Anyway, I've been thinking about whether I have come to terms with D or not, even if I should really have, considering the length of time it's been tagging along. Anyway, last night, it sort of hit me - one cannot really find acceptance if one doesn't let go of the fear, the what-ifs, the what-if nots. That was my big hurdle (and still is at times) to get over. That fear, always present, of messing up, of not being able to always do the right thing, of doing the right thing at the time, but not being able to repeat that, of fearing that, no matter how we try to live with D as a invisible companion rather than an elephant on our backs, the future is always uncertain, etc etc. And that's a scary thought - not having 100% control 100% of the time. Always. So, my lightbulb moment (I know...surprised me too, that I could have one) is that that/those fear(s) will never leave. And as long as we see that/those fear(s) as elephants, then the burden will always feel, well, like a burden - heavy, cumbersome, overwhelming. But what happens when we let go a bit of the fear, knowing it's still there, yet aware we just manage how we can every day, some days better than others, and that we accept that we can't be 100% perfect 100% of the time when dealing with this disease? That's my lightbulb moment. I am not at the 100% acceptance stage, even after 5.5 years. I don't think I ever will be. Because dealing with the fear(s) of a chronic disease isn't the same as dealing with...well, other stuff, since nothing really comes to mind, LOL. There's a lot of emotional phases we go through, and it's hard to just let go of the fear(s) like that, but I do see myself sometimes thinking "Wow, I didn't thing of D for like 10 whole minutes.". Guess there's hope, after all. Still there? I ramble a lot,a nd my apologies for that, but I guess my point is that you need to make that elephant your friend. Otherwise, you will be way too stressed, way too overwhelmed, way way everything else. D does not need to be the only thing you talk about, even though I know you need to sometimes talk about it. And that's what forums like this are good for. Or facebook even. There is a life out there, and for any newbies, I can assure you, the friggin' elephant is a PITA, but you gotta live with it, and only when you get over the fear of it trampling you every single day, can you get to a level where you say "Ok, D's being a biatch, but here's my plan." Thank you. PS - no insult is meant to elephants. You can safely replace the elephant with tarantula, for example.