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A mother obsessed

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by ShelbysMom, Dec 2, 2010.

  1. ShelbysMom

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    Okay. Deep breath. I am so depressed lately and sick and tired of diabetes. Honestly, its all I think about. I have to really try to get my mind on something else to keep from wasting all day thinking about basals, how much two cough drops will raise her sugar, when there will be some significant improvement in treatment, scouring the internet for research advances. I'm totally obsessed. My daughter was diagnosed 3 years ago. I feel like I did better the first two years than I'm doing now. Granted she's 10 and growing, pre-pubescent....all of those things that make this disease unpredictable and logically I understand all this should be expected, but I'm completely exhausted and bitter at the moment. I hate to bring a negative thread to this forum, but I just have to vent. My husband is very nonchalant about diabetes and I don't feel like he understands.

    So, can any of you tell me that this will get better? We don't have a CGMS and I feel like that would help with some of my obsession with her going low at night. We are currently on the OMnipod and planning to change to Minimed simply because the heat and high humidity 9 months of the year where we live really causes problems with the omnipod staying on. Her last A1c was up to 7.6 from 6.8 just 3 months prior. There are so many things going wrong right now. I feel defeated. 'Mom of diabetic' burnout.

    FYI, my daughter handles all this much better than me. I never say a negative word around her since she has the rest of her life to deal with this burden. Dr appts are a chance to go to the galleria, and checking BS at school is a trip with her BFF to the nurse's office. She really seems only slightly affected by this roller coaster. Thank God for that.
     
  2. Heather(CA)

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    Welcome to the forums. I think most of us find this place when something negative is going on so don't worry about that:) There is lots of good info here, have you tried any extra adhesive to keep the pod on? I would go get yourself some Super B vitamins to help with stress, and maybe try taking a walk every day? I sprained my foot so I haven't been able to walk which makes me realize how much it really helps. It will get better I promise :):cwds:
     
  3. ShelbysMom

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    A long walk would probably help. :eek:
     
  4. StillMamamia

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    I find a good girls' night out helps me take my mind off things for a bit. If you can, try that.:) It's not a cure all, but just knowing you can laugh about other stuff gives you a bit of extra energy to deal with the daily stuff.

    ETA - and by a good girls' night out, I don't mean you have to be a good girl to do it, LOL. You know what I mean.
     
  5. joan

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    As far as the reshearch goes people with d are more likely to be depressed and I think if they did a study on us parents they would find that we have an increase in depression. This sucks. Add the holidays and if you are like me having to do everything it just compounds the stress and worry. It was about 3 years into D and my obsession with every bs, every ounce of exercise, every morsel of food wondering what is his bg that I finally went to get help. My mood hindged on ever bs. My husband would walk in the door and know his blood sugar trend just by my moods. I was horrible and hated the way I was but couldn't stop being that way. After getting help the world looks so much different. That was the point when d did just become like brushing his teeth. Its very difficult to keep our children in near perfect range without constant vigilance and attention to d. If I didn't do that then I felt like I was failing my son. I had to get over that. There was more to life and d was ruining it. So I just stopped beating myself up. I accepted the highs and lows and just deal with it. Is his bs perfect, no are we all happier that this is not the focus of our lives, yes. Its hard and sometimes we need help to get there.
     
  6. Caleb's*mom

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    I know how you feel. My son was dx'd 6 years ago and I felt I was pretty well educated on D until I joined here. After seeing all of the information from everyone, I feel like I'm starting all over again. I don't know a lot of what people are talking about on here. It is very helpful and nice to talk to other people who are going through the same thing with their kids
     
  7. ShelbysMom

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    So, what worked for you if you don't mind me asking. Are you talking about counseling or maybe a little anti depressant help. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I have been on Lexapro in the past and literally just started taking it again today hoping to get a little relief.
     
  8. ShelbysMom

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    You know whats so interesting is that I always have so much fun on a girls night out or even date nite with my husband. I just don't make that a priority since I often think I would rather be at home micromanaging my daughter:) Its a sick addiction for me.

    Okay, I'm going to change that. Girls nite out for all you moms!!
     
  9. joan

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    I was put on Wellbutrin and it worked really well. I never did talk therapy and know I would benefit but I really don't have the patience to talk about myself for an hour.
    Other things that help is exercise, I try to walk every day. Being outside helps me a lot. Going out with the girls and date night are great. I had a hard time for awhile finding " the girls". After my son was diagnosed my priorities with friends also changed. I really had to reevaluate my friendships to be around people I liked and respected. I did not have the time to waste with selfish self-centered people that always kept talking about how my son can't have candy or having them feel sorry for me.
    My husband tried to make us go out at least once a week and get a babysitter. I always felt that I needed to be home. I was stressed out the first few times then it got easier and easier.
    I will say I still worry about his bs, his life, him going to college but it doesn't make me cry or get overly anxious. Besides I am an Italian Jewish mother worrying is what I do.
    You will feel better. Many people on this site feel the same way and are here to help.
     
  10. Becky Stevens mom

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    Oh I would love to go with you for a nite out!!! I havent been out with friends in ages and miss that. Im kind of like you though I think, I like to be here making sure everything is done correctly. I used to be very obsessed with diabetes. I would measure out teddy grahams to the teddy:) I would fill out the note section of the log books with really silly comments like "Steven had diarhea today" or "Steven went to birthday party today" I guess I always thought the info would come in handy but it really didnt.

    Over the years Ive made myself get involved in different hobbies again. I have always loved gardening and bird watching and do lots of both now and of course flea marketing and antiquing which I do more of now. And when Im out antiquing or shopping I try not to think about whats going on with Steven. I assume that if hes in school or at home with hubby that he's being well cared for. For me, being a stay at home Mom has made it easier to obsess about diabetes. When I worked part time a couple years ago I didnt have the time to think about it.
     
  11. shekov

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    It's so absolutely normal to go through a phase when you feel you have to be there to make sure everything goes right with your daughter....no matter how much you trust the others caring for her.

    You have to feel like you have some control. Micromanaging gives you a sense of control. Congrats for recogniziing it....I didn't. :eek:

    You will get more comfortable. You will let the occassional high or low number slide as just a wierd number rather than "what did she eat and when and why didn't I catch that sooner and how can avoid this in the future".

    Give yourself a break. Go out and have fun. It won't be fun at first but try anyway. Your family will thank you. Trust me....they notice how much you think about D. ;)
     
  12. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    Look, it's a totally exhausting disease ... we all need a safe place to vent now and again so don't feel like you need to apologize. :cwds: Maybe after 3 years it's just hitting you how permanent D is in your daughter's life? Maybe pre-puberty and it's wild hormone excursions are testing your D skills? No matter, it's hard! And it's normal to feel sad and overwhelmed.

    All I can do is tell you what I do. My dd is 12, D since 4, and I often have to ask myself ... "when Maddie is grown, how do I want her to remember her childhood?" "How do I want her to remember her mom?" and playing that out in my head has helped me to let go a bit and to stop putting D center stage in my mind. Do I pay attention? Yes, of course, but I try to keep the D beast in the corner. I feed it, I walk it, but I don't let it take over, kwim?

    Maddie uses a pump but we don't cgm ... she plays a zillion sports and eats a normal diet. Her hormones are raging and her A1c is holding steady at 7.2/7.3.
    Would I like it to be a bit lower? Sure ... but I want her to have a life.. not just be alive, so I let it go a bit and accept that these years are precious and I won't let D rob her of her "normalcy".

    Hang in there You're not alone.:cwds:
     
  13. ShelbysMom

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    Already feeling a little bit better thanks to your replies and a little lexapro;)
    Going to work today to not be obsessed. Going to decorate Christmas trees and then take a walk! Thanks for being there, everyone.
     
  14. ShelbysMom

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    BeckyStevensMom,

    You hit the nail on the head about staying at home makes it easier to obsess. My family recently moved with my husbands job and I quit work to make the transition easier on the kids (3 total), and that's when the obsession started. Before, I honestly didn't have the time to worry all day.
     
  15. ShelbysMom

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    I love this phrase....I'm going to make it my new motto!

    Feed it and walk it, but don't let D take over!
     
  16. type1rider

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    I have had the opportunity over the past 4 years to speak with thousands of people affected by diabetes. Everyone does get to "that" point at sometime. I have been there, everyone has. Everyone. So you are not alone.

    Diabetes is a terribly complicated disease. Although there are cause/effects relationships, the causes are not consistent or always known. Over my 34 years with the D, and all of the work I have done to get as good of a handle as possible on it, I have found that there are times where "weird" things happen with it.

    It's just the nature of the beast.

    What I think is important to remember is that you have to stay focused on the long term health goals. Does it matter that an A1C is recorded as 7.x when last quarter it was 6.x? In the long run, probably not. Obviously being in the 6.x range is much better, and should be the goal, but it's not the end of the world (or the war) if you loose a battle once in a while. Don't beat yourself up over small set backs.

    Also there is NO SUCH THING AS A BAD BLOOD GLUCOSE LEVEL. Those numbers are not "good" or "bad". They are simply indicators of how the body is processing. If the number is high a correction is needed, and if the number is low some carbs are needed. However, just like air temp or water temps, it doesn't carry a positive or negative connotation. If it cold outside, no one says "Wow, that's a bad temp". We say "We need a coat". Same thing with BGs.

    There is a lot of knowledge on this forum for sure! Great folks with LOTS of experiences of various types. Find pieces of that knowledge base that aligns with the procedures that work best for you. Don't go overboard and make huge changes quickly. Small correction of diet, boluses, etc help to bring you closer to your defined target than anything else.

    This is a life long condition (currently), so just learn about what works in your situation and tweak it were necessary. Keep taking those sure footed steps instead of huge leaps. You will move a little slower, but slow and steady is how to win this race.

    All that being said, I have never seen a "Ladies Night Out" not cure my wife of many an "ailment". :D
     
  17. StillMamamia

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    I think this is so important to try to accept. It's really hard not to go "eeek!" when BG is high or low. Sometimes, for me at least, I get bogged down with the "but why is it high/low?" then blame this or that or myself. I think once you get over the struggle for D perfection, the "obsession" starts to become less weighty (if this word exists).
     

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