- advertisement -

An introduction

Discussion in 'Spouses and Significant Others' started by geeme, Sep 24, 2008.

  1. geeme

    geeme Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2008
    Messages:
    40
    hi all,

    have been having a look around the forum for a little while and thought i would introduce myself. i am the partner of a T1. he's been T1 for 10 years, we've been together almost 3 and he only told me this about 2 months ago. had kept it hidden from me. to cut a long story short, he doesn't really take care of his D from what I have seen, never (for years) measures BGL, doesn't count carbs or anything....is on insulin twice daily.

    has agreed to check BGL daily now (at least once) but don't know how long it will last. has been having lots of lows lately. in fact, last night we were discussing something that made him angry (not with me, we weren't arguing, just annoyed with a situation we a re faced with) and i could see him starting to sweat, not focusing, typical low symptoms..he said he was just hot and i told him it was cold inside so got him to drink some soft drink and later he said 'yeah you were right i did go low, i thought i was just hot'. does this mean he is hypo-unaware?????

    he is also very embarrassed about injecting, testing infront of me which hurts me a bit and i dont understand it cos i dont embarrass easily (i know he does and not only D related) but its ME!! anway, we discussed a little last night and he says hes getting used to me knowing about it and will eventually open up. i told him he can test me if he likes, im just interested and want to know this stuff in case i ever need to help him....etc...and cos i love him. has anyone else ever experienced this sort of situation?? if you could tell me your stories that would be great :)
     
  2. tiffanie1717

    tiffanie1717 Approved members

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    2,415
    Hi. I'm a mom of a D child, not a spouse, so I'm not going to be much help. :)I just wanted to tell you hi and welcome! Hang in there with him. I'm sorry he is so afraid (right word?) to talk with you, or deal with his D! I would encourage him as much as possible if you can to be open with you about it. Getting involved with learning about it surely should help. I don't know what it's like to be an adult with T1, but it is a part of his life. He does need to accept it and help himself be healthy.

    Hope you can find some help to your specific questions from other spouses. If no one answers you here, go to the Parents of Type 1 Children forum. There are a few there that are parents and T1 or married to T1 people, too.
     
  3. Sandy's mom

    Sandy's mom Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2008
    Messages:
    495
    Hello and welcome. :)

    I dated my dh for a few months before he told me he had diabetes. At that time he only tested his blood once or twice a day. He was on a much different insulin regimen then. He had a really negative outlook/feeling about diabetes then. He never even said the word. He and his brother (also diabetic) were "sugar-free":(. Never talked about it.

    Anyways-- we've come a long way! My advice to you would be learn as much as you can about type 1. Does he see an endocrinologist? If not, get him to one. What kind of insulin regimen does he use? Buy the book Type 1 Diabetes by Ragnar Hanas. In your bag/pocket keep glucose tabs, snacks on you. Always have orange juice in your fridge. Be supportive, positive.

    I see you're in Australia. Over here we have the American Diabetes Association, which has an amazing website, magazine, support. It's a wealth of knowledge. Hopefully they have something similar you can look into?

    The insulins, pumps, blood test machines, books, research, SO MUCH, is so much better then 10 years ago. He's lucky to have you in his life, someone who cares, and love him.
     
  4. TheFormerLantusFiend

    TheFormerLantusFiend Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    4,925
    I have a hard time figuring out when I'm hypo myself, but if there are symptoms and you're just not picking up on them, that's not hypo unawareness.
    I think the most important thing to remember is that your partner already feels guilty. You do not want to lay a guilt trip on him. You do want him to know that you're not grossed out by diabetes, and you think he's lovable and you want him to be around for a long long time, diabetes and all.
    I also suggest that you ask if your partner has a glucagon emergency kit and become competant in emergency care, just in case.
     
  5. geeme

    geeme Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2008
    Messages:
    40
    trying hard

    since ive found out i have been doing research all the time and he even says he's surprised at how much i know already. i have told him the reason i am learning and the reason i tell him to check his BGL is because i care about him and love him alot.

    i do however, find it frustrating that he doesn't take care of himself. i find it frsutrating that ultimately i cant do anything about it and that it will not onyl affect his future but the future of those he loves including myself and his 5 yr old daughter. i feel it is his responsibility to look after himself, just as others do with any other chronic illness. its not a question of deciding and wanting to do it, it needs to be part of like, a habit. but again, i cant make him see this. i think he is in denial. but i dont really know what else to do. i don't think he would like it if i made any appointments for him or even if i went with him. i'm really lost....he needs to see a doctor and improve his regime.
     
  6. T1Spouse&Proud

    T1Spouse&Proud Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    119

    I am the spouse of a T1, the highlighted part above is what I would call the first step, you can't do anything about what he chooses to do, but be supportive, try to offer help, but remember he doesn't need to worry about D for two or three. It sounds hard, but not many people thrive on that kind of pressure. Keep up the knowledge on T1, and how he is feeling. My wife likes new "things" ( not as matirialistic as it sounds) so I try to keep her BS machine as up to date like a cell phone. It makes checking her sugar not so same ole same ole.
    Good luck and if you have a Q's feel free to PM me.
     
  7. missincali

    missincali Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2007
    Messages:
    71
    I'm am not a spouse or significant other.. I am a diabetic but like to try and help when I can... My boyfriend is actually one this site as well.

    I can honestly say it's hard to let someone new into your daily routine and it's hard to open yourself up, for me it was because I felt different and didn't want someone to constantly worry and hover. But try and give it some time and I'm sure he'll open up more. I also wasn't taking care of myself when I first met my boyfriend... what he did was sit me down and tell me how much he cares and how he's concerned.. maybe just set a tone where he won't feel threatened and just tell him how concerned you are. I dunno everyones different. Always here to chat! Hope all goes well!
     
  8. cilipu

    cilipu Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2008
    Messages:
    68
    Hi,

    my husband is T1 since he was four. He was always very open with it and I did know about his diabetes from the first day we met.
    So it made things quite easy for me and I do not realy know how to help you.
    But I think you are doing great showing him that you care and that you are interested. That's very important for him I think. For my understanding he already opened up a bit and that's a success for you.
    But to answer you question about not noticing lows. If you are having D for quite a long time and you go through lows quite often your awareness of lows vanishes.
     
  9. 3Tigers4Us

    3Tigers4Us Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2008
    Messages:
    9
    I am also the wife of a T1. My dh is 40 and was dx'd right before his 6th birthday. We have 3 little boys (almost 6, 3, and 7 months) who I pray every night will be spared from this dreadful disease.

    My dh has been through the ringer with complications here recently. He had diabetic retionpathy so badly that he lost his sight for a period of time. However, after 2 vitrectomies and Avastin injections his vision has now returned to near normal. He also had a heart attack and emergency 3X bypass surgery (90% blockage in 3 arteries) this past May. This was completely unexpected as he has had normal stress tests and cardiac function. He also had frozen shoulder, but it has gotten better over time.


    It is tough being the spouse of a T1 and I think it brings on so many stressors that most people just do not understand. However, I have to agree with another poster that aside from being supportive, it is not your disease to manage (I say this tongue in cheek as I have to remind myself of that fact constantly!). There is a fine line between being supportive in nagging, but you will find out what that is over time. Best of luck! D really sucks, but it could be worse!
     
  10. T1Spouse&Proud

    T1Spouse&Proud Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    119

    I hate retinopathy! I think it's one of the worst complications, aside from kidney failure.
     
  11. cilipu

    cilipu Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2008
    Messages:
    68
    That's what I sometimes think. It gave us a realy hard time. And even now with things back to normal sometimes it frightens me to death, when André can't read something because it is to small.
     
  12. Momof4gr8kids

    Momof4gr8kids Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2006
    Messages:
    4,143
    I'm also have a husband with diabetes. At one time he didn't take care of himself, and to say it was difficult to hear the things the doctors would tell him would be the understatement of the year. I was constantly afraid of his death, and that it would come while our children are young.

    Like you said, nagging only makes it worse, and like another poster said, you can't control him. You can only control you.

    I would like to recommend a book called The Secrets of Living and Loving with diabetes, by Janis Roszler. http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572840668...iveASIN=1572840668&adid=0CE7DR8ZZD6YSG8S01QA&

    Good luck, and keep venting. We're here to listen and support you through this.
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice