal with doctors and the medical system is definitely an experience. I'm glad he is doing so well on his own and asking the questions he needs to ask. I think you will be a great source of support for him if doctors brush him off - he needs to know to be persistent until he is comfortable with the answer - sounds like he is doing the right things.:)
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice