- advertisement -

Birthday Party WWYD?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by bisous, Jun 6, 2012.

  1. bisous

    bisous Approved members

    Joined:
    May 21, 2007
    Messages:
    1,545
    Help please! DS1 is 8 and has been diagnosed for almost 6 years. He's just been invited to his first "drop off" party believe it or not. He doesn't get invited a whole lot and I'd like for him to participate. But there are issues and diabetes is only one of many.

    Diabetes wise, DS1 can test himself but doesn't administer insulin. I assume since the party lasts from 2 to 6 that there will be food or at minimum some kind of cake or ice cream. So I'd need to be there for that.

    Another issue--I don't know the parents--at all! At what age is this NOT a factor? Ever? He's my first and this worries me greatly.

    Then there's the whole, he doesn't get invited much issue. And the fact that this is one of his "buddies". I've been so proud that he has been successful navigating the social scene this year. Until last week when the ringleader of the "buddies" decided to start excluding him. He's devastated.

    Obviously, I need to call the other mom and get more details and I haven't done that yet. I just want to be prepared and prepped with what is normal to ask about and what to expect for 8 year old

    In sum, this is tricky from a "drop off milestone" standpoint, a "d" standpoint and a tricky friend situation standpoint.

    WWYD?
     
  2. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    5,134
    Is it at their home or somewhere else? What will they be doing? This will help you determine his insulin needs somewhat.

    I didn't expect much from my 8 year old. ;) What I used to do was call the parents, get all the info (type of party,activity, food, etc.) and then I'd swing by at appropriate times to bolus.
     
  3. hawkeyegirl

    hawkeyegirl Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2007
    Messages:
    13,157
    My son is 8 and I would not drop him off at a birthday party yet. He's simply not ready. I'd stay and make myself as unobtrusive as possible.
     
  4. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2007
    Messages:
    12,521
    I think you need to tease out the issues.

    On the exclusion thing, I wouldn't mention it to the other parent, or raise it with DS unless he raises it. Usually those things are fleeting, and too, kids behave differently in different settings and what happens at school probably won't carry over to the party.

    On dropping off and D stuff. I'd call the parent, introduce myself, explain, in a few words as possible that DS has D and needs insulin to eat and that you'll be either in the background or dropping off but coming back in 90 min when food is served.

    Hope it all works out.:cwds:
     
  5. denise3099

    denise3099 Approved members

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2009
    Messages:
    1,757
    This type of stuff gives me a wave of nausea. :eek: I guess at 8 I could have dd call me and I would say, "Dose for 30 carbs" and she did on the pump. But I may also have parked my car around the corner and sat there with a book. :eek: :eek: :eek:

    Now dd has a slumber party. Ugh. A year ago I picked her up at 11. This time she will stay. I kinda feel sick.

    No advice, just sympathy. :cwds:
     
  6. Mish

    Mish Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Messages:
    1,393
    I would maybe consider 8 too young for drop off parties where you don't know the family. I'd just respond to the mom saying something like "DS is coming, and I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to just stay for a bit."

    I almost guarantee that other parents will be there.
     
  7. Beach bum

    Beach bum Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2005
    Messages:
    11,315
    I've done both.
    Call the parent and get a feel for the situation. Then decide what will work best, either staying in the background, being somewhere close nearby or popping in to bolus.

    I can't imagine that you would be the only one who sticks around...8 is a bit young for the drop and dash thing (though many will do it).
     
  8. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    Messages:
    6,771
    I agree with previous posters, you need to deal with each issue individually. As for diabetes, after 6 years, and since you are pumping, there should not be too many surprises, as far as navigating the food goes, right?

    As for not knowing the parents, a pre-emptive phone call that you suggest is a great idea. You can explain in very basic terms the things you need to know/deal with, and get a better idea of how the party will proceed. You can ask simple questions like what is being served, what is the approximate timing of when food will be served, things like that.

    The first couple of parties Danielle went to after dx, the parents actually wanted to rearrange things and tried to go out of their way to accommodate her. I basically said, thank you but just do the party like you were planning and we will just fit in what we need to do around it.

    As for the social aspect, since this is not the "ringleader" but rather a "buddy", and this buddy has invited your son, I am thinking there will not be any problems with inclusion.

    Good luck!
     
  9. bisous

    bisous Approved members

    Joined:
    May 21, 2007
    Messages:
    1,545
    Thanks, all. I'm going to call the mom and we'll work it out. :) I just talked to DS' teacher and I think the social aspect is going to be fine. I'm hoping that I'm not the only parent there but I think that staying is probably best at this point. Not only for the D aspect but the whole, I don't know this family AT ALL aspect, lol.

    Thanks again. :)
     
  10. azdrews

    azdrews Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
    Messages:
    200
    Maybe you could call the mom, explain the diabetes situation and just say, "I'm going to drop him off, then I'll pop back in when you do food to administer the insulin" - that way you could give him a bit of autonomy but still be there for the food part.

    Good luck! These are the times that I really am sad that I can't just drop Adam off and not worry at all. Adam is 6 and there are a few friends that I have let him stay for a 2 hour playdate without me - if they eat, the mom will call me and tell me what his number is and Adam can dose himself with the mom watching.
     
  11. Mimi

    Mimi Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Messages:
    1,906
    Just my .02 cents, but the birthday child's parents might have issue with this. Whenever I hosted birthday parties for my kids, I spent a great a deal of time, effort and money to plan a great party for my kid. I was unprepared to also have to host any parent who might have stayed around. I've put together a kids party with kid food, kid beverage and kid activities. I wouldn't have anything to offer an adult or the time to chat to get to know them.

    Personally, I'm also awkward and shy around new people and having strangers in my home observing me while I handle a kids birthday party would have made me very uncomfortable in my home.

    When dd was that age I would take her to the party, come back and dose at food time (still MDI then), then pick her up at the finish.
     
  12. Andy'sMom

    Andy'sMom Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2008
    Messages:
    295
    Andy has been to a lot of event parties at places like laser tag, bounce u, and I have always stayed but in the background. He's on MDI so shot needed at food time. Someone's house is a little different, as it's hard to be in the background there. If this were to happen to us now, depending on the hosting parents' comfort level, I might drop off and come back and give the shot at food time and then leave again (but stay within 5 minutes and leave cell phone number). I'm sure whatever you decide that makes you comfortable will be fine. I know that's in our future soon as well so good luck!
     
  13. selketine

    selketine Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    6,055
    I think calling the parents is good. If the party is far from your home - might be hard to drop off and come back for bolusing. At many parties there is some food out the whole time (or it starts with some chips and this and that - then to pizza - then to cake). It depends on the party but sometimes there are activities in between the eating times - so it might be impossible to leave and come back once for food.

    So much easier to at that age to have the party somewhere else as often the parents want to come.
     
  14. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    Messages:
    6,771
    I totally get what you are saying, and you are right, the host might have an issue with it, but hopefully during the inital phone call, they would voice that concern if they had one.

    But (for me at least) the OP would not be there to socialize or expect to be served anything. They are there for a medical need that their child has. It is pretty easy to fade into the background. Or, they could even lend a hand to the host, which would probably be much appreciated.

    It all really depends on the particular situation and also the feelings of the host. I am curious to hear how it all went down and I hope the OP updates us. :cwds:
     
  15. hawkeyegirl

    hawkeyegirl Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2007
    Messages:
    13,157
    Yeah, I don't really care much if a parent wants me hanging around or not. If they're not understanding about it, they can just uninvite my child, I guess. I don't expect any sort of accommodation except for perhaps a chair to sit on in the corner. If they're that unreasonable about accommodating a little kid with a disability, our kids are probably not going to be good friends anyway.
     
  16. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    5,134
    I agree with this. Quite frankly, I think it is safe to assume when you are hosting a birthday party that one or more parents will be hanging around, for whatever reason - especially at the age of 8.
     
  17. mysweetwill

    mysweetwill Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2011
    Messages:
    249
    In my short experience with a child with diabetes, each time my son has been invited to a party I've contacted the parent. Each time the parents have been overwhelmingly supportive of anything we needed. When he was MDI, we once met the party at a restuarant before the movie part of the party for his bolus. Our bigger issue was my son who is 10, so a little older than OPs son, hasn't had me hanging around a party since he was 5 or 6 and wasnt thrilled with that at all, but he didnt give himself injections so oh well...

    Now that he is on the pump and more self sufficient, its a little easier. I had one mom email me all the possible foods she would serve the kids (with carb counts!), I was so appreciative. It is so great that people ime have been so helpful. And then I think, well, why wouldnt they be, really? My younger son is 8 and invited his new friend with downs syndrome to his party. Of course the dad came, he was a great guy and we made a new friend too.

    I hope the party goes well!
     
  18. Mimi

    Mimi Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Messages:
    1,906
    I knew my opinion wouldn't be popular and that's okay. I was just giving a different slant on things.

    In my experience of birthday parties (and with 4 kids there have been a lot!!) I've never had a parent ask or give any indication of wanting to stay. Nor have I ever dropped my child off at a party where the parents were expected to stay. I'm referencing school age children and up.

    Now that said I can't imagine any parent not being welcoming of a parent who needs to be around for their kid because of a medical issue. It becomes a fine line I think, because then the cwd runs the risk of being labelled as "the kid whose parent always needs to be there.'

    There is no one right way. Each parent/family needs to do what is best for them at that particular time. For us it was drop off, come back to bolus then return for pickup. DD did not want us hanging around. It only drew more attention to her which she definitely did not want.
     
  19. hawkeyegirl

    hawkeyegirl Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2007
    Messages:
    13,157
    Believe me, if my son was independent in his care, there is no way I'd sit in the hot sun for 3 hours watching a bunch of 8 year old boys tear around with water guns. It's not a question of whether he wants me there or not. Neither of us wants me there. There's no fine line - he can't handle a birthday party on his own yet. And 8 is too young for that to make a kid a social pariah.

    Often times it's no big deal, because other parents are there, and we all sit around, have a beer and complain about our kids. Those parties are my favorite. I guess when it starts crimping his style to have me there, he'll suck it up and learn to do his own care.
     
  20. swellman

    swellman Approved members

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    3,543
    QFT - Parties are horrible for the relationship, unfortunately.
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice