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Are you Diabetic too, along with your child?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Mom2CNC, Jun 13, 2012.

  1. Mom2CNC

    Mom2CNC Approved members

    May 1, 2012
    Hope my title makes sense, lol.

    I have been type 1 for 27 years. My 6 yo daughter was diagnosed last year and I am having a very hard time with it. I feel so much guilt passing this on to her.

    If you have T1 how do you cope with the guilt? I have heard all the positive spins on things, 'Oh, you'll know how to take care of her, you can be Diabetes buddies' ect ect. I don't WANT to be Diabetes buddies. I want to take it away and make things like they were. I had no problem dealing with it myself but now with the both of us, I feel terrible about it:(
  2. hawkeyegirl

    hawkeyegirl Approved members

    Nov 15, 2007
    Aw, don't feel guilty! It's no more your fault than it's your "fault" that she has blue eyes or brown hair or whatever. And she could have ended up with T1 even if you didn't have it. Most of the kids on here don't have parents with D (neither my husband nor I have it) and here we are!

    I'm sure in some ways it's harder for you than it is for parents without D, because we are blissfully unaware of some of the trials that our kids will go through because of D. You've been there, you've lived it, and of COURSE you'd prefer an easier road for your daughter. I totally get that.

    I think that the best thing that you can do is to come to terms with the fact that your guilt is completely unproductive. You really can be a great role model for your girl and show her that it's possible to live a very happy and healthy life with D. Look at it this way: Would you ever tell her that she shouldn't have a child, because of the risk of passing it on? I'd guess that your answer to that would be no. So don't be so hard on yourself for taking the chance yourself. I know that you wouldn't trade her, and I'm sure she's glad you gave her the chance for life, D and all. :)
  3. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

    Nov 20, 2007
    You don't know if you gave this to your child or not. Maybe she had an increased chance or maybe not. Who knows and does it matter? It happened and I think you need to obviously go through all your emotions and feelings. But at some point you are going to need to let go of the guilt because it is not a productive thing to carry around all the time. Instead, take all that effort you are using to beat yourself up and turn it around into something productive, like managing your childs illness the best you can. Be a good role model for your daughter. If you continue to have these thoughts then seek out a mental health care professional to help you work through it.

    Good luck.
  4. BittysMom

    BittysMom Approved members

    Aug 21, 2011
    Let me put it to you this way. I *absolutely* hope my daughter will be a mom one day- even when that comes with an increased risk of her having a t1 child. It's life's most beautiful thing and definitely worth the risk of T1 as far as I'm concerned. You gave her life, think of it that way :)
  5. emm142

    emm142 Approved members

    Sep 7, 2008
    I'm 19 and I'm type 1. You've been here, you know what it feels like. Neither of my parents had type 1, but perhaps there will in the future be a test which could have shown them that they were at high risk of having a child with T1. I really, really hope that they would have had me anyway. I really hope that my having D doesn't outweigh all of the other things about me. Having D doesn't mean that I'd have been better off not being born! I'm very glad that I'm here today, D or no D, and I'm sure that your daughter will feel the same way. If you hadn't had her, she wouldn't be alive at all! You have given her SO MUCH more than just diabetes.

    One day I hope to be a mum with type 1. People like you are a real inspiration. I LOVE hearing about other women with type 1 who have gone on to have awesome kids, whether or not the kids also have type 1.
  6. DsMom

    DsMom Approved members

    Nov 9, 2010
    No, I don't have D, but I have 2 nieces (my sister's daughters) and had an aunt (my mom's sister) with T1. In our family at least, there is obviously some hereditary factor...though that's generally not the case for most people. I can completely empathize with how you feel. More in the beginning than now, I would look at my son and think "I did this...my body did this to yours." The guilt is hard.:( I wonder if one day he will blame me. I 99% doubt that he will...but again, feelings are not rational, and that fear can creep in. I certainly don't blame my own mom for passing on whatever this is to me so that I could pass it to my son. Not for one second...ever.

    But I agree you have to try to let it go as much as you can. It's done, you can't change it.:( My niece with D once said that it would be so much harder to be a mom of a child with D than it is to have it herself. I'm sure that's the case for you.:( You know the hard parts of D...but you also know that your life has been full even with D...hers will be too.:cwds:

    I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter. But try to be kind to yourself as much as possible. The guilt will lessen with time. This is not something you chose, or hoped for, or willed to happen. Even with this pain, I know you would choose to have your daughter come into your life 1000 times even if you knew she would get D...I know I would with my son. And your daughter would choose to be here 1000 times, too. She loves you, and knows now and will know if the future that this is not your fault.
  7. cm4kelly

    cm4kelly Approved members

    Apr 28, 2011
    My family

    I don't have type 1, but my husband does (for 30plus years). I can't pretend I know how you feel, but my husband had similar feelings when my son (then 2 1/2 was diagnosed). We pretty much self-diagnosed him at home blood sugar 600+ on his machine. My husband who is not a violent person punched the wall so hard before we left for the hospital that I thought he would have punched a hole in it.

    I think your feelings are totally normal, and the feeling will come and go at times. I think time will help son.But if you child has to have diabetes, the technology has come so far that your child will have a different experience. It does help us because my husband is able to understand a little better what my son experiences and tries to explain to me how it feels to be low, high, etc, that a five year old can't really verbalize.

    But as the other posters on here said, my son is a blessing. He is a wonderful child I couldn't imagine being without. Just thank God for your child and smile and do what it takes.

    Give your child a big hug today - just because you love them.
  8. blufickle

    blufickle Approved members

    Oct 4, 2011
    Neither of my children are diabetic. I was told when I was diagnosed back in 1965 that both parents had to "help" give me diabetes. So if either of my children did or do end up becoming a juvenile onset diabetic, I wouldn't feel guilty.

    I just wonder how out of, it's now 6 generations, I'm the only juvenile onset diabetic from both sides of my family. That is something I don't understand. Why am I the only one.
  9. danielsmom

    danielsmom Approved members

    Jul 18, 2011
    I have felt guilty and I'm not diabetic..but I wonder what "I" passed on that was wrong....so the guilt is there whether parent is t1 or not.... But that being said...My children are my biggest blessing...and as with any type of disability(as I work with children with special needs)...you just don't know the whys of it all...
  10. TheFormerLantusFiend

    TheFormerLantusFiend Approved members

    Sep 10, 2006
    I'm the only type 1 diabetic in my extended family, but I know my father felt very guilty for his genetic contribution. But I told him I'm not sorry I was born, so I don't think it's nice of him to wish I wasn't born either.

    If you want to search for other users on here with your situation, you can go to the community tab, go to members list, then advanced search (after you click on search), then don't fill in any of the boxes just go to where it says "who has diabetes?" and check whatever you want.

    Interestingly enough, here's how many users you get for each response:
    "please select" (which means they didn't answer) 4270 users
    "one child" 3363 users
    "more than one child" 152 users
    "parent and one child" 230 users
    "parent and more than one child" 39 users
    "my brother or sister" 25 users
    "adult with type 1" 86 users
    "adult with type 2" 31 users
    "I do (type 1)" 727 users
    "I do (type 2)" 43 users
    "No one, I'm a health care provider" 45 users
  11. Brensdad

    Brensdad Approved members

    Dec 27, 2005
    I am type 1 along with my daughter Emma. Interestingly enough, Emma's maternal grandfather and aunt are type 1, as is my first cousin.

    I don't really feel guilty about it per se, and kind of see it as an "advantage." I'm pretty intuitive about when to set a temp basal, when I should do a full bolus or an extended one, etc.

    People often remind me that I'm her diabetes role model, and I correct them and say "no, she's mine."
  12. denise3099

    denise3099 Approved members

    Jul 31, 2009
    I'll tell you something weird--I wish I was D too. :( I know that's nuts but I hate that my dd is doing this alone.

    Here's another thing. If I had to do it all over even knowing my dd would have D I would do it all again b/c she is the light of my life and I can't imagine a world w/o her. You didn't pass this on to her. she might have had it anyway, lots of kids do. But even if my own dd passes this on to her children, I look so forward to having grandbabies some day. That will be my ultimate joy.

    So enjoy every single day with your sweet baby. :)
  13. BrendaK

    BrendaK Neonatal Diabetes Registry

    Oct 29, 2005
    I was dx about 6 years AFTER my son was diagnosed. My mom has also had t1 since she was 17.

    I don't feel guilty. It is what it is. But, like any parent, you would rather have the disease yourself instead of your child having it. When I was diagnosed, I had to deal with the fact that both of us had it now. I didn't take the disease away from him at all, we both have to deal with it, and that really sucked.
  14. Ali

    Ali Approved members

    Aug 1, 2006
    The fact that you have T1 and your kid does too may be completely unrelated. It is just very very far from being a connection.:cwds::cwds: So it is what it is just be healthy yourself and help your kid.:cwds::)ali (I have T1 and my kids do not, and they are all grown up)
  15. denise3099

    denise3099 Approved members

    Jul 31, 2009
    :eek: That must have been such a shock. How did you find out? Were you just blown away? How did you deal with that and what did your son think? I hate to pry (that's a lie--I love to pry :p ) but I'd love you to share your D story.
  16. cockatiel

    cockatiel Approved members

    Apr 25, 2008
    I am not T1, but dh is -- he was diagnosed at 26 (late, I know). I do, however, have a first cousin with Type 1, so my genes probably contributed....

    Our daughter with D is the youngest of four, so it never occurred to either of us to feel guilty about it.

    As someone else said, it is what it is.

    Both dh and dd handle their D fabulously. I have thanked dh many many times for just keeping on plugging with his D care. I know it isn't easy, but he has always just done what needs to be done with little fuss. What an awesome example he has set for dd.

    Dd was diagnosed at age 12, so she knew many of the details of D before she was diagnosed, and I am convinced that the example of dh's great D management has really helped her to manage her D so well.
  17. sisterbeth43

    sisterbeth43 Approved members

    Oct 14, 2007
    I was dx's as Type 2 several years before my dd was dx'd with type 1. Talk about guilt, I not only missed all her symptoms (even tho I had dx'd myself before I saw the dr), but she said to me while she was in the hospital, "Mom, I think God gave me diabetes so in taking care of me, you would take better care of yourself."
  18. SarahKelly

    SarahKelly Approved members

    Nov 14, 2009
    oh my goodness, I had to double check that I didn't write this...I could have entirely.
    My husband has t1d, and we fully knew that there was a chance our children might develop t1d...but it never made us think twice, it was more an educational factor.
    Now don't take this the wrong way, but when Isaac was dx my husband said, "this is my fault." And I said, "yes it is. Without you we wouldn't have Isaac, his beautiful blue eyes, curly hair, laughter, joyful spirit, none of him." I am very firm in letting him know that no matter what I would choose him as the parent of our children over and over, no matter what he and Isaac are incredible and fully able to do anything they desire, no matter what fault isn't mine or anybody else's job to dish out.
    So, please find some way to let this go - know that you'll provide your spouse to insight into the fact that your child's future isn't stunted due to t1d but full and amazing. I truly think that despite all the stupid things people say (like oh, it couldn't have happen to a more able and amazing couple!) the one thing that has really helped me is daily having an example in my husband - nothing about t1d stops him and it won't stop Isaac either!
  19. Tyggirl

    Tyggirl Approved members

    Apr 13, 2012
    Me. I've been diabetic for 32 years this August and my oldest was diagnosed in October at about the same age I was. I totally understand your feelings!!!

    I was the only one in my family with it when I was diagnosed. Then when I was 12 my dad was diagnosed with T1. I married my husband in 1998 and his mom was T1, diagnosed in her 20s. A few years ago my husbands twin was diagnosed with T1 in his early 30s. So it runs on both sides of our family. All T1.

    I was told even with all that the odds were low my kids would get it. Like under 10% and I could live with that at the time. Of course the odds were against us and that SUCKS BIG TIME. I definitely pray that my youngest doesn't get it as well, or my husband for that matter.

    Sigh...I guess the best I can hope for is that I am a good role model for my daughter by taking care of myself and her. That she has no hesitation to want kids of her own someday, and that she doesn't think it will limit what she wants to do or be. Right now that dream is to be a Princess and I'm totally on board with that. ;-)

    But I do get the frustration of "but you know how to handle it". I don't want to know for me or for her. I barely can figure out my own and then to be responsible for another human being and their care is a HUGE responsibility for anyone. I don't know that having it myself makes it any easier, and sometimes harder because I expect things to effect her like they effect me. NOT!

    I could go on forever...
  20. Serenia

    Serenia Approved members

    Jun 15, 2012
    My son has just been diagnosed with T1D during this last week. I posted in the introductions.

    We have just finished the diabetes education and my son went back to school this morning after spending the last 4 days in and out of hospital - getting his BG under control and then going through diabetes education.

    My DH has type 2 diabetes, and I have a thyroid condition which means I have the autoimmune genes. And T1D is an autoimmune disease. My DH has been most upset that his only son has T1D and he feels guilty. He should be angry at me - I am the one with the autoimmune genes that got passed on, not him.

    Otherwise there is NO ONE for 3 generations on either side that has ever had T1D - although there are one or two close relatives with T2D.

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