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Advice or dealing with 10 year old daughters

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by cm4kelly, Dec 22, 2012.

  1. cm4kelly

    cm4kelly Approved members

    Apr 28, 2011
    Any other moms have trouble dealing with 10 year old daughters? I just am not sure what it is - she won't get out of bed in the morning, brush her hair - and says I'm FINE , mom! when I question her about her clothes, did she brush her teeth, did she put on her deoderant,etc. (She is forgetful)

    Am I smothering her? I wonder if she is hormonal.

    Any advice for dealing with this age of daughter? SHe is making me crazy.
  2. sooz

    sooz Approved members

    Dec 4, 2009
    Our 10 year old definitely has selective deafness. She wants to do what she wants to do and has to be told multiple times to do something. I do think some of it is just normal kid stuff and some is hormonal. She is changing from a little girl to a pre teen right before our eyes. I think we are in for a bumpy ride.
  3. Beach bum

    Beach bum Approved members

    Nov 17, 2005
    Welcome to the world of puberty:eek:

    Not wanting to get out of bed: Yep. For us it was the start of middle school, the day began 1 hour earlier. It's amazing what an extra hour of sleep can do for a kid that age. In fact there was a petition to switch the school day start time, little kids go early, older kids late. Unfortunately, it didn't pass because of sports.

    Personal hygiene or lack there of: Yep. I strongly suggest the book "American Girl (as in the dolls) the Care and Keeping of You." Leave it in the bathroom;) I found it really got read in there! I think at this age girls get freaked out about what is happening with their bodies and kind of feel that if they don't do anything about it, nothing will happen. I found that letting my daughter pick out her own supplies made a world of difference. She felt more in control.

    Clothes: Let's put it this way, some kids only change their underwear on days that don't end in y! Constant reminders is the only way to get it done! I have one fashionista, and one who could care less. This too shall pass.

    From what you described, it is perfectly normal, but be aware of any unusual severe behavior changes.
  4. valerie k

    valerie k Approved members

    Feb 19, 2008
    yep, what beach said. mine is now 14, :rolleyes: she hasnt improved any in the last 4 years. If there is a light at the end of this tunnel, its very dim....;) However, I was assured that I would like her again when she turns about 25.... :D Im so waiting for any grandchildren from her, so I can regall them with tales of their mothers youth.... paybacks are a &(^%(....:p
  5. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

    Sep 23, 2007
    She's 10... in my book that's still a child and reminding her about personal care and managing her sleep and waking her up is pretty much what parenting a 10 year old entails.
  6. mmgirls

    mmgirls Approved members

    Nov 28, 2008
    well I have a newly 8 year old and we have been "here" for a bit already! except for the deorderant.

    She is my hard to wake child, and can never get her to plan ahead wich ends up bitting me in the butt.

    I can only imagine what I am in for.

  7. danielsmom

    danielsmom Approved members

    Jul 18, 2011
    Nine year old.....not a morning person....won't let me get tangles out of her hair...though she does love looking pretty...yes must remind brush teeth..won't shower till I nearly drag her lol..teenage attitude...working to nip that....Love her to pieces, but she's driving me nuts!
  8. 4MyBoys

    4MyBoys Approved members

    Feb 23, 2008
    Well, you are not alone! My daughter matured physically very early, so she's 10 but puberty is winding down. That American Girl book is great. My daughter will get out of bed, shower and brush her teeth.. in the morning, but face washing, nighttime teeth brushing, changing underwear, shaving, etc are always an issue. She wants medication to clear her face, but using some of the face supplies she already has... including the spinner/scrubber she was so excited about might do wonders if she used them! Thank you for reminding me that this too shall pass!
  9. MelvinPage

    MelvinPage New Member

    May 2, 2013
    I am not sure to reply but my small girl child is 10 and she does some horrible activities. I have consulted doctor and he says their is no problem. After reading post I think small kids does have unusual behavior some times.
    Last edited: May 3, 2013
  10. Heather(CA)

    Heather(CA) Approved members

    Jun 18, 2007
    I can't help you with girls, I have 3 boys...But I can tell you that boys definitely have a "10 year old boy thing" :rolleyes: I didn't know girls had it too...
    I agree that kids that age still need reminding on most things, they are still kids, hormones starting which doesn't help their memory. They probably need MORE reminding now.
    If she just started being hard to get out of bed she may be growing, growing is exhausting.
    Last edited: May 7, 2013
  11. SandiT

    SandiT Approved members

    Mar 30, 2013
    Well, I know it's not the way things are done anymore, but I think that a big part of parenting is enforcing "personal" discipline for children. We instill these habits in them by what's now considered harassing them and forcing them. Those whose parents knuckled down and really pushed and "forced" the issue ended up self-disciplined more frequently than those whose parents didn't.

    Every time, I tell my daughter to say "please" and every time, I tell her to say "thank you". This is how habits are formed. Every morning, I make her go to school. Every tues and thurs I drag her to martial arts training.

    I know it's a huge pain in the arse, and sometimes, my god, it gets old. It's the same constant battle to get them to let you do their hair as it is to get them to put their dishes in the sink after dinner.

    But almost all of them fight it. We all want to take the easy road in life. It's parents who teach us that this isn't always (often isn't) a choice in life. Like our parents before us, and their parents before them, we just grit our teeth, drag them out of bed, and "harass" them to live appropriately.

    Yes, it's a normal battle. It's one that will go on as long as there are human children, I'm convinced. :D

    It's like getting up to go to work. I still want to sleep in most days. But I get up, fight to get her dressed and out the door... do the stinky dad-gummed dishes, wash aaaaanother load of laundry... every annoying repetitive thing life entails. And that's what we do with our kids. We are setting the foundation for a successful life.

    She doesn't know that. She just knows she wants to take the path of least resistance. You, however, know that you're setting her up for future success.

    Hang in there. That's my oh-so-very-sage advice, lol. Helpful, aren't I. :rolleyes: ;)
  12. tammy82

    tammy82 Approved members

    Oct 23, 2006
    yes this is definitely normal for a 10 year old. I remember my friend complaining about her daughter not brushing her hair, brushing teeth, etc.... Now my daughters ages 9 & almost 11 doing the same thing. I have to say 10 times before they will actually brush the teeth and even to take a shower is a struggle. To do chores is a struggle all I here is why wont the other sister do it. I think its harder having the two so close in age because they just wont listen to me. My older daughter who was by herself her first 10 years, I don't remember any real bad stuff with her.
  13. quiltinmom

    quiltinmom Approved members

    Jun 24, 2010
    Again, I have boys, but maybe this will help.

    I've found that I have to talk to my 11 year old differently than I used to. I can say something to my 3 year old, or even my 9 year old, but it would never fly with my 11 year old.

    I think I come across as being critical sometimes, when I don't mean it that way. I have to really work on not sounding like I'm judging him. He needs to feel that I accept him as he is, rather than feeling liek I will only accept him if he does x, y, or z. In our minds, we know we love our kids, and always will, no matter how much they drive us crazy. Well, it's not so cut and dry for them. Sometimes parents say things a little disrespectfully/sarcastically to their kids. When they're 3, they don't pick up on that, but by the time they're 10, they get it.

    So if you say, "how can I help you with...." she may respond better than if you say "go get .... done."

    And then sometimes, you have to let them go without brushing their hair for a little while, if you have a more important battle to pick......after some time they will realize that it really IS worth the trouble. :) Some things you need to enforce strictly, others you can let them figure out on their own.

    Also give her more hugs. They don't realize how much they need that sometimes.

    Good luck!
    Last edited: May 16, 2013

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