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Anyone NOT feel guilty?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by greenpalm, Nov 26, 2013.

  1. greenpalm

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    I don't have a guilt problem. I never have. I feel guilty about a lot of other stuff when it comes to my children, primarily things over which I actually have control yet do poorly, but I don't feel guilty in the least about the diabetes, (or the food allergies, crooked teeth, or that they need glasses.) I don't even think my husband feels guilty, and presumably the genes came from him since he has LADA.


    I guess I'm lucky that my rational side wins this argument.


    Am I alone, or are there other guilt-free D parents here?
     
  2. StacyMM

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    *raises hand* I've always felt that maybe it was my practical nature, but I have never felt guilt about diabetes. Or any other traits I may have passed along. Life is what it is. Everyone has something about them that makes them different - some people have lifelong, difficult, can-never-overcome physical or mental or developmental issues; some have short-term but incredibly scary health issues; some have relatively minor things that pop up now and again; some have manageable but miserable things; etc. My kids happened to get diabetes. Just like their red hair and blue eyes, it was something that was going to happen. And, while we have no auto-immune issues in either of our families, there is clearly something going on in the gene pool since we have 2 of 2 kids diagnosed.

    I will also admit here that I seem to lack the 'hate' that I see in Facebook groups. I don't curse it, cry over it, tell people how horrible it is, etc. My kids are diabetic. It is what it is. They have it and nothing will take that away so we just focus on managing it and on helping them grow into managing it themselves someday. I'm just mentioning it here because it feels like that same 'lack of strong emotion' about diabetes question.
     
  3. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I think that parents who feel "guilty" are in the minority, a small minority.

    As for posting about one's D kid on FB, I suspect it's more about wanting sympathy from others, but again, most of the D parents I know don't make it a habit, thankfully.:cwds:
     
  4. nanhsot

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    I don't really have time for guilt, too many others things to worry/stress about I guess. I have no clue if I had any part of my son's diabetes actually. It doesn't appear genetic in his case, so how would I feel guilty? He environment has always been pretty healthy, etc. Guilt isn't really an emotion that I attribute to diabetes.

    As far as the facebook postings I see regularly, they tend to be more educational than hateful, I don't see the hate with regularity. Sometimes I see frustration, but again it's done to educate or to vent mostly. I also don't have time for hate spewing on facebook so maybe I just avoid those groups/people.
     
  5. mom24grlz

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    i've never really felt guilty or overly upset either. The few times i do remember getting upset it was because insurance was giving us such problems on getting supplies. but i can probably count on 1 hand the times i've felt really mad or sad about diabetes.
     
  6. missmakaliasmomma

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    I haven't gotten upset about D in a pretty long time. Frustrated yes, those numbers where you say " I did everything right, what happened?!?!"-- things like that. I feel guilt in the sense that- because I made her, I have something to do with it- but there's nothing I could've done to prevent it and I know that. Autoimmune disorders (not D though) run on both sides but when I met my husband at 15, I wasn't thinking anything about what would happen to our kids. We both have nothing (no autoimmune disorders) at all so I had no clue. The guilt is getting better. I do think that both having a newborn AND letting my anxiety go in regards to her going to full day kindergarten helps a lot. Before, I don't think I had enough "distraction" to ever stop thinking about my daughter having diabetes. It has been me 24/7 since dx so handing over the reins to a nurse was really hard at first, but now, I feel a little relief that it's not just me all the time anymore. It was a big deal for me to let her go to school- I wanted to homeschool, but now since she's started school, I'm a lot more relaxed about diabetes in general.

    If I ever put anything about my daughter having D on facebook- which maybe has been a whole 2-3 times since dx-, it's of how proud I am of her and what she can handle. I don't ever complain about it since I'm not looking for sympathy. I don't want people to look at me like "whoa is her and her daughter because of diabetes". I do makes posts of signs and symptoms every so often though because I'm friends with a lot of people who have little kids. If they were to get D, I'd want them to know the signs better than I did so they don't have to wait til their kid is in DKA to get some help.

    I always thank God that it's diabetes and nothing worse.
     
  7. mamattorney

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    Right now I don't feel guilty - we have no family history of diabetes on either side.

    But if they made an true, affirmative connection to a choice that I made for her (say formula feeding vs. breast feeding), then you better believe I would feel tremendous guilt.
     
  8. Amy C.

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    I don't feel guilty. If the link is genetic, it is through me, but I didn't know at the time. I did the best I could with the information provided to me when providing care for my infant son.

    If I innocently did something to cause my son's diabetes, I would like to know, but I still wouldn't feel guilty.
     
  9. Beach bum

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    But see, even here I wouldn't feel guilty. I physically could not breast feed my children, so there was no other option. Now, I do feel guilty that we didn't put two and two together when my daughter kept puking up formula, never thinking she was lactose intolerant:eek: But feeling guilty about diabetes, no. It is what it is, there's nothing we can do about it.

    As for putting things about D on FB, I do, but it's usually out of frustration and I'm looking for ideas, or because I did something stupid in relation to D and I figure I'd give them all a good chuckle! But posting looking for sympathy, nope. I don't want sympathy. Give me all the support you want, but don't give me sympathy. Again, it is what it is. We live with it, we deal with it.
    Now my friend who posts stuff about holistic living and how it helps her daughter manage her diabetes and reduce her insulin needs, that drives me crazy because it's every day touting something?LOL, that's why I just changed her status to only important stuff.
     
  10. glko

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    Maybe because we are new having a CWD (ds dxd 3 months ago) or because there is a family history in my husband and his only sister having T1 but yes, we do have guilt in our house. DH and I are seeing a counselor to work through those issues, mostly his sense of guilt and grief over our sons diagnosis. We know that guilt is not a productive emotion and will not help our son in any way, but it is a real emotion and something that we need to acknowledge and work through.
     
  11. greenpalm

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    I have written in my blog about the possible connection between vitamin D, sun exposure, and Diabetes, because I was severely sunburned as a child, I was more than the normal amount of cautious about the sun with my kids. I didn't JUST make sure they had on sunscreen, they wore long sleeved SPF fator swim suits, they always wore wide hats, they wore sunscreen EVERY day, not just at the pool or beach.

    And in retrospect I know that it's possible that a lack of, or lowering of vitamin D may have something to do with developing Type 1. I wish I'd known it, but that's different from feeling guilty. So, I still don't feel guilty about that.

    I post about D on Facebook all the time. But I post about many things on Facebook all the time. I have a huge number of long distance friends owing to a couple of different groups to which I belong, and that's where we stay in touch. My D related posts are sometimes sorrowful, but theya re just as often funny, or educational, or just newsy. I don't give it much thought, because I see Facebook as a place to talk to my buddies. If someone doesn't want to hear it, they can unfriend me, or reduce my posts, or Whatever. It's just what I have to say. I talk about all kinds of stuff on Facebook, and D happens to be a big part of my life.
     
  12. MEVsmom

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    Not one bit.

    My older daughter has a terminal neurodegenerative disease that is genetic. Her father and I are both carriers. We absolutely passed it down to her without a doubt. It is a million times more horrible than diabetes, but I can't feel guilty about that either. We had no idea we were carriers of a rare disease. When I had my T1D younger daughter we didn't know about the Batten disease so even if she had been affected, I couldn't feel guilty about that if I didn't know. Now if I chose to have another child now though natural means knowing that the child would have a 25% chance of having a horrible, terminal disease then yes, their might be guilt there.
     
  13. susanlindstrom16

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    I don't worry or feel guilty about having somehow passed D on to her through my or my husband's genes. My husband is from Finland where there seems to be a greater percentage of people being dx with T1d, so I know at first he did feel that it was somehow his "fault" because of that but its not something that we dwell on.

    What I do feel guilty about is being ignorant of the signs of diabetes and waiting to take her into the doctor as long as I did. Rationing the water she drank at bedtime because I thought she had a bedwetting problem, when she was so thirsty. But, I can't dwell on that either because it isn't helpful to her or me. I just try my best to not think about that time before dx and instead think about what i can do for her now.
     
  14. coni

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    Guilt free here.

    I initially felt a sense of responsibility, as if I had done something "wrong" to cause DD's diabetes, but that only lasted a few days. It went away when I started to understand the nature of the illness. Even now, if it's discovered that I shouldn't have done this or that, I think I would feel some regret, but how could anyone have known? No sense beating yourself up when you did your best. [No ex post facto guilt mamattorney :)]
     
  15. Christopher

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    Absolutely no guilt here.

    On a side note and with all due respect, you may want to ease off on the insinuations that it is your husband's fault your child has diabetes. You have done it here and other places. Maybe he is fine with it, but I don't think it is very productive. I am sure you are not doing it on purpose. I wasn't even going to say anything but I just found it rather ironic that in a thread you started about guilt, you made comments that may cause your husband to feel guilty.

    Or it may have absolutely Nothing to do with it. No one knows what causes diabetes and until a specific cause is proven, everything else is pure speculation.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2013
  16. KatieSue

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    No guilt here at all. Genetic wise she's pretty happy she got my good hair :) If I knew I carried some sort of known genetic disorder and she got it then sure but who knows how the exact wrong sequence of genes lined up for her.

    I'm not a fan of the woe is me life is so hard diabetic parent facebook posts. But that's just me. We just deal, like everyone else does. Sure there are sucky days but there are sucky days for other reasons besides diabetes as well.
     
  17. hawkeyegirl

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    It has never occurred to me to feel guilty about him having D.
     
  18. mamattorney

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    To clarify my earlier statement, I think I would feel guilty if it was a choice that I made - even if I had a genetic history, I don't know that I would feel guilty. I have a family history of cancer, but I didn't NOT have children with the idea that I might make them more susceptible to cancer.

    Using formula feeding as an example - this is a choice I made. I wasn't one of those mothers who tried her best and couldn't breastfeed. It was a conscious decision I made before I ever had her. If they ever linked D expressly to formula feeding, I would feel guilty.

    If however, it was a factor, but there were still other things outside of my control, I think my guilt would lessen. So if it was formula fed children who also had at least 7 ear infections in the first 12 months of life . . . well, there's nothing I could have done about the ear infections, so my guilt would lessen.
     
  19. Junosmom

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    We're new to the "scene" (9/13). I wanted to send a reassurance to those of you that bottle-fed from me, a former La Leche League leader. I breastfed my son 5 years (yes, as in FIVE). He got T1D. There are no guarantees.

    Cathy
    Mom to Wm, 11 yo, dx 9/18/13
    Mom to two college girls, non-T1D
     
  20. ksartain

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    The only thing I feel guilty about is not knowing the signs of onset and DKA. The week leading up to the ER visit was horrible and I often wish I could take back being frustrated at Christopher because of his complaining about his legs hurting, or him crying because he just didn't feel good.
     

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