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any advice on dealing with deadbeat grandparents?

Discussion in 'Grandparents' started by andy.mattie09, Aug 20, 2009.

  1. andy.mattie09

    andy.mattie09 Approved members

    Feb 1, 2009
    i read ella's mom's post on her in-laws...i'm kinda in the same boat, but this has been going on long before the diabetes was involved...maybe someone can help me out...

    my hubby's parents are odd. they're not very loving (won't even tell him happy birthday, that's cold) and they're the kind of people who think they're better than everyone. my hubby had these traits, but i've worked out the kinks, lol. when i got pregnant with andrew, it was a very tough time - unplanned and we were struggling at that time. we've worked through all that, and tried our best to do the best we could.

    when andrew was born, my hubby's parents came. they acted like complete morons - they shoved my parents out of the room (literally, i thought there was going to be an altercation) and actually were offended when my husband told them to chill out (in nice words, he didn't say it that way). at 6 weeks, we found out andrew has svt. he was rushed to picu in johnson city, tn - stayed there a week. do you think the in-laws came to see him? only one for 10 minutes, got mad because my parents came in, literally threw him down (he had 3 iv's and was hooked to ekg machines), and stormed off.

    ever since, my in-laws have been a holy terror. and, since the t1 diagnosis, the poop has hit the fan again. i was acutally told by my husband's sister-in-law that diabetes isn't that serious (her daughter had kidney reflux *i think* - she said that was much more serious than diabetes...see what i'm dealing with?). she actually told me to suck it up and get over it - that andrew is normal and i was in denial.

    the whole family is like this. it's killing us, literally. they all gang up on me and accuse me of keeping the kids away from them. but, why take that kind of abuse? and no, i won't let either of my children stay with them - they'd not watch andrew, and mattie doesn't like them.

    i know what it's like to be shunned by a grandparent. my dad's mother did it to me growing up (over really stupid reasons), and it still haunts me today (i'm 28 and still cry over it). now my kids are going to feel this way, and i can't do anything about it.

    anyone have any suggestions? it's getting to the point it's unbearable. we ignore their calls, the emails, the constant harassment - but something has to give. anyone else ever deal with a situation like this?
  2. CAGrandma

    CAGrandma Approved members

    Mar 14, 2006
    As a grandmother (one of the good ones, I think) I'd like to suggest that your problems are certainly not exclusive to families dealing with diabetes. Grandparents can be so important to kids that it is worth doing what you can to help your kids have a good relationship with their grandparents - BUT that does not mean turning into a doormat and putting up with whatever garbage they want to dump on you.

    I'd suggest taking control of the relationship - do you want to see them one afternoon a month? only on holidays? Take the initiative and make the arrangements yourself, don't let them dictate what you should/shouldn't do or what you 'owe' them. If you think one phone call a week is appropriate, then only answer their calls once a week - or even better, call them when convenient for you and ignore all their calls.

    You get the idea. The idea is to remain polite and just refuse to buy into the guilt/obligation/hassles they want to inflict on you.
  3. Noahsgrammy

    Noahsgrammy New Member

    Jun 27, 2013
    I agree

    I agree with CAGrandma!

    This is such a hard road to walk and you don't need people in your life that make it harder. If they aren't a help or at least a neutral presence, then you will be better off without them in the long run. I know that's easy to say and hard to do but your children are your number one priority and you should make the choice that is best for your little family.
  4. Amy C.

    Amy C. Approved members

    Oct 22, 2005
    Welcome to this site! I see you are new to posting.

    I wanted to point out that the original message was posted in 2009 and is probably no longer a pressing issue. It is interesting to read old messages, but the original poster has not been on this site in nearly 4 years and most likely won't respond to the conversation.

    I do wonder what happened, but we will never know.

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